Through the Trees

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Hello, I'm Xavier. And we'll be playing Dr. Chapman, the Tiefling Rogue. And Jasper. Hello, I am Jasper. I play Floss Valal, a Warforged Barbarian. And Valerie. Hi, I'm Valerie. And I play Linda Wright, the Human Bard. And last and certainly not least, someone who may or may not be running a Kickstarter right now and is definitely not thinking about that total. James. Hi, I'm Wade Ravens. Kickstarter running until February 24th. You can back us. We're at 60% funded. Links in the description. And I play Cave Loring. He's a human warlock. Smash that bell. Or faster, damn it.

So Valerie's evil. We know that now. But we don't know how evil. No. You guys are outside the only major city on this portion of Athies. A little place called Newbury. But you're not quite there yet. You guys, you took a little rest by a lovely stream. And you've-- I don't want to jinx you guys. But I was just thinking, you've only been in combat one time. That's correct. I think about that a lot. I think-- but we-- but I think-- But in a good way. Yeah, like we could have been in combat probably a couple more times. I have no idea, but we're level low. We're business people.

Right, no. We don't have time for combat. I'm-- OK, that came off as accusatory. What I mean-- what I mean is you guys said you're doing a thing. And you're role playing that. You're sticking to it. I like that. You guys aren't fighters. You're not out to slay beasts and stuff. You're out to-- you're out to run a successful business. So with that being said, I need one of you to do me a favor and roll a flat d20. But for the first time ever, I want you to throw it in that little dice tower over there. Ah! That's so exciting! Go for it. You both should do it. Yeah, Valerie's easily impressed.

This is great. Oh, is it-- ooh! OK. The bar's so low. I didn't-- Dice tower. Ooh. Ooh. OK. Very neutral from-- That's so exciting! Very neutral, Jason. I like that. I mean, I can't show the cards right up the-- what's the point? Like, it's-- so who would you say is leading the group? We're in a little wagon, right? Caravan thing? Like, my-- have we gone over that? I don't-- like, I guess-- I think you mentioned, like, we kind of jumped in the wagon. In the little family truckster. Yeah, the family truckster. You have a wagon and stuff. I'm assuming it's horses in a wagon, but I don't-- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, it's either that or floss is pulling. But it's-- I mean-- Could be that. It could be everything. But I guess you guys have a wagon, but like-- OK, let me ask you this. Who is your-- who's your-- I can't think of words. Who's the shot caller? Who's the person up front steering? Who's your navigator? That's the word I was looking for all those times. I elect Cave. Yeah, I was going to say, I don't want to jump to it, but I feel like Cave is driving. I don't think-- Yeah. I don't think Floss can drive. No, Floss-- everybody would know that Floss would be the absolute worst for-- That's fair.

--getting into-- going in the right direction. Right. So I think he-- yeah. Linda's new, she doesn't know a way around. And Cave just flat out doesn't trust Chapman, so Cave's driving. Yeah, fair. I think that's smart. Does-- and I may have asked this before, but would you say that Cave has control issues? That is a diplomatic way to put it, absolutely. OK, cool. OK. I have never identified more with a character. And I feel a little attacked by yourself. You did, James. [LAUGHTER] Can I get a survival check from you? You absolutely may. Thank you. You said survival, or did you say something I'm proficient in?

I specifically asked for survival on this way. Nature, got it. OK. Might ask for that soon. Survival is a 2. That's a big old 2. Oh, man. We don't care about this card, do we, guys? Well-- [LAUGHTER] Shit. Sorry. It was just a-- motor control. I couldn't stop myself. I had to roll. OK, here's what's going to happen. OK. Atheist doesn't have wonderful infrastructure. If we're comparing this to, say, Alara, Alara has what many would refer to as roads, be it the humble dirt path all the way up to the lovely cobblestone runways of Brightport. There's a very clear path to go.

Atheist doesn't always have that. In fact, there are large gaps where there's not even a worn dirt trail. And well, that's going to explain this, too, because you guys are going to get pretty far off course, pretty lost, I'd say, with a 2. And you're going to smell something. So I feel like everybody's pretty polite. Not Cave, like everybody else. I feel like everybody would wait a very long time before someone goes, I feel like you should have been there by now. Like that, are you sure you know where you're going? That type of thing. I've seen that tree eight times, that type of thing.

