Roll for Shinies

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

>> Pickaxe. >> You could spend the weekend doing the same old whatever, or you could conquer the weekend in the all new Hyundai Santa Fe. Visit HyundaiUSA.com for more details. Hyundai, there's joy in every journey. >> Is it time to change your approach and switch to AirSubra, Albuterol Budesonite? Now you can virtually connect with a doctor to discuss your options and see if it's time to make a change. If appropriate, you may even be able to get a prescription for AirSubra the same day. Talk to a doctor today and see if AirSubra is right for you. Visit AirSubraConnect.com to connect with a provider. >> Hey everyone, this is Ryan coming to you from my father's closet.

That's right. You didn't hear that wrong. I'm coming from the closet. But before we move on, go ahead, do all the normal stuff, like, subscribe, follow us on all the different social media platforms. We also go ahead and check out the Discord where we can go ahead and have a lot of fun conversations there. Also check out Patreon. There's a lot of good information, huge backlog of a bunch of good content there. And there's a lot of good, interesting kind of fun extra games coming out. One of them is with Bree as the DM. DM? DM. >> DM. >> I think. DM. Okay. DM.

That's what we're going with. So go check it out. >> Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master. And that's the signal to everybody in the house that we are actually recording a session tonight. Going around the table, starting with Xavier. >> Hi, I'm Xavier and I play Zozo, the edgelord dragonborn. >> At this point, like, tryhard edgelord. >> I had a vision just for a second, where after everything the last hour, it's like you have a nervous breakdown because you couldn't remember. It's like I'm the blood starts coming out of your nose and it's like, oh no.

And we have to rush you to. >> Hi guys, this is Mandy and I play Clover, the lucky red dragonborn. And did you know that Cervus canadensis, the elk also known as the wapiri, yes, is one of the largest species within the deer family. Wait, I didn't know elk were here. >> Everybody knows that. >> I thought they were their own thing. That's weird. Neat. I was gonna, I keep trying to come up with clever ways to label the Ryans and I'm like, bald Ryan and that's not helping. So Chicago Brian, I said Brian, I'm just gonna, now you're Brian. >> Okay. >> Why not? >> It's Ryan. >> Thank you very much for the introduction, Jamie.

Yeah, my name is Ryan and I'll be playing Elmo, the happy hammerborn. >> Class it Ryan. >> The boy you'll miss. >> I mean, you're not wrong. >> British. >> Yeah, hey, I'm Ryan. I play Criv, the guy that recently got his hearing back. >> Uh-oh. >> And some. There was, nevermind, it's dumb. >> It can't be worse than any of the things that we've done already. I mean, we spent an hour troubleshooting my mic and ended up going, well, if you just turn around and go into the closet, it works. >> Did it work? >> It works. >> Good job closet. >> Good job closet. >> I told you if he pinned the carpet up in the doorway behind him, he'd have a nice recording studio. >> Recording. >> He'd be like, you know. >> Well, I gotta go guys, bye. >> Bye.

Yep, yep, yep. So anyway, last time you guys met a couple of friendly travelers and they kind of splashed you down with some foul smelling liquid with their runaway carts. And as a recompense for that, they decided to, hey, you know what, let's take you up to Uminero, give you guys a ride because, you know, we feel really bad about that. Now, the driver, Oliver, was not too happy about this. But Serena, the lady doing 90% of the talking was pretty insistent that it's like, oh, this will be fine, we're gonna go. And you kind of found out that she's a little green when it comes to travel and meeting people and everything like that.

She probably sticks around Brightport quite a bit. But her family has business in Uminero and this might be an opportunity for her to kind of take the reins, do something new. So you guys camped outside of Aldmoor, you roughed it and she's just like ecstatic, right? Like just get into like a campfire and there's s'mores and like, oh man, we're not staying in a manor house and like, oh man. And she brewed this little potion of sorts for Criv. And she warned you beforehand. It's like, look, I'm not like I'm not an alchemist or an herbalist, really. We just kind of sell the stuff.

But I've picked up a couple of tricks, which is like the equivalent of saying it's like, yeah, I've seen Gordon Ramsay on TV. I can cook that. Like, you know, just trying to do stuff. So, hmm, poured some in your ears and you instantly got your hearing back. But essentially, you have super hearing like that you can't you can't you remember Daredevil, the movie like you know, so like that scene where Matt wakes up in the in the hospital as a kid and hears everything and like, you know, something like that a little bit. So I pick up right there, like she's kind of standing there waiting to see if there's like a reaction, like just just kind of like like you just taste test tested something.

It's like, well, can you hear me? So I think the first thing right before she says anything like his jaw is going to drop a little bit, his eyes are going to go wide and then she's going to speak and then he's going to like recoil. But at the same time, we're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And kind of like cover his ears and just keep the conversation going on like that. For now, to see if that does anything if that helps at all. So after that, he's just going to go in more of a softer kind of confused voice. I can hear but it's all very loud. Okay, yeah. Okay, she's gonna like lower her voice.

It's like, okay, hangover voice. All right, let's let's get down here. Okay, yeah. So I probably I probably added a little bit too much. A little bit too much room. So okay. I'll mark that down for next time. But honestly, this this should probably even out after a while. At this point, anything is better than nothing. And he's going to he's going to give her a really big hug. Oh. And again, probably not used to like, big physical shows, especially Dragonborn or pig like they're kind of like, yeah, it's not their fault, but they loom right? You know? So there's gonna be that like, oh, you're mad at me like that just for a second.

