The Mansion

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Of course, if you're watching on YouTube, make sure to like, subscribe, comment, and share. Do all that good algorithm stuff. And without further ado, let's get on with the day's episode. (gentle music) (gentle music) Let's do that thing. Where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table, starting with Valerie. Hi, I'm Valerie and I play, oh God, oh no, Matilda, the human rogue. Got him. (laughing) Perfection. If you want proof that Valerie can read, it is in our behind the scenes, you should check it out.

It's fancy reading. It's like not speed reading. What's the thing, shorthand reading. I'm very smart everybody, I'm very smart. Yeah, listen, she'll tell you. I'll tell you. Like I've seen several YouTube videos about it. Like it's very important. (laughing) And Ian. Hey, I'm Ian. My pronouns are he/him and I play the Phaeton Endurant Bittersweet. And Michael. Hey, I'm Michael and I play Fenris Masura, the warlock charlatan human. And James. Hi, I'm James. I play Dagon Arkinscape, the Aladrin Endurant. And last and certainly not least, Kelsey. I'm Kelsey and I use they/them pronouns and I am playing Calypso Lovelace, the half elf bard.

Today is the day. A day written in the stars for years upon years. There's a mansion. Well, that would be awkward because there is a spider fight a coming, but to catch every, man, that would be terrible. Hold on, hold on. I just got to. I mean, it's not impossible. Well then I just got to look up spider stats real quick. (laughing) Nerf, nerf, nerf. No, I, so. If Calypso dies, I'm coming back as a spider. I own the mansion now. Oh, you could haunt the mansion. If I didn't let my wife do it, what chance do you think you have? Because if I let you do it and she catches wind, I just get a divorce, I think.

I don't think there's no downside. Well, maybe you should just let your wife play a spider in D&D. But it doesn't fit the rule set. And she wanted to wear, she wanted to wear hats, like fancy hats as a spider. And it's just, my immersion was broken. That sounds amazing. Are you saying that spiders can't wear hats, Jason? He's spiderist. I don't know. It's actually genius, 'cause you would let your guard down around a spider like that. That's the problem with a fancy hat? Yeah, absolutely. There are some caterpillars that wear hats made out of the heads of their previous molt.

So they have a little stack of heads that like, because it's smaller. Genius. But called Mad Hatter Caterpillars, they're really cool, you should look them up. I thought you were gonna say of their enemies, and now it's like, what? You can't push them back. Oh, holy shit. That's nature at its finest. Nature's most vicious predator, the caterpillar. (laughing) So you guys are on the grounds of this mansion, the Abernathy Manor, you've made it. It is in the rustic hills above Brightport, far away from all the hubbub and trouble with the city. But you did find out two things.

One, on the grounds are a cadre of very large spiders, giant spiders, some would say. And two, your companion is a blood mage, at least of some note, which is a conversation, but maybe a conversation for later, because right now, I wanna bring everybody's attention to the dice that I had them roll just before we started this session. And usually what I have everybody do is roll a d20, and then if you've ever seen our behind the scenes, whoever rolls lowest has to do our intro. Good fun is had by all. The problem is guys like Jasper would always roll lowest, and then I'd feel real bad.

So what we're doing instead, oh, please. - Whoever did it last doesn't have to roll the next time. - Well, I mean- - There's only one person left. - Oh, that's terrible. - You go back into the pool after you've skipped one. - Oh, okay. Well, for today, what we're doing is we're taking that lowest and we're gonna put that person closest to the spiders. (laughing) - Oh, Kelsey. - Kelsey, it's what you wanted. - That's so funny. (laughing) - Now, hold on. It's still a fight. It's still a fight. This isn't like they're kicking them in the ribs or something like there's still a fight.

So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna pop, I'm gonna get a map ready here and have everybody jump on. - I mean, I thought like Tani is the one that's closest to the spiders. - Dagon got like attacked and then Tani was like, "No, my man." - Dagon skillfully dodged. - Well, no, she did a cool like blood thing. - I think it was 'cause I got frozen in like fear 'cause I had a zero in my athletics. - Oh, okay. It was, it was fine. - So I'm like stuck. - Well, here's the thing. Tani's gonna be right there next to you. So don't, you know, don't you worry. So here's a map with very large spiders on them.

Actually, yep, I got you. I got you. - I see nothing. - Yeah. - I see our little cursors moving around though. - Wait, oh, they're big. - Wait, howdy. - Oh, they're actually like giant spiders. Look at you. - This is gonna be like our first fight fight. - Well, since the beating. - We weren't ambushed. - Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you're kind of ambushed, but like you're not like taken out by these guys. Like it's like, okay, we got spiders. So there is a winding path here, right? And you guys had found this little, it's almost like a, definitely a warning, but it was almost like a wind chime of like old pieces of jewelry and stuff like that.

And we're not gonna point fingers and name names, but one of you who has no mouth started throwing things at this collection of stuff to get it down. - How else was I gonna outfit the rat? - It's true, it was probably a fair trade off. - That's a pretty cool, it's a pretty cool, and we'll get our dump date for the episode, don't worry. - Oh, we better. - But that seemed to bring on some spiders, very giant spiders and the size of these spiders and the size of these trees don't think about it too much because to scale that makes no sense whatsoever because honestly it would just be trees moving.

Like that's all it would be. - Trees are a lot bigger than they appear in the mirror. - Yeah. - Okay. - Question, what did we get from Tani doing the cool spell last time? What was the impact of that? - So the impact of that is the ones that were struck, their health was cut in half. - Oh, okay, that's very nice. - Yeah, that's gonna be- - Tani. - Well, there's- There's a consequence for that, but we'll get into it. - Yeah, I'm sure she's not doing great herself. - Okay, giant spider one coming at you. Gonna sidle up here right next to Tani and Calypso and try to bite Calypso.

Just gonna give a little bite. - So I do a saving throw, okay. - Well, only if it hits, only if it hits. - Oh, okay. - They have poison, so yeah. - Oh, good. - Woo, almost a one, 18. (laughs) - Yeah. - So would you describe Calypso as an upfront fighter, a pugilist, if you will? - Like not exactly, no. - So here's some damage, it's just one. Oh God, okay. So that was maximum damage, that's 11. - Jason. - And that's- - That would have killed me. - That was over half my health. - Okay, now the only thing we gotta do, I need to get a constitution saving throw from you, please.

- You must have one or more control. Oh, so I have to click on the poison first? - Yes, yes. - Okay, got it. - Yep, and we're shooting for 11. - Just 11, oh, perfect. - Okay. - 19, no poison damage for Calypso. That was rough. Now here's your chance to rebuttal though. So this spider, this massive spider. - I'm a bard. - Well, sing about how much it hurt you. I don't like, oh. Fuck, diggity diggity diggity, like just, you know. So this spider's got its big old fangs and it's gonna run right up and just sink into, like right up here in Calypso, just like the clavicle area.

And it's gonna try to inject poison into you. - That's not good. - No go, no go. Just the big old holes. But now it's Calypso's turn. Calypso will do something to kill the spider, maybe. - Yeah, like this vicious mockery is gonna really do the trick there. - Cast meteor. - Yeah, okay. - That usually does it. You got a fireball? - At least flare. - Hold on, peanut. - Snacked. Cool. - If you guys live through this fight, you will level up. Just letting you know. I was looking at the stats. It's good news. - When you live through this fight. - I can't make that kind of guarantee.

My lawyers won't let me. - Oh, I'm sorry. - My lawyers won't let me. - Okay, so first thing I'm gonna do as a bonus action. Calypso screams in pain. And then as they're making a disengage, 'cause that's movement, right? That's the thing I... Okay. - That's an action. - It's an action? - Yeah, if you take that as your action. Yeah, otherwise you're kind of married to the spider. - Okay. - But you can absolutely take the action and say, I like no touchies and it won't. Or you can make a run for it. Like what are the odds it'll hit you twice? - Yeah, no. - That's fair.

- Like I can't, oh jeez, it's just. - You wanna take a minute? - I mean, so I guess like the best thing that I can do in this is I mean, - You want it to wait for my turn and then go? Is that something we can do? - We can, yeah, let's go ahead and do that. - Is that cool Jason? I don't remember 'cause like you wait. - Yeah, I think that's it. - We've done that before. - Okay. - Right? - Absolutely. Oh my God, I should have prepped to you guys that you did not study for this test. - My problem is that like, it was that a fivey thing or a foury thing? I don't remember.

- No, no, no, no, it's in both. So yeah, you're just delaying until Fenris has done his turn and then you jump back in. It's all good, yeah. So Fenris, you are up. - So I see that event and I see Calypso kind of unsure of herself and oh, wow, this is quite the bind and I will target, is it not target? I should be able to control click on them and target. Is it? - That's fantasy grounds, you don't do that here. You just tell me and I'll do. - I want to target the three spiders that are in front of us. - I don't know what you were expecting. - Not the one hiding behind the tree.

- Sure, okay. So you are targeting spiders. - Yeah, so those three spiders up front, gotcha. - Yeah, and then I'm gonna cast Bane. Up to three creatures of my choice, I can see. Must make charisma saving throws and when that target fails, that saving throw, whenever, yeah, if they fail it, whenever they make an attack roll or saving throw before the spell ends, they must roll a d4 and subtract a number from the attack or saving. So minus four potential. - So charisma saving, here we go. - I think I can just cast it and work if it's targeting or do you just want to do, however you want to do it.

- There's no targeting, I got you. - Okay. - I got you. - Oh my God. - Beautiful, beautiful. - So that spider, so the spider that is attacking Tani and Calypso is very charismatic, very charming. - Jesus Christ. - That's a negative three. - Yeah, that was a crit, so 17. Spider number two is going to roll a 14, that's 11. What are we shooting for? - My spell DC is 13. - Okay, so that's spider's gonna fail. And then spider number three. - He's getting me as well. - God. - Get him out of the way, get him out of the way. - Oh, terribly sorry, madam. - I, and then. - Cool, that's exactly what I wanted, okay.

Next I want to target Calypso. So I guess we could say that I, this purple energy shoots out and it's like, just fades off two of them, but then seems to like pulsate around the one that it did and then annoyed. I then look at Calypso and see her bleeding. And will. - Yeah, them. - Them, sorry. I will remember. I will then cast healing light on Calypso. So that they 1D6. Five. - Nice. - Oh, those are pretty dice, yeah. - Take the hit points, thank you very much. - And so then it's like blueish purple energy that is combined comes in and you're restored by, with five health.

And that is my turn. - Beautiful, I love it. Calypso, have you had time to mull all this over? - Here's my question, Jason. 'Cause I've been looking at spells, so invisibility does not say anything about like not being able to cast it when I'm like adjacent to an enemy or anything. - This is true. - It's the thing. - Well, okay, so if you read invisibility. - Like I know it'll probably still be able to attack me, but that means attack rolls against me will have disadvantage. - That's true, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's still knows, like it still knows you're there.

Like it's got spider sense. So like it's still, but it'll have disadvantage. So if you wanna pop invisibility. - That is kind of where I'm focusing right now. But before I do that, Calypso is holding the spot where they are still probably bleeding, got hit and kind of like look over at Tani and just, good job with the blood stuff. And then give Tani a part of inspiration. - Oh, pet, pet. - So that's really nice. - And there'll be some invisibility. Invisibility. Bam, so that, yeah, gives you the 1D6 to use to add to a roll. - Oh, that's gonna come in handy.

- Calypso is gonna cast invisibility on themself to become invisible. And yeah, so then they're just gonna kind of like close their eyes, concentrate and sort of like flicker out of visible sight. - That's probably, I don't think Calypso's meant to be there where Calypso is right now. - No. - I know this is based off of one round of combat, but I'm ready to make a cursory judgment. - There's a reason Calypso didn't jump into the combat during our first session. This is not what they're meant to do. - Yeah, I feel like there's, like there's gotta be a happy medium between first one getting smacked in the face and completely removed from the action.