And you're going to pick up the smell. And it smells like someone's cooking something. Like it smells like a really savory grilled chicken type of smell. Like it is like someone's been marinating that all day. And it's-- what if he can see? Or like a really good-- Just lettuce. Just lettuce? Just man. You know when someone's-- Nice crispy. You know when someone's grilling some lettuce, and it's-- man, it's so good. But like someone's making some mushroom steaks or something. Like-- Sure, I'll take it. Let's just go there. Yeah, OK. I don't-- I'm trying. I don't-- [LAUGHTER] You know what, though?

You know what, though? I'm known to have eaten sliced romaine lettuce halves on the grill. That's pretty good. What I need is a translation. What I need is-- it's like I'm just going to tag one of you guys in, and you just give me like-- A substitute. --a proxim. Yeah, you know what I mean? But yeah, it smells great to everyone. So I imagine Cave is explaining to Linda as we're driving very much the way you explain it. You're like, so we don't really have roads. We have sometimes not even dirt paths, like as we're getting more and more lost. I feel like it's starting out pretty even, and then there's some bumpiness with the cart.

And then you get to the point where two with the wheels are off the ground at points, and you're just rocking. It's like, holy shit, we're just climbing rocks at a certain point. How did we get here? But he's treating it as completely normal. And in his mind, probably an hour ago, he realized we were kind of lost. But he's going to play it off like, I can find my way back, and Linda won't even notice. So he starts-- so he's going to try to navigate his way back. But he's going to kind of-- he'll pick up on the smell, but he won't say anything about it unless somebody else does.

Hmm. Can I ask a question? Does Floss smell? I was just thinking the same thing. And I think-- It's a weird one, right? It's a weird one. So-- I think you made a bit in the cave when the badger was burning. You were like, I think it smells good, but I don't smell it. I think you specifically said that in character. Yeah, and I think in my notes where I was sort of coming up with flaws, I think he was talking about something being a little bit too on the nose, but he doesn't really remember what that's like. So I think, no, I don't think that he-- I don't want to paint him as senseless completely.

But I don't think-- let's put it this way. If he did smell something, it wouldn't register in a way that he would be like, ooh, that smells good. He'd just be like, that smell? Oh, yeah, I did. I noticed that, yes, sure, but I didn't care. And this is-- I've given it thought before, but I don't want to put words in your character's mouth. No, please. Do you know how inherently people with a high arcana attunement can kind of sense magic? I almost feel like for Warforges, that's like a weird sixth sense where it's like they can kind of perceive of smell.

And it's like, yeah, no, I'm picking-- But it's like a vibe, not a-- Yeah, I think that if Cave said, did you smell that? I think Floss would think-- I know what you mean. Yes, I know what you're talking about. But it wouldn't be, I smelled that. And oh my gosh, can you imagine that? It would just be more like, I see what you're saying, yeah. I know that's an odd-- it's a weird way of putting it, but-- Well, I understand. Yeah, it doesn't-- it wouldn't be a one for one. So eventually, that smell-- that smell is going to get stronger. And in the distance on your left hand side, you're going to see this little hut.

And around this hut are these sharpened, like, wooden posts, like pontoons. Like, they've been stuck in the ground. And it's kind of like-- it's fencing, but obviously to keep things out. You know what I mean? You're out in the wilderness. You know, it gets dangerous out here. And you're going to see this hunched over figure with this big quarterstaff kind of stirring a pot. And she is working it. Like, her hunched over little muscles are just-- this pot comes up to, like, chest level on her. And she's just like-- like, she must have traps for days. What time of day is it?

Has it been a few hours on the road since we got up? Yeah, it's been a few hours. I would definitely say you guys-- after all this, I think you guys are heading-- like, you're just shy of dusk. Like, you're-- you know, after-- Oh, wow, OK. Yeah, like, all-- like, it was a two. I'm sorry. I want to-- [LAUGHTER] How far were we away from-- we were almost, like, a day away or something. Yeah, you were close. It's been a day. No, it's not like-- you just went, like, left instead of straight. At this point, Chapman will just perk up and turn to Cave and say, all right, Kyle, are you going to swallow your pride and ask for directions?