And it's like, Oh, she's it's Well, here's the rest of it. If you if for some reason those symptoms comes back at the symptoms come back and you need some more to just maybe a couple drops less in each ear. But other than that, it should be great. So yay, let's go tell your group the good news. Oh, yeah. So he's gonna immediately turn to walk or walk over to the group. He's gonna point over at Clover. For now, you need to be quiet. Like as your take your volume and half it. And I think as you had been coming over, she had been in the middle of demonstrating some knowledge to her cousin and when and at the top of her lungs, it's like, oh, if I keep doing this, the alc like come to me.

Oh, that'd be so cool. And then she'll she'll turn to into buddy. But what? Like, he doesn't know any other way to put it. Then just like, no, quiet. You know, it's right speaking like this. And I need you to speak like it's it's really rude for us to be doing that because he can't hear us. So we need to figure out we should be writing it down when he's around. Because he can't hear a thing. Oh, well, that has changed. I can hear you. It's just all very, very loud. You can hear us. That's amazing. And can jump on him. You act like what's the best way to put this?

Like an annoyed father that's been at a park for way too long with their kids. And he's just at this point, just the jungle gym. Yeah. So so from session one on with us. Yeah. Yeah. And so at one point, just kind of like, brings his arms in to kind of like brace for impact. She's like hugging him. And then he goes over and just pats and then points over to Olmo and goes, good job with getting here so far. And then points over to Zozo and goes, Good job. Just don't let it go to your head. We got good jobs. Zozo's just calculating his reply, just like I am. This changes nothing.

But thank you. But soon, one slip up. I'm coming for you. Just say the word. And then he'll sit and start eating. Like that's that's all the emotional conversation that he can have right now. All right. So anyway, Clover, so what noise do they make when they're scared? Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, that one is calling. So it might be more of like, and look over at Buddy. He has his spoon raised like he's getting ready to chuck it. I think she felt the fatherly stare of doom. It's like, oh, well, maybe I think they just die. Yeah. Oh, oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, no. That's okay. Yeah.

And then she'll go back and cuddle with Olmo and be like, I'm being good. I'm being good. I'm being good. You're being the best. Absolute best. So we we have to talk about something. If you if you guys recall, there was a travel day to get here and everything worked out pretty well. You all basically agreed that just rolling the smallest travel die in order to get here was the wisest decision. And then you tackle the the the next stretch when the time came. Well, this is the time where I ask you guys. How are you feeling about the next leg of the adventure?

Would it be better to just get it over with with a single roll and get to Uminero or would it be better to maybe break that up into increments with smaller risk, but more chances to run into, let's say, distractions? Well, as far as like, we can brainstorm this as a team soon, but Zozo is my place right now is that his his leadership got questioned by Olmo last time and now Kriv is putting on the pressure. So Zozo wants to get to Uminero as fast as possible to make sure that like his plan works out and no more distractions. Big die. Big d20. Oh, baby.

Here we go. I've honestly said before, if you give me the dice as Clover, I'm going to always roll a d20. 20 would get you there. Good. If you got fingers cross them. Well, I mean, everyone, everyone, Kriv is back like you can have a leader, a leader input on this. No, no, you're in charge. I'm not crossing anything. This is to see when you mess up. That's what was in the contract. But what if you knock it out of the park? What if you just grand slam this? So, OK, I do need to know. Ryan, please. I was just going to say, if you knock it out of the park, it means we make it to Uminero safely.

It's a win win for for my friend. So let me explain the stakes here to everybody. If this is your first episode. Hello. Hope you smash that subscribe button. Blibbity blobbity blue. Yeah. So what we do is obviously parties got to get some place. They got to travel. And what we do is we have a scaling system for danger. Essentially, D4 is about eight hours of travel. And if you mess that up, whatever, like, you know, it might start raining and it's really soggy and you don't like it. If if it goes well, being you roll a three or four on a D4, then something good happens, like a little a little break in temperature or, you know, your food stretches a little further.

Something like that. The higher up you go, the bigger the risks there are and the further you go with your with your travel. A D20 is as far as you can basically go, and it's the greatest amount of risk, obviously. So a one on a D20 is something catastrophic. A 20 on a D20. And basically it's a coke fueled orgy all the way to Uminero. So we're going to have to role play that. I can't confirm that, but I can confirm the one. It's bad. Well, another thing is and this is for everyone listening, we're going to be showing some stats on screen. What we've been doing is we've been going back and keeping track of every single die roll in arc five.

And what will probably show is the odds of it being a one versus a 20. And I'm no statistician, but I think if I were a betting man, I'd say so far. The dreaded one has reared its head more times than once, and we don't need to label who rolled that many ones. Wait, wait, wait a minute. I need a little bit more clarity with with that. Is it are you keeping track of the die rolled? And the person that rolled it? Yes. I want that data. Just I just I want to know how bad I actually am versus what's in my head. OK, better you don't see them if you're looking for confirmation bias.

So I want to see what percentile of luck I am within the cast. And we thought that would be just wonderful data to show off. And honestly, you were the person who inspired that, because this is like this is like what your fourth arc with us solid like you you join partway like it's you've been here for a long, long time is my point. And. I have some great luck. Yeah, you've you've got a reputation. So, yeah, we'll flash those on the screen, discuss it in chat if you'd like. If you're an audio listener, don't worry. We haven't forget about you. We're going to be working on getting all of that data week to week updated as teams play on our website.

Nice. It's pretty good. That's not like button smash, smash it. We're not going to just have it like as a little audio overlay over it. That is the 40th one that has been rolled in this campaign. We'll have an achievement. Yes. So how many days to many euro is it approximately? So by cart heading on up the heading on up the coast here. It's a little over a week because it is rocky terrain. It's slow. It's kind of dangerous. And, you know. Yeah, but about a week. Oh, man. Yeah, we have civilians with us. Oh, no. Well, I mean. And a D12 would get us what, four or five days?