There's gotta be something in there. - They're good backline support, but it's not. - Matilda, you are up. - Okay. So, - Throw the book on her. - You know, as we all know, as Matilda has made it very clear, she is a librarian. She doesn't do combat. No one's trying to steal fucking books, okay? Except bittersweet over there. I've got my eye on you. So she's just kind of like, oh, oh, oh no. Oh, oh no. So she is going to take a short bow that she keeps around. And she's going to try and shoot giant spider one, because that's the one closest to people. - Sure. - And then I can do sneak attack, but I don't know if I say that yet, because that's like only if I hit.

- Yes. - Okay. Short bow, attack. - Here we go. Here we go. - Normal. - Wee. - You should get like a plus two because - Oof. - Yes. Either way you hit. 15 and obviously 17 is going to hit too. So you're good. - Yes. - Wait, what was the plus two for? - Because there are allies adjacent to the enemy. - Yeah, basically anytime someone's standing next to an enemy keep in mind that they're like distracting. They're like, it's like, there's a lot to pay attention to. - So that's new. - Yeah. It isn't. - It isn't, yeah. (all laughing) - I know that one because I used that a lot when I was playing Aster.

- We've never used that. Never. - We absolutely have. - No, it's just a pure Jason. - It's a huge plus two for other people being beside. - Yeah. - No. - It only works for physical attacks. Magic doesn't work that way. - Yeah, magic's good. - So I'm going to take damage. - Yeah, you add your, yeah, you use attack. - It would be the greatest joy in my life if someone dedicated listener out there did a super cut of all the times we've used. (all laughing) - You've told me that it's a thing. - All the times James specifically has changed. (all laughing) - And he's like, I didn't know we do that.

- Never done that. - You're a liar. (all laughing) - So that's eight plus. - Eight, six. - Yeah, I'm working on it. - Oh my God, two, two, one. - Okay, so it does automatically do the damage. That's nice. - It does, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You don't have to do a weird module thing that Michael built for me. (all laughing) - Wow. - Remember? - I'm in a phase, right? - Yeah. - Nope, I literally just highlight the thing and then do damage. Like it's fine. - Nice. - So that spider is basically bloody now. That thing is, you've heard it. There's nothing that happens when it gets bloodied.

It's fine, it's not. - Why can't we see its blood? We see Calypso's blood. - Well, because it's so big. Like when I move the spider, let's see if there's blood there. Nope, there's no blood there. We'll get there, we'll get there. I'm sure there's blood. (all laughing) - I can't even think. - You are up. - Yeah, we aren't. This is a problem that we've discussed on the party before. - Yeah, well. - It's gonna be crazy when I get to do this reveal where the spiders were actually the gang you fought before in disguise. Like that's- (all laughing) - Yeah, yeah, that.

- Facts. - All right, well, that being said, I'm gonna move up to the front line, I guess. Um, let's do this. I'm gonna move my full allotted movement. And then on spider one, I'd like to do a force blast and spend a fervor point. Well, I guess I don't need to spend a fervor point yet, right? - No, not yet, unless you wanna buff it up a bit. Like, yeah. - Well, I do, but I think that's only, it's only for damage. So I got a hit first, right? - Yes. - Okay. So yeah, I'm gonna try and do a force blast on spider one and see if it hits and then we'll go from there.

- Let's do it. - I recommend hitting. - Eh, ooh. - Ooh, not great. - Oh, no. - That is a two for a total of seven. That is gonna miss. - Okay. So I'm not gonna spend that force point or that fervor point. - That makes sense. - Yeah, but I think what you see is like, you see Bittersweet begin to like, he like takes out his spear and he like starts walking over to the spider and as he's walking over, there's this like tendrally blackness is like coming up off the ground from his feet and sort of like wisping off of his shoulders and stuff coming out of his eyes and out of the spaces between his midsection, between the bones and the spikes.

He's just sort of like stomping over to the spider and that's really all that happens. - It's very cool though. - What you've done is just create your own wrestling entrance basically. Like a lot of pomp and circumstance. - Yeah, it's all happens. - But it's super cool. - Yeah, it's all ambiance, yeah. - I don't know why, but what you're describing remind me of The Gate. Does anyone remember an old horror movie? - Is that with Johnny Depp? - I don't think so, no, no, no. - That's what I was thinking too. - It's a bunch of kids. It's very, it's like a-- - That's like the ninth gate or something.

- It's like the ninth gate almost. - Yes, the ninth gate. - Oh, I don't think I've seen it, no. - Yeah, The Gate is about a bunch of kids who basically open a portal to hell and then they go through all this stuff to close it and realize they've closed themselves in with the, it's super fucking neat. There was a couple of, I'm sure it's super cheesy, but like it's like, oh, what a neat concept. - Yeah, that's a cool idea, yeah. Yeah, well, that's kind of what it is. I've opened a portal to hell, I'm inviting the spider inside. - The movie poster is incredible.

- I'm sure it's very sequel too. - I'm gonna get a better quality photo and put it in the Discord 'cause that's-- - Okay. - They don't make-- - I'm, that's, yeah, that's my turn. I'm gonna move this spider up. This is spider number four. Spider number four is gonna try and bite bittersweet. - Miss. - It probably will. - 100% miss. - Probably will miss though, right? Like unless it rolls a 19. - Did it minus two? Did it do the minus two? Oh, that wouldn't have helped. - It wouldn't have helped. - That's okay, I mean, that's easy math. We can do it. (laughing) Damage is, oh my God, max damage again.

Holy shit, bro. - Oofy doofy. - So 11. Can I get a constitution saving throw please? Look, there's blood. - On the Thetan. - Yeah, I know. (laughing) 15, you're fine. - There we go. Okay, so the concepts are good. - Well, I'm-- - How does bittersweet fall? - I'm okay on the save. I've got fangs deep in into my pectorals. - How bad is bittersweet look? - Very. - Okay. - Shit, okay. Got a big spider on top of it. Looking very bad. - Okay. - Tani's dead last, shit. Okay, Dagon, you are up. - Okay. - So these spiders are hot, they're on fire. They're really good at biting.

- So Dagon saw spiders, dodged some poison, venom, whatever, tendrils happen. Is he run back? He's obviously a little overwhelming. - I would imagine after. - And shocked with the situation. - After you, you're missed with the spit. And it's kind of like, you probably move quite a few feet back. You didn't leave, but it is like, whoa, we're spitting. No, you know what I mean? I don't imagine he took that too well. - 'Cause he's, you know, the alleyway was probably the first combat, like real combat he's ever seen. So he's definitely high alert, super anxious.

I'm looking for an excuse here to trigger his power. - I mean, do it like that, you tell me. - I feel like being attacked by giant spiders. - I think so too. I think it's like one of those, you know, X-Men discovering their power moments. - And if it helps, everybody's like hurt. Like you see Calypso get hit and then you see Bittersweet go up and try to help and then miss and then get like just hit. And then Tanya, I think looks a little bit bitter as well. So I think this feels like cards are down again. This is like the alleyway again. And this is that time to like prove yourself kind of feeling.

- Sure, and despite any feelings otherwise he has for these people, he still is just his group. This is his group. He's a loyal person. Fount of anger, color associated with it. 'Cause that's his. - So it's like a bright white. 'Cause that's the one Bree had, so yeah. - Okay, so he's gonna run, stumble back here. Mind completely blown about what's just going on. He's probably read about these spiders, but never seen anything like this in real life. People are getting hurt. There's blood spattered everywhere. His emotions are out of control and he sees like these white sparks start like emanating from his hands.

His eyes are probably starting to flicker on too. And he's not completely shocked because this has happened before, but he's never been able to deliberately bring it on. We're starting with this. If things get, if things escalate, then yeah, he might do it. - Yeah, things have escalated already. - Do I get this new weird plus two? - I am gonna flog you. Yes, yes you do. You absolutely do. And you have for years, James. Years of our friendship, you've gotten the plus two. - Okay, do I need to add that in? - No. - Yes. - Sorry, I'm yelling now. No, you don't have to yell.

- It sounds like he's talking to me, so weird. (all laughing) - Oh fuck. - Okay. Now hold on, hold on. Can I tell you something? - Yeah. - A 10 would miss, but because of the plus two, you hit the spider. - Oh, nice. Nice. - If you'd still like to fight me on this plus two. - No, I'm grateful for it. I believe it exists. Now. - Good. (all laughing) - Would you like me to roll damage? - Please do, yes, absolutely. Okay. Well, okay, that is minimal, minimal damage, but you're new at this. It's fine. - Canonically, it makes sense. - If you spend one of those further points, you can add a D4 to that.

(dramatic music) - Okay. Can I? - Now don't, yes, don't roll a one. - Okay, how do I spend this? - Every little bit helps. - How do I spend the further point? Click on the further. - You tell me your spend. - Yeah, usability. - There you go. - And- - Other formula? Yeah, it should just automatically do it, so yeah. - So just what? Just click damage again? Or what are you? Just click other formula? - No, that didn't do anything. Just roll the D4. (clears throat) - Okay. (dramatic music) (laughing) - Fuck me. (sighs) - Nice. Does it make a wet fart noise audibly? Is that- (laughing) - No, it's still visually.

Here's the thing. - I'm sorry, James. - Like formula wise, it does about as much damage as that short bow did. It's just not, numerically we know it's not as impressive as it could be. - Okay. It's like a static shock. He sent out a static shock. - I appreciate the effort. - Yeah, but oh, but this is like raw emotion. - Yeah. - So I think when this hits the spider in whatever form that is, bittersweet, like with these fangs in his chest, like looks back at Dagon to see him like light up. Can I talk to Dagon in the mind brain? (laughing) - I feel like maybe that's not good time for that.

- So I wanna remind you that not only does that feel icky, there's a con save that has to be done. - Yeah. - Is he gonna just say like, "Yes." - Jamesies. - And then his name explodes. - I mean, basically, yeah. (laughing) - He's probably not, wait until after for not the danger. - I would definitely love to talk about it after though. - I think, okay, so yeah, bittersweet like turns around and like stares at Dagon. I don't know if he can see him or if he can register, but this is noted. - So I think he'd be looking at his hands and like sort of, you know, breathing heavily and look up and see that he's looking and just sort of like give the little nod, like, yeah.

(laughing) - Nice, nice. - And then go back to getting bit by a spider. (laughing) - I really wanna paint a picture here. These spiders are as large as Volkswagen bugs. Like they're huge spiders. Like that's crazy. - I want a big spider to ride a horse. That would be fun. (laughing) - Spider number, what is, spider number two is gonna use its entire action to get up here to Dagon and sidelawn up. Doesn't do anything though. - I didn't touch you. - That's closer than I thought. - Okay, Dagon's about to die guys. Eleven's been the number. - He joined the club. - Spider number three is going to, well, I guess close the gap here Fenris.

Get ready, here we go. We're gonna bite. Now they're due for a miss because they haven't missed yet. So here we go. - Look how that works. - Ah, look at that, a nine, it missed, see. - That does miss your AC, right? - Oh yeah. - Okay, so let's talk fun stuff. So as you guys know. - Danny's just like, what the fuck guys? - She just went to see a haunted house y'all. (laughing) - So we're writing a book about Talor and one of the things is a new blood mage class. And well, there's a whole bunch of spells and stuff and how to run it. So Tani's gonna be your first opportunity to kind of see what this class is like.

And as a blood mage, she's got to do damage to herself for the most part to work up spell mojo and be able to cast things. Now she's kind of taking a shortcut and because she's doing direct damage to herself on top of whatever enemies decide to do damage to her, she's basically got some access to some pretty awesome stuff. And since everyone's getting hurt, she's gonna kind of like register it and she's going to take her knife and kind of slash herself across the shoulder and upper body and just kind of like draw power from that. And from her, there's going to be this burst of energy and it's actually perfect because all these guys are lined up in such a way that she gets to use a spell called blood drive.

All enemies. - Oh, that's really good. - All enemies within 30 feet of her have to roll a constitution saving throw based on her spell modifier here. And if they fail, she does 3D 10 damage to each of them and then gets to distribute half that damage to whoever she wants in the party to regain hit points. - One level issue. - The drawback is, well, here's the drawback. She has to do 10 damage to herself to initiate that. So it is not free. So that takes her from 20 down to 10. She just cut her hit points down in half to do that. So it's kind of playing rocket tag as a blood mage.