He'll kind of do a double take over his shoulder at Chapman and just be like, ah, well, what I was thinking, actually, was that we would stop here and make camp for the night. I mean, they've got dinner on already at this place here. You can see the little old lady is making dinner. So why don't we-- why don't we break camp? I think this is a good place to stop. Is there any, don't you? And he'll kind of give a pointed look to Chapman, like, right? He kind of shrugs. He's like, I've eaten plenty back at the mine before leaving. I'm stuffed still. Well, go ahead.

I want to point out how fucking-- yeah, how weird that is, because, like-- that's fucking creepy. Yeah, so he's going to take a look at floss for a second and be like, he doesn't understand. And then he's going to look at Linda and be like, that was two days ago. That was two days ago, Chapman. Are you sure? I enabled. What does that mean? I've snacked since, all right? Do you want me to give you a-- he looks at Linda-- give you an itemized list of everything I've eaten? I love that there's still-- He gets angry when it's thanks to the log. I love that there's still some residual, like, a little sting there, not used to having to run by these items, like, and get approval.

So he'll throw his hands up, be like, all right, all right, I'm sorry. It's just the way you said it came off a little bit weird, but I fully trust that you're keeping yourself at whatever that means. I'm going to go talk to the old lady about dinner. How's that? And he'll just hop out of the cart without waiting for an answer. Yeah, he kind of just side-eyes, floss. And that's the end of that. Yeah, and floss sort of grins at Chapman, and he's going to go right with Cave. He's going to run up. Are you going to say anything before you approach, or are you just approaching?

Oh, yeah, no, as we're approaching, I don't know if there's whatever this palisade wall is or whatever, if there's an opening. There's a big opening, like, in the-- I'd say the opening is probably 12 feet wide. It's a big opening. OK. Yeah, so as we kind of pass through that, he'll kind of raise his voice, be like, hey, excuse me. Excuse me. Are you accepting accommodations here? She is going to be mildly startled, probably, because you're out in the middle of nowhere. And she's a bit older. Her senses are a little dulled. And she's going to be in mid-stir, just pushing.

What? I'm sorry. I was just asking. We were passing through, and we saw that you had this nice little place here. And we smelled what you had on the fire. And we thought that if we maybe gave you a gold piece or two, you might let us sort of bed down for the night before we carry on in the morning. What do you think? So one, she's going to kind of crane her head around to see how many of you there are and kind of get a sense for your group. You seem polite enough, but like, you know. He's going to kind of lean into her field of vision still. Like, no, no, you're talking to me.

She has this fur shawl on, but it's not like an elegant fur. It's more like a, it's kind of a dingy, like a ratty, like this animal had scabies or something like that, like kind of is probably dog, right? It's if if if you had to place it, it looks like several smaller animals stitched together, like possums, marmots or something like they were killed or after they were killed. They're still alive, actually. And she's going to take you guys. Oh, well, I have to admit, I don't get many visitors. She's going to lean in as she says that she has these tiny spectacles and she's going to raise them and she's straining to put cave in focus.

Are you all right, young man? You seem pale. Yeah, no, I'm fine. Thanks very much. This is my friend Floss here. He's going to whack Floss like on the chest. Over his shoulder. Like he'd be happy to turn your butter for you or whatever you do. That's a perfect. Oh, is that a euphemism? Yeah, lay down. Ignoring that, Floss will he actually has been enamored immediately with with this person. He's going to lean into her field of view as well, and he's going to offer physically with his with his hand to take the the big stirring stick that she has or whatever it is.

And he's going to sort of shake his head encouragingly. May I? Oh, well, aren't you kind? Of course. Go. He's going to go for it. And I'm talking, you know, he's not a chef, but he's going to do what he thought what she was doing, but he's going to help yourself. Very barbarian way of doing it. I don't know if I need to roll for this, but give me a strength check. Give me athletics check. Give me give me just a fucking just give me. Oh, yeah, that's an 18. Oh, yeah, you're going to stir the shit out of this now. I will say when you get a little closer, you you see that this isn't.

Food as as such. This looks to be a boiling cauldron of laundry, and you're going to see some unmentionables like kind of like as you stir, it's it's going to, you know. Oh, thank you, young man. You're so you're so kind. I I I do believe your armor is a little tight, but I absolutely appreciate what you're doing. Takes forever to get the blood out. He will he will only invigorate his stirring at that point with with a grin, an incredible grin on his face. And at this point, like I feel like you're stirring the cauldron so vigorously that it's like a little whirlpool and like the thing starts rocking just a tiny bit, like not not enough to knock anything over.

