A Single Step

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

(inhales) - Let's do that thing. Where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason. I'm your dungeon master going around the table, starting with Ian. - Hey, I'm Ian. My pronouns are he, him, any, and I am playing Chimera, Pleasure. And I'll be anything you want. - I thought Pleasure was the class. And I'm like, shit, that's a class? Oh man. (laughs) - The Pleasure class. - Ooh. - I was gonna say, speaking of which, Jameson? - No, no, that's fine. - Speaking of Pleasure, Jameson. - Hi, I'm Jameson. I will be playing Logran Cragborn, Pleasure. - I felt that one too.

- Oh yeah, no. It's the reverberation of Pleasure. Like it's... And Susan. - Hi, I'm Susan Spinator and I'll be playing Nythera, Rylith. And I'm here and it's weird hearing my friends say Pleasure and you know. - Pleasure. - At this point, is it? - Honestly, look. You've used an aggressive use of the word fingering early on in your podcasting career. I think all bets were off then. And I don't wanna give context. That's what I'm saying. It just came out naturally. That's what was so off-putting about it. - Is that my legacy? - No, no, no, no. I just... (laughs) I don't know why that popped into my head.

Last and certainly not least, Jasper. - Hi everybody, I'm Jasper. I play Ruby Pettigrew. (soft music) - Lady, gentlemen. Welcome to Theria 1378. It has been 112 years since our last session, which makes it safe to say that we're gonna be welcoming a lot of new listeners out there as a starting point because every character you've ever loved is dead. That is not, that's not exactly true, but just... - Wow. - Yeah, well, it didn't go to live on a farm. I don't wanna set that expectation. So they're just going to be... This is going to be a new starting point for a lot of people.

So what I'd love to do right now is just kind of set the stage here. You're in a city called Winterhaven. In Winterhaven, well before the big frost where just winter began and never stopped, was already kind of earning its name. It was a place in the north where you can stop. It was, you could be safe there. It's a bit overcrowded now because a lot of the satellite towns and cities folded up shop. They just weren't prepared for this. And while things are expanding out slowly, a lot of infrastructure has been put into Winterhaven to make it hospitable. At its worst around here, it gets down to around negative 35 to negative 50 Fahrenheit.

I don't know what that is in Celsius. I promise I'm gonna learn and be better than my American nature. I know it's, I think at negative 40, it evens out maybe. Is it, you have a French wife, help me. - I do, negative 30 is, I'm just looking it up. I'm not that great. Negative 30 is in Fahrenheit is negative 34 in Celsius and negative 50 it's in Celsius, it's negative 45, 46. So when it gets cold like that, it's about you. At that point, who-- - So we're just, it's cold. We could just say, guys, it's cold in FNC. Like it's, you know, the city itself has invested years putting up these magical barriers up on the walls of the city and eventually encased it in kind of a sub translucent, a magical mesh that keeps the city itself right around 10 to 20 degrees.

That doesn't sound great, but when the difference is, man, it's cold out here and oh my God, everyone's dead. That's a big, big difference. There are indoor greenhouses. There are a lot of things. It's not as dystopian as you might think it should be. Everything outside of the city is harsh. It's rough and we're gonna get to that. But how I'd love to open things is with Jameson. So, okay, if you were to describe your character in just a couple of sentences physically, how would you describe him? Because we're gonna start with you. - He's a rhombus. - A rhombus, yes, good.

- No, so Logrin is a, he's a male dwarf. He's very broad and sort of stocky even for a dwarf. He's got sort of longish blonde hair and a longish blonde beard. He looks like he's probably around middle-aged and has sort of like deep set creases in his face just from sort of like, he looks like he's got a lot on his mind at most times. He doesn't look grumpy, but he looks serious, I guess. And yeah, he's usually armored to some degree. He has a really finely made set of scale armor and he carries a very large shield that has a lot of stone set into it. - You've heard about a bit of property that's up for sale.

And the thing is, life in the city is fairly safe, right? There's no wildlife attacking you. It's a different story, right? There's no wildlife attacking you. It's a decent temperature. There's work to be had. It's overcrowded and it can be difficult to kind of find your niche in a city like this. It's been almost a century since things kind of went belly up you know, temperature wise. But we're dealing with people who are finding work, not their passion, right? Look, man, they had room as a potter. I guess I'm a potter. You know what I mean? That's, you know, it's usually whatever your parents were doing, you had a leg up and you knew somebody, that type of thing.

And since this is a landlocked city, there's no docks. There's no, even if there were, shipping is, that's a whole other can of worms. A lot of water's frozen. So a lot of people in the city have dreams of getting out there, but it's like, well, where do you even start with that? Where, you know, anyone can leave, anyone can walk out the door, but the second, like it's a 70 degree temperature difference, you know, sometimes. And then once you're out there, it's few and far between, between settlements, even logging camps and stuff like that, because, you know, it's so brutal and cold.

So sometimes, and it's a bit rare, people who back in the day would have just been adventurers. They would just get a few different people and, you know, it's like, hey, what do you got, rats? You need rats killed? And you just try to make a name for yourself. Now, people take their life savings, pull it and find some piece of property out there that they can buy that has walls or, you know, there's all kinds of old, old settlements and mining camps and everything that have been abandoned just because of the cold. And they buy that piece of property and fix it up so that they can develop their own little, little slice of the world.

Right. They can set up trade routes and they can, they can do all kinds of stuff. That's where we're starting with Loughran, because a bunch of people, 18 in total, have met up and decided, all right, I don't have much, but I want to get out of here. I want to see what else is in the world. And they've sent you to negotiate with a person named Sin, S-Y-N, which is apparently a nickname, but he too is an older dwarf. And they figured, hey, you know dwarves. You, not because you're a dwarf, that's racist. But like, it's like you've known other dwarves. You're a dwarf's dwarf.

Maybe you can, maybe you can butter him up, get a good price on it. He's got an old abandoned fort that was used back in the Wysen River conflict and it's not being used anymore. So if you got, go, go get them. Basically, they're sending you out there. So they're sending me out physically to the fort to meet with Sin? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's suicide. (both laughing) They're sending you out. He's building his own house, which is pretty common. Everyone kind of takes up junior carpentry or something like that. But as a dwarf, he kind of, he'd be building something anyway, but he's building his own little place in kind of the heart of town here.

So you were meeting up with a few of your closest friends and you were just gonna talk to him about it. He seems like he's not motivated to sell, but it's not like he's getting any bites on this property. You know what I mean? Like it's kind of a, it's a buyer's market basically. - Do I have an appointment to meet with this guy or is this like I'm approaching him to let him know that I'm interested type two? - I think it was, you saw it was up for sale. You probably talked to him. It's like, hey, is this still, it's a little Facebook marketplace thing.

You go up to him and you're like, hey, is this still? - Okay, well he's expecting us is what I'm saying. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you went and you probably put up the free guitar lessons thing and there's a bunch of, you know, people tear off stuff and hit you up. It's like, yeah, I want to get out of here. So you now have money and you can negotiate. - Okay, beautiful. Do I, can I know what I have to negotiate with? Like what am I working with here? (sighs) - You have 8,500 gold on you. Now, now, okay. In 1378, we're in a weird spot. There was a long time where gold had less value than trade goods.

If you had wheat, oh my God, like you were, you were, you were king. If you had something people could use, but gold has made a resurgence again because there are other cities that have adapted and stuff. They're few and far between, it's a hike, but inflation hasn't hit the market like it probably would have if it's been a century plus of prosperity, right? So 8,500 gold is probably 10 years worth of work for an adventurer, unless they hit it big, unless they find treasure, unless they, so the fact that everyone's pooled that money together, that's, you could get stabbed for that money pretty easily.

Winter Haven's not a big crime city, but like people get desperate, you know, and everyone has a threshold in their head. It's like, what am I willing to stab someone for? 8,000 gold? 8,500, like at someone's tipping point is 8,500. - Yeah, yeah. - Right, yes. - Okay. - To put a finer point on it, it's like 10 silver for a drink. So like 8,500 gold, I don't know why a drink was the first, do I have a problem? No, I- (laughing) - It's 'cause I'm a dwarf, right? That's what it is? - No, no, I would never, some of my best friends are- (laughing) - Name them.

- Let me see how it is. - Name them, go ahead. - Yeah, name them. - Parents, you don't know him, he's Canadian, but he's Canadian. (laughing) - So it was your girlfriend you never introduced us to. - Oh, shh, Elle's real. (laughing) - Guys, Elle's real, believe it. - Fuck is that mean, Ian? - No, no. (laughing) - I'm helping you out, bro. - Oh no, no, you're right, I'm sorry, I just laughed out. It's the drinking, it's so- - You must've picked it up from all your dwarven friends. (laughing) - Whoa, whoa, I don't even know who's in the wrong anymore. - I don't either.

- I, we're just, is anyone ever gonna control? - You'll just meet in the bottom. - Yeah. - Well, okay, I think both because of the amount of cash I'm carrying and just because of the importance of the conversation I'm going to have, I would probably not go unless I also had my crew with me. - The boys, yes. - Yeah, so I think that we're probably approaching as a group unless, and Logran would probably suggest this, unless Nythera is upscouting ahead or sort of keeping an eye from a distance type thing. - Yeah, Nythera would be ahead. Probably not in the wherever we're meeting, but like watching your pathway.

- Sort of like a half a block or something like that. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Nicky, you're nothing threatening is approaching and nothing is ahead. - Let's describe Nythera. - So half a block ahead of Logran with his giant shield and his dwarven stature is a fairly tall, even for an elf, elven woman, tall in lies. She's very lean and sinewy. That hint at the strengths you probably may have, but she's wearing, even in winter clothing, it's pretty form-fitting and dark leather with like a fur-lined dark leather and it has subtle elvish embroidery at the edges and the hems that are like a little reminiscent of like shadows.

And she has her once raven black hair pulled into a low braid and it's peppered with salt and pepper streaks, which because she's a little bit older elf, she still, you could tell in her heyday, she was probably a beauty, but she's still very pretty. Like think like Michelle Pfeiffer, still gorgeous, but she's a little bit older. Yeah. And she's up ahead of Logran, like looking for threats in the crowd, seeing anybody who eyes him, like knows that maybe he's carrying a little more gold than everyone around and is keeping an eye on them and making sure that there's no like rascals afoot with any ill intent.

Oh, and Nytheera has this scar that she doesn't hiding. It runs down from her under her right ear. It's a very ugly jagged scar. It's very old, but it runs under her right ear down to her chest and it disappears beneath her clothing. - I don't, I always assume when someone's transporting any money, I always assume it's in your pack, right? And then you get the big ass shield on the back of it. Unless you're carrying a literal sack with a dollar sign on it. Like it's, I always assume you're just playing it cool. Right? Cause I was just keeping it in my hands like this, just chopping a whole bunch of coins.