So, well, let's get these guys to do some constitution saving throws then. Oh my God. So one is, yeah, that's one. Two is gonna succeed, three is gonna, oh my God, two crit ones. Jesus, it's gonna fail. And number four. - You're rolling crazy. You did two crit twenties and then two crit ones. - I don't know what's happening. - Guys, I think Tani might be cooler than us. (all laughing) - Except the one that saves is right beside me. - Well. (all laughing) - Here's the thing. If she could have changed to that, she would have. - I know, I know. - That's actually perfect though.

That's pretty funny. - Jesus, so that's 3D 10 damage. Let's do that. That is a total of 12 damage to each one of them. So that's 12, 24, 36 damage. So, holy shit. - That's fucking awesome. Okay. - I think we're gonna start picking them off one by one. - Oh no. - Is that the initiative re-roll? - Yeah. - Oh no, I forgot about that. - I was like, what's going on? - Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - So it goes spider, spider, fender, spider, spider. - Jason. - Why are we still using that rule? - Oh, you remember that one? Okay, cool. (all laughing) - Oh my God. - Oh shit.

- Oh Jesus. Okay, well, the spider number four. Shit, okay. Spider number four is gonna try and bite bittersweet again. - Come on. (dramatic music) - Let's have another miss. - Got your fangs right in my nips. - Oh my God, that's a 20. Not a crit, but just a total of 20. But it does have Bane. - Does it still have Bane? - Yeah. - We'll take one off that. No. So 19. Jeez, here we go, damage. And it's fucking max damage. - Oh, come on. - Jason. - So that's 11. - Why can't you max a Bane for me? - Do the con save. - Is there a way to- - You gotta give me a con save. - Is there a quick way to see what everybody's sitting on?

- You got it. - I think that's, that'll do. - You're fine, you're good. It, you're shooting for an 11. - Well. - Yeah. - Fine. - Well, okay, it's 2d8 for the poison damage. So you're doing fine. - So I feel it's like very briefly feel good and the fangs are still in. So they just go in deeper. - It's just gonna death shake you like a husky. Like it's. - Oh, not having a good time here. - Jesus, okay. Giant spider number three is gonna have to try and bite Fenris. - Oh, cool, cool. - Okay, but Fenris is super tough. So like it did miss last time four. So that's a total of nine.

- Hold on a second, wait a second. - By the way, Michael, thank you for your contribution to our Patreon before this game. I really appreciate that. - It's my Patreon, you know. My, so I go out on heal and probably because the Patreon is so busy keeping me safe, the energy gets produced, but it doesn't seem as like the same amount that Calypso and you are healed by two points. - It's better than nothing. - Look, I would rather everybody just chip in for gas money, even if it's two bucks, like it's like, hey. - Yeah, like take what we can get here. - So.

- And then I'm gonna target the spider in front of bittersweet and I'm like, man, this sucks that this guy keeps getting hit and I'm going to focus on my, and asks for a reality where it's colder. And I am going to shoot shards of frost at the spider in front of bittersweet. And if it, and they will have to make a constitution saving throw. - Well that, well, we'll see. Well, giant spider number one. I'm gonna roll a D20 one through 10. It's gonna attack, it's gonna attack Calypso. 11 through 20, it's gonna attack Tani. And that's Calypso, I am so sorry.

- And Calypso's invisible. - Yes, it gets disadvantaged. - So yeah, disadvantage, there you go. So I'll probably, I'll probably miss you. - Nope. - Unless I absolutely don't. So that's a 20 with disadvantage. That spider's so swole. Well, okay, that's. - No, it does, okay, I'm using silvery barbs. I'm popping my invisibility. - That's nothing for me anyways, clearly. This is our reaction. - You don't have a big sample size. It was just one attack. - It's all it takes. - So you magically distract the triggering creature and which is when the creature succeeds in that attack though.

Magically distract the trigger creature return. It's momentary uncertainty into encouragement for another. So you have to first reroll the d20 and use the lower roll. - So wait, it's disadvantage, disadvantage? Triple disadvantage. - Let me see if that'll pop up. I mean, this is not disadvantage. This is like spell. - The triggering creature must reroll the d20 and use the lower, so okay, I gotta do one more time. - Yeah. - That's a little confusing when I've already done disadvantage. - Yeah. - So if this spider keeps rolling in the teens, it just really wants you.

Just. - Yeah, yeah. - Nine, so that's a 14. - Oh my God, my story class is a 13. Well, (laughing) - Pocket sand, cha-cha. (laughing) - No, but, and so Calypso just like, just like probably like a swear word of Elvish or something. And which like causes like the spider, like it shifts a bit off to the side, but still like hits them. It wasn't as bad as the roll, but you know, and then also, but like a little bit of like magic energy, like sort of like came out of them and like, it's bittersweet. You got a little like gold, like magic dust on you and it feels, it's nice.

So. - There's so much stuff going on. - You get advantage on your next attack roll ability checkers I mean, for them. - Oh nice, wow. There's a lot of feelings just like happening. They died so you may live. That's. - Yeah, you can hit me now. - I don't wanna, just know that I don't wanna. You are so close to the mansion. Let's go. - You have to make force fighters. - I literally die on the door step. - Oh my God, it didn't roll max damage. Here we go. - Eight. - And then I do the. - Yeah, then we got to do a constitution saving throw. You are down to seven hit points.

Just click on the word constitution and it'll pop right up. - No, I have to click on close it again. - No, I'm gonna use the prompt in the chat box. - You got this. You got this. It's gonna be amazing. Gonna be so constitutional. That's a seven. Okay, I got a roll 2D8. - Oh, not like this. - Okay, hold on, hold on. Like it's not the end of the world. Here we go. I'm sure it's not. - Yeah. - Look at that, three damage. Look at that. - Still in this. - Still in this. Barely, barely. Four hit points. So, oh fuck. Spider number two. - Here we go. - Attack Dagon. - Here we go.

Here we go. Okay, okay. It's tuning up the band. Here we go. Oh boy. Attack normal, bam. 14 is probably absolutely gonna hit you. - Yep. - Okay, damage. And please don't roll max. Okay, six damage. - Down to five. - Would you describe Dagon as Hardy? - No. - Yeah, what's your constitution? - Would you describe him as Tasty? - You know, he's probably a little stringy. So, you know, probably not the most pleasant to eat. - So, okay. You only have a minus one for your constitution. We're shooting for 11, baby. So all you gotta do is click on the word constitution, think good thoughts and then cast it out there.

And we're looking for, you gotta roll a 12 or higher. That's all. - I can click on it where it says giant spiders saving throw DC 11 constitution. I can click on there. Yeah. Okay, here we go. - Here we go. Oh my God. It was almost a 14. - 11, five. - Okay. - Double ones. - Double this. - Okay. - Double crits. - Hold on a second. - Double one. - Get more. - Hold on a second. - Double one. - What's your total hit points? 11. This could outright kill you. - Yeah. - I don't, well, I don't like it. - I don't either. - Well then don't do it. - I can't use him again. - Jason stop, gosh.

- So 11 damage would be enough to kill you. And I got to roll two D eights. So the odds are bookkeepers out there. No, they're not. They're low. - Don't talk about the odds. Just roll it. Just do it. - I don't. Okay, here we go. Oh, it's only seven. You're only unconscious. Oh, okay. (soft music) - Well that spoils my next move. - Was it to fall down very fast? Cause... - Yeah, it was to just start digging a hole in the ground to hide in. - Okay. Oh damn. Okay. How many hit points does he have? - Remember when you were talking about like waiting to do the earring for things to escalate?

- I picture him as he's unconscious and just pierce his own ear before he goes down. All right, Tani's going to pop another 10 hit point spell and cast Hemo Goblin. - These lames. - I love that. Are you kidding me? - Oh, thank you. I'm really proud. - That's so good. - It is. - So a goblin creature made out of blood is going to join you on the field and it's going to sprout out of her chest and basically, yeah, it's pretty fucked. Yeah, it's going to join you guys on the field and- - Does it have a name? - Ted. - Clot. - Let's get through the fight. Clot, oh my God.

You know what? - That's good. - Yes, that's it. That's it right there. - That's very good. - Damn. So we're just gonna, there you go. And that will be our goblin for now. (Tani humming) So the goblin has a few things it can do and it acts after Tani's turn. It can gradually disperse its own hit points as like a field medic and run around, but every time it does, it shrinks in size and can only, yeah, so it's, (laughing) so he's basically a big Capri sun and just, yeah. So he just runs up to you and kind of squirts a little bit himself in your mouth. It's like refreshing, like, and then just runs.

- Now I have the coolie man. - Oh yeah. (laughing) - He can distract and he's not great for combat. I'll level with you, but he's a utilitarian player. He's a punter. He's not there to, you know. - You can use that. - So she's gonna be like, just go heal Dagon. Just cause you're the first one to fall down. So Klot's gonna run over here and just kind of like, yeah. - Squirt his goo into Dagon's mouth. (laughing) (laughing) (laughing) - Okay. - So he's just gonna bukkake heal Dagon and I'm cutting that. There's no way that's gonna happen. (laughing) - What? I have a feeling it's gonna stay in for some reason.

(laughing) - He's gonna get its own short. (laughing) - It's not gonna be in the episode, but it will be a short. (laughing) - Yes. - So it is already a small creature. So it is going to run up, use half of its hit points, which is five and just like kind of just like drain its own arm into Dagon's mouth. It's like, just kind of like wring itself out. And now it's gonna be tiny. - Does his voice get higher? That's it's really important. - Of course. - It's so lovely his voice gets higher. Yes. We strive for realism here on this podcast. - Right. - So yeah. So Dagon's got five hit points.

Bittersweet you are up. Tani's dying. Like Tani's just like, she's down to six hit points. Like she's, she's like white and like, she started at 29. - That's more than me. - I know. - Wait a minute. You don't have to cut yourself to cast. - Does that mean me and Tani have the most health points? - Yes. - I think so. Yeah. - I would like to on the record, I have made several comments since switching systems that we do not have a take. I just want that on the record. - You're gonna, you're gonna level up. Someone could take, who knows? Like maybe Matilda will take a level in barbarian.

- She might have to. (laughing) - There's a- - Guys I've been reading up a lot on rage. (laughing) - Libra, like barbarian. There's something there. There's something there. - Don't forget you get like advantage on barbarian. - Oh, I do. That's right. Thank you. All right. I'm gonna try in on, on what is this? Spider number, who's in front of me. Four. - I'm gonna try and do a trypanophobia on this dude. So let me run an attack. I mean, it's right there. It's got his little nibble sticks right in my chest. And it's just like holding on. So this, the, the, this aura of, of black tendrally energy is going to start to rise up and bittersweet's eyes are going to get real big and start glowing too.

So let me do this attack with advantage. - Now let's drop that four to take a 14 baby. - Yes, please. I need it. I need it. I want to do a further point. So let me. - Hey, you got one more. - Yeah. I got three baby. - Oh, you got two more. Yeah. You got two. Sorry. So let's do the damage first. - Six. - Six. Pretty good. Fervor. I hope. Okay. So let me add another. Let me roll another D4 here. Six, nine. Nice. And then they got to do a saving throw DC 13 wisdom, saving throw. So here we go. Wisdom saving throw. Jesus Christ. 16. Yeah, that does it. - They're so charisma. They're so charismatic and wise.

All of them. I trust them all. - Very hardy. - But just get lost in their eyes. - And looking into this spider's eyes, it's going to see this energy is going to like grow, but this spider is going to see like the, like the bone thing around bittersweet's mouth is going to like crack like a Jack-o-lantern smile and open up like bah to a big, like black inky horror maw. And then the like spikes on his body, he's going to grab this spider and the spikes on his body are just going to like grow out and like stab into this spider. That's what this spider sees in this.

- Yeah. Everyone else, it's very scarecrow. - Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Everyone else maybe like sees bittersweet, like maybe growing a little bit bigger or shimmering, but like- - Shanking a spider. - Yeah, like pushing, punching it with his hands. But yeah, the spider is going to see something else. - That's fucked. I love it. That Matilda. - Okay. So thanks have gone from bad to worst. Which spider is like the worst off? - You mean emotionally or like? - Yes. - I mean, I would go- - That would be- - I would go for one. Because people are going to die there. - Yeah.