A D12 would get you most of the way there, like three quarters of the way there. Oh. Let me just do a D12. I'm a coward. What? Big coward. Here's the thing, though. If if you roll low on a D12, it's still going to suck. Like there's not a crazy amount of difference between a D12 and a D20. Basically, you're ripping the bandaid off now that you're putting it that way. Might as well go all the way. S14 on a D20. That's very nice. OK, here it is. Oh, well, you should reroll it then. Let's go. No, it's working. See all that all that build up. Doesn't that feel great?

Doesn't that feel good? Feel good. What a good leader. And it'll let me know how that feels. Xavier. Oh, no. Feels ite. Feels ite. I think I think we need to give Ryan a chance. No, to take a big old swing to get. We got to get Ryan his groove back. That's that's when I'm the leader. I don't think I've ever had a dice groove. Just let that let that build up. Like let it build up. This works. That's not do it. I mean, wait for it. Even when you're a leader, leaders can delegate. Yeah, that's true. That is true. And you can fire people. It's true. Fire people. No. Next morning, you guys are.

God. So next morning, you guys are packing up camp and and Serena is just super chipper, because like, even though it's like, Oh, my neck is so stiff. This is neat. Like, it's just like everything. It's all new, right? It's all like it's like your first cross country trip. It's like, this is miserable. I love it. Like, you know, your third or fourth time through our great nation, and it's not as whimsical. Oh, we might be doing that again. Okay, so the one more time. One more. One more. So is there anything you guys would like to accomplish before leaving the Aldmore area or something you'd like to shoot for on your way up the coast before we get to the great city of Vominero?

Yeah, Zosa would definitely chat with Serena and ask her. So you mentioned that you were curious about these implements or not implements, but these investments I found. Can you really help me figure out how they work? I mean, I'd be happy to give it a shot again. Our family usually doesn't trade in weaponry, and she's kind of got a question mark in the end of that because it's like they look like weapons, but there's definitely tons of magic coursing through them. I can tell you that much. But what have you done with them so far? Nothing. I haven't had a chance to use them or my own powers for that matter.

Nobody knows how good I am. Well, that's our first test. We have to somewhere along the way, we'll do some target practice or something. See what they can do. All right. Well, yeah, let's say that was the first night. So he's like, all right, then get to bed. We'll leave early tomorrow. So the wagon's all packed. Oliver finds you guys out here. He's just pissed. Like there is a terse conversation in the morning because she kind of ditched Oliver to go. It's like, hurry up before. Like she kind of thinks of it as whimsical. And at a certain point, let's see. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, I'm going to roll a d4.

Sure. He's going to pull one of you aside because like. I think we need to get the rules of the road down. OK, so this is Zosa. Worst case scenario. Good choice. Good choice. Yeah. As he's he's kind of like you could tell he had a conversation with Serena. Serena is kind of like a little hang dog expression a little bit. And again, she's a grown woman. But you can tell that this person is very close to maybe like almost like a like a traveling like fatherly figure type of thing. He's he's he's like a middle aged dude. And Oliver's like packing things up, but like aggressively, like like bedroll and like he's just like packing things onto the cart.

And when he's done putting the last of it on there, he's going to point Zosa at it. Like, can I talk to you for a second? Like very just like to clutch teeth type of thing. Yeah, what do you want? It looks like we're going to be traveling together for a while, so I need. To get some straight with you. I'm responsible. For that young lady safety, and there are people who. Are not huge fans. Of her family. So. If we could just not go out of the way to try and get her murdered, I would really appreciate that. Maybe no camping in the woods, maybe, you know, just just just stick to ends at the very least, OK?

Yeah, that seems like a reasonable request, but no, don't worry, nothing. Nothing's going to happen to you if you stick with us. Long balls, I think he would. He's just like. No, not worth it, not worth not worth picking this fight. It's fine. Let's just get to Ominier. OK, we got a long ride. Let's just go. All right. He just just hops on the cart as he was before. All right, Oliver, get us there. Let's let's let's jump in about three days, three days of travel. And there is a wonderful. Opportunity at target practice. Remember how I said that. Some hired goons used to patrol this area a while back.

They were posted, probably posted up for a couple of weeks. But what they did was they made this makeshift little camp, and there's a bunch of these straw guys, kind of like almost. Yeah, like almost like scarecrows. Like you remember when Hercules was training and Danny DeVito was cheering him on and like, you know what I mean? Like that. So this little Danny DeVito Seder is going to come out and greet you. I don't mind. I would. Yes. And Danny DeVito. Yes. So, you know, while you guys are stopped, she's like, OK, let's dust these things off. Let's let's let's see what they can do.

You just making sure there's no one in the camp. The camp is really empty. No, this thing's deserted. Like you could. OK, cool. In here for a while. It's not like there's a live person in the exact shape of a scarecrow or something. I wouldn't. Oh, cool. But I mean, like, it's OK with property damage, but even more so when there's no repercussion after like, you know, nobody's going to come after me. Yeah, OK, let's do it. Oh, boy. Oh, I've been meaning to use these for a little while now. Uh, I don't even know where to begin. So she's got like she's going to do this little clap and like kind of rub her hands together.

It's like, OK, so where did you find these? In a chest that was halfway buried in some mud mud hole. We we we took it out, opened it. It fell off. Finders keepers, you know. Did it come with any instructions, anything? Any any hint? Oh, yeah, it did. I'm grave. What do you want? You still have that letter. The half gibberish one. Yeah, that one. Yeah, I do. Yeah, give it to me. Give it to me. What do you want with it? I'm just going to show it to Serena and you haven't figured it out. Maybe she will. He just bypasses those and hands it directly to Serena. She's excited to get this thing like she's trying to ignore the obvious tension.