Obviously, he's got he's got control, but he is. Yeah, it's not too much. You must all be starving. Well, one of us pointedly isn't, but the rest of us are. And he'll kind of wave to the cart for like Linda and happen to join them. And she'll she'll again, like kind of crane and strain her her little eyes and just kind of give like a vague wave. It's like, well, I assume people are in that direction and just kind of, you know, hello shapes. And, you know, she's going to. Oh, go outside. No, no, no. Fosse is basically right next to her at some point. So he's going to at some point he's going to give the stick back to her and he's going to be done with what he's doing.

And he's going to lean in in a very gentle way. And he's going to say very quietly, floss for law. He's going to put a hand on his chest, introducing himself. Maki Martha. Maki, it's a pleasure. It's a bit of a family name. Sisters can be endearing, yet cruel. And truly, Fosse will just continue to stare at her, almost like just blinking, like didn't follow, but pleasure. She is going to kind of like stick that little quarterstaff in there and kind of like grab grab like a tunic out of here and and kind of like put it up on the side and wait for it to cool and then kind of examine it.

Oh, I thought I would never get those stains out. Thank you so much. You saved me at least two hours of stirring. A floss will blink and wink at her. He's just happy to have been helpful. He's not picking up on any of the weirdness. Please come sit down. I I'm being a terrible hostess, please. There's a there's a bench just just clear things off of it. There's like old papers and books and stuff like that. Just just kind of you're really catching her unaware. She didn't know she was going to have company. And there's a. There's a good no, please go to see when she waves over at the at Linda and Chapman, Chappell, turn to Linda and go.

All right, I guess we're sleeping the night here. Let's bring the horses closer and. I guess we'll just. I guess we're just sleeping here. That's great. I love it. Hopefully she has enough beds for all of us. No. So I have I have a question. Is it her laundry that smells like chicken? No, that's what I was getting to. So there is a a much smaller pot. She wasn't cooking up a cauldron of, you know, but like there's this like a big skillet more toward the hut itself, and there are these little how to describe them. So, OK, they look like pheasants kind of. And they they have their little feet sticking up, like so they're they're on the grill kind of split, but they have two sets of feet sticking up.

And it's it's really weird looking. Um, but they smell delicious. So, you know, there's also a fresh salad or something. Some sort of tofu thing. There's also wine, if that I think that's a universal. Yeah. OK, OK, good. I mean, some of them. It depends. Me going on barnivore.com every time I go to the liquor store. That's a classic vegan joke for you. Yeah, classic. Two people listening will get that. Yeah, I wanted to give everybody time to laugh and like really, really digest it. Wait, a break for applause. The two people who would have gotten that are actually in this group.

Yeah, we decided to just get you guys all together so that I don't have to do this fucking landmine dance every time. So these things are just going to smell delicious. There's also like this, this little pot of of brown rice that's been seasoned and stuff. It's it's it's after, you know, after being in the cart all day, this is this is a pretty it's a pretty damn nice break. You do notice that the hut is a bit small. And she's she's more than welcome to share all of this food with you. She will start to kind of apologize. I'm very sorry, but I don't really have a large guest quarters.

You're more than welcome to use extra blankets and bedrolls. You're pretty well protected within the walls. You know, the walls, I'll be honest, are what attracted us. I think I think, you know, if it's OK with you, we're pretty comfortable just bedding down out here. I don't want to intrude on your and your little hut there that you got going for yourself. I it's no intrusion, really. The last bit of company I had was quite sour. So I am looking forward to having some nice, polite travelers. Well, that we are. And and so he'll he'll introduce himself and go around and introduce Chapman and Linda as well, since Floss already introduced himself.

Um, she would she has this she's going to go into the hut and bring up this big picture of like it's almost like a like a basement chilled type of thing. It's as cool as it's going to get. Like it's a big it almost looks like lemonade, but it's not. It's it's it's a fruit. You know that it's like a fresh fruit juice type of thing. But definitely there's enough for everybody. Like she's going to bring this out and she's kind of got a bunch of mismatched little goblets going on. It's like I really need to entertain better. I'm so sorry. No, no, not at all.