- But it's up to you. - And the one in front of bittersweet is going to take damage on its next turn, which it sounds like it was. - I don't think it is. - No, it did save. - Oh, it's not. No, nevermind. Yep. - It did save. - But it's probably not looking too good. - And- - Hold on. It didn't do math or something. Hold on a second. There we go. I got it. (clears throat) The spiders had more health than they should have because of the thing Tandy did earlier. It's fixed now. Nothing happened that was- - So that's just dead now, right? - Yeah, how many of them drop over dead right now?

- None. Okay. The bloodiest one. Hold on. And if I move it, you can see all the blood there. - Yeah. - Oh yeah. So blood like shoots out of it. You just see them punching like way too much blood shoots out. That's cool. - Like a kill bill amount of blood is all over. - You're like, what? That's what? - They have no internal organs. It's just blood. So the one right in front of Bittersweet is the one that's the worst off. - Okay. And just so I- Dagon is unconscious? - No. Dagon is up now. - Oh, Dagon is up. And Bittersweet is up. - So a little goblin came. A blood goblin came and just squirted.

- Okay, I didn't realize. Okay. - Hey, I'm gonna goo in your mouth. Open up. Open up, I got a goo right inside. - Don't sexualize my goblin. Okay. Clock did nothing wrong. - I just said goo. There's nothing sexual about that. - I know what you're saying. - Yeah, but no, no, no. Here's the thing. Everything is sexual with you. Like it drinks off of you. Like there's an aura. You're- - I'm a sexual being. - It's inherent. - Yeah, I was gonna say Ian is a very sexual being. - He is. He doesn't have to try. - He's me and his Twitter, yeah. - He's a very horny man. Like it's, you know.

- Okay. Matilda's, she's going to take a few steps back and kind of just keep saying, "Oh no, oh, oh no." But she's going to shoot another arrow. I think at spider number four. - The one in front of bittersweet. - Let's do it. - Okay, short bow. Attack. Normal. - Yeah. 14 plus two because, so that's definitely gonna hit. - Great. - Definitely gonna hit. All you gotta do, and I'm gonna tell you right now, all you gotta do is four damage. That's it. - Okay. - Just do four damage. - Oh, well fine. - I still have a three come up. I'm like, you're just defying me. (all laughing) - Do it for fun.

- I do have sneak attack damage. - Roll it for fun. Just do it, trust me. Yeah, yeah, there you go. - Another six damage. - The fun of being a rogue is rolling a million D sixes, even if it's not necessary. Just to see what the number is. - Be afraid if I roll those D sixes. - Sounds like I gotta put a Mac or on a D six. - That is our first dead spider guys. There's only three left. - Only three. - Only three baby. Anything else? - Okay, that's freezing. I'm trying to see if I have anything that's like. - Yeah, your bonus action was sneak attack. - Yeah. - Oh, that's true.

So that's basically, oh, so I could. I moved and I did. Okay, so yeah, I got him. - You took out a spider. Good job. - Dagon. - You get up baby. - Okay. - You open your eyes and there's a little twist. - Open eyes and just like, yeah. What? Ew. And but realizing he's still alive. Okay. Just darts up and looks at this spider and that emotions is back. It's back on track. It's pumped up. He starts glowing again. He reaches into his pocket and he pulls out that earring and he slams it into his ear. - Oh, that's one damage. - No. - That's something. - The percentage of the hit points and how they're, you know, spread out over the body.

- Well, okay. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. Give me a constitution saving throw. And as long as it's an eight or higher, you're fine. (laughs) - That's mean. - It's not mean. It is reasonable. - No, it's reasonable. It's just mean because you know what is constant. - As long as it's higher than a five, you said? - No, no, eight. - Eight. - Yeah, 13. - That's almost a four. - Yeah. - Yeah, I know. (laughs) - Okay. - And then an unreasonable amount of blood comes out. (laughs) You're fine though. So you're gonna stab yourself with this thing. Where? - In the ear lobe.

- Okay. - Yeah. - I'm just curious. Yeah. - Um. (soft music) - And so in that case. - So it is this big dangly thing. Like it's very 80s, like little D 20 on the end of it. - It matches his haircut. It's fine. - Yeah. - And explain again what it does, please. Could you? - All you have to do when you so desire is bing, give it a little flick and whatever you do next, be it a saving throw, skill check or attack. If you're successful, it triples the outcome. - Okay. - So let's say you're doing some sort of acrobatics check and you succeed on it. Like all of a sudden you're Spider-Man, like you're a gymnast, like you're, you know.

And if it's an attack, you get to triple the damage. And if it's a crit, you get to triple the doubled damage. - Okay. So I have to announce this obviously before I attack. - Yep, that's the catch. - Okay. - You get to use it once a day. - So it's in there. It's burning now where he punctured his ear, but it just makes him more angry. So his power is just growing. - At least it's like growing that mouth. - Bing. - Does it make that sound? - Bing. - Yes, I insist upon it. - Okay. Then he does that. And I'm going to spend two forever points. And I'm going to use Furious Punch.

- Oh my God, you're going all in. I love it. - You charge your fists with energy and make a melee attack against a creature doing 44 damage plus your Charisma modifier force damage. On a hit, the creature must make a constitution save or be knocked back five feet. If you miss your target, you have minus two penalty to your next attack roll. Let's just hope I don't miss. - Don't worry about that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't worry about that. So here we go, baby. - All right. - Here we go. - And do I get advantage? No. - For what? - I don't know. (all laughing) - I don't know.

- What's his name is here? Clot. - Clot's right beside me. - Clot does count as an ally. So you get a plus two. - Okay. - So you look down at Clot. Clot goes, you got a chance, like he's real. (all laughing) - Thumbs up. - But he's tiny. He's like, he's real bitty. - I think of the World of Warcraft goblins. - Yeah. Just, it's just. - So there's no way to add that plus two though, right? It's not like this situational bonus or anything like that? - We got quick math. We could add it to that. Like I'm no fancy book learned, man. Oh my God. 11 plus two will hit. - Jesus, man.

- This game's all that much today. - Yeah. - Cut it closer, please. (all laughing) - So, damage times three, right? - So you're gonna, so here's the thing. Roll your damage and then we triple it. - It's a 44 plus my charisma mod. - Yes. - Okay. - There's two ones in there. - What's your charisma mod? - Oh yeah, I didn't add the charisma. - Did not add the charisma. - I got you. - So, so not, yeah. - 33 damage. - 33 damage. This spider is going to crack in half and fold in front of you. And it's just going to dump blood out in front. Like this is violent. Like vicious, it is overkill.

You have destroyed, disintegrated the spider. Tell me how that looks from your perspective. Like that's gotta be the most bad-ass violent thing you've ever done. - And when I see Furious Punch, I almost feel like he's doing like a rapid, like, you know, rapid force empowered, like boom, boom, boom until it's just like, and then the shell cracks and like, I don't know. - Oh God. - Maybe a like bright pulse of light and this thing just sort of spews all over the place. - Yeah. Like I've, I've seen it described as like a solid one boom. But like, I like the idea of like furious teenager hitting things until it's just wet pulp.

- Yeah. - Like. - It's like when you, when you're doing it, when you're, this is this, everyone will understand what I'm about to say. It's like when you're playing fruit ninja and then you get like a combo at the end. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. (imitates game sound effects) - What year is it? Who's playing fruit ninja? (laughing) - But I know what you mean. - I know what Valerie's talking about. - Yeah, I know what you mean. - You didn't even know fruit ninja at David Busters? - Nope. (laughing) - Okay. I thought you meant on like the iPhone.

I'm like, you know, when you're rocking some fruit ninja on your iPhone 3S. - With my iPod touch? Absolutely. (laughing) - Jesus. Good job though. - It could be a one punch where it's just like, it hits so hard that it ruptures from the inside out and cracks open and everything. - Either way, it's gross. - Yeah, it's gross. He's probably got some on his clothes. - Oh, absolutely. - Oh yeah. - So I don't think you're getting out of here without some spider bones. - But now he's even more mad. - Oh God. - Okay. - It's okay. I got precedent to station. Just give me like an hour to go through everyone's clothes by cupid feet and we'll be fine.

(laughing) - I feel like the spiders look at each other. It's like, okay, that's excessive. Like, okay, we beat you guys, but holy shit. Like we didn't bring Thor's rage down upon anybody. Like it was, you know, Calypso. - First thing I'm gonna do as a bonus action is cast Healing Word on Tani, which isn't much, but you know. - She's rocking six hit points right now. So anything is helpful. - So do I click that or do you click that? - You click that, you're healing. (laughing) - Valerie's just baiting Kelsey in the chat. And I love that everything stops to hove in on.

- I know, I didn't realize you were supposed to zoom in. - It was like a fucking Oblivion game where it just like stops everything. - Zoom into the NPC who's talking. - Stop right there, criminal scum. - Seven hit points. - Yeah, Calypso looks at Tani and Risa and just says, thank you and that's it. - She's definitely hurting. Like she's coated in her own blood, in some spider blood. She's just kind of looking and she's like, like real bad, like she's. - Yeah, it's not much, but it's, you know, something. That was my bonus action. And then Calypso's gonna look at the spider and just say, just fuck you.

That's my vicious mockery. 'Cause that's about all I got. - Not an Elven or anything this time. It's like, no, no, no, we're going common. Fucking twat spider, I hate you. So what's interesting about being a blood mage is there is no, there's. - Valerie just privately rolled some dice. - Sorry, sorry, I was testing something out. Don't mind me. - You're hitting buttons, you're hitting buttons. - The thing about being a blood mage is. - So there's no, basically the only thing stopping you is your own hit points. Like she could cast for eternity if there's someone bolstering her, but it is painful one.

And two, it is a quick way to die to overcast. But there's a, the way the spells are arranged, there's like just a little bit more, just a little bit more because there are, when you first start out, it's like, oh, here's a one hit point spell. Here's a three hit points. It's like, I could push it a little further. I could, you know, it's interesting. - I was gonna be a blood mage when we were still doing, what do you call it? - Cortex. - Cortex, yeah, yeah, I was looking at that class. I talked a lot about it with Xavier. - 'Cause it looked really cool.

- So I got a roll. - Vicious Mockery, what do I do now? - Did the saving throw. - Wisdom? - Yeah, it's DC 13 wisdom. - Got it, so here we go, baby. Boom, wisdom saving throw and it's a crit 20. - Jeez. - I am so sorry, I'm so sorry, you're doing great. - That's all I have four hit points left, that's it. - Good news is, round's over. - Yes, so now we get to roll and it's physically impossible for more than two spiders to be in front of you guys. - Just have to stand out there. - Yeah, we're slashing spiders in half to, okay, here we go, round three and here we go.

Oh my God, it's Dagon then two spiders. - Oh my God. - You kind of blew your load on that one. You're out of four points. - Totally did, I totally did. - But what a load. - Good news, well, I know this spider has been hurt. - Now who's horny? You know what, I'm sorry, you're right. I knew what I was doing there. - Yeah, I've got this one on the rope, so don't worry about it. - Okay. - You haven't been hit yet. - Okay, well, we're just gonna have to get down to basics here. I'm gonna start by moving. Let's move like over here. Over here and a little tapped out, I suppose, but definitely high on whatever he just did there.

So he's gonna try to shoot again, the force blast. - So you're running over here next to Bittersweet. I imagine you get to the river of spider blood and the grass is just sopping wet. It's like, yeah, it is. - And he probably left a trail from the other incident. - It's gotta be a little Gallagher, right? Like you've gotta be coated in blood at this point. - So yeah. - All the hip kids, Gallagher reference, okay. - No, I got it. - That's the watermelon guy, right? - It is the watermelon guy. - I'm pretty sure I know that because you told me about it a few years ago.

- Probably. - But you know. - Calypso, do a thing. - I don't know if Calypso has ever actually used their weapon before. They do have rapier, they always have, but for maybe the first time they actually like unsheathe it and are gonna try and stab the spider and we'll see how it goes. - Yeah, I was about to say, just put the pointy end in their face and you know. I'm gonna laugh my ass off if this takes one of them out. 16 will hit. - Plus two from Danny. - Ooh, baby. - Damage. - Ooh, five. - Cool. Can I heal eight word myself? Is that a thing? - Yeah, of course you can.