Um, just like I think everything she needed to learn about you two in terms of how you get along was it was in the first day, you know, when you got your hearing back. It's it's not like in this great news. It's like this tense, like everyone's just squinty eyed staring at each other type of thing. Good. I don't have the right anymore. So she's she's going to take a look at this. And it's well, this is super helpful for instructions. It looks more like a almost like a coded receipt. Maybe it's really weird. I don't I don't know why a receipt would be in code, but anyway, just OK, do me a favor.

Put your hands up like like this, like you like your fingertips towards me. Oh, perfect. I don't usually cast my magic like that, but OK. No, this is we need to. And she's going to like she realizes you're pointing these weapons directly at her. It's like, OK, so like start to guide you toward these. These. So, OK, I, you know, I need you to focus on these things. The way it looks is you're going to be focusing your power through these like a like a wand or a rod. It's an implement, but these have been augmented with with with a lot of ground up gems, it looks like.

But OK, so concentrate and aim at one of the scarecrows. Let's see what happens. OK. He thinks back about when he first put them on and he goes. It keeps building up, but I will not break everybody's headphones. I need that to be the next half hour and we're just going to just get on. Can I get an attack roll? A what? An attack roll? An attack roll, please. Can do that. But this is where we go in the sheet. I guess that would be like the magic attack, right? Yeah. I don't even know where to look at. I'm just going to roll a d20. OK, that's a four. So it's pretty it's pretty so even with a modifier, it's like a like an eight.

So this is can I get a D6, please? Yes. OK, so as as you're like focusing on this. These two these these two gauntlets go down to about elbow level, and then they're kind of bound with these leather straps that join at your back. Right. So it's this kind of a slightly bulky apparatus, but there is it's almost like a crank that joins the two straps on the back. And that thing is going to start to glow as you charge and then dissipate into the two gauntlets. And this shockwave of air is going to blow clean out of them, and it's going to knock down a tree far left of the scarecrow, like.

But it's a it's a pretty solid like oak tree like this thing, like the pretty, pretty decent accomplishment. Aim way off, but power. You're there. Yeah, so so says nailed it. All right, let's go again. You see Crave right next to him, he just kind of looks down and disappointment. As soon as he was like, nailed it, it's like, oh. OK, let's do this. Um, so she's going to. She she goes over one of the scarecrows and they're all kind of like outfitted the same. They all got like, you know, just kind of like cloth wrapping them together, kind of vaguely human shaped.

And she's going to take her hat off and put it on top of one of one of the scarecrows. Is like, OK, aim for the floppy hat. Wait, is that your hat? It's my only hat. What? And then he looks over at the tree and points at it real quick. That's how you wind up with no hat. I could buy a new hat once we get the city. It'll be worth it if we find out what these things can do. OK. Honestly, it feels like the maybe the sights are off on them because. Zosos already said he's he's really good at casting magic, so it must just be like you got to break them in. How about motivation?

And he pulls out that notebook that they all got that they thought made me longer. And he writes on a piece of paper that one jerk that you really hate. And then he like kind of like folds it into like the shirt of it so that it's like facing outwards. And he nods, feeling very proud of himself, and then he runs out of the way. All right, that'll do. OK, so he goes back into his stance. He's like, all right, this say goodbye to your hat, Serena. And he goes, right. The six. Same thing. So all right, let's let's try this. Cribs going to go over, stand right in front of Zozo and like do a little pop like on your your cheeks, just like wake up and then gets really close to like we're almost like touching nose to nose.

Hit me. And then he takes a step back and he stands right where the scarecrow is. So, OK. This time it's going to go far, right? Another like it's it's it's almost like this, like a horizontal tornado, right? Like a real Beyblade, let it rip, fucking like. And again, way right. And there there is a pile of rocks that is just going to get slammed with it. And it's not quite enough to like knock over this big pile of rocks, kind of, you know, but you are going to like they're going to shift. And like, I think there's like a second where everyone's like. And then like it's like, OK, OK, OK, so we've done far right and far left.

And far left, I think we're we pretty much got these calibrated and and then you then you do the thing where you stand and she's going to go over. I don't I don't think that this is a good idea. Like what if he hits you? Well, then he'll actually accomplish something. But we don't I don't what if it's not just wind like what we don't know what these things do. It's been wind twice, right? It blew up a tree. And she's going to be technically knocked over a tree. I killed it. Um, well, don't worry, Serena. Don't worry. Anybody. Kriva's not going to get hurt. I don't take orders from him.

We've lost enough time here. I know how these work now. We can keep moving. She's like, are are you sure? Because I mean, I don't want you to hit Kriv, but like, I feel like. Sure, I got I got this when I kick Kriva's ass is going to be with my own powers. I don't need these. Kriv's not going to say anything, he's just going to be like, mm hmm. And Kova is going to like just decide to tell me, I don't know. He's kind of small. But this go well. Oh, well, I mean. It didn't go well for the tree. That's about where I'm at. That's fair. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Hey, are we out of apples?

I want to toss them to Roger. Oh, man. I oh. I think I tossed all of them, like on the second day, because I really wanted to show Serena and I throw it at her and she ran. So I had to give the rest to Roger because she kept staying away from me when I had kept holding them. Didn't we tell her she needed to crunch it? I know, right? I thought that was kind of apparent with the name. Yeah. We'll teach her next time. Yeah, we'll get more apples when we get there. Yeah. We're going to go ahead and skip in two more days. And up ahead, you're going to see the first set of people that you've probably encountered since leaving Altmore.

Not a ton of travelers up this way. And can I get a perception check from everybody in the party, please? Mm hmm. Good. Good. Zozo. Yeah. So I'm going to tell you what you see up ahead. There are two carts parked side by side. One of them is clearly broken. And it looks like there are two groups circled around the broken wagon. Nearest you could tell, these two groups are traveling together, and they ran into a little bit of an Oregon Trail situation. They look not not poor, but not well off, right? They're probably living, you know, living week to week type of thing.