Sorry. Go ahead. I have a question. How like how much food did like if she's the only one here, doesn't she isn't she making like a lot of food? Do you ask that? Yeah, I guess like it like it seems like you're making quite a bit here. Were you expecting other company? Well, no, to be honest, there were travelers earlier today, but well, again, they were quite rude. I figured that some stragglers in their party might want a little extra should they show up, but I can always store it for a day or so. By the fucking looks I'm getting, guys, Jesus. Well, we're we're off the beaten path, aren't we?

Yes. So then why were there other people here? Do you ask that? Sure. Like, well, I mean, I think we've become a little bit lost. How did other travelers find you? Valerie, I want you to make me a roll, please. Oh, OK. Can you give me an intelligence save? Oh, intelligence save. Here we go. No, that didn't do it. There we go. OK, 19, pretty good. OK, cool. So you're going to kind of put a lot of that's going to to to you're going to ask and everything. And one more thing is going to kind of pop into your head as you're speaking. You're you're going to notice that there is a lot of spare blankets and bedrolls.

The blankets aren't what catches you, right? She's an older woman. It gets cold this time of year. You're out in the middle of the wilderness. There are like eight bedrolls kind of stacked up near the door, ready to go. And she'll she's taking all this very friendly, very. Well, do you have time for a story? I think we're staying the night, so as long as it's not too long, I would hope so. Chapman will not say a word this entire time, but will not leave like her from his side the whole time. He will just stare at her silently from the back. And oh, that's not at all.

That's good. I mean, yeah, no, I can't. So she is going she's going to kind of get comfy, right? And she's going to she's going to grab a drink here and you're going to hear her back crinkle like a bendy straw, like just kind of like, ah, like she was stirring that pot for a while. Oh, these old bones. Well, there were bandits here earlier. At least that's the impression I got. They were harassing some of the local farmers and they wanted to stay here for the night, much for the same reason I would imagine you wanted to stay the night. It's a bit sheltered, to be honest, looked a bit lost.

And she's going to kind of give this belly chuckle at that. Like it's like, ah, you imagine. Well, there's a bit of a there's a bit of a problem with the bit of land I live on. It's cursed, just a bit cursed. It's very cursed, but I have it well under control. I've been communing with nature since before I was knee high to a grasshopper. And I I think I've been doing quite a good job. That being said, don't leave here at all tonight. Until sunrise. At all. Kay is going to do that. I'm going to make a Family Guy reference, but the slow head turn over to the other three without saying a word, but just kind of Linda's controlling the whole thing.

Just kind of Linda's controlling this conversation. So he's going to be mostly looking at her. OK, well, then she'll she'll ask is does something happen when this but if you said it's like going to be sunset, right? Uh, yeah. OK, so she's going to say what happens when the sun goes down? Did you know that this whole area used to be farmland? Everything just as far as you can see, there were cows and crops and it was lovely. Some of our ancestors may have killed some druids in a very inhumane way, and as a result, some of those druids grew embittered, angry, as you might imagine, and they cursed the land and everything on it at the time.

So. A few times every month. The trees come to life and tear the skin off of people just a little. And. Honestly, it's such a mess to wake up and there's bits of flapping sinew in the branches above your hearts. It's just it's disgusting. The birds get tangled in it. It's quite a mess. You can imagine. From the back, Chapman goes, um, so what happened to those bandits? Well, I told them the same thing I'm telling you. Don't leave the safety of this little area at night and you'll be fine. Of course, they thought I was trying to trick them or trap them or what have you.

Can you imagine a poor old woman in the middle of nowhere and they didn't trust me? They were hooligans. Anyway, the trees got a hold of them, and the next day I found. What was left? Didn't you say they came by earlier today? Do you say that? Yes. Did I? I believe so. I'm a bit older, sweetie. Sometimes days run into each other. Floss perks up at that. I myself have the same affliction. Absolutely understood. I did have a question. How did you hurt yourself? Well, I there's been a lot of physical labor and it would be nice to have some big strapping hands to perhaps help me out before you leave in the morn.