It's always an option. - I'm gonna do that. - Oh. - Seven hit points back please, thank you. - Max, yeah, max healing seven. That puts you back up to 11 hit points, not bad. Matilda. - Okay, so Fenris seems to be handling himself just fine. So Matilda is going to attack the giant spider one that's in front of Tani and Calypso. With the short bow. - That'll hit, 16 definitely will hit. - Okay, okay, damage for this. - Six damage. - And then plus sneak attack. - So that'll kill the spider before the sneak attack. I'm sorry. - Yeah, there you go. - Nine more damage.

- Got him. - Okay, you did it. You're the strongest. - This is what playing a rogue is about Jason. Let her have it. - I know, I know, I know. Fenris. - So I look around and I saw Dagon just obliterate that spider, walk over and then try to punch the other one and finally see them finally kill that spider and see this one in front of me and might realize that Bane magic is back and is gone. It's been dissipated and I'm gonna pull out that dagger, which you see in profile picture and hold it in front of me and I'm gonna focus and my pain is going to, this energy is just gonna come through and the dagger is actually gonna transform into a blade of pure possibility.

And so now it's a blade instead of just a dagger, which Dagon may take note of. It just looks like pure energy. - Was that a diktio? - No, it wasn't, but it turned in half and won. - Kelsey, my Lord. We would never. - But he was mainly seeing all this energy blast coming from Dagon and he was with a blade when he was first meeting him. And so he's like, "Oh, well, I wonder if I can do something." Realizing we need to take these guys down and was trying to think of things that works and trying anything that a patron kind of whispered him to try. So I'm going to attack with this shadow blade, which I'm gonna call a possible blade.

- 22 definitely hits. - Sweet. So it'll do 2d8 psychic damage and in addition, oh, I guess they're not in darkness, so it's fine. 2d8 damage. - Seven damage will kill the spider. - What? - That will take you out of combat. - Calypso sits down on the ground, plenty of crass. - The point to the glowing, the piece of jewelry that they saw last time that is enchanted, they're looking at bittersweet. Get that one to at least make this worth it. - Yeah, have we gotten all of the spiders out? Because now let's fucking get shit from that tree. - Yeah, I would say all the spiders that were gonna attack due to that tree fuckery, like they've attacked.

And like, Tani's just gonna turn around and just like, you could see like her hands like searching for the ground. It's like, it's like fucking, and she's just gonna lay down and just kind of like lay on her back 'cause she's completely out of it. - Calypso just hats her on the shoulder. - Healing lights on her by the way, just at the end, seeing that she's down. - Oh God, yeah, that would be amazing. - I wanna talk to Dagon. But in his brain. - Well, yeah. - Yeah, okay. - Go for it. - I do. - So, you reaching out, you reaching out like you can do that at any time.

It's just every person is a little different. And basically you can hold a conversation with them for a bit and then it kind of depends on if they're willing. Calypso was obviously a willing participant. I don't know how Dagon's gonna react. So let's start. - Yeah. - What do you say to kick things off? - Well, I wanna do it as gently as I can. And because I know that this is uncomfortable for people. And so I'm gonna keep it really, really short and only focus on the words and language in common, basically. Like something someone can comprehend. And so I look at Dagon, there's like this mist sort of like subsiding.

And I just opened my mind and say, you're like me. I think at first he's just kind of like, whatever he's doing, he's just kind of like shoot his head up and like put his hands to his head and just be like, what, you know, not really sure what's going on. Would he get, would he figure it out quickly where this is coming from? - I think there's kind of a feeling that goes along with it. Like there's kind of a, picture it almost like a tether in your brain. You can kind of feel where that's coming from. So, yeah, it's just kind of, you know. - Yeah, then so I guess so after that, after he hears this voice in his head, he'll look over at Bittersweet.

Like probably not rejecting this, but at least a little annoyed that you're in his head. And I guess he'll think back, you know, like, I don't want to see what do you mean? Cause I guess he sort of saw what was going on. And so he'll say like, somewhat, I suppose. - Bittersweet will take out his notepad and just write down, like he'll come up to Dagon and write down, talk more later and just like put his big old hand on Dagon and show him. - I don't know if I'm grasping a sense of what this would feel like in his head and how I should be reacting to it.

- Cold spaghetti. (group laughing) - I'm sweaty. - I think it's, does it hurt? You know what? I think it's like, you suddenly, like your thoughts are broadcast. Every, all of your inner thoughts are immediate. Like, you know, someone is listening in. - It's like a tap. Like someone just like tapped into your brain. So like anything you're thinking is that, so you kind of combine that with this ice cream headache feeling that gradually gets worse and worse and worse. - Okay. - It feels like cold, like tendrils kind of like. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I don't know if I reacted appropriately then, but when he sees that he's written down something, he'll just say, let's keep it to the chalkboard next time.

- It is intrusive. It's very- - Intrusive, that's a good word, yeah. - Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is a great way to communicate if you're prepared for it. - Can I like roll to see if I- - It's a terrible way to- - Can I roll to see if I know about thetans and this way of communication so that maybe it wasn't a complete shock to him? - Well, first give me a constitution saving throw. - Okay. - And this isn't like a scanner's moment where you're hit. So that's a 13. So like it's again, that ice cream headache. It's like, okay, knock that off. Like you just drank a Slurpee too fast.

That's all like, it's not, you know, it's unpleasant. - Okay. - But yeah, give me history. (soft music) - What are the libraries of Odessa say? - Not much. - Nothing on thetans. - That's a five. - Which, you know, he didn't read it. Like other races. - Or those books don't exist since thetans kind of just popped into existence, right? Although we kind of- - Yeah, it's complicated. - But we know they did, like our memories were altered. - Yes. So it's, yeah, it's complicated. - Okay, well just take it and get to that book, yeah. - I think everyone is also like covered in blood and spider bits.

And it's just- - It's like you guys are definitely due for arrest. Now, the reason I just- Oh, God, please. - I would love it if like everyone's covered in blood, but Fenris looks like pristine. - Yeah, yeah. I don't think he was touched. - Nope. (both laughing) - The reason I wanted to ask is because there's, the mansion is the destination, but you don't really know what, like what it is. We keep joking about, oh, it's a haunted mansion. It's a haunted mansion. But what, I guess what, Kelsey, what's Calypso thinking going in there? It's like, oh, we're gonna get some rest at the mansion, or is it good to rest up before we go in?

Or like what's- - Well, I feel like we shouldn't rest right here. - In the spider corpse drool stuff. - Yeah. Like maybe let's get a little bit, like, I don't know, away from the like carcasses and stuff. So like whatever is gonna come to munch on that is not something we need to worry about, you know? And, but I mean, I think it's probably still like an hour or so you said, didn't I also? - About, yeah. Like it's pretty overcast and gray. - Not a bad idea, especially 'cause we were all just like really hit hard, almost all of us. And so that's- - Calypso rolled a 24.

That is a, just a crit. So you're gonna notice a couple of things. We said that these are kind of like, almost like a necklace of ears type of thing, like trophies from different people. You're gonna notice that these are pretty obviously dated in that it's like, oh, this one's only like a couple of years old-ish, like maybe 10, maybe a little less. This one's a little older, like probably 50. You could tell by how weathered they are and how like some of them are kind of covered in spider gook. Like it's just kind of crusty. But yeah, no, you could tell, like this is something that's been going on for a while.

This like, hey, get off my lawn type of Vietnam nonsense. But yeah, like that's probably the thing that stands out the most. Also a killer necklace. - Can I get something for me up there? Just something pretty, something nice. - Yeah, of course. What are you looking for, baby? - Oh, like a ring or something or a necklace that might be nice, yeah. - So I got a few things for you. I'll give you like a big ass, like mafia pinky ring type thing, maybe something of a Super Bowl variety. I got a glittery tiara, but that one's a little on the small side. Honestly, if you bend it a little bit, that could totally fit on Dumpy.

- All right, cool. Yeah, we'll go for that. Yeah, we'll go for that. (laughing) But yeah, there's lots of like- - What was the enchanted thing? (laughing) That was the main one. - Yeah, that's it. Yeah, yeah, you're pretty, shut up. (laughing) So I'm gonna give you an option. We haven't done anything random today. I might have, well, hold on. I have right here what I was gonna have that be, or we could roll on a table. Totally up to you. Either way, you're getting something cool. - I wanna go with the thing that you were gonna have that be, 'cause I feel like since you planned it out, like it just was gonna make sense like thematically.

- Hold of you to assume, but okay. - Well, I mean, listen. - No, I got you, I got you. So you're probably gonna be very happy with yourself because you picked what's in the box. So this is an interesting little piece of jewelry because it does a couple of different things. And the first thing it's gonna go, it's kind of like, oh, that's, I guess that's useful. You can identify any music, just you're like shazam. Like it's like, boom. Like it's like, oh, okay, I know where that, not just that, but like, it'll just kind of wash over you. It's like, oh yeah, that's blah, blah, blah.

And D minor written by, like, you'll just know that now because this was converted into a music school. That does pose the question is like, was this a student? Like what happened? Like that type of thing. But the second thing you're gonna do is, once a day, similar to Dagon's, you know, little flicky earring thing, once a day, you can take any musical based attack that you have and double its effect. Here's the thing, you don't have to call it ahead of time. It's after it hits, it's like, oh, so yeah. - Nice. - Well, thank you very much. See, I said this makes sense thematically and it does.

- There you go. - It's the present for Calypso for making it through Spider-Hell, which I appreciate. - Yes, through Spider-Hell. This is, I like to call this the concession prize for like, it's like, look, it's been three long years. No mansion, pretty necklace. Like that's, that's the thing. - That's, yes. (laughing) - So let's say you guys get away from, you kind of get away from all these erecting corpses here. And are you setting up like, are you setting up camp type of thing? Like you're just getting eight hour snooze or just a short rest? - I mean, I feel like everyone's pretty rough.

- Yeah. - How is Tani doing? - So I've been waiting to get to that. Tani's very pale. She's, so since everything calmed down, she's been a little, like a little withdrawn 'cause one, that was kind of a harrowing experience. And she was kind of forced to get something out there that she really didn't plan on getting out there. And two, the first reaction to blood mages is, "You get out, I don't trust you." Like all that kind of stuff. You know, once people know that you can use blood as casting, you know, this mana basically that, you know, people kind of tend to turn on you a bit.

So she has this big ass hole in her palm and she's just kind of like, she's put her dagger away and she's like kind of cradling it and she's been kind of hunched over and just kind of pale, like kind of bandaging it and stuff. And she's got a demeanor that's almost like, "Okay, I'm getting ready to get fired or kicked out," like type of thing. You know what I mean? Like, I messed up, not I helped out. - Hmm. Okay, I'll do something. So Dagon will notice how she's doing and what's up and he'll look around for some sort of cloth or something that he can offer her.

I'm sure there's probably something lying around or even in his backpack or something. - Yeah, I mean, you probably don't want to dress a room with something lying around in the dirt, but like I imagine you have lots of like, clean cloths and stuff. - Yeah, it was probably forced on him when he left. So he'll grab something out of his pack and go over to her and he'll kneel down and he'll grab her hand and start wrapping it up. And he'll say, "If I didn't think you would have a room with something like this, if I didn't thank you properly before for the point at his ear, the earring, thank you.

I'd probably be dead right now if it wasn't for that." - Wow, okay, wow, okay. So when you bend down, 'cause she's a shorter gal, when you bend down, there's almost like kind of a cringy, like she backs up, like it's like, "I'm about to get screamed at, oh God." Like he wants to get eye level with me to make sure that like I'm absorbing all this. And then you kind of reach out, you kind of reach out for her hand and she's again, kind of guarded and then like she, you know, she sees you up like a clean handkerchief type thing. And she gives it over to you and you could kind of see shock on her face, like one, you're not yelling at me, two, you're thanking me, oh, that's, thank you?