And in one of the carts, there are tons and tons of books, right? Piled all the way to the back up to the ceiling of this wagon. And the wagon itself is weighed down so that the back of it is very heavy. Almost looks like some sort of drag cart. And the other one is full of shiny silver looking like metallic weapons, armor, something like that. But the curtain is kind of drawn to the close. But as you guys are riding, the lights kind of catching stuff in there. Are we still waiting like ways ahead of them? Or I mean, like, are they still ahead of us or are we passing by them?

No, they're ahead of you. It looks like you're rounding. It looks like you're rounding a corner and you just kind of see them come into view. And it's like, oh, so, you know, they're near like this big rock, and they've clearly taken some time to like, fix, you know, fix their wagon wheel, like get stuff together. I will say they don't look dangerous or anything. It doesn't look like a group of bandits setting a trap. It mostly just looks like it's like, oh, that sucks. And, you know, you see that they do have help and everything. And, yeah, I didn't know if you want to do anything before you rode up to that.

Yeah, I'm just knocking down on the door and say like, oh, no, maybe you're going to have to fix another cart wheel. Oh, all right. I'll make sure I've got everything together. Thanks for letting me know. OK, I don't know if I don't know if we have time for this, though. If you do, make sure you get something back from them. It worked out really. Thanks, Serena. It worked out really good for us. Maybe we can have something else that helps us like this. No. Yeah, sounds good. Yeah. Oliver is kind of it kind of leans over. It's like we're not stopping for them.

We don't we don't know them. They look fine. And of course, as you get ready and in your past big old burly group. Well, not all of you, but you know, there's a couple of burly dragonborn. One of the one of the gnomes in the crew, it's like, hey, sorry, don't want to buy. Do you have a second? We could kind of use a big strapping man like yourself, kind of pointing to all. Yeah, we got one minute. Oh, no. Yeah. Here you go. Do your thing. Yeah, sure. All right. We're in a bit of a bind. We're trying to get to boom and yarrow, but we can we can we can pay you. Just just just a second.

We just need you to lift the cart up so we can shimmy this new wheel on. Oh, I love money. Yeah, sure. Well, yeah, well, and like he kind of hesitates. Uh, yeah, we'll talk and then direct you over to the cart. Oliver, by the way, is a kind of like just it's like we don't know these people. They could be assassins. We don't know. But in a little Oliver, they're going to the place and we can be friends. So what happened to your wheel? Ah, well, it was a snake, wasn't it? No, no, we swerved because to to no tortoise, actually. And I didn't want to I didn't want to hit that.

You ever run over a tortoise with it? Just it's it's nasty. But we we we avoided the tortoise and hit a rock and now a new wheel. So we've been trying to lift this thing for a few hours and we get it almost up and it just it's too much. So thank you so much. If you can just lift it up for just a second real quick. Where's the tortoise at? But well, I don't know. This was a few hours ago. I think it crossed this. I mean, it probably got out of the way. Did you see a tortoise? I never know. No, I didn't. Which way that would have been heading that way or that way?

Well, it across the the dirt road there. Oh. So, you know, we got to do. Yeah, we got to decide. We got to decide what what skill Clover is. Yes. We definitely adapt that today. Uh huh. I think I think Ryan won that. I did. He did. And I put a lot of thought into what might be very useful and how we could really work this to our advantage and absolutely just just milk the tea to D&D to get the frothiest drink that we could get out of this. Eww. The good stuff is you shake the tea really hard. Real hard. It's nice and frothy. Yeah, it gets thick. You want a thick.

Very thick. Absolutely. You want a thick D like a like it comes out nice. And you didn't have to go there. Here we are. Yeah. As opposed to scam or two percent. I know what you mean. Yeah, sure. Yeah, no. So and anyway, what I said, what we're talking about again. Oh yeah. And anyway, what we're talking about, the frothy milk and what I settled on was something that absolutely was not nearly useful enough theoretically. And that's a very in maritime law. Excellent. So. Think. I feel like that's lower based, like you're like now you're just like like you're like you're a legal professor, like you studied like either that or like history, something like that.

So I'll let you pick. Ooh, legal stuff. So let's tie that to let's tie that to lore so you can cite precedents. You can get like you just know, but it's all in regards to like trials and like all kinds of stuff. And you just wake up with that knowledge. Like you're just like, oh, man, this reminds me of the civil suit between like you're just boom. So like the second the second thing, it's like, you know, you could sue that tortoise. Like it's just like right there. Punitive damages. That's what you're going to get from that tortoise. So could you give me an athletics check, by the way, to lift up the side of the cart?

Yeah, sure. Do you have any boxes that we could kind of wedge under once you get it high enough so you can get it on there? Well, I got got a couple of apple crates. Our jack broke. So apples. Hold on. Let me see if I can get this up. You said athletics, right? Yes. All right. Here we go. Oh, hell yes. Christ. Twenty two. So you're just going to flip this thing over like a big tire like, you know. Oh, man, I did that with pancakes, too. You're going to you're going to lift this up and they're going to do their work really quick. Thank you so much. You saved us hours, hours of work.

And it's not like Jack was going to help us again after we really he pulled something. So, yeah, I hate it when you try to get up your cart, the jack doesn't work. So payment, we did say, here's here's the thing. We're traveling to Uminero. We're collectors of sorts. But well, we're looking to kind of start fresh. And we have all these, you know, really interesting pieces, but not all. We're not we're not very liquid right now. OK. It's money. So what we could do is we can offer you. We could just package up a few different things and you pick one of them.