- In a bowl. - Yeah. - I was just trying to look real doe-eyed. - A glass fish bowl is what it is. (laughing) - Well, Nytheera is more looking out for people that maybe heard that we're going to negotiate, you know, like those types of people that like wait in the shadowy corners, you know. - Well, there's always a chance this is a setup. - Right, yeah. - This is a management. - Yeah, bring me maybe $500. I totally have a place to sell you. - This is a world where I, because this is a major city and because these people have enjoyed, you know, you know, some prosperity, like the, you know, you're savvy, but not jaded.

You know what I mean? But there's, so I would also say that to everyone who's listening for the first time, we usually just use gold as a blanket term, right? We also use platinum and stuff like that. So we'll be getting into the nitty gritty, but it's just easier to give someone a nice round number instead of saying you have this much platinum, this gold, this silver. I don't want to do that. That's, I'm blazey, I am American. I didn't even know the conversion for, you know, I, so. - Well, if this is scraped together between 18 different people, I think that there's probably a wide variety of points.

There's probably different makings on them, you know, and all that kind of thing. So yeah, and I think that that's fine, but I think that also, so that's the subtle part of our little procession. I think that the unsettled part of our profession, (laughing) the unsettled part of our procession would be that Largren would basically be bracketed by both Ruby and Camara on both of his shoulders as we walk down the road as well. - Jasper, can you tell me about Ruby? - Yeah, first thing I'll tell you about Ruby. First thing she's going to say is, Largren, you have had so many insane plans and I've been part of all of them.

Real estate was not on the list ever before. We could take off with this stuff right now. Honestly, you still got a chance. Ruby is, she's a female half-orc, 30-ish. She's got greenish-gray skin. She's actually pretty short, so she very much leans on her human half physically. She's kind of wiry, she's really lean muscles. She's restless energy, so she's super, always moving around. She has her little half-orc tusks that come out of her lower jaw. They're actually pretty small. They're kind of, I always say that they're cute in the same way that dimples are cute.

They're not overpowering in any way, barely noticeable. She has bright red hair tied up into a messy bun, some loose strands that are sort of framing her face, and she wears a bowler hat, a black tattered bowler hat, but it's got a brown leather band around it. It's black, the rest of the hat. Anyway, a couple of last things about her. She wears, her outfit is blue cloth for, like, worker's cloth, almost like denim, I guess, for her shirt and for her trousers, and I guess it's jeans in a way, but she's got a mess of leather straps and pouches all over everything, and she's got tools and little gadgets and brass fittings and tubing and wiring and little, just all sorts of little things stuck on everything.

She rolls up her sleeves over her elbows. She kind of looks like a tinkerer's workbench came to life, is what her outfit kind of looks like, if that makes any sense. Anyway, there's more to her. She's got a couple of things you don't get to notice as soon as you see her. First of all, she's got leather straps. She's kind of got like a leather vest, for sure. She wears fingerless leather gloves that have these brass reinforcements that go over her knuckles. They're fingerless at the top, but there's all kind of stuff, really intricate stuff happening, all little gears and things.

She also has these really thick-soled, really tall boots that go over her calves that have springs on the backs, all kind of little gears and more little brass tubings and wires and all sorts of things, and on the side of these boots at the base, it has the word embossed in it, velocisprings. So that's what's on her boots. So she's got her boots, she's got her gloves, she's got her bowler hat. Last thing on her forearm, she has a little spring-loaded sling. It's real compact, really gadgety, very intricate kind of stuff, but she's got a little tiny contraption that she keeps on her forearm.

So yeah, she's bitching at Logrin about like, this doesn't, your plans never make any sense. This doesn't make any sense either. We could just take off. - Well. - But before we go any further, I just, did you make Kevin Kline's character from Wild Wild West? (laughing) - Yes. - 100%. - 'Cause now I gotta have a giant animatronic spider, and I'm game. Like it's- - No, no, no, no, no. - I kind of assumed you would have that anyway, to be honest. Not level appropriate, but like, you know. (laughing) - Oh, that's not what we're going to negotiate for. Screw it.

(laughing) - Yeah. - Yeah, so Logrin will just kind of like sigh, and it'll be like, well, I thought about it, but long-term, this would be good. Short-term, we run now, we've got 15 other people chasing this. - All right. - Forget their money back. Long-term, this makes money on itself, and it'll help us. Don't worry about it. - It seems dangerous and reckless. Saw men. - Well, it's not that dangerous. We're just thinking a few steps ahead, that's all. - Yeah. - Rumi makes an excellent point. Take the money and run. I mean, they can come chased after us, but out there?

Are they going to have any luck? We can find another place. There's tons of abandoned ones. I saw them all over traveling with the witch-like Cabal. How hard can it be? - Well, we don't need to make enemies unless we have to, right? Why make an extra 15 now? - Yes, but enemies can be so much fun, and they can turn into lovers. - Hold that thought. Ian. Tell us a little bit about Chimaera. What does Chimaera look like? - On Logran's other shoulder, walking along, and in like complimentary energy to Rumi, Chimaera is like calm collected and smooth. And in his gait, he is a tiefling, a very handsome tiefling.

He has scarlet skin and these golden eyes. He's got short dark hair that's like, you know, kind of quaffed back behind his horns in a way that is definitely done in like, yes, I just woke up like this kind of way. - Oh, the mid 2000s bed head. Haven't seen that in a while. All right. - Yes, it's definitely like styled, but like, oh, this, oh, this old thing. He's wearing these beautiful robes, beautiful color. He's got like a little bit of leather armor on, maybe just on the shoulders and like wrapped around, like around his waist, like an OB where he's got various, like trinkets and jewelry is wearing some like stuff around, like necklaces around him.

Open, like plunging V-neck, just absolutely plunging V-neck down to show off. - Damn the weather. - Yeah, exactly. Like he runs hot, right? He's a tiefling. So it's like, and he's got a great bod. He's showing it off. He likes to show it off. Let me be clear. These are just show muscles though. There is absolutely zero strength in these muscles. (laughing) These are purely for show. - We are wrestled once and then we knew, yeah. - Yeah, oh yeah, exactly. You got him drunk at one time and he was like, all right, let's go. Boom, and he just like threw him across the road.

(laughing) - I would say we're using an awful lot of words to just say fuckable. Like I think that's what we're boiling it down to. - Let's just get right down to it. - I think that's what all four of us did. - Very, very fuckable. And he's got kind of like an ornate dagger. I think he's got like a small crossbow with him and he looks like he looks great. He looks like he's very well to do, but if you were to get up close, that's when you could see maybe some of the threads fraying a little bit, some of the spirit Halloween costumey kind of look, you know, some of the jewelry is flaking with some of the gold off of it, you know, but those details are hard to see because he just entices you with his movement and he's just walking down the street, sort of like shuffling a well-worn deck of tarot cards.

(soft music) - Well, do me a favor. And while we're talking to this guy, let's not mention that we might have better uses for the money. 'Cause if it doesn't work out, we sell the place, we do something else. But right now let's go in like this is our best move. - Absolutely, you got it. - Your plan's your plan. - You guys are coming up on the place now you can hear hammering and you're gonna see what basically amounts to a pretty sparse frame. There's barely a foundation going on right now. And you're gonna see this dwarf in a long, I mean, long fur, not dwarf, like a long brown kind of beat up leather coat with fur around the neck and cuffs, just kind of like hammering.

And it looks like he's using like a really old hammer, like probably something that's been passed down a couple of generations, that type of thing. And it's like, well, this is lucky. Like, yes, there are better hammers probably out there somewhere, but like this one, you know, I'm building my own house. I'm on a budget, you know? How do you wanna approach this guy? He's up on the ladder, just kind of like facing away, just kind of hammering at this A-frame. - Before the entire group gets there, Nytheera will like scope out, like I'm not sure the street situation, if it's like right on the street or on its own lot, but she wants to like scope around.

So if there's like a back alley, she'll look back there and then look around the street before the entire group gets there. - You know what? That sounds like our very first roll of arc six. This sets the tone for everything, Susan. So could you give me a perception check please? - You know, I'm excited for either way. - It's gonna be great. - Setting the tone for the entire arc. That's a, okay. - Holy shit, 17, that's great. Okay, all right. You guys win. You guys win D&D, that's great. - Yay. - It's about done, time to do it, honestly. We can all go home now.

- Your curse is lifted. - It's been so long. (all laughing) - Oh no, my friends. - Winter. - The years just shut off. - Oh God, this has been. - Oh, actually just make us all disappear. - Oh yeah, this has been one delusion and it's just, oh yeah, and for the rest of the, if you're watching the YouTube version, it's just me sitting there going, (laughing) every once in a while, like it's gonna be great. (all laughing) - I want that edit. - That's what I did do. - Put your paper plate on one of the other. - You're right, and it spreads. It's a madness that spreads.

If you watch it, you go insane. - Amazing. - So this place is not on its own lot. Getting your own lot is tough. There are a couple of private houses and stuff like that, but it's usually reserved for like local legends or something like that, or the very rich, of which there aren't too many. So there are a couple of alleys in the back that kind of joined, like the way buildings are spread out, it's kind of haphazard instead of it being in a grid system. It's more just like, where do we have room? You get a tiny house, I guess, 'cause people build their own.

So it's like, look, I only need something, I need a studio apartment, like it's fine. So you're just kind of checking around and just kind of, it's like, is there anyone waiting to jump us? Are there any bandits? Are there any, and it's honestly just this guy hammering away You see a couple of people talking and stuff, but they just like neighbors, just like chit-chatting about cheese and the price of cheese and how the price of cheese is just unreasonable right now. - You tell me. - They said it's no Gouda. It's just, it's- - No, no. - Yes. - Yes. (laughing) - I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm fighting it. I really am. I was bitten by a pun and I- - No. (laughing) - Radioactive pun. (laughing) - But with that information, Aithira is, she's not gonna approach him 'cause that's not her place. Her job is to scope out, make sure the crew's safe. So she will actually like against a neighbor's house, but like right next to the lot, but keeping an eye of sight on their contact and Lagram and Chimera and Ruby approaching. Aithira will just lean against the wall, arms crossed, but standing very still, very calm, and nod to Lagram when he gets closer.

Like, and they know through this communication, everything is okay. - So you just posted up like just, yeah, okay. - Okay. - Yeah. - Yeah. And I would honestly think at this point too, probably one of the other two might peel off before we even like enter the building to do something similar, like across the street or down the way a little bit. - Yeah. - You know, just like. - Yeah, Ruby would, Ruby would, she'd probably wink at Aithira and say, "Hey, good looking." And then she'd, I don't know, cross the street where, you know, sort of post in another direction.