No, no, no, no. The blood. How did you hurt yourself with the blood? The blood. Well, you're getting blood out of the clothes. You must have hurt yourself. Curious about what might have happened. Well, as I said before, there's bits and pieces of people scattered around my land. Sometimes in cleaning up, you get a bit messy. I was holding. What would you call it? Essentially a stack of arms and legs. And I was trying to take them away from the hut. Animals get to be such a pain. But yes, Chapman will nod. Yeah, floss. Floss. Absolutely nods too. Recent I mean, that's how we how we introduce floss was carrying a bunch of pieces of it wasn't Larry.

It was connecting with her so much. I mean, basically it's like, yes, absolutely understood. Floss will lean to cave and say. I can stay at the opening here at the gate effectively all night. I don't need a bedroll. Yeah, that's true. I guess just don't go near the trees. Just now I rolled a nature check to see if Cave knows whether or not trees come to light and tear people's skin off. Right. Well, I it's that's a 20. Wow. Do me a favor. Give me an insight check to do. Don't do it naturally. Yeah, no, it's not. Yes, I've never heard. Is that a birch? Is that a?

Yeah, Linda, roll an insight to roll one to 14. OK, yes. So let's come back to that. That 24 is going to be handy from from Linda. So she's going to go and describe, I come from the old school of discipline. Do you remember when your mother would get you to grab a switch from a tree? I don't actually. What are you talking about? Well, it's when you have to go get a very thin tree branch, something bendy from a willow, preferably, and it's used as a spanking instrument. Stings quite a bit. Oh, OK. No, my parents liked me, so sorry for you. Do you have that? But it's gone.

You can imagine how that would hurt. And that's a single branch. Imagine a tree made up of hundreds of those, and they just keep hitting and hitting you until the flesh separates. It's like a blooming onion. So I identify with that. I personally identify with the blooming onion, and I appreciate that reference. Thank you. And I'm starving. Yeah, I know. Those insight roles. There is gaps in this lady's story, and either she's senile or lying. With a 24, you're going to pick up that. She's not as passive in this experience as you might think. How how is it that this area inside?

Like, why is it safe in here when it's not outside? Aren't you thirsty, dear? You ask many questions. It's been quite a day. Trying from your own water skins. Ask my own medical. Sorry, Chapman's getting away from me. Prescription. Oh, God. That's my medical advice. A Chapman's going to walk around the the perimeter, like listening to the story, and he's going to try to find bits and pieces. Going to try to see if she missed a body somewhere. She didn't have time to hide everything. He's going to try to find something. So probably investigation. Yeah, give me a little investigation.

Let's get your CSI on. It's not really my good one. Let's go. Not your good one. That's 14 minus 14. Yeah, that's good. Let's come back to that just a second. I've got a really quick question when she offers a drink. So I have the guild artisan background as a brewer. So I'm wondering if there's a way that I can do, because as somebody who is a certified beer expert, you learn how to taste things. I want to first of all tell what kind of fruit or whatever this thing is made from, but also see if I can detect maybe something else in this drink that is not fruit and sugar.

Uh, yeah, let's filter this through the lens of Brewers tools. Okay. Uh, so first of all, let me get your Brewers tools. Yeah, let's do that. Brewer, yeah. Scrolling down to find them. I think, you know what? I'm going to go on a limb and say that there are too many books for fifth edition. It's too many. But money. Hot. Yeah. Money's pretty cool, I guess. Brewers supplies. Boom. So we're going to filter this through that lens. I guess that was that wisdom. Uh, I mean, so I would say probably wisdom if it's based on perception, right? Yeah. Like it involves like tasting and like you're taking stuff.

Let's say that. So yeah, give me give me give me a check with that. Okay, so he's got to pick the tiniest little sip like a like a cicerone would do. And we're going to go with the net. Oh, come on. That was a 13. And then it wasn't. Never told you guys about cave's luck. Um, there is a burst of fruity flavor. It's almost like, um, like the drink is kind of beige ish. It looks like murky water. But imagine that first sip of Ecto Cooler from from from middle school, just like a just like it's a it's a sophisticated sipping beverage. It's it's it's it's it's just it's like a flavor explosion in your mouth.

And there's a hint of something else. But you just it's it's I mean, it's it's mostly fruit. Okay. He's gonna do that thing like. Chapman sees you taste it and from the back, you'll say, oh, I'm not helping you if you shit your guts out. Again, you mean again, because of the the the last I want to talk about it. Let's go back to that investigation check. There's going to be a tarp. Now, usually when there's a covering like this, it's covering like firewood, something like that to keep it dry so you don't have a bunch of wet logs. But Chapman's going to go, I'm sorry, doctor, doctor, is going to go.