And I guarantee you that any one of these is just worth their weight in gold. They're all unique, interesting items. They have a rich history and and most of them do. Stuff like rumored to do things. I'm sold. Do you have any hammers? Yeah, well. OK, hold on. And he's he's going to he's going to dig in the thing for a while and. Oh, and can we have some apples? Because you have apple cart or apple boxes. We could use some apples too. Well, we have the boxes. We don't have any apples. Another opportunity. So. It's going to dig around for a while. And it's going to he's going to they have this little portable table here, this little like.

You can tell they miss a lot. Think think the beginning of a Latin, right? Like you're looking at tons of crap. Or like the little shop from from gremlins that that Chinese dude had, like just it's it's just littered with old dusty crap. It's like, oh, this once belonged to like all these have an interesting story or like, oh, this this this is a lucky dragon's foot, like something like that. Probably wouldn't do that to you guys. Yes. He turns back to Clover and says, did you see how that table unfolded? That was so cool. Should I ask for the table? Yeah, take the table.

I mean, I kind of want it. Do you think? Yeah. Like sleep on it? No, no, it doesn't look the table like what maybe the table is your magical. But all of that, let's wait to see what they show us. OK, OK. I kind of wish we still had apples, though. Yeah, me too. They did fit their own. So. This little gnome is going to place three items and with a lot of care to like. A lot of this stuff is kind of flopping around in boxes and crates and stuff in the back. Like that's the that's that when he opens the curtain, like it's going to catch the light. And a lot of this is just like it's like, oh, God, like gaudy, like serving trays and stuff like that that have been just worn down over time.

So some of it has a shine. Some of it is just like a lot of petite like kind of crusty and it's going to pull out a few things. And one is. It looks like a magic lamp. He's going to set it down on on the thing. And the second item he's going to pull out is this gnarled little like hand and kind of set it down. And then the third item is it looks like almost like a like a big music box type of thing. And he's going to set the three items down right there. It's like, here you go again. Can't thank you enough. We're selling these for hundreds of gold up in the arrow that.

Oh, wow. Pretty discerning folks up there. But again, you can have any one of these. OK, so we have what looks like an old lamp. That grody thing that grody hand, which I'm sure is great, but you and and a music box. That's what is it? Can I see what can I see? Oh, absolutely. So, OK. We could start with the box. So hexagonal looking thing and see if he if he's going to pick it up. It's almost like like like a tin of Danish cookies, like just kind of like trying to wrestle the lid off, just like he's going to he's going to pop this off. And what it looks like is like a like an old tiny ship compass type of thing.

But the thing in the center is an eyeball. Oh, perfectly spherical. Jason. Don't die. You're going to make it? Yes. Sorry about that. I like for some reason I could not clear my throat. So there's there's an eyeball perfectly spherical. And it's going to start looking around at everybody, and each time it looks at somebody, the people is going to change color. And he's going to put the lid back on. Oh, God, put the lid on it. Put the lid on it. Whoa. OK. Very, very interesting piece. So what this does is it sort of reads the the energy of a person and it kind of gives you a good idea of what they're like through colors.

There's a whole chart at the bottom of this thing. More than that, though, if you if you really concentrate on it, it'll point in the direction of the thing you most desire. I I'm interested in that one. Well, hold on. Let's see what the other ones do real quick. So this one and he's going to pick up the little like hand. This is a blessed cobalt. Paul and it gives you well, most of this is an embellished story, but it's a really interesting piece. So travelers used to kill cobalt by the stack because they would they would run out of villages and they would attack.

They would attack travelers and like little nuisances, really. By the stack? I did well, cobalt did anything in stacks. That's really weird. No, no, no. They their dead bodies would be placed in stacks and stacks were worth used to get it. They'd say, give me give me five gold per cobalt stack. And so they that's back when gold had pictures of bumblebees on. So, yeah, yeah. Those times are done, but a couple of witches used to actually enchant cobalt poles. And it's rumored that most of them were just like little lucky trinkets, but a couple of them would grant wishes.

And it's said that this is one of those Paul's, not just the one that would grant luck, but you know, that four wishes. Once the wishes are all used up, though, it's it's it's pretty it's just a hand then. But still excellent conversation piece. You put this on your little coffee table, you have guests over. Trust me, you are having a conversation about this. Yeah. All right. And then there was the this this thing here, too. No, it's just a genie's lamp. So this is supposed to house the interdimensional cosmic being able to travel through realities, see all worlds all the time.

And yeah, it's originally the story goes that this thing is able to sort of communicate possible futures about past selves and yourself and in the it's a whole complicated mess. But basically, if you use up wishes, it can alter your course and and kind of change your change your future or very near future. OK. All right. This is the bulk of instructions with this. But I got to be honest, I never get past page like 68. Oh, wait, that's a lot of pages. Oh, that's like a third of the way through. But you have the instructions. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's yeah. Very cool.

I was I was worried for a second we were going to get a greatest American hero situation. A what now? Oh, sorry, that was out of character. Hold on. Uh, great. Is that the one with the kid with the spray cans and he could fly? No, that was my secret identity. Greatest American heroes. Believe it or not, I'm walking on air. I love that tune. OK, yeah, no, I know you're talking about now. I'm I'm back with you. So stupid. Fuck you. Anyone not born before 1990, I guess. I don't even know. Yeah, yeah. You're from Canada. It doesn't count. Um, that's probably. Yeah. All right.

Hold on. Let me let me check with everyone else because, wow, this is a lot. Are you sure you don't just have a bunch of apples? I'm pretty sure apples. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, you can. So we did have golden apples, but they're not I mean, you can eat them, but they were so those were kind of one use items and they were supposed to grant like some sort of incredible strength. But one of our interns ate them and and then ran off. Was it delicious? Golden delicious. Yeah. Motherfucker. That's my line. There it is. Well, you did the heavy lifting. You can treat yourself.