- It's obvious. - Yeah, Kamira's hanging with Logran. So in case he needs some talking back up. (both laughing) - But I'm such a master negotiator. Yes, but I need my prettiest distraction with me, so. - Naturally, naturally. - Yeah, so Logran and Kamira will go in through the front of this place. And what he does is he waits for like whatever rhythm, whatever like cadence this guy's hammering at. He finds like an offbeat and slams his shield down. This is his way of sort of announcing himself. - Okay, when you say slam. - I'm here to see some, well, he just, he places it heavily.

He's not like trying to destroy the floor, but he's like basically like, like, you know, when people drop their bags, when they walk into a room, it's like, I'm here now. - Okay. - So he does that and he sort of just leans on it. He says, I'm here to see somebody about some property. - And he's using these like those long, almost square peg type like nails, that type of thing. And it's like bam, bam, bam, and then moving on and kind of like look down. Oh yeah, okay. Yeah, hold on. What was your name? - Logran. - Logran, okay. Yeah, Julie, Julie told me about you.

Honestly, I never expected you to come by. So sorry, I would have cleaned up a little bit. There's a few old beat up like chairs and stuff like there. You could tell that maybe he has a couple of friends over to help every once in a while, with a little, like a little table set up, but it's mostly to hold tools and stuff. Again, this is, you can't call it a house yet. It is, it is- - Did we come in through a door or an empty doorway? Like was there even a door? - It's fine. - Was there a door up yet or did we just kind of walk in through where the door will someday be?

- I would say the frames for things are up. Like none of the, 'cause yeah, like there's, like none of the, what a house finally comes together and starts looking like. So yeah, you could have entered from any direction. - Yeah. - And he's gonna slide down this ladder. - Kamira, as they enter, Kamira runs his finger along the doorframe and just goes, "Hmm, mahogany." (both laughing) - Rich mahogany. - It's from a ways away, I think. So yeah, he'll wait till he pops down the ladder and then he'll sort of, he'll cross the room to meet him halfway. And I assume Kamira comes with him and he'll do the, you know, the big, a big heavy like clap of a dwarven handshake, you know.

That little bit I'm testing the strength of your hands a little bit, but also like, I'm not being a dick about it. - Yeah, and again, I most specifically dwarves, you kind of tell the age of, you know, most people and like dwarves have been around long enough. Like if they like age-wise in your forties and fifties, you can kind of say, it's like, you've been around the block a bit and things have been tough for a long time. So it's like, you've earned, you're fine. So unless you would, now, Kamira, not to point, think of, but like I picture a very hairless boy, you know what I'm saying?

Like a very, you know what I mean? Like in this rough and tumble, you know what I mean? - He's a twonk. - Yeah, right. So like, there's definitely nothing wrong with that, but your profession isn't carpentry is what he's probably going to get. It's like, oh, pick up that dry wall and drag it over here. That's not gonna be you. - That's a fair assessment, yes. - Okay, but again, nothing, it's like, oh, that's fine. That's some of my best friends are teeth things. It's fine, you know, so you give you, I love spicy food. It'll give you a big old handshake. And, ah, I didn't know you were a dwarf.

Sorry, okay. For some reason, the way Julie kind of broke it down, I thought it was one of these bubblers, the kids who grew up in the dome here, they don't know anything about the outside world. I figured they didn't have any money and if they did, they didn't earn it. So I didn't take this all that seriously. I'm sorry. Have a seat, please, please have a seat. - Yeah, so he'll just kind of like give them sort of an amused smile and be like, all right, yeah. And he'll, you know, leans his shield on the table and takes a seat. Is there a seat enough for all three of us or?

- Yeah, yeah, like I said, he probably had like a few of his friends over and like he bought pizza or something and it's like, help me build a house, like that type of thing. (laughing) - So what did Julie tell you about us? - Just that someone came by and asked about the property I had, the old fort and that you were interested in buying it, not much else. Not what you wanted it for or anything. I don't really care by the way, I'm not using it. - Yeah, I mean, yeah, wouldn't expect you to care really, right, just to get it off your hands. How'd you come by it?

- Oh, my dad handed it down to me. After the whole Wise and River thing, it just, no one's used it, right? So everything got frosted over and yeah, there's just no need for an old beat up fort. It is a fixer upper, I gotta tell you that. It gets cold, that's, duh. Probably, there's gotta be some upkeep stuff. It hasn't been looked at in decades, so. You might have a couple of squatters out there, just chase 'em off. - Okay, I think that that's probably to be expected. I wouldn't think that you've got anybody holding it down for us, waiting for us to get there.

So how does it look? I've got 7,500 gold here for you. Is there anything we need to sign ahead of time? Or? - Well, okay. Okay. Dwarves helped build this, so I gotta, I thought kids were coming. And they wouldn't understand what that meant anyway. So this is built well, like you're gonna have to, there's upkeep and stuff, and there's probably, a couple of screws need tightening or whatever, but it's built to last. So I was thinking more in the area of five figures, like 10,000 is what I was leaning more towards. - That's interesting, okay. 'Cause Julie should have told you up front that this was gonna be what it was.

She didn't give you a price? - Julie, she didn't tell me a lot, apparently. I gotta talk to her about her communication skills. I've been working on that for 10 years though, so we'll see. - Hey, you know, I get it. - Can I ask why you're using it? If it's none of my business, I'm just curious. It's kind of a rough place to try and make a home. - Yeah, you know, base of operations, sort of getting a couple of businesses up and running. A little bit of a hunting, gathering, foraging out in the wilds, you know? - As you guys are talking, Nithyra's gonna hear something behind her?

Like facing away from, like, if she's just kind of like leaning against the wall and kind of keeping an eye on stuff and listening to these guys, you know, go back and forth, she's gonna hear like a plap, plap, plap, like wet feet on stone almost. - She'll immediately turn her head towards it. - Okay. - Like a sharp movement. - So behind you is this creature that is barely above, like two feet tall, somewhere in there. And it kind of has an exaggeratedly large head and a big row of sharp teeth. And this is a goblin. Now, a hundred years ago, this would be calls for alarm.

Now it's more calls for mace. So goblins, through some magic we'll get into later, have evolved into the point where they can join polite society, but they aren't great at it. They're still a little feral, right? So they'll kind of come up to people and they don't really get personal space. Are you familiar with the character Tasselhoff from- - I am, I am. - So that's a kinder 'cause they can use halflings and kinders in that universe take things, but they're just kind of like, it's like a friendly kleptomaniac. They didn't mean to take it. They took it, but it's like goblins absolutely fucking meant to take it.

Like they will take things. They will just take things and they just, well, I got it. Now it's mine. Like once they have it in their hand, they fail to recognize it was ever yours. So they do pickpocket occasionally. So this little goblin's gonna like walk up to you with a big, they usually get big smiles because they've heard that's disarming. The problem is their smiles are not at all disarming. - Very disarming in the wrong way. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So kind of got his hands together. It's like, hi. - Nytheera will do the quick movement and then scan down, but not like put her head, not move her chin, just move her eyes and be like, just say to this goblin, you picked the wrong target.

Keep moving. - I just want candy, little candy. - She'll do a slow blink at it. - One candy. The problem is you're tall, so he can't reach your pockets, but he'll kind of like kind of paw at your pants just a little bit, just to feel if there's candy in the pockets. Just a little candy. Little candy. - She'll very quickly like swat at his hands, but like not like hurt, but like get off. - Yes, just like no, just bad. And that's kind of how you have to talk to a goblin sometimes. And just kind of like, oh, all right. And just kind of like back up, but never, never take eye contact away from you and just step back into the alley again.

- She will not blink. It'll be a cool blue gaze, just staring directly into him. Just like, again, like she said what she said, you chose the wrong target. - Here's the thing about goblins. So they're still very much learning what it's like to live with other races, other people, right? And sometimes they really glom onto a person because they're just fascinated. It's like, why did that go poorly? What could I have done? I did it all right. I asked for candy. I was, I asked, I didn't take. So he's gonna just kind of like float back to the alley, but just like his giant fucking head is kind of like, like hiding behind the building and looking at you the entire time, just kind of like his eyes adjusting in the dark and you can see them in the dark.

- So Nythera is gonna be aware of him, but roll her eyes and turn back towards a Logrin and Chimaera keeping her ear on them. But her peripherally, she's aware that there's a goblin watching her and then she'll look over to Ruby across the street and shake her head and roll her eyes at Ruby. - Ruby is gonna be cut, not beaming, but smiling. And she's actually eating out of a little bag. She's gonna plop another little caramel into her mouth. And then she's gonna sort of raise it up, like kind of like cheers. - She went to the wrong one for candy, dammit.

- Yeah, right, wrong one. - Literally, she looked like you picked the wrong target. She's over there. - She thought little old lady, that's the one who has the candy, obviously. - Hard candies in their pockets. - Right. Oh, I like the stripey ones, like that's, you know. - Do you have a root beer barrel? - Oh my God. - The little strawberry. - You know the ones I'm talking about. - The little strawberry, yeah. - The weird little jelly. - Yeah, I'm chewy. - Five hours. - Man, we're all old people. - Grandmas, wait a second. - Wait, yeah, yeah, that's fair, okay. Ruby will wink.

- Yeah. - Yeah, back to it. So he's thinking 10 grand, you're thinking 7,500. And he's asking, you know, why? Why do you wanna be out there, that type of thing? - Well, I mean, here's the thing. If you wanna negotiate for 10, we can probably do that. But I gotta leave. I gotta go find my people. We gotta work our way back up to 10. It's probably gonna be three, four weeks before I can come back here with 10. Exactly, that's what I'm saying. I can give you 7,500 done now, you're busy, and we're gone. Or I can go back in three weeks, maybe with 10, maybe with nine.

What do you do anyway? What do you get up to? What's your business? - Largely, I just help relatives these days. I got four kids in the city and everything's always broken. So I'm largely retired. Honestly, I could make 7,500 work. And I can make that stretch. I'm more looking to pass some of it on. It'd be a good debt. - Yeah, what do your kids do? Do they do, do they work? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Largely service industry stuff, baking, delivery, that type of stuff. They were never good with their hands. So I gotta do that. Two of them were born here. And he's gonna kind of look up at the dome.

Kind of this faded blue. You can see weather outside. You can see like the harsh winds and the snow and then, you know. But inside it's nice. There's a cool breeze and everything. There's fresh air. It's just not, you know, freezing constant. They've never seen outside the gates. So I don't know. I've had a few arguments with them recently. And there's a part of me who thought I would hand this down to them. And this is not gonna happen. 75 something. - For you what? We'll give you 75 now. Once we get things up and running, we'll come by and maybe we'll have some work.