I mean, I think it'd come in handy this quick, but you know, that's, yeah, you're not mad at me? You're not mad at me? - He's just gonna look super confusedly. Why would I be mad at you? - I just figured you're, you know, big time spell caster, you come from a city of spell casters and like, you know, I'm out here using blood. I didn't, you know, I didn't study and earn it the way you did, so I just figured you, you know, kind of hate that. Most people hate that. - First of all, I'm not a spell caster. I mean, I use, he's still got his rapier, I use this.

He's gonna kind of look at it and he's gonna throw it away. It's like, and pretty sure if you weren't here, we would all be dead right now. - She's gonna, she's gonna kind of blush after you, after you'd say, it's like, oh, we'd be dead if not for you. 'Cause that's not, it's not how she saw it. It was just like, well, I can't, I can't just stand there. Like there's spiders, like we got to do something about that. Well, I don't, I don't like to use it all that much. It's one, it hurts, hurts like hell actually. And two, it really freaks people out most of the time.

So I just kind of, you know, keep it on the DL. Do you think anybody else is like weirded out by it? - Well, personally, I wouldn't care if they were. I don't think you should either. - I'm not as tight as you guys are. I'm new to the group here. So I just, you know, I don't want to ruffle any feathers or anything. You guys seem like a, like a little unit. - You think so, I guess, but to be honest, we've all just met each other. - I mean, okay. The tactics thing you guys were doing where everybody just got hit in the face and let Fenris stand back. Like that looked like practice.

Like you guys do that all the time. - Cute. - Look, are you still in pain? Maybe one of them can help you out. - I'm not sure. - You're still in pain, maybe one of them can help you with that. - Well, there's still, yeah, there's still a hole in my hand, but look, I really do appreciate you being nice to me about this. Cause I thought, I thought you'd be real upset. And you were the one I was kind of thinking would be the most upset. So, and she's going to kind of like lean in and like hug you like, like it's just, it's just, hey, thanks for being nice type of hug.

- Hey, he's going to stiffen up a bit. - If she's not going to linger, it's more like a- - Also both of you are very badly injured. (all laughing) - Like, like, oh, hug. Oh, ow, ow, this is a mistake. - She's got a, she's got a real dust till dawn thing going on right now. So like, that's, that's a problem, but yeah, like magic's a thing. We'll, we'll fix it, but yeah. - Yeah. - Right, seems like there's a point to like cut in. I know Fenris wanted to use the last two of those healing things he had to like heal her. Cause he knew, he knows she single-handedly kept everyone alive.

So he was gonna like heal her with the last, before he has to run down on those before we take her to rest. - Yeah, she'll gladly accept those. Cause that's, cause first off, obviously, you know, hole in the hand gets healed and everything. There's, there's, there's probably already a scar there. Cause like, you know, but I guess her thinking is more, it's like, okay, I'd rather have one big scar, like right here than like cut all over my arms and hands and stuff. You know what I mean? Like, you know, like it's, you know, so that, that would be hugely appreciated and.

- Just don't get hit. - Yeah. Just, it's really tough for her cause like, she's not real useful, chiefly what she does. By the way, I need people to play test the blood mage class. We're going to set up play tests for that. So anybody interested? - I'm deaf interested. - Okay. Yeah. There's three flavors of them right now. And there's like, Oh, you're going to love it. Yeah. - What are all flavors? What flavor is your blood? - O negative, B positive. - Oh, and Huns, you betcha. Like, oh, I have it. - We learned about that last time. - Oh, you can eat. So you guys are, you've gotten away from that spot.

You're all sitting down, bandaging up, healing up, you know, just grabbing some water and all that stuff. So it sounds like you guys are starting with a short rest to see where things go. That type of thing. - I guess. Yeah. I can use my bar thing. - If we can take like a breather. Yeah. - No, I think we're all automatically healed up because we leveled. - Oh, that's not how it works in Theria. You should know that. - Okay. I'm just saying like, as far as like on the tables, I don't know how we do that. - Yeah, yeah, no, no. I figured everybody. So here's the thing.

You hit that little S rest on the front page of your character sheet and then there you go. Look at that. Ooh, max. - And Calypso is going to get out their violin and play a nice little soothing, a comfy mint. For that's my bard, it's the song of rest features. So everyone gets an extra one D six HP. - Oh wow. Enter Sandman. What do you, you got to choose a song. That's the shtick. We gotta. - I mean, it's violin music. I don't know. I guess I need to look up some specifics. - Look, you just pick anything and I bet there's a violin cover of it. - True. Not for the problem is that I'm thinking of something that's like relaxing, which is generally not the kind of stuff I listen to.

- Uh, when biscuits break stuff. Like very relaxed. - If you can find like a slow classic version of that, that would be. - Ooh, don't challenge me. The internet will provide. Okay. I'm just going to write that down. It's just one of those days. Like he's just like, oh, it's going to be great. So gentle dice rolls as everyone slowly gets hit points back and it's, and that dark cloudy sky as the sun starts to set is going to get worse and it's going to get windier. And like, there is a thunderstorm, a brewing. And if those, those necklaces and stuff were still hanging in that tree, it'd be very violently jingling and jangling now.

Like it's, it's, it's getting bad. It's probably good that there is a large abode in your near future. So after an hour, everybody, everybody gets up and heads back to the city. Like, I think that is. (laughing) - We came out here for the spiders, right? That was the thing. Okay. - Uh huh, yup. - Good scouting mission guys. Good. (laughing) - This is nice. - How's about we, we pull the trigger on this cause like, man, it's, it's, it's really fun, Raz and Kels, but like, it's, it's, it's, we've, we've run that joke into the ground. So the sun has fully set and you guys are going to get to the outside of this very large house.

And it is, it's, it's pretty gorgeous. Like it, there's a lot of overgrowth and stuff like that. - Oh God, Jesus, it scared the fuck out of me. - Everybody might return there. I have my settings turned down. So like it's not. - Turn that down. Geez. - Oh, I don't have my audio. I've got the same type of this computer. - What happened? - I see the mansion. It's very cool. - Yeah, there might be some weather sound effects incoming. - Yes. - Okay. - I'm going to swipe out and pooped yourself a little. - Like yeah. - I mean, it's beautiful. It's just, wasn't expecting that.

- There's no way for me to turn the sound off, like and make it independent at the map. It has to be done in your end, which is just an awful system. I don't like that. - Very cool. - It's like a screen saver. - A little bit. Yeah, I get a little like a. - Here's seven hours of gentle rain. And there's a little thunder, but it never gets closer. - You can just have little clips of different DNR episode, little clips in the background is the Bambian things. You got yourself. Yeah. (mumbles) - Who's drawing live? - I'm just going to guess it's Valerie. Yeah. Just pull out of it.

- We're at the mansion. We need to put our, and I don't think we can put our tokens on here. So we must draw ourselves. - That is exactly what Michelle looks like everyone. - You've got it. Perfectly accurate. - Am I the only one who doesn't see you? - No, it's still learning for me too. - Oh, is it? Oh no. - 99%, but it's been 99% for like three minutes. - Well, that's okay. - Well, you'll know when it appears. - Maybe I need to use the better monitor. - Keep going to give a little description. Give a little flavor. - It's a house. - Paint a picture. - It looks like my aunt's house when they lived in New Jersey.

- That's what it's modeled after. So wait. - My cousins are rich. - So it's rainy. There's flashes of lightning. It's very dark. There's a bunch of like trees that have like ridges moving all smoothly. - So you guys are gonna get to the front door of this place and there's like a little greenhouse. There's at least two stories. It looks like three, like a sizable attic type of thing. Like this is just you like doing that. Well, I mean, you can't tell from the outside, maybe. - It was fun racing the conservatory with the candles. - This is you guys doing that.

Like it's coming down now. So it's that duck and cover, let's get to the front porch type thing. But you're like, you're taking it in. And like, obviously there's no lights outside, but like, you know, when the lightning strikes and kind of brightens things up, like you're getting a decent view of at least the exterior of the front. Very overgrown, hasn't been kept up in a while. Lots of dead bushes and trees and plants and stuff like that. Like flowers that haven't been taken care of, you know, rosebush type things, but like they're just sprawling everywhere.

So getting to the front door of this place, it appears as though the lights are on inside. Like there's dancing candlelight inside, which shouldn't be. The last occupant is dead. That's how we got started with all this. If everyone remembers the great Theriathon of 2019. - God. Really was that long ago. - And we all thought that, yeah, we all thought this was abandoned, right? - It's supposed to be. - Yeah. - Yeah, okay, okay. So there's people-- - The only person who's supposedly been here in years is dead, so. - Bittersweet's kind of from his time living in Brightport, like people squatting in buildings is, you know, like that's a thing, you know?

So he looks at Calypso and he writes on his little board, like dries off his board and writes, someone inside question mark, announce us, we'll go slow. - Yes, I suppose that makes sense though, of course, if there is someone in there, they would have also had to have made it past the natural defenses that we have encountered. Well, either way, I mean, there's not really anything for it, so. I guess Calypso, like, I imagine this is the house where there's probably some sort of like big fancy door knocker. - Oh yeah. - Yeah, so Calypso's gonna-- - You know you have a key, right?

(laughing) This was years ago, I don't know, it's fine. This was years ago, you were given a key. 'Cause like, how are you gonna get in? Like it's, yeah, so-- - Yeah, I was kind of thinking that, but I figured there was gonna be some answer. - Yeah, no, no, no, like it's your house, man. Like you-- - Yeah, I mean, like, Calypso is probably like holding the key, but is gonna go ahead and use the door knocker, I mean, like 95%, because maybe there's someone there, 5%, because it's cool. (laughing) You go to a big fancy house and you see a big fancy door knocker, I mean, who does not wanna, you know, like it's this little knock.

Plus you get to do a cool sound effect. - One second, James, it is, see the little music note? - I can barely hear you 'cause it's so loud. - Oh no. (laughing) - There's a music note at the top of the screen. It looks like music. Hit the music note and then turn down the music. - I just posted in Discord for you. - I think we're communicating just fine. (laughing) - It was so loud. - Sorry, buddy. That's why I didn't wanna jump in without it loading. (laughing) - Sorry, that's so funny. - Okay, so I don't know what you guys said for the last like five minutes, so.

- I have a key, but I'm using the big fancy door knocker anyways because it's cool. - Okay. (laughing) - This is going great, honestly. Like everything is just tops. This is good stuff. - Question, did you get a knee in? Did it pop up yet? - Yep, I see it now. - Oh, okay, great. - Yeah, thank you. No deafening noise, you're good. Oh no, it was, it was quite loud. (laughing) I was just very prepared. (laughing) - I was in settings and everything, I'm like, where is this? And I clicked that note and it just said playlist. I'm like, well, it's not that. - But it is, for reasons.

(laughing) - Okay. - So there are two door knockers here, one for each door and they're these big wolf head things and they're like gold inlaid and like money was spent. Like these things are really cool looking. They look to be made of mostly gold actually. And then there's this kind of weathered silver underneath. It's kind of like scratched up like it's like meant to be. And the wolves are holding the knocker like in their mouth, the little thing. So like boom, but you're not trying to like hammer it. But like a couple of you made up, like you know how most doors are fairly hollow unless you have money?

Like, like. (laughing) You know how having money makes everything better. Like, so like, like this is like so solid. It kind of reverberates. This is like a big, like gold or brass type of thing. And then like, it hits this lump of wood is like, gong, gong. And you can kind of hear it reverberate in the house. Like the windows kind of like, like tinct just a little bit, right? - Ah, mahogany. (laughing) - Excellent. So like you're waiting 'cause like someone, if there's someone in there, like someone heard that. And your key is gonna start to glow. - Okay. - Like, so like it's almost like a sting type of situation.

Like it's kind of a faded blue, except this doesn't, there's no orcs nearby. This is more just like, it's like, yeah, it's your house come in. Like that type of thing. - Is this like a magic find my key? Like if you lose it in the couch cushions. - Oh, that's so useful. - Yeah, like years, it's that and the remote control. Both of those things have been enchanted, but yeah. - I like how you said there's no orcs. Get it, it's a Lord of the Rings thing. I read the books. - Yeah. - Look pretty good. - Wow. - They're okay. - Whoa. - I read the books. - I mean technically I'm only on book five, but.

- Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and skip Tom Bombadil, thank you. And just fucking watch the movies. - You don't wanna read entire chapters of J.R. Tolkien's epic poetry? - No. - That's it. - I mean, it's been that bad so far. I haven't been like, oh man, it's really slogging. - No, I just. - Get off J.R. Tolkien and come on over to Frank Herbert. Get some Dune in you, get some Dune. - No, never. - You know what? - No. - I've been waiting to watch the new movie for the second one to come out. 'Cause like I'm not, I don't wanna watch. - It comes out this winter. It's so good.

- Okay. - It's real good. I would say this, I don't wanna derail us, but I have been waiting for a Dune movie like that to come out for like 20 years. - Was it that good? Like it's very good. - Very good, yes. - I've seen it. It's been suggested to me on HBO Max like 30 times and I'm like, soon. - It's long. So if you, you gotta have the time. - Where am I going? - Like it's fine. - We should watch it at Dragon. Like we should all get together during Dragon Con and watch together. - That is not the tradition. - I know, I'm trying to change it. - I don't wanna ruin Dune by watching it in a hotel room TV.

No, it deserves better. - We watch raw garbage at Dragon Con. (laughing) Eat raw garbage, watch raw garbage. We watch Hooker Bot in, I forget what it was called. (laughing) - The Slenderman, one year. - No face. - Okay, you got a glowing key. - Glowing key, glowing key. - Glowing key. Open this fucking door, Kels, jeez. - Yeah, so a Calypso is like, holds up the key and then just kind of waits another half second for anything inside to react and then just kind of like shrugs and puts the key in the door. - Oh man. - They're gonna, if nothing happens, when they do that, they're going to slowly turn and unlock it.

- Oh, there's this real satisfying, like as the big, like I pictured like a big skeleton key type thing. Like, first of all, it glows and kind of illuminates the, it's like, oh, that's really helpful. Like it's gonna like slide past the tumblers, like clump, clump, clump, clump, and then just kachunk, like whatever kind of lock is in this big solid door. Like it, like, man, no one's breaking in here. And the door is going to just start to kind of like open as you do that. And inside there is this beautiful open floor plan. Like this is just like the greeting area you can tell.

So one, strangely it's fully lit. Like there are candles everywhere, polished, gorgeous, like kind of like chest checkered floors type of thing. Like there is a staircase leading up to a second floor that overlooks this area here. It is gorgeous. And there's doors in a direction. Like as you're looking at it, it's like, oh boy. Like every once in a while, the lightning from outside will kind of like brighten up everything, but it has this warm, inviting feel. - So I guess we all kind of walk in dripping wet, presumably. - Dripping under the floor, yeah.

- Yeah, it's kind of, there's a little, like it's got that thin decorative rug stuff. Not like the, not like a mudroom, like an East coast, like it's like get your boots off type of thing. So this is like, it's not really set up to accommodate you guys, but you're gonna notice the temperature shoots up a few degrees instantly, just standing here. It's like, oh yeah, that's better. 'Cause it's cold. Like it's a real like savage cold rain outside. And if you guys take off like your layers and stuff, there are, there's coat hooks, like you could tell this place used to host big fancy functions and parties. 'Cause not only is there a coat room off to the side, like if you look to the right, there's also just a secondary, like huge round coat thing for people just stopping by for a moment type of thing.

So there's like a Defcon 2 for coats over here. And there is a gentle, like you notice it after you get in and close the door, because it's like, oh God, like you're soaked. There's a gentle piano playing, like so, it's like a whisper. Like maybe it's like floors away or something like that, but it is just kind of like float. It's part of the ambiance. Like if you didn't know any better, like it's like the candles and the music, and there is a smell that kind of, it's kind of like some sort of like flower blossom type thing with like a little citrus underneath of it.

Like it's all working together to just be like, the entire place seems to be working as a unit to welcome you in. There doesn't seem to be another soul here. No one is taking care of the place, or at least no one on this floor. And you kind of get this weird feeling, like you know that feeling like you're being watched, like you kind of like, it's kind of like that, but the opposite, like it's like, no one's here. Like you walk in and you kind of just feel it. Like it's like, now this is an empty house. Like you just, you know, what would you like to do in your mansion?

Like it's your welcome. It's yours. I've had many years to furnish. (laughing) - It looks so pretty. - To craft it. - Fenris is gonna look at Calypso and be like, so you're a noble, right? Like, right? - But before I answered that, I did have a question. So I know you said it was like overgrown and everything on the outside, like on the inside, is it also like, does it look like dusty and everything or is everything like actually like clean and taken care of? - What's weird is on the inside, it like, it looks immaculate. Like you walk in and you know what's weird?

Can I get? - An investigation check. - Wait, the recording software just said success. It just popped up with a thing that said success and then nothing happened. I don't know. - Oh no. I think that might have been my file. - Okay, okay. - The universe is against me. - I just saw the pop up, it's like success. And then everything kept going. It's like, thanks? - Yeah. (laughing) - I think that's my file. It's uploading it to you. - I thought it was just the everything's okay alarm. - Now that's what we're doing. (laughing) - Oh, this is a good alarm. Oh good. You're doing it champ.

- Okay, there it is. - Yeah. - Everything's immaculate on the inside. - Everything's immaculate. So it's like, unlike the outside, like give me, you know what? I'd say this is more of a passive perception type of thing. - A passive perception? Well, it's a good thing I have a 21 in that. - Oh, that's weird. Tenney has a 22. So I guess Tenney noticed this first. I'm joking. No. - If there's a listener that knows when the last time Jason asked for a passive perception, I would love to know that tidbit 'cause I feel like it was almost never. He's just doing it for Valerie, which is very funny to me.

- That's okay. - I want to say that was two presidents ago. Like I think. I was a younger man. So as you guys are kind of standing here, like I'd say like a full minute goes by where you're just kind of like taking this in. It's like, wow. And then like, you have members like you're a noble, right? Matilda is so perceptive that she's gonna kind of check this foyer and realize that the mess you guys were making is slowly being cleaned up behind you. So the soaking, sopping wet carpet and everything, you're kind of here 'cause it's only decorative carpet.

So it's like, you know what I mean? Kind of like an icky, and then you're gonna notice that's drying up as you guys are standing there. - How can I subscribe to that service? - Yeah. - The bill, the arcane bill is so fucking high. I bet. - It sounds to me like that bill has already been paid in some sort of sacrifice or something. We're not gonna worry about that. - I feel that. - What matters is I have a magic cleaning service. - They keep sending guys out to shut off the magic, but the fucking spiders kept eating them. So like. - Yeah. So just kind of like is just, yeah, taking this all in and then.

- The Lovelace family isn't exactly nobility. I mean, higher class, yes, but we didn't have the whole very lengthy ancestral bloodline that's required for that kind of status. No official titles or anything. Again, I'm not really sure how this place ties into anything. It's nothing I've ever heard of before I randomly got a letter in the mail. - So you didn't make say like a pact with anything or potentially find a way to make this a reality for you. I'm just not speaking for experience or anything. It was just curious. - No, I'm sure I've made some mistakes in life, but I generally tend to avoid making pacts with other worldly beings.

That never seems to go well from what I've heard. - Tani's gonna wash, Tani's gonna be like. (laughing) It's kind of like Tucker hand in your pocket. - Dude, no offense. I didn't, sorry. I didn't. - No, it's fine. - I didn't know that was, I was gonna ask about where you learned that. - It's kind of like, it's kind of like lots of little pacts, like little tiny pacts. And then you like, I kind of got to do stuff for this demon, but like I'm, look, it's a big story. It's not the bad. I'm actually looking for somebody to send them to hell. They need to be there.

They're supposed to be there, but it's. - Well, they're supposed to be there. That's not, that's better than something someone isn't supposed to be there to hell. - So it sounds like the demon isn't in hell right now? - Not a demon. Kind of like, kind of like someone, so, okay, is someone who's supposed to die, but like they didn't, they didn't, and they were supposed to. And so I got to find them and then send them. - I write, it's not one of us, is it? - It's a solid question. - No, she'd be like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. You guys are, you guys are great.

This guy's like, like, you're great. Like he killed kids. Like I'm trying to find a guy who killed kids. So like he's, he's got to go, you know, like it's just. - Okay, yeah, that's fair will. - Just kind of like a demonic bounty hunter. - Definitely not the worst demon pact or whatever pact one could have. I think that that seems actually pretty fair. Once we get all of this wrapped up, and knock on wood, I'm sure we'd be happy to help you. After all you're helping us out. - I've never actually banished anybody before. Like this has kind of been on my to-do list for a while.

And my, it's not really a patron. It's just, he's the loudest and he's getting louder. So I kind of got to deal with it or, you know, I think I go crazy. I'm not sure. - Yeah, we don't want that to happen. - You know, I think we might have more in common. When we have a chance, I would totally like to discuss more with you. - Sure. I mean, it's not, I'm not like an expert or anything, but sure, yeah. Hey, and she's like, she's been taken this place in like kind of slack jaw. - Yeah, I feel like we're all probably like looking around everything while we're talking.

- 'Cause there's so many nuts and crannies and things and shiny up to, so how many families lived here? - You probably know more than me. I mean, we've pretty much already gone over everything. I know it's not, (soft music) - Well, just, it seems like a lot of space for just one guy, like one dude lived here? - Yeah, and I mean, there was the whole like period where it was a school. So that's a lot more people presumably, but yeah, no one really knows what or why this place was built. - There's that unsettling information about the mages that we uncovered, but we'll probably end up connecting to something in here, I'm sure.

Although maybe they just set up this lovely cleaning service. - So there's a thing about Tani that every time she talks about someone else's money, she gets, she kind of gets quiet about it. Like it's like, it's like, it's gauche. What do you think their candle budget was? (soft music) - There is every surface is lit and like it's polished and just, oh man. - So it's like, - Where do they get that wax? - So either their magic is replacing the candles or maybe they just don't ever go out. That was part of it. - Like, let's just like walk over to one of the more like accessible, like candle operas or something.

It's like, is it like a real candle? Is that real fire? - That is a real fire, yes. Like if you hold your, so now that it's like, it's like, oh, I bet a ghost changes. I'm staying up tonight to see what ghost changes. Like she is like, she is convinced now it's like, oh yeah, like ghost Butler. Like, like that's, it's gotta be. - Can I like, I'm just like magic everywhere, but I kind of want to try to get like pings of either like a place that's drawn to or just kind of just feeling the magic in here if all of it is magic that it is. - I assume a lot. - Yeah, give me, that's like.

- You're using night vision goggles in like the bright daytime. It's just like, - Right, it's like, I mean, yes, but like, oh man. I wonder if there's any porn on this 14 year old's laptop. Like it's like, oh, like it's all porn. Like just, so give me an arcana check. (laughing) - My thinking is the brightest spot. - Yeah, yeah. - Go tell. - I just want to see if I can, whatever is the loudest place. - Okay, so as we've discussed, this is like, like, like, like, like a magic motel six and, and you're, you're lighting everything up with a black light and there's just like, boom, magic over here, boom, big puddle of magic over there.

Like it's everywhere, right? So like every one of these, like every one of these light sources, there is something like inherently like a residual trace of magic, but several of the rooms are lighting up. Like it's this, it's like someone banging on pots and pans. Like it's this, this overload of, of like information. It's like, okay, okay. Like so much so that you just stop feeling out for it. Cause it's like magic, got it. Like it's everywhere. Like it's, it's very like potent. - Guys, there's magic everywhere. - You don't say. - No Ian. So in front, in front of you at the, at the, like at like the entrance, right?

The, the official entrance, like after you get past the front door, there is a placard and it looks like this is a replacement placard. Like there was a smaller one, like kind of a, almost like a, like a, like a Hollywood star type of thing. But like, it's, it's, it's just like a little banner, but then there's a larger one kind of covering it up a bit. And it's just Charles Douglas Abernathy. And then there's one quote from him right after that, "Thinking small leads to tiny lives." It's just, it's a real way. It's like, okay, like, okay. - That's home.