Okay. I don't care about these. Okay. So there's the genie lamp, which has a big manual. The creepy wish hand and the eyeball that will help you find something that you want. Apparently, it's also a vibe checker. The vibe checker. It's like a mood eyeball. Yeah. Let's see. I want the eyeball, actually. It was kind of weirded me out how it was kind of looking at everyone at first, but like it was a really big eyeball and that was kind of cool. And you know what? Next time I want to like go see where Bottomless Joy is playing, I bet it could look in that direction.

And we'd have the best staring contest ever. It would be so fun. Oh, now I have to have it. Okay. So if you are taking the eyeball, I do have legally I have to tell you because of an incident that happened at Donhurst, I am legally obligated to tell you that this story of the story behind it is that this is the eyeball of some great demon and that it is constantly trying to reunite the eyeball with its body and will betray you eventually. But it doesn't say that it's going to try and betray you out of the box. You know, I mean, it's probably going to get to know you first, but it will betray you eventually.

Okay. Sorry. New question. Do each of these items have a caveat like that? Well, not they're not all demonic, if that's what you mean. No, no, absolutely. No, no. I mean, do they each have a caveat? Like a thing like now I'm legally obligated to tell you because you're taking it. Is this a clever way of foisting off cursed items on people where it's like, oh, and here's your reward, but you get to choose it. And then I grab it and run off and you're like, that's the only way I could get rid of this curse thing because I'm Alma, when did you get this clever?

You're asking me if I came into possession of all of these items that just happened to be cursed and the only way that I can get rid of them is to trick passers by into taking them off of my hands through a simple good deed. Yeah. No. See, now let's reunite that eye with its body. Just kidding. However, the other two items are mildly cursed. Yes, but different, completely different curse. If that makes you feel that completely different. Let's scale this back a little bit. And it was a really good presentation and I'm actually like your shellsmanship is impeccable.

But I have one more in about the curses. No, actually, I was just hoping that maybe we could just what do you have that's not cursed? That wagon wheel you put on was pretty that's pretty much just a wagon wheel. So all of these items that you've got in the back of this, they're all everything you got back here is that's all cursed. Cursed is I mean, some of them are just mildly unlucky. I wouldn't call them cursed. Cursed is like a big scary word. Right. So okay. You remember I told you about Jack? I do. Yeah. Where he pulled the thing when he was helping with the wheel last time.

Oh, you know what? That had happened twice probably. You know what? I bet the wagon wheel is cursed now that I think about it. No, no, the wagon wheel is fine. It's Jack that got cursed. See, so, okay. He sort of stole some jewelry and it turned the bottom half of them into fleshless skeleton monster type of thing. So he's really bad at lifting with his legs right now. Yeah, that'll happen. Just yeah. So femur, you know, we thought that it was just a cosmetic change, but no, no, he really is not. Those legs aren't low. There's like no cartilage in his knees.

It's gross. How about do you have like a gold, like one uncursed gold coin and we'll call it a day. We're going to need that. We're going to need that. All right. Yeah. Elmo. Yeah. Uh huh. As your leader, I have to tell you that you should trust your instincts and never doubt yourself. You chose that item. It might have chosen you. I sometimes, you know, a demon in your control might be a very powerful tool. You might, in fact, be extremely lucky. Here's the thing. I feel like I lost you after a demon. Oh, yeah. I feel like. Oh, 100%. Yeah. That's okay. Well, again, not all these items are demonically cursed.

Some of them are just complicated. Like the genie thing. You just got to get to know his name is Cosmentor. So if you get to know Cosmentor, Cos, he'll get along with it. I would read that manual cover to cover because he likes to throw riddles and tricks and he hold hell up. Yeah. The little the cobalt Paul is. So like, okay, if you want statistics. Three to four times, you're going to get something really cool with the Paul. Oh, there are four wishes. Huh? Don't read too much into that. That's that's an out of the air statistic. Oh, okay. The five checkers pretty nice, though.

You kind of have to trust the demon. What what is can I see if I could what language is the is the what was the genie's name? Cosmentor Cos, Cos, Cos, Mentor. What language is his book in? But it's common. I have other versions, though, I think. Hold on. I think I have Abyssal and Dwarven if those help. Well, I think I'm pretty sure. That comments fine. Can I can I see if I can even understand the book? Honestly, you know what? I'm traveling with smart people right now. I bet they can help me figure it out. You know what? I'm going to I'm going to see if I can be friends with Cosmentor.

All right. So just you go ahead and take it off the table there and I'll get the book. And there you go. But I have to choose to pick it up off the table. Boy, that feels weird. I look I I just didn't. But we just shined it. I don't want to get it all like I I've been traveling on the road, so I've got, you know, I got schmutz on my hand. I didn't want to get it dirty. Oh, yes. All right. Hi, Cosmentor. You're going to be traveling with us now. And I hope it's OK if I pick you up. And I don't even know if you can hear me, but it's a pleasure to meet you. That over there is my cousin, Clover.

And Clover is the best. You're going to love her. And that's that's Roger. He might try to eat your lamp. Just just just tell him no. And he'll listen because he's a good boy. And over here is Zozo. He's our leader. And and over there is Criv, who was our leader, but then he went deaf. So he wasn't leader. But now he can hear again. But he's still not leader. And I'm I'm interested in seeing how that turns out, but we're not there yet. But anyway, hi, you're with us now. And he reaches down and he picks him up. The lamp. This little man was going to go ahead and get you that book.