Get your family working out there supporting us. It's gonna be a pretty big operation once we get up and going. - We could always have room for a baker, for clerk, something like that. And it'd be great to get them involved in your legacy that way. - So you guys are serious about this. You're making a go of it. - Yeah, it's gonna happen. - Ah. All right. You know what? Give me seven, seven up front. And if you do get this going, come on back and find me this time, not Julie, just find me. And yeah. - Okay. - Yeah, we'll talk about it. Cinnamon, by the way. - Cinnamon.

It's a nickname. My daughter gave it to me. She was real little and it just kind of stuck. So I cut it down to sin. It makes me sound tough. - It does. You sound very tough, I agree. - And cinnamon doesn't do it, does it? It's not. - I don't know, it's got a little charm to it. It's not too bad. Like he'll exchange a look with, with, with Camara. - Yeah, Camara nods. He's smiling. He's like, cinnamon is a, is very spicy. I think it suits you. (laughs) You have, you have the money on you now though, right? It's, you have it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he'll pat like his, like his, I imagine he's got like a, like a cloak over his armor and it's like, it jingles, you know.

- He's got a, he's got a rolled up kind of a, kind of a tube here and he's gonna take it out and there's this worn piece of parchment and he's got an ink and quill. He's going to sign this over to you and he's gonna hand, like it does get cut and you sign right here. - Does he sign it cinnamon or sin or? - It's, his name's Cable, but he's gonna sign it. It's like, he, it's force of habit now. It's like Cable, cinnamon. Like it's real small. Like he just, he puts it, you know, and there you go. And your name. - So Lagram's gonna read it. He's gonna read the contract.

He's gonna read the terms and conditions. - It's just the deed. It's not even a contract. It's just, it's like, this is the thing. - Read the whole thing. - Sure, yeah. Now it tells you how many square feet. - Like he'll, he'll like lean back and unroll it, like hold it so that Camira can read it too, if he wants to. - It's just in the plaque thereof. - Just make sure everything's in order. Hey Sin, what, forgive me. What's your clan? What's your, what's your family? - Grimblehoof. - Grimblehoof. - It's so long, long, long time ago, right? When they were chasing Minotaur out of the stone sunder.

They, they were Ironforge. And then it was Grimblehoof because of the noises that Minotaur would make when we'd hit them in their feet. (soft music) - They were very proud of that. Nowadays, it's not, we don't, I don't. - I can see why you go without that. - We don't use terms like that. Right, it's cinnamon, cinnamon's easier. It's everything that's happened at Ebony Harbor. And I just don't want to, you know, it was a different time. - No, I understand. I was just curious. That's between you and me, no worries. - Thank you. - And he'll, he'll sign it. He will, you know, Logran, Cragborn.

And he will also include at the end of it, he has like a family, like, not a coat of arms, but like a sigil that he draws at the end of it. And once he does that, he will actually also take out of his coat. He's got a, he's got one on a stone that he's carved into it. And he'll slide that on the paper back over to him. Said, this is me, Cragborn. I'm coming back. This means we're going to talk again about what we talked about. Okay. - Why is it, why is it, huh? He's gonna look at it for a second, like admiring it basically just kind of like, okay, that's, why does that name sound familiar?

- Oh, it should sound familiar. Cragborns have been in Stone Thunder for, since the beginning, you know. - Mm-hmm. - But Stonecutters, Stonecarvers, Masons. - I got a good feeling about you. I think you guys are gonna do good. You and your gay friend here are gonna do very good out there. It's, I honestly, just keep warm and you guys come back, I'll pack up the whole family. They'll hate it. It'll be great. Like if you can get them out of the comfort zone a little bit, get out there and call them. - They're working with their hands, you know. - Yeah, kids don't wanna work no more.

That's, I just, you know, I'm trying to get them out there and I know it's cold. I know, you know, but some of them are only half dwarf and that I feel has been an issue. They have a- - Cinnamon, Cinnamon? - Yes, yes. - They're going to love it. - You just keep setting the right example. They'll come around. They got elf in them. I can't do anything about that, but you know, they're doing their best. They just- - Who doesn't want to have a little elf in them? Am I right? - I was about to make that joke actually. (laughing) - This is all in character. - Yeah, right?

- Yeah, absolutely. - You get him laughing too, yeah. - Yeah. (laughing) - And Largren will stand up and basically just count out the money 'cause he's probably got it in whatever denominations. Yeah, one, two, three. Ah, you made me, you made me. Don't say numbers while I'm counting, you know. - He's a wheelbarrow full of coppers. So they just- - Yeah, why is that all like- (laughing) - Chimeril will slide the deed and he unrolls like a leather satchel and it's just full of documents, like all kinds of documents and he slides the deed inside there and then rolls it up and puts it away.

- What kind of documents? It's like fake passports and shit? Like what- - Yeah, basically. It's basically that. - I'm wondering if, would Cinnamon even give a shit? Like- - I mean, they look very authentic. - I mean, they look like real passports, right? Yeah. - Right. But if there's four of them with your face on it and they're different names, I don't care how authentic they look. That's not the problem. (laughing) No, I don't think he would. It's like, ah, I trust you. You're good people. - I want to keep his attention on watching me count money anyway, right?

- He's not a very money motivated person, but like he knows you need it to, to him it's like, he's not ready for it all to fall down. But he's one of those guys who's like, man, if you guys lost all your creature cuffs, you wouldn't know what to do without your internet. Like that type of thing. So he's not fully on board with the way things are. He's waiting for a crack at the dome that would just, yeah. So, yeah. - When I was a kid, it was negative 40 degrees every day. (laughing) Up to a couple of ways in the pillow. - A couple of ways, yeah. (laughing) - Fahrenheit or Celsius, both.

And just like- - One. (laughing) - Which is colder. I don't, just- - Calvin. Calvin. So- - No, and Hobbes. - And Hobbes. - Yeah, the Calvin and Hobbes temperatures. - We went by Hobbes and we liked it. So yeah, I count out the money. I give it to him. I get up and shake his hand again. Same hand shake. Take care. We'll see you around. Pleasure doing business. - Good luck out there. - Thanks. He'll grab his stuff, turn around, nod to Kamara and we turn around and leave. - I imagine the group starts to reconvene after that. - Yeah. - Coalesce, yep. Your secret service.

- When Ruby approaches Nythera, she's going to put her hand on her bowler hat and like push it down a little bit and say to her, "It's easier to keep a look out when you don't have all that hair in your face, little one." - We've talked about this. - And she'll like, in a familiar gesture, like push it out of your eyes and then turn towards the group. - Yeah, Ruby will act annoyed. (laughing) - How old is Ruby? - 30. - Okay. I mean, yeah, so. - Furniture, baby. - The thing is, yeah, the other thing is we're on, Susan, I need you to prepare because what you're establishing is a bad-ass mommy elf and that with Mr.

Fantastic highlights and the internet is a thirsty crew. So just prepare. - Jason, do you think I, do you think of this? - Okay, you're a vet, I know. I'm just saying, Ian's putting it out there and I know Ian's ready. I just like, I'm, you know, I just, it was strategic. - Let's talk about arc five decisions, little wolf girl. - Okay. - Yes, yes. Yes, Tumblr was very happy. (laughing) - The Step On Me, Nythira stickers will be coming to the merch shop very soon. (laughing) - Definitely wear stilettos. - And one of us just asked him to, for some reason, wears heels, yeah.

- Right. (laughing) - Depends on where we're going, I guess. Great in the snow. - Right. (laughing) - So yeah, once everybody's together, Logran will just kind of like nod his head back in the direction we were walking and be like, once we're a few blocks away, I'm going, well, let's go shopping. We got a lot of supplies to get. - Hell yes. - You should have seen Logran, it was incredible. He had the whole thing wrapped up, saved a little money too. I guess I'm rubbing up on him. - He nudged his rubies, saved a lot of money actually. - Thank God. So we got a place to live, it sounds like.

I'm not sure that's really where I wanna live, but your plan's your plan. - Yeah, we won't be there long. When we're set up shop, we'll move on. We got a lot to do. No time to get comfortable. - Set up shop and money just rolls in. - I thought it was a great idea. - Just one more thing to think about. That's the only thing I don't like about it, but I get it, I get it, I get it. I'll back off. - I kind of like the idea of servants though. - Fair point. - It is a bit of a fixer upper though. At least that's what we were told. And there might be squatters, so get ready for that.

(soft music) - We could handle it. - So the studious amongst you may have noticed that I rolled a die. - I did, and now I'm checking. (laughing) - How good. - I was on another sheet. - Always, always be watching the table. (laughing) - I mentioned earlier a thing that goblins sometimes, they grow attachments with people that they're curious about. So I thought to myself, well, out of a scale of 10, how attached is this little goblin? And it came up a 10, so very attached. So you have, our mommy elf has her first fan. So while you guys are talking and walking, I gotta expect, Nitheria is just like, there's no way that little fucker is following, right?

And just turn around and just, like marching down the middle of the street, not hiding or anything. Just kind of like, just marching, big fucking smile on his face too. - Oh, Nitheria, did you make a friend? - We seem to have a straggler. - He wants candy, Ruby. It looks towards Ruby. - I got candy, she's actually like in the middle of putting a caramel in her mouth. I've got candy, not sure I want a friend like that. Jason, quick question, Ruby's gonna look around as they're walking down, she's gonna look down whatever alleyway she can. I'm thinking urchin, but that can mean a lot of different things.

Does she see any sort of like little kids, sort of like urchiny type person around? Can she scan around and see if she finds anybody like that? - Give me a perception. - I will do it. Oops, what am I doing? Hang on, hang on. Oh my God. - Don't you have a automatic 15? - No, that's after I talked to the urchins. - Oh. - So yeah. - Oh yeah, you gotta get one first. - Yeah. - Gotta go ahead and get one. - Yeah. (laughing) - You can set up nets first. - Small child, small child. (laughing) - A box with candy underneath it. (laughing) - With a single stick on a string, yeah.

- That's the rest of the campaign is you trying to spring Ruby out of jail. (laughing) - The rest of the campaign is us trying to catch a urchin. - Yeah, like a Tom and Jerry episode. (laughing) - I get to, for any role I make like this, once per rest, I can add an expertise die. So I'm gonna go ahead and do that because this is her expertise for sure. - Finding urchins? - Yeah, I mean, just scanning for urchins. - Whoa! - Yes, let's go! - Right. With my expertise die, that's a 29. - Whoa! - There's a pedigree orphanage right fucking here. - So you find the tastiest, juiciest orphan.