- I feel like this is like racist against half-leads or something. - Dig on and read that and like kind of smirk a little bit. - You'd be like, yes, yes. - Vaguely classic. - Yeah. It's, it's like someone who, who read something attributed to Elon Musk. And they're like, why so stressful? - Yeah, that's the vibe. - With a fucking born into fucking like born on third base. Like, no, he's super. Yeah. It had nothing to do with that. Had nothing to do with slaves in South Africa. It had everything to do with being the most intelligent. - Is there any way to see what the smaller one is underneath it?

- It, like, it looks like it's been covered up with like cement or something. So like, you'd have to like pry, like you'd have to get some pry bars and, and, and get in there. - Okay. - Or magic, like, you know, but yeah. - I don't know if I'm back to magic. - Construction magic. - Deconstruct. - I'm going to go. - Get a permit for that. - I'm going to go look for a kitchen. - Oh, are you like, okay. - So normally when you guys are in a house and you say, I'm going to the kitchen, I'm not going to ask you why you're splitting the party, but in this particular abode, like the kitchen's a walk.

I'm going to spoil it. - Like, like if, if, if Bitter Sweet looks like they're going to like walk off flip-soes and be like, uh, I think we should stay together for now. - He's gone. (laughing) - He wouldn't have actually said he was going to the kitchen. - I figured he just like starts walking off and Goobles like, hey, maybe. - He just like draws it and throws it over his head. - So, okay. Well, we'll catch up with, we'll catch up with Bitter Sweet in a bit. - Is there like any sort of like, like Clipsos looking for anything else that's like written information?

Like, I don't know if there's like a guest book or something like along those lines, like just like anything else around here that might, before we start like wandering off into other areas of the house or opening rooms and stuff, was like, just like any other information, like that's noticeable in this area. - There is of the many shinies that kind of catch your eye because everything's so polished. Like they definitely use like a, like a beeswax or tongue oil on all of this wood. Like, oh man, that's a thing. Look it up. It's a thing. - I didn't know that was a thing.

That's very interesting. - Yeah. Like, yeah, bright, shiny, like catching the light and there's some polished suits of armor here that I know you guys see and haven't asked about and good on you. (laughing) - If we don't talk about the suits of armor, they won't come alive and start killing us. (laughing) - That's where you just ignore them. - You know what's crazy? They're not magic. There's just dudes in there. (laughing) - When does someone come over here? - Very patient. So you're gonna notice there's this, there's a table and there's a slight glow coming from something and it looks like, it's weird, it's like a little trinket.

And it's just sitting on this little end table here and it looks like it's like in the shape of a scroll, but doesn't open. It's like a metallic, maybe like a brass or something, very polished, but there is a faint magical aura that looks like lettering that you don't recognize kind of circling it almost. Just constantly. - Is it like a similar glow to the key? - Definitely in color, yeah. Like it's a slightly different vibe it's giving. Like just from the entrance way and looking at like decadence in the form of magic, you know what I mean? Like, okay, Tani has to literally cut herself to be able to do anything.

And like Fenris had to make a pact with something and like, you have to rock out pretty hard. So- (laughing) - These things are all the same. - All absolutely equal. So like, this is kind of, it's like, man, someone did all this, they weren't even trying anymore because they're dead. So like, man, this, wow. - Okay. - I guess Collipso's gonna pick up that scroll thing and if nothing happens, they'll probably just like- - It is immediately gonna start talking. - Okay. - Like immediately. But man, everyone's waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's just a little message that's recorded magically on this little thing.

- I think I'm not touching anything in this house 'cause he's too afraid to die right now. - Probably smart. - I should mention, Bittersweet has been eaten by a sandwich, like a literal sandwich has- - Thank you everyone, good night. Thank you very much, it's been fun. I'm gonna make my other character. - Collipso definitely jumps when this starts to talk. It's like, I think we're expecting maybe it like unfurls or something, but I feel like, I mean, it's not like we'd have like phones or anything. Like people like voice recordings are not commonplace.

- No, and this is so okay. That's the craziest thing is most people obviously just write things down and it's like, but this is so like, the amount of time and effort and study that had to go in to this glorified magical post-it system is such a waste of time and talent for most people. It's like what, you could have cured cancer, but no, I'm glad we got these stickies all over, like you did it. - I don't wanna turn people into dinosaurs. - Right, exactly, like it's like, yeah, I mean, that's cool. I feel like you could have been doing something else.

Like, you know, it's a really neat thing, but it's going to start talking to you. - Entry 92, I have sent everyone home as I am tired of looking at them. Thankfully, I've turned most of the lights off and I can polish the floor if it gets too dingy. For the most part, I'll be in my office from now on. - That's it, that's all it said. - Dagon, was that you? - That was so cool and I was not expecting that, oh my gosh. - Oh my gosh, we love a man with a soundboard. (laughing) - I have been waiting in this fucking mansion for you guys to show up for the stairs.

(laughing) - I'm so glad we made it. - I've been wanting to use it. - Thousands, no. (laughing) Like, yeah, no, it's like, you listen to it, it's like, that wasn't, like, why? Also entry 92, like, are there at least 92 of these? You start looking around for like... (laughing) - Entry eight, eggs, milk. (laughing) - I keep thinking these are recordings that you're playing and then I look over and you're talking. (laughing) - I'm just very prepared. (laughing) - Does everyone else kind of like is startled by this 'cause it's just like, what the fuck? - Yeah, I mean, we've never heard of anything like this before.

Sure, it's not common. - I would say even for Eladrin, this is like... - They would be curing cancer. - Right, like, okay, let's say you trained for years in a martial art, right? And like, you're not using it for self-defense. You're not even using it to beat people up. What you're doing is just like you're in line to the grocery store and just actively cartwheeling and fucking, you're like, ooh, like just doing this shit. It's like, guy, chill the fuck out. Like it's a little gauche, like we get it. We get it. But like, it's so, you couldn't write that down?

Like, or was it so like, maybe you just, you had it down to a science so much that it's like, was it just so easy for you? Like, magic doesn't come from nowhere. You have to channel it or make a deal for it. Or, you know, like it has to be attained. So like, like... - If this guy's supposed to be dead and it's all like still running, like what? - Right, it's like, how powerful were you? And if you were that powerful, like, first of all, why are you dead? Second of all, like, did you just hoard all this? Like a goddamn dragon? Like there's many questions. - He is a dragon.

- Oh, maybe he is the house. - No, no. - So is he actually dead though? Maybe he's living here. - That is a very, yeah, maybe you need someone from the bloodline for their blood. - So follow the house of lesser. - Get your bets now. Oh yeah. - I call not dead. - Somewhere in the house, he's like, guys keep calm. - He's not dead. (laughing) - So now we know why we're invasion, right? - Yeah, totally. - We're the invaders, oh my God. - I'm about to invade this kitchen is what's up. - Take us to the kitchen patrol. - So you're going to, so okay. This is not a clear shot to the kitchen because here's the thing about rich people's houses and I think I'm a pretty much an authority.

The places where things get made aren't anywhere near the places where rich people live. So that's in the back, that's for the plebes to worry about. - Yeah, you want to try going, they call it the downstairs. - Oh yeah. - I have watched lots of Downton Abbey. - Downton Abbey, yeah, Downton Abbey head here. - To the servants quarters. - Downton Abbey head. - So this is one of those things where like, you're gonna open a door and like walk down a hallway, just kind of like, I guess like it's. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just kind of like, is this a place that has food?

Nope, okay, shut. - With the same blind stumbling around that you would have in back alleys, like it's like, does this lead to anything? Like that kind of like feeling your way around, but it's just indoors and nice. - I think Dumpy is just kind of like, there's definitely a scent of something. 'Cause Dumpy's like, kind of like, like looking around, it's like, oh, okay. Like definitely like there's something. And you like, this is kind of lost on you 'cause you know. But like, he's definitely picking up, like he's almost pointing you in the way of his little snoop, just kind of like, like that way.

- So I, yeah, I pick him up off of my shoulder and put him on the ground and let Dumpy rat, let the rat gonna rat, you know? - Yeah. - Follow him wherever his little snoop goes. Rat GPS. (all laughing) - So this little guy is gonna take off and it's kind of difficult because like, there's a lot of push doors back where you are now, like swinging doors. So like, Dumpy will just kind of like, and just kind of like push his way through and slink on you. And you'll like open the door and follow him. He's already rounding the corner and like two or three rooms later.

- Dumpy's using that caboose. Big caboose pushing it. - A lot of, yeah, I'm backing up. - Yeah, it's like, that's where the strength comes from, that core, like you just gotta, you know. So like, boom, but you're actually going to physically hear him hit doors and it's like, boom. Like, it's just gonna like open a little bit and he's gonna slink through. Like two, three rooms later, you're gonna hit this gorgeous, huge kitchen. Like it's got the big island wood chop block counter thing going on, these marble flat surfaces everywhere. This beautiful, like there is like, like a big wood oven type of thing that is like eight burners.

And like, it is like gorgeous in here. You're also gonna find a fully stocked pantry with no expired food. There's even fresh bread. Like someone baked this bread. Like it is like, that's the thing. Dumpy is going to leap onto the counter and start like tunneling his way into bread. Like just from the interior outward, he's just going to like, it's like, here we go. Like it's so, it's like warm and toasty and he's going to like reverse and like his little head's gonna pop out and he's just gonna start eating around the little hole. He's got, he's in heaven.

- This is where the hungry caterpillar reference pops in. - There you go. (laughing) - So like- - It's all ties in. (laughing) - Like talking about like, like the yeast imagines us, like, okay, so like the cleaning stuff, like it and like the voice recording thing, everything seems like extravagant, but like this to me feels like it's on another level just because like creating like food and like creating energy, like sustenance that like goes back into this, like that's like, you know, like it's just like, it's hard to wrap your brain around. - So here's, okay, as an adventure, like you sign up for a lot of things, right?

There's, you know, endless dungeons from the old world and stuff and like traps are powered by magic and guarded and all that stuff. But like you kind of expect that cause it's like, yeah, someone put those as a deterrent to, you know what I mean? For whatever reason, could be an old cultist den, could be some piece of like godly artifact being protected. It could be, you know, you know, like you kind of get a group of people being highly protective over X, whatever X is. This is totally different because it's like, like this guy set up a magical version of what the overweight people in WALL-E did.

Like it's everything so like taken care of, like it's like, did he have to walk? Like who the fuck was this guy? Why is this still working is the big question, right? Like it's like, okay. - Yeah. - If like all of this guy's servants had magic, maybe that would make some kind of sense. But like, no one's here, this shouldn't work. - Something. - Excellent time for us to stop for the night while everything's still working. Recordings and. - Yeah, that's fair. - Oh, so cool. - Guys, we're the magic. - Yes. - It's so cool. I'm like, it's, there's already like so much interesting things going on that one's like.

- I am so excited. - This mystery is gonna be worth it. I absolutely promise you. There is something huge here for you guys to discover. - Yeah, I feel like there has to be just based on what we've seen already. Like what is happening? - I mean beyond that, like it's. - Oh my gosh. - Oh, there's something big. Something or someone is still powering this stuff. So what is the catch? - Well, he just, you know, solved the energy crisis and created a perpetual magic machine of some sort. And it's like, just didn't tell anyone else. - And like a way to like make recorder iPhone recordings.

- Yeah, just we, even, okay. Even if you go to Uminiro, they have like an intercom system, but it's powered by someone. Like it's like, this stuff is coming from somebody and there's hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of magic users in the city. Like this is odd, very odd. That combined with like you trying to take a peek beyond the curtain and it's like, hey, is there any magic? Like just like. (all laughing) - Yeah, I was trying to figure out whether I go for like the biggest peak or if I could find a way to, and this might say for later of being like comparing it to the power that my patron gives me to the power that's emanating, if it's like two different kinds of magic.

- That's interesting. - Do you like your overwhelming blinding light in UV or in sun directly into your eyeballs? What switch variation do you prefer? - Looking around this place, like who knows about the source, but your patron's definitely the type that's like, no, we have magic at home. Like you're getting. (all laughing) - You're not getting what this guy's got. Like you're getting a different like. (all laughing) - Mine's a possibility. It's like I get, what is it? I have possibility, but it's like, no, we have possibility at home. - Yeah, you get no frills.

Like that's, hey, Val, you look very sleepy.