Big, thick tome. So this is a little scary, but don't don't don't don't get too frightened. So first, like 200 pages or so. That's common. If you start going into abyssal, then you've gone too far. It's just repeats. So, you know, it's really not that thick. I don't think I've ever held a book this thick. Wow. All right. Thank you. Oh, cool. I usually just set the note. I that explains the marks on it. I thought those were ruins, but those are OK. Yeah. That was a spider. All right. And he takes the book and he takes the lamp and. Guessful hands. Good luck again. Thank you so much for for helping us with the wagon wheel.

It really did help us out. And well, well, if you're going up to human error, we should probably see you in a few days. Yeah. Aren't you going now? I was thinking we could all write together, make an impression. I think we could help each other out. Well, we kind of got to check in on Jack here and see if there's something we can do. And we were kind of probably going to take it. We're going to travel slower than you, too. We got a bunch of stuff. It's fine. Serena, Serena, there's a skeleton guy. Can you fix him like you fixed your that you're for our body?

Same thing, right? I. That is way above her pay grade, like it's like, oh, you can't hear. I think I could. There's no amount of herbs she's going to mix together that's going to give flesh back. Right. So it's just like it's like I kind of put on the spot. It's like, oh, that. Also, Roger's been trying to eat her floppy hat for the entire ride. It's like kind of like dangling in the breeze. And every once in a while, like she's got to like lean over a little bit because Roger was just kind of like, grab and pull this way. He likes her. A couple more days are going to go on by.

And you. Are going to get to the gates of Uminiero. There is a large pedestal and several big old chests sitting out in front here. And there's a notice that any weaponry, anything that you have that could could be misconstrued as a weapon should be taken off of your person, put in these chests, and everything will be returned to you when you leave. That seems fair. And he doesn't try to be coy about it. He takes off the arm like the bracers and like his two daggers at his belt. And that's like all he has, has weapons, tosses them in the chest. I heard they do this.

Just just do it. Oliver is going to take out this long pipe. That's kind of flared at the end. And he's going to set that in the chest and Serena is going to take off her hat and put it in the chest. And then with that, I think everyone's good to go and we can enter Uminiero. I think that's a good time for us to stop for the evening, just because I know just because we have a ton of stuff to get to. Yeah, the next bit is going to be weighty, let's say. However, we're going to do something short and sweet tonight. OK. How much have you listened to the other groups?

I'm only one episode behind. OK. OK, so you remember how I said we were we're doing stats. I want you to take a guess at which group has the most 20s rolled, the most critical the most critical die. And furthermore, I want you to guess which player in that group has the most. Which group has Val? Just think about it. Which group has Val? And I want you to each of you I want each of you to take a guess. And what we're going to do is we're going to reveal this live in stream. And we're going to we're going to see them. OK. Wait, so we don't get to know until then.

Yeah, got it. You got to show up to the stream. Do we guess out loud now or do we? Yes, I would like to go around the table. The the cool thing is, should you guess right? Should you guess right? The group is going to get two level ups. The person who guessed right gets three level ups. If none of you guess right, we're going to level you up one time because that much time on the road, you've earned a level up. All right. We haven't even found anything yet. Don't argue against stuff. I can. No, I can. Like if you want to like earn that through combat, we can.

Oh, just yeah, I'm just like, oh, happy. I'm happy, Jason. Don't take my happiness. Dozo earned it for us by hitting trees and rocks. Sure. Oh yeah. That's where we're really old trees and rocks like those. Recall this level of the cost mentor bump. How about we start with Xavier? I want to say group would be Raven. And the person. I would say Alex also on the Raven. A closet, Ryan. Well, so I haven't seen anything, so I'm going 100% blind. I'm going to go with my buddy, James and invasion. Ryan, not in a closet right now. Should I get into a closet first or that I'd have to.

The session, I think, like, all right, you can. Oh, all right. So us and Ravens were the groups that have played the most with invasion and forsake. And each have only a couple episodes out that is thinking it through. Most of the other groups have at least had a fight so far with Ravens having the bully Maguire bad role stance pop up a bunch of times, but I didn't see any 20 pop up. What I'm going to go with, and I might remember this wrong, but we'll see how it goes with forsaken. What we've seen is Jamison has kind of had the most screen time and had the most things he's had to do roles for.

And I think I remember him when I listened again to the last session. No, wait, that wasn't him that rolled the 20. That was someone else that will get 20. Who's overthinking it? Good. As there was an apology and a desire to pick it up. And you know what? I'm going to stick with my instincts. I'm going to go with James. All right. And Mandy. OK. Got answers Val, but I think that's too easy. I have a feeling she saves it to kill the cuss on the side things. So I'm going to go with Jamie forsaken, right? These are good answers. And I guess we'll find out Saturday.

Like, well, we don't get to know. OK, no, no, we got to. Nope, nope, nope, nope. So thank you guys so much for playing. I'm going to toss it over to Ryan so he can say goodbye and let you know how you can support the show. Ryan. Yep. Sup, everyone? Hope you enjoyed the show. So several different things. We got merch. We have a website with a bunch of extra links on it. Matter of fact, all the links, everything that we're talking about, you can find on the website. We have Discord. We have all those different socials. We have Patreon, which I think is going to be the biggest way that you can support us there and go ahead and check out all the different content that's on there.

And if I remember right, correct me if I'm wrong, the the the cheapest level is just a dollar a month. So it's just there. Check it out. Just a dollar, just a dollar. And you get access to all the history of the stuff that's for that dollar as well. So you get a bunch of three dollars for that one dollar. But also go ahead and check out all the the the actual recordings that we do isn't just going to be on audio. It is going to be streamed. So check it out there. A bunch of fun stuff that they're working on with that. And I guess with that, see you next time.

Sorry, Ryan, I forgot it was a solo bit. He he he he. He he he. Oh, you're good. You're good.