(laughing) - So, okay. - It's actually Oliver Twist right there. - Yes. So okay, everyone out there, we are using advanced fifth edition, the superior fifth edition of Dungeons and Dragons and an expertise die is when you have a little edge, you get to roll a D4 or later on they grow, but not only did you roll a crit, you also crit on the expertise die. So that is the maximum amount. So yeah, you're gonna see some kids like, hold on, okay. My knee jerk was like, you're gonna see some kids all alone, very approachable. What I mean is, you're going to see some kids like, just like, you know, they're just like playing around with chalk or something like that, getting ready to play hopscotch type of thing.

She's looking for, I mean, listen, this Ruby knows urchin, right, she knows orphanage type, the type, right? So when she's scanning, she's gonna see a bunch of kids and she's gonna be like, there's one, I got it. - Don't like that you referred to him as it. - Come on. - No, no, no, go. - She's looking, she finds the right kid and she's gonna approach him really quickly and all you're gonna see her do is whenever, so Nithira whenever you say that, she's gonna be like, hang on a second, she's gonna find somebody, she's gonna crouch down, you're just gonna see her whispering to this little kid, you're gonna see the caramels come out, you're gonna see the bag being handed over to the kid and the kid's gonna scurry off.

So now this is where I'm not gonna say what happens, but I'll tell you what I want that Ruby's trying to do. - Sure, with a 29, you just tell me whatever. - If I can roll on the skill critical success table, is that a thing? - Yeah, it's a thing, so anytime you get a crit miss or hit on the thing, so forgotten language, choose the language most closely associated with the target. So urchin, so let's say, it's a lost art of, yeah, it's like thieves game. - Urchinese, you know. - Yeah, urchinese. - Kids make up like pig latiny type things, so maybe there was an orphanage, it's like, oh yeah, they teach you, you know.

- Maybe that's it, maybe, honestly, maybe this is it. Maybe she's gonna, maybe there's sort of like a little bit of a code for like pedigrew or something like that for some orphans. Maybe she's like, she starts talking, she's like, oh my God, are you from the pedigrew orphanage? Oh my God, me too, this is, and she starts chatting and chatting and it's sort of like a code almost, I would even call it a language where she's able to communicate a little bit more. But anyway, what you'll see from the outside is this caramel and then the bag given over, like, you know, and sort of like, no, no, no, you take it.

And then the kid scurries off. And what I would love to be able to see is Ruby comes back and says, keep on, just keep on going. We got this, just ignore him. And we continue to walk. And then a minute later, you're gonna have a crowd of kids just absolutely between us and that goblin and not getting up against the goblin and fighting it, but just sort of like, oh, okay. Like, what's going on? Like, what's going on? Just beat the shit out of that goblin. (all laughing) They're just going to tech, just tuning this goblin up. Just really fucking, just rip him to shreds.

Just go, oh, Billy Bats on this goblin, just fucking. Like, throw it all over their mouth. 'Cause I've seen some stepbrothers where they make a meeting, that's like dog shit. - Sweet Tasmanian devil style cloud. Just. (all laughing) - Exactly. - Nothing but bones left, just fall down. - Don't worry, that's one dead goblin. - Tough all furniture. - Just one of those, one of those get lost in the crowd kind of a things. Just like, you know, the kids are just in the way. - You're just trying to, yeah, okay. - What the, the goblin's like, where did they go? Where'd they go, where'd they go?

I can't find them. That's my whole, that's the plan. Honestly, I don't think it would be that hard. Goblins get distracted pretty easily. And there's candy on the line. So if, I would imagine, it's like, look, you guys can keep 80% of this candy. - Yeah. - Make sure that goblin gets a little, just, just, you know, like, and the thing about goblin teeth is, they're meant to chew meat. They're meant to tear. So when you get little caramels in there, it's just, it's just going to, like, it's gonna keep it busy for a while, you know? - Imagine the strings between each teeth.

- Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's, it's all just, 'cause their head is half mouth. Like they're, you know, they're, they're really. - Yeah, like a little possum. - Very possum-y, yes. - Yeah. - So got the thing it wanted, has no idea what to do now. Just like probably choose for 30 straight minutes and gets, and then looks up, it's like, where did elf lady go? Yeah. - Need a nap after one, one caramel. Yeah, so I think, I don't know what part of town we were in when we were doing, meeting up with, with Cinnamon there, but we're going to head downtown.

- Yeah, so you're fairly close to like the shopping district. Now, without getting too into the weeds about like, I need eight lanterns and blah, blah, blah. You tell me essentially how you'd like to, you have money left over, a significant amount of money, which is as long as no one else from your would be colony finds out about this, is a great start. I don't, so I'm assuming you're going to go buy decent armor weapons, that type of stuff, right? Assuming you already have stuff, but like, if you, if you have, what do you have? Like 1500 gold in your pocket, basically.

- That's not nothing, that's good stuff. - Buys a lot of drugs. - That's walking around money. Oh, that buys a lot of drugs, yes. So like there's, there's a whole bunch of stuff you can get. And you tell me, you tell me basically what you're trying to, what you're trying to get a hold of. - I mean, I imagine, first of all, if the place doesn't, isn't weatherproofed yet, we would need a lot of cold weather gear, a lot of skins and blankets and tents, things like that, things for starting and keeping fires, warm, you know, clothing for, for cold weather.

- A cart for all that. - Yeah, we would need to hire a wagon. We need food, we need water supplies. We need alcohol cause it doesn't freeze. And also because alcohol, we need, you know, so, so that's kind of where we're starting. It's, we could even like just montage through it. Basically we'd go through, maybe we, maybe we can roll a couple of checks to see if we can get any further discounts on any of those things. Because with the total negotiation power of this group, I think we could probably get shapes of prices. - Oh yes. So honestly, obviously, you know, warm weather gear is a given, alcohol easy, right?

Where you get into trouble is a cart and horses, something to pull that because the problem with that is horses freeze to death pretty easily out there. - So we need reindeer, are there reindeer? - Reindeer. - Oh yeah, are there reindeer? - No, no, no, no, no. I know. - In Northern settlements they do use reindeer. - I just, the image hit me, you know, like, - I mean, I do have a big old beard and so, here we go. - And Jasper, thank you for throwing in Tauntaun. I did hear that. (laughing) - So there's a couple of things. They're working on a magically infused vehicle that is very prototype and very expensive.

They're not producing it yet, but experiments have been done that it kind of plows through certain, you know, it can't go up and down hills, but like where there used to be road, it can plow through. And it's a horseless carriage. You don't need anything like, again, very expensive. - Is it self-driving? - They say that, but don't use that feature. It is not ready for prime time. - It just explodes into fire. - Yeah, it just says that. Yeah, which is great for a little bit, but then you just have a cold hunk of metal that's not functioning anymore. But I would say your best bet is to get a lift out to as far as they'll take you.

And it's basically gonna be the most expensive Uber you've ever taken. - If we get everything bundled up on sleds, right, then it shouldn't be too bad. - Yeah, and basically there are like courier services that'll take you out to, it's like, look, I could take you, I could take you as far out as where the fork in the road used to be towards Aubrey. But a lot of that, Aubrey, there's a whole situation with Aubrey. We'll get into that. But like, there's basically, none of these roads are upkept. So you're completely at the mercy of what they look like currently.

- Assuming the weather cooperates, how long would it take us on foot to get to this, where this keep is supposed to be? - Couple of days of straight walking. You're about 35 miles out there. - Oh, well. - So the problem is some of that's waist high snow and ice. - Yeah, okay. - So it's gonna slow you down. So if the weather cooperates, you got about two, two and a half days. If it doesn't, you're looking at three and a half, four days. - Okay. - And doable, totally doable. - So I think a lot of our prep is gonna be also be for the journey, right? For the trek.

- Yeah. - So there are two other stops that I wanna be sure to make and not montage through. But as far as like the minutia of, you know, lanterns and all the other shit goes, that's basically the plan. So. - So let's just say, let's say you guys spend a hundred gold and we're gonna fill your packs. Each of you get a couple of healing potions. Just, these are things that like extra rations, we're gonna give you alcohol. We're gonna, you know, and we're keeping track of how much things weigh now. And that's gonna, eventually, it's gonna cause some problems.

But right now, we'll load up your packs and everything will be fine. We're assuming that you guys are, you can be out in the direct cold for a while without it murdering you. Hiking in this nastiness, fatigue will be an issue. And you're gonna have to keep an eye on that and, you know, take things slow when you can, avoid forced marching, that type of stuff. Typical D and D things. You said there's two stops you didn't wanna skip. - Yes. So first of all, I did put 1400 gold on my character sheet. I'm just gonna track it that way. Think nothing of the fact that I'm putting all of the gold in my character sheet.

We can split it up after we're done shopping. That's fine. (laughs) - You guys, you're better off just forgetting about it. I'll take care of it. Don't worry. - Don't worry about this. Money's a burden. You got, you know. - I'm taking one for the team here. - It is heavy. - Honestly, there's a weight line on the bottom of our character sheets and I put 1400 gold on it and it shot up. So. (laughs) - Assuming some of that's platinum, you just can't go into a place that's like, you gotta change for a hundred. Like it's a dickhead move, like basically in this world.

So, you know. - It's a stress test on a local shop is what it is. - You go to a baker and it's like, here you go, blam. Like, you know. - I worked at a bakery for a month and the number of people who showed up first thing in the morning with a hundred dollar bill is not small. - Insane. - Anyway. - Why are you stupid? - Why? (laughs) - Is it just a flex? Just like. - I don't know, it's my daily hundred. I'm gonna break in here. - Just. - Fuck you. (laughs) - Yeah, so I do wanna make two stops. One of them, I do want to stop somewhere specifically to load up on potions.

So I know you said we would get a couple anyway, just as a matter of shopping, but I wanna be sure. - I picture like health potions are in the general store. If you wanna go to an apothecary, what you searching for, man? - I'm searching for a supplier. - Oh. Oh, okay. - You want a partnership? - Okay, I thought you were looking for specific. Okay, sweet. Okay, so yeah, let's hook you up. So I'll give you a choice between two different apothecaries. Now there's one that's pretty old and worn and weathered. The shop anyway, looks like it's either been in a family for generations or someone, you know, this has been an apothecary for many decades it looks like.

It almost looks like this place should be growing out in the forest. There's ivy climbing up the side of the building. There's all kinds of, you know, dried herbs and things in the windows and like, it looks very much, you know, and then there's more of a proper looking shop that specializes more in the potions side of things, right? So you can kind of either go with the fresh sourced local herbs and, you know, basically someone who really knows the horticulture side of it or someone who probably gets the ingredients ferried to them but knows the brewing side of it more.

- Can- - Susan. - I was gonna say, can I use my, what is it? I think it's my background as criminal. Can I use, or just check out the outside of these buildings for thieves can't to see if there's any marks on either of them? 'Cause thieves can't is like a secret written symbol that can convey simple things like this person is associated with like sellers of stolen goods or where you could fence items. Like I want the, if I could point out one of these deals a little shady business, I wanna let Logrin know. - Yes, so the cleaner looking shop, it does have some scripture, you know what I mean?

Some script on there, but it's, it basically says this person sells very potent poisons, but they never ask questions about what it's being used for and they seem super naive. So not that they're criminals, they're just idiots. - Okay. - Idiots who sell poisons, I don't know. - What could go wrong? - That's how you get four loco. - We're just gonna drink these without questioning, right? - But a night here as we're like scoping out, Logrin will like propose this plan. Like I wanna set us up and like maybe we could sell them or whatever and night there as we're scoping out the business, she'll say, oh, this establishment happens to sell poisons as well, but they don't seem to know what they do.

- What does that mean? - Basically it seems like maybe the owner's an idiot. - Oh, well we can work with that. Let's go say hi. - Idiots are some of my favorite people. - Hey. - Present company excluded, of course. - Thank you. - Yeah, we'll push the door open. If somebody else wants to take the lead, Logrin will go in first. - No, no, go for it. - Yeah, that sounds awesome. - So you got the money. - This whole place is called the. - Yeah, I've got all the money. - Yeah, that's, yeah. - Your vote counts for slightly more. - You guys were having a couple of zovers together over there.

Do you want to pay this one? I shouldn't have to buy everything. - So this place is called the bottomless bottle, right? You go in, it's very clean, almost sterile, like very, very clean. And there are rows and rows of bookshelves with like custom wooden holders for bottles. Like these things are on display and just all kinds of different colors and thickness of glass. And like there's like, everything's priced lovely. Nothing pisses me off more than going into a store and no one puts prices on things. So you have to go ask somebody, fuck that. Fuck those people.

I hate that. That's a terrible, terrible business practice. Don't do that. So everything is priced out and like labeled nicely. There's even flip up cards. If you want to know more about the ingredients or something, it's very, very nice. The owner looks like the biggest dipshit you've ever fucking seen in your life. - This is a tourist crap. I've been to this place, yeah. - Yeah. Human, like a young human male, like maybe 22. - Oh, perfect. Okay. So yeah, log in and do the same thing. He'll kind of like 5% more than he needs to kind of shove the door open, right?

If it dings a bell or whatever, when we walk in. And about halfway across the room to the counter, 'cause he's going to walk directly to this guy, but halfway through the room, he's going to do that thing when he does where he drops his shield and lets it thunk on the ground. And then he's going to drag it the rest of the way and kind of just like lean it heavily up against the counter where this guy is. Like, you're the owner? - Okay. I need to do something. Can you give me an athletics check? - Okay. - Now listen, normally an athletics check would be like, oh, the higher it is, the stronger you do this.

This is more, is this more show off-y type of thing? Or do you legit let go of this and let it hit the ground? And it's like, fuck, that was a little hard. You know what I mean? So don't roll low is basically. - Okay. So a low roll, I lose control over it and knock over half of their stuff. - Oh, like a nat one? - Oh, oh, no. (all laughing) - Nat one, is that what we're looking for? (all laughing) - Yes. - So the other shop, let's go to the other shop. Let's, let's. - I think we can salvage this, guys. I think we've got this. (Ally sighs) - A nat one's not even respectable.

That modifier is not carrying shit. That's a five. Could you do me a favor? There's a crit miss skill table too. Like it's for misses and hits. Let's see what happens. - Do I might just be willing to- - It's right under where it says five in the red ink. - Got it, okay. - Yeah. - A one. - Oh, a one, good. - Snake eyes. - Oh no. - An item held in your hands gains the broken condition. Now, okay, that shield ain't breaking. However. You remember all those glass bottles I just intimately described? (all laughing) I need you to do me a favor. - Yeah. - And I need you to roll two D four.

- Oh no. - And whatever you roll is the amount of bottles that are going to fall off of shelves and smash on the ground. - Okay. - Okay. Low rolls now. You've been rolling ones. Like let's keep that up. - There's one. - Four, good job. Okay, good, good. Max on the four. That's good. One more and almost max. Okay, so that's seven out of eight possible. - Oh. - So Lachrin is going to- (all laughing) He's gonna, he sets the shield up. He looks behind him. He looks back and says, "I'm gonna pay for those. Now." (all laughing) - I just gotta roll one poor thing. On a scale of one to 10, how potent were those?

- Oh good. Okay, yeah, any alchemist fire? - I'm gonna roll this one. No, not you. - No, let me do it. - Stop it. (all laughing) This is episode one. (all laughing) - Okay, 10 being like, this is my bottle of fireballs. Like just, you know, I, okay. - 10 being cut to the exterior of Winterhaven. - Oh my God. - Oh no. (all laughing) - Oh, that's a 10 out of 10. (all laughing) Okay. Okay. - Oh my gosh. - Okay. (all laughing) - TPK, this is a, seriously, the entire group is dead. - Okay, here's what we're gonna do. You guys are gonna walk in. You, you, you kind of flick the door open a little harder than you need to, kind of swagger in.

You go, blam. And instantly the second your shield hits the floor, it's right in the middle of the shop and you could feel the floor just like, like you could feel it. You're like, fuck. Like you could feel. And on a couple of different shelves, you're gonna hear like the, (imitates glass clinking) like glasses kind of like, it's like, and just for a second, it's like, you're gonna look around. And from two or three different corners of the shop, especially there's little impulse buy items. - With three of those up by the register. And they are going to tip and fall and smash.

(glass clinking) - Two of these are going to instantly burst into flames and explode. (laughing) They are going to, fire is going to start to climb. And then the ones in the center are going to form essentially mustard gas that is going to start to fill. This guy, this dipshit 20 year old, 22 year old, doesn't even get a chance to welcome you into the store before you walk in. It's like, blam. And just instantly you're gonna hear fire alarm bells outside, it's like ding, ding, ding, ding. It's like, oh, fuck. Like people are panicking, people. And this 22 year old kid, I need him to roll an athletics check to get out of here.

(laughing) And I'm so scared guys. I'm so scared. He's got a plus two. - Can I assist? - I don't know if you can, can you? - Well. - Give me, you know what? If you assist, he gets an expertise die. What do you do to assist? - I grab him by the scruff of his neck, of his like collar and try to haul him out of there. - Okay. - Yeah. - Grab the place and roll. (laughing) - And tell everyone, and tell everyone, we got him out of here, what happened? - Yeah, I think we got him. We can 100% spin this. - Somebody attacked. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's work on the alibi next.

Let's get this kid out of here first. So, okay. Plus two, my God, here we go. - Flipping the C. - Okay. - 12 and a D4, give me a D4 there, Jameson. - Boom. 14. - 14, okay. This is messy, but you do get him out of there and he doesn't, his lungs don't implode or whatever this toxic, you know, yeah, you mixed chlorine and like bleach and like half a dozen other things and just, you know, it just, yeah. So what isn't eroding someone's lungs, the smoke inhalation will get him, don't worry. So the fire is just gonna eat this building from the inside and the fucked up thing is, as it gets to the other potions, things are going to start to happen.

You guys may have just sparked what will become OSHA requirements for potion salesman in the future. The only good thing I can say is the other apothecary is a street and a half over. So. - Chimaera is going to, like this erupts and Lulkren like grabs this guy and heads up. He like covers his mouth with a piece of cloth or something like that. And he's going to at least cast press a digitation on the flame to snuff it out. - Which flame? - The fire, isn't there fire in here? - Yes, but there's two different sources of fire eating up the walls. - Well, take care of both of them, I guess.

- Can you? Okay, let's read, okay. What are, oh boy. - It's a cantrip. I can light or snuff a flame. - I think what they mean is like a torch, not a wall. - Okay. - I think, I think, wait, so. - That's fine, that's fine. I'll, you know what? If I'll cast it anyway, it's not working. Shake my hand, try again, not working. Look around, cough. I'm just gonna like, no one's in here. So I'm going to take one potion and put it in my bag. And then the other, I'm just gonna like, kind of look around and with a very long, like dexterous finger, just sort of like, slide one off the shelf and tip it onto the ground.

(laughing) - Like a cat. - Yes, okay. - Goblin. - So I need to ask several followup questions and this is, it's turning into a police report, but I didn't have screaming and fire prepped in my soundboard tonight. Foolish me. - Yeah, let that be a lesson. - So what you're hearing is peaceful city clatter. So, okay, did everyone walk into this place? - Probably didn't have a chance. - Probably didn't get much of a chance. Yeah, like you guys were in the doorway. - doorway. - Watch this bull in a china shop. - Shit. (laughing) - This may have happened before is the thing, right?

This is low. - Yeah. - There used to be three apothecaries in here. (laughing) - Just really hate apothecaries guys. - Why glass? - He insists on doing the shield move and it's a great move, I'll give it. It's a great move. - In a blacksmith shop? - Perfect. - We keep telling him outside only. - Well, I keep expecting things to be not made out of rickety old wood and you know. (laughing) Why would the floor bounce is my question. - Dwarven made, it's gotta be dwarven made. - Here's the thing, I could take you to a little town called Hancock and I can show you firsthand how that happens.

You're used to dwarven construction in a cave and it's way different. Shit don't bounce when you drop a, you know. So as Chimeras just like fucking around in this place and you know, a set of like life blackened hands are going to wrap around his shoulder and just kind of like gently like rub. Oh, it is getting hot in here. Let me open up that shirt for you. Oh, that's right. You know, I could take care of this. - Kogoth, what a surprise. You love to make an appearance, especially in chaotic times. - Hi baby. - How can I serve you my patron? - Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

How can I serve you? Look, this is a mess. You, your friends are real clumsy. Let me just help you out. Stuff out these flames real quick for you. You just get me later. - That would be very considerate of you. - Oh, now give me a smile. - Chimeras like, he sort of like gives a tight smile just very briefly. And then he looks at this demon, like square in the face, but gives him his most brilliant and warm smile. How's that? - God, you are pretty. - And he's just gonna, and these flames are going to die down. Place is still filled with smoke. It's a fixer upper, but the flames are gone.

And that fucking, what was gonna become napalm has essentially cleared up. And what's interesting is the residue, all that residue is going to kind of pool at your feet and congeal into this little, this little, like almost like bath bomb of fucked up potion residue. - Oh. - You put that in any water source and it'll heat up right away. - Oh. - That's for you. - You know I like it when you take care of me and. - It'll make so many bubbles for you, baby. - Thank you, Kahlgath. This won't be forgotten and you know I like it when it only costs me a smile. - I said you'd get me back later, but don't worry.

You just, you just keep on keeping on. Good job not murdering that kid. - I had to try, right? I had to try. - And he's just gonna kind of like recede behind you. Like it's almost like he came out of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really key. Like he just kind of like slips back. There's you almost feel, okay. Do you guys remember when you'd go to like gumball machines and put a quarter in and you get one of those sticky hands and like, okay, do you know the feeling it leaves on your skin where it's like, that's not wet, but it's not dry. What is that? And it's one of the chemical.

Yeah, you know, it probably put a thousand microplastics in our body. That's what that feeling is. Like he just kind of like leaves it and you can feel it under your clothes and on your chest as he like, yeah. - Oh yeah. And just kind of like, like Chimaera does a shiver. And like, when he's gone back, he like, like breathes out and he just reaches for like, whatever bottle of liquid is closest and just like leans over the counter and like dumps it on his head. - Okay, you're in a potion shop. I would hold on. Let's specify water. - Water, yes, water. (laughing) - He looks around, looking around, looking around for water.

- Oh shit. - Finds it, just a glass of water. Okay, dumps it over his head. Sizzle sounds. (grunts) Okay. Brushes himself off and walks out of the shop with this bomb, with this bomb. - I think when Chimaera leaves, Logrin is flat out like has this guy seated on the stoop and is like lecturing him on the structural integrity of this building and being like, listen, nothing is secured, your floor is unsupported. There's a guy named Cinnamon, few blocks that way. He's a handyman, get him to take a look at this. You know, did you a huge favor just now. Could have been a lot worse.

- Kid's in shock. Like it's just like, this never happened before. We got all the right, we got the little things to keep the little potions in. I don't understand how that happened. - No, I mean, look, he's gonna point to Nitheera. He's a safety inspector. - Nitheera's gonna raise an eyebrow, but not say anything. - So this is a bit of a problem. This is like across the board, not good. Not good for the business, not good for the neighborhood. Really, this could have gone up. What are we gonna do here? - Wasn't there a fire? There was a fire, right? - There was, and he's like, looks at Nithyira coming out and being like, you got it right.

(laughing) - We, yeah, and he's just dripping wet. - I've learned not to ask at this point. (laughing) - The guy don't wanna know what liquid that is, where it came from or how it put out a fire, but. - It's been a year and I'm not gonna ask that question. Specifically, how did that happen? Why are you so moist? I did it once, never again. (laughing) - Well, we saved your shop. You've got a lot of dangerous stuff in there and it is not secure. So frankly, I mean, there's a little bit of fire damage and that's gonna be there for a while, but you're lucky that we got here in the time that we did.

I just, I did everything right. Like I thought everything was secure. I alphabetized everything. Anybody who knows anything about potions, you would categorize these by potency or by alphabetizing them, you can have, you know, like minor growth potion next to 10,000 dragon fire. Like you get it, like none of, there's no rhyme or reason as to this. So when one thing falls down, it could be, you know, that's, it's obviously dumb. Nothing was in protective cases. Nothing was, they're just on display and he's just like. Oh shit, okay, okay, no, okay, okay, okay.

First of all, my dad doesn't need to know about this. - Oh, of course, I don't think that's necessary. - No, no, no, no, no, no. - Okay, okay, okay. - Okay, can I, okay, that hot lady's the inspector you said? - That one specifically, yeah. - The older elf lady, okay. - Okay, good taste, by the way. - I, you can come in. - Yeah, in the future, don't store alchemist fire next to alder and fog. It's probably not a good idea. - I thought if someone was coming in for like cologne that they'd also make, like it's an impulse buy item, you know, and I. - But then explosions like that happen with her thumb over her shoulder pointing back to the store.

- Yeah, just like smoke billowing out of the. - Black smoke coming out, yeah. - Okay, okay, okay, look, okay. What do we need to do to keep this hush hush, to keep it quiet? - I believe my friend here, looking to Logran, has a business proposal for you. And I won't report this to the city. - Okay, thank you, I really appreciate that. Is he with you? And he's gonna point to this little goblin who's like right behind me. - Come here. (all laughing) - This little guy just kinda like keeping like a distance, but like just kind of like looking up and you know, like he's social distancing, but like he's still too close.

- Just ignore it. - Okay, look, okay. What's your, okay, what's your offer? I'm gonna play ball and then we can move on and I can start cleaning up and we can just open back up tomorrow. - That sounds great, so here's what needs to happen. We need your inventory of healing potions and anything you have that guards against cold. Then what you'll get from us in return, in addition to keeping quiet about what just happened in there, is we will provide you with first choice of components as we discover them in our excursions outside the bubble. - And this is for the city?

- Yes. - I think Ruby would say no exactly the same time. (all laughing) - And we just like look at each other. - Maybe say yes, no. - Yes. - Yes. - And then we'll be like, it's not important really. - Thank you. - So I got the cold stuff, I got maybe a half dozen of them, maybe less. They're usually like 250 gold a pop, you need those? - I mean, we can compensate you some, I don't wanna put you any further into, you're in a little bit of trouble here, I think we can recover, I think you'll be okay. But I think a little bit of consideration for the service that my friends here have been able to render might go a long ways.

- Okay, how about 50% off everything in the shop? - I love that, that's perfect, thank you. - Okay, okay, okay. And like the people who it's like, okay, there was a fire, it's like, ah, false alarm is just, something spilled, it's fine. Like just trying to like get, you know. - It's okay, everything's fine, everything's out of control, go back to your lives, everything's okay. - Nothing to see here, nothing to see here. I look at the goblin, nothing to see here. - Goblin still got caramel, just. - Just. (chuckles) - How's the inside of this place at this point?

Is it sort of aired out enough that we could be able to-- - Yeah, I would imagine, like if the demon just kinda like pushes open the windows, it's like just let it, just keep that smoke alarm off the thing for a little bit, let it air out. - You set up an oscillating fan in one corner, so. (laughs) - It's fine, it's fine, it's fine. - Let's get you set back up in here. You okay, do you need anything? Do you need a healing potion? - I know a good place to get 'em. - No, I'm, no, I'm fine, I can't, holy shit. Like this is just, this has never happened before.

We've never had an accident like this, and yeah, okay. - But you gotta be ready. When it comes, it comes. You gotta be ready for it at all times, right? We've learned something today. - Yeah, hey, and nobody learns without getting it wrong. All right, you know? And now it's, you've made it right. So you should feel good about that. - How do you put out the fire so fast? Like walking back in, just looking around, it's like, I, like, this was on fire. - I just put a hand gently on him, nodding, and I go, I'm a professional. (laughs) - I didn't get your name, by the way.

- What, oh, I'm, oh God, I'm so sorry. - It's Lester, hi. - Lester, and he'll just go, and he'll just be like, Logran, Nythira, Ruby, Camara. Let's get down to business. - Ooh, I love it, oh. - You can have a shopping spree coming. So again, those potions of resist cold, they're usually 250 gold a pop. Do you realize what? - Like, that's amazing. I'm glad you flipped this nat one into something incredible. - Yes. - Honestly, it sickens me, but like, great job. Great, great job. Like that, that should have been, I'm still making the map for Winterhaven, and I almost had to go in.

(laughs) - Just scuff the middle part of it out, yeah. I mean, listen, if like, like a true American, I'm gonna learn nothing from this except the wrong lesson. Which is, which is every time I walk into a building now, I'm gonna check. It seems like I'm buckled to the center of the floor. (laughs) - Weaponizing clumsiness. - Ruby's really good at engineering, so you could always, you know, they could have a little code, and she'd be like, yeah, this is one. - This is all fun. - Yeah, lean into this. - We do need a bunch of healing potions though. We need not only, I mean, and I think that's the, the, the, the MO of this crew is anytime we get into any sort of civilization of any sort, whatever that might be, it's healing potions because- - Well, these resist cold are gonna be a mainstay too, I feel, how long do they last?

- Yeah, 100%. - One hour. - Oh no. (laughs) - Here's the thing, they, so it is resist cold damage, right? So like this is, so that's essentially, if you were to drink that, you'd be able to, you'd be almost impervious to the regular weather, right? This is like frost breath and shit like that. So, you know, this would, you know what I mean? Like if it's, it's getting gnarly. - So if you're starting to succumb to hypothermia, we take one of those, not like this is gonna make the march more comfortable. Yeah. - Right, so like you can take a short rest and gather yourself, and then it kind of resets the timer for fatigue and, you know, ill health effects.

And you know, as you guys level up, you're starting to level one. As you guys get out there and stuff, it'll get a little easier, but yeah. - So why don't we each get one of those? We'll take one of those each and, and literally I want to clean him out on health potions. We almost clean him out anyways. - Each basic health potion is 50 gold a pop. - Okay. - And that- - 25 with their discount. - 25 with that, yeah. - So how much are you looking to spend basically? Cause I've got some shit in here that is, like I've got crazy shit. - Ooh. - Well. - I got hill giant strength.

I got fucking, I got clairvoyance. I got animal friendship. - Ooh. - Get a reindeer. - Can you? (laughing) - I will end this campaign with a reindeer. One way or another. (laughing) - Yes. - That's good. - Holiday special. - Sorry, I was reading something. I appreciate the preference. (laughing) - I think that if it's four of those resist cold potions, it should be 500 gold, right? At half price. - Sure. - I'd spend another 500 on health potions at 25 gold a pop, right? - Yeah. Sure. - And then we could shop a little bit. - I'll do the math on that. - Yeah. - I know math.

Yeah, whatever. - What do we got? - Let me go back to my thing here. - I added the potion to me. - I got you. Hold on a second. Is there anything that, is there anything potions of, well, is there anything that's like potions of invisibility? Is there anything like that? - Yeah. I have exactly that. Do you? Like, so, so okay, here's the thing. Look, some of these are like, it's like, oh, I have a aged 35 year single multi. Like some of this stuff is very expensive. A potion of invisibility is gonna cost you around five grand without the discount, right? It's very expensive, but it works for quite a while.

And yeah. - Okay. I got you. I don't need one of those. I don't need one of those though. - But you want one of those. - I don't need, want and need are different things. - Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question. You said you grabbed a potion off the shelf and put it in your pocket, right? - Oh. - Do you want to roll a D10 to see the value of it? 10 being like a $10,000, like, yeah, do it. Give me a D10. - Okay. That's cool. I'll do that. That sounds good. - All right. - Six. I'll give you something, 6,000 gold and less in value. - Oh my gosh. - You want to know?

- Yeah. - Here's, I got something for you, baby. - And give it to me randomly. Just something randomly. - No, well, something, you pick something, you know, it doesn't have to be indivisibility is what I'm saying. Like go crazy, you know, because yeah, Chimera just grabbed something. So that's, that's what it is. - Ooh. Okay. Then you know what? Do me a favor. Give me another D10 and I'll give you a random potion here. I'll count it down. Like it's going to be, it's going to be worth a lot. - Two. - Don't kind of count very far. - Potion of frost giant strength.

- Okay, cool. I like that. - After you drink this transparent viscous potion for the next hour, your strength score increases to 22. The potion has no effect if your strength, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So yeah. I love it. - I love that. That's good for us. - Awesome. - Yeah. That's incredible. So that doesn't leave you too much playing around money, but like, you know. - Nythera would be looking for some of these things that could be poisonous that maybe he doesn't know were poison. - Yeah. He, he's alphabetized everything. And like the other thing you're going to notice is there's no categorization between potions, elixirs, poisons, and a dotes.

It's just the name. So you walking in going, it's like, dude, this, okay, hold on a second. What the fuck are you doing here? This, this snake can kill you 10 times over and you have it in here with the fruit roll-ups. Like what the fuck are you doing? Like it's like, yeah, it would probably be mad. - I got money to burn. - So Nythera would look for coding poisons for weapons. - You know what? He already expressed that he kind of like, he might have a mommy kink. He might know. - Oh no. - He might. (laughing) - We don't, we can't know, right? - Might hear me.

- He does. - Yeah, he does. Yeah, no, he does. So he's got, he's got a thing for older elf, elf ladies. Like you have a step on me vibe, right? Like definitely. It's like, she could kiss me or cut me. And I don't know which one she's leaning towards, but I think do it at least six. Right, yeah, you know, I probably earned it. So I want you to, knowing full well, you got this guy in the hook. He already thinks you're a building inspector. Like he'll give you one of any potion in the store for half price, a poison. There's some nasty shit on these shelves. He even has books on how to make poisons.

And he didn't know, it's called the poisoners almanac. And he thought it was more like a coffee table read. Like it's like, oh, you know, like. - I thought I said the potioners almanac. - Yeah. - So my theory is going to grab one of the poisons, one of the very expensive poisons. I'm not sure which one, Jason, but. - Purple worm would be, that's a 2000 gold potion. First of all, to get purple worm blood is fucking tough. They're huge. Think tremors. And he's just got to sit in here and he's got it mislabeled. So you're just, you're looking at this like, okay, this will take down a fucking, you know, this will kill so many reindeer.

- In the flask, it like has a bottleneck. She's going to pick it up in between two fingers and like hold it in front of him. I'm going to take this for half off. And then in her other hand, she's going to drop the book on the counter and I'm going to take this for free. - Damn. Okay. - Give me persuasion, but it's a super low check. - Oh God, I got plus zero on this, but I'm going with the. - It doesn't matter. - This is super dumb energy. Super dumb energy by the way. - You told him what, yes. Like it's, yeah, no. - Okay. I got to feel it. I'm channeling Nysira.

Okay. - Six. - Six. Fine. It doesn't matter. Honestly, it's better that you're not charming because it comes off as more like, no, this is happening. It's like, okay. Like it's fine. Like, you know, total voice crack and everything. Say, oh, okay. So to give you an idea, if all four of you guys just like took a swig of this poison all of you would be dead before you left the shop. A creature makes a DC 19 constitution saving throw when subjected to this poison, taking 12 D six poison damage on a failure and half as much on a success. It's fucking nasty. - That's a nasty.

- Now you get one, you get to code it, you know, one time for an hour and, but whatever you're fighting is probably gonna die. - Just to tell you guys you could stab with an hour though. - I know. - Oh my God, in an hour? Just, ugh. And the poisoners' almanac. God poisonous botanicals were pressed into the pages of this tome long ago to kind of give you, it's like at a glance, you can spot all kinds of shit. And it gives you advantage on making your own poisons and noticing the different herbs to get. I don't know how in tune life there is with, like there was with like actually like making poisons or something or is it just like, I'm gonna go buy them.

- That's the path she will be going down. - Oh, well, you're at a good start. - I know, right? So this was like. - We're investing, investing. - What a good one you rolled. - That's insane. - Don't worry, I'm adding these to my sheet, Jason. - Good, yeah, no, I'm gonna give everybody and everybody gets four basic health potions. At this point though, please go ahead, anybody else? - One more thing here. I mean, there's a lot of distractions happening here. At some point, Ruby's gonna say, "Kai, Kai, Kai." - Yeah, mm-hmm, yeah. - And she's gonna hold up a bottle.

She's looking alphabetically. She's gonna hold it up and just like, come here, come, come. How much trouble can we get in with this? And it's a potion of giant size. (laughing) - He goes, "Mm, depends on where you apply it." - It's not what I meant and you know it. What I mean is, I mean. - And she kinda like points at one of her pouches. - Oh yes, I like it, yes. Do you need me to run distraction? Do you need me to tell him something? - Do your best, no, just do your best. - You got it. - She's just gonna swipe it. - The half off was good enough, goddamn. - That's a really expensive potion.

- She just gave a 2,500 gold book away. - The five finger discount is way better than the. - Well then give me a sleight of hand. - All right. - I'll assist by running some kind of distraction. I'm just going over and sort of like taking him in another direction. - I figured, yeah, well all of these old questions. - Honestly, Nythir is probably doing more to distract. - Just looking at him with disgust. It's like, he's enraptured. - Oh, ignore me mommy, like that kind of thing. - Would I advantage that or expertise die or anything for this book? - Advantage is harder to come by, d4 though.

Expertise die with a d4. You'd have to really biff it. His passive perception isn't great. - That's 23. - 23 is fine. So let's get you a potion of growth. - Giant size. - Oh shit. Oh my, okay, that's interesting. Do you know what that does? - I thought I did, maybe I don't tell you. - No, no, no, I just wanna, so okay. - Yeah. - So, okay, it's basically a potion of growth, but you're upping normally a potion of growth doubles your size. The giant size one turns you to huge and has a chance to turn you into a gargantuan creature for 1d8 hours. If it lasts more than eight hours, you need to consult a cleric, but like before that you're great.

- Yeah, it's like you become huge for 24 hours, if nothing else and strength 25. I mean, that's, how cool is that? - That's awesome. Oh, huge is big. I need you to know that that's gonna draw eyes, you know? - That's the trouble she's looking for. - Okay. - She didn't say, would this be beneficial to the party? (all laughing) - How can we have some fun? - Yeah. - You're right. You're right. - Are we done robbing this man? - Only one person has done that. - Oh, two. - Debatable. - You know what would be great to put that potion on is Locran's shield. Just one time, you know, like.

- Oh. (all laughing) - Made into a fricking stone wall. (all laughing) - How'd he die? - Well, his shield fell on him and then. (all laughing) I mean, while everybody's shopping and shoplifting, Locran has actually taken it to heart at this point that there is a structural problem in this building and has been walking around, like bouncing on the floorboards, like checking. - Not as hard as he dropped his shield. - Speaking about actually helping this kid, like it's like, no man. - You know, that shouldn't have happened. So I'm a little concerned. - He's got no struts here and there's, oh, come on.

- There's too much give over here. So, you know. He's gonna like, get something out and start like, in charcoal, like mark the ground in places where it's like structurally not okay. - Would you do me a favor? Give me an engineering check. - Yeah, I can do that. Oh, well that's a six. So I think I know what I'm talking about. (laughing) - I'm just like marking stuff. - See this dent in the floor? This shouldn't be here. It's where your shield fucking is. (laughing) - It's just, I'm just complaining about just the nature of wood at this point. Be like, it's all too flexible.

(laughing) - It holds too much moisture. - Yeah. - But it's six shit. - You probably give him, like, you get the feeling that this kid doesn't know anything about construction at all. Like, you didn't build the place or anything. - So he probably knows I'm full of shit on it. But otherwise, but otherwise, but he is gonna flat out tell him about, about cinnamon and be like, go find him. He's a handyman. He's a dwarf. He knows what he's doing. He'll, he'll fix this place up. Like also have him build some shells for you. Cause, well buddy. - Cinnamon, cinnamon, cinnamon.

I don't, I don't, I don't know any cinnamons. - Yeah, no, he's, I'll describe like how to get to his house from the, what the building he's building from here. - Sin, sin, sin, sin. That's my dad. Of course it is. Oh, okay. Yeah. I never thought to ask him about that. Yeah. Yeah, no. Okay. I'll ask dad. - Boggren turns around and walks out. This kid didn't recognize his dad's name. (laughing) It's like, all right. - He was in shock. - You're in good hands. - The kid was in shock. - You're clearly fine. Okay. - You kind of understand why his dad was a little frustrated with his.

- I was going to go back and apologize to cinnamon now. (laughing) - It's like, holy shit. This kid. - That kid just lit his own building on fire. Yeah. (laughing) - Plus, he let us steam roll him. We got away with so much shit. - Like he didn't even know. - And also mommy issues he needs to work on. - Yeah. I'm afraid to meet his mother, but I got to ask. - Oh my God. (laughing) - We're not here to kink shame guys. - No judgment. - No judgment. - This group, no judgment. - Sounds like there's some judgment. I'm just saying. - So what do we end up spending here? Cause I think this kid made a pretty good profit.

Despite. - Despite. - Well, profit is not what I would call it. - Well, he compensated. - We bought below cost. - We want to see Lester succeed. We want to see Lester succeed. - Well, you're off to a poor start. Cause you almost burned his house down or his shop down. And then you took everything for half off or well below. Now we sometimes free. Three of you stole. - That's in the past. - Three of you stole from him. (laughing) - He gave it to me. - Yeah. - Because you stole his heart. - I can't help that. - Yes. (laughing) - So anyway, I'm gonna leave him a thousand gold cause whatever.

- You probably owe more than that doing the math, but like it's fine. Thousand whatever he's in shock. - I leave him a thousand. I mean, which is a big chunk of what we actually had. So. - Yes. But you walked out with, okay, I need to put this in perspective. You guys walked out of here with like, like 13 grand worth of. So I think the 50% went out the window. - And a friend. - Someone flashed into some ankle. And like that was it. Like. - There are 5,000 gold worth of potion or goods in my inventory now. - Can we add this stuff to our inventory or did you? Cause we should each now have five health potions and the resist cold in addition to everything these ne'er do wells stole.

- Yeah. Don't worry. I don't want to shortchange it. James. (all laughing) - I've got a spreadsheet going. - I can only imagine the comments we're getting. Guys. I think that is an excellent time for us to stop for the night. And the only thing left to do is leave Winter Haven behind. Actually, there was one more stop you wanted to make. - There is one more stop we wanted to make. - I really fucking dread it. I dread it. - Do you want to do it tonight or we can do it? - No, no, no. Let's let me recover from this one. And then we'll move on and get everything in your inventory.

- Okay. (soft music) (soft music) (soft music) .