Yeah, I'm sorry. You didn't go to medical school for me to disrespect you. So you're going to go poking around and there's a whole bunch of bones, but they're not old bleached like pirate bones. These are fresh, still meat on some of these bones. Bones. Yeah, the boiling. Um, I don't know if like I'll I don't know if she's like. Taking notice of me looking around, snooping around, like looking on the guitar. She can't see anything. She could see shapes. That's two feet away. That's that's your is that then? Yeah, I'll do it. Perception is not her skill. I'll be stealthy doing that, I guess.

Uh, just for fun. No. Oh, no, not even. Dude, she can't see you. All right. In that case, I want to study those bones. See if like there's lacerations or any any clue like any like anything I could pick up from. Yeah, so, okay, give me give me a perception this time. Let's let's dig through these bones. Fuck it. Oh, sorry. Oh, I dropped my diaph from my medicine roll. It was a 20. I'll do perception. Oh, no. There we go. Yeah. 10. That's not bad. So there's going to be this pile, right? And you're going to kind of sift through this and there's going to be a torso like a fully intact torso.

There's going to be, you know, stomach, chest, head, no arms or legs, but it's going to be face down. In the back is about six stab wounds. Okay, like knife wounds probably like like not tree wounds. Knife wounds. All right, I'll try to look around for the weapon of the crime. While you're doing that. She's going to get ready and kind of stand up and stretch and start plating some food for people if you, you know, in case people want it. And she's like, try to be a good host, that type of thing. And she's going to, she's going to be, tell me about yourselves.

Where are you heading? Why are you out in the middle of nowhere? Oh, well, you know, we were on our way to Newbury and we thought we would take a little bit of the scenic view, you know, Linda here is new to the island. So we're showing around a little bit, you know, a little bit of the the flora and fauna and all that completely glossing over the fact that he got us lost, you know. She's going to focus right in on Linda. Oh, what brings you out here? Well, do you have time for a story? So there I was. Imagine she just goes into how I tell my stories badly.

OK, so she'll say, well, my great step-up, Galeri, may he rest in peace, passed away recently, and he left behind a mining company. And so I was set sent from the mainland to come here and to get it back into tip top shape. And that's what I'm here to do. We're going to Newbury to set up some business connections. She's going to get that. Oh, that o face when someone dies. And it's like, oh, well, I I'm sorry for your loss. That's that's. Terribly difficult when a loved one dies, but it sounds like you're moving forward and you've you've at least got a plan.

I'm hoping you you find what you're looking for in Newbury. She kind of pronounces it weird, like it kind of like tumbles out of her mouth awkwardly. Have you ever been there? Quite a few years ago, I I prefer nature, dear. It's it's it's much more peaceful here. The busy streets just I could never sleep properly. Well, I'm very tired and she's just going to kind of abruptly stand up and start to kind of grab some things and kind of make a couple of trips into this hut and just kind of like if you need anything, anything at all, please don't hesitate to.

Oh, my God. Oh, oh, my God. I thought that was like in the show and something like that was about to happen. No, this dickhead with no fucking muffler is just like going back and forth on the street. OK, get it. Your dick is huge. We know. OK, it's true. Well, if anyone needs anything at all, please don't hesitate. Come and shake me awake. You you may need to be aggressive. OK, good night. And he'll be still has the drink in his hand. He's like taking a little sip from it. Um, Valerie. Yes. Can I get a wisdom saving throw, please? Oh, oh, wait, that's a thing. My computer's not happy.

Wisdom saving throw. All right. Beautiful. Never mind. Yeah, you're fine. Cave, can I get a constitution saving throw, please? I can't imagine why. We are poor fool. We all know I'm not cleaning up. Fourteen. How about that point? I sunk into it. Um, she's going to start to like she kind of has this lean to door type of thing. And as she's getting ready to close it. One more thing. Um. Could I talk to the three of you who've lived here on the island for a majority of your life, at least? Uh, just the three of us. Just the three of you. Okay, well, I mean, for clarity's sake, none of us have lived here for the majority of our lives.

We're actually all native Alarans. But, um. How long have you lived here? Long enough. Long enough. I don't remember exactly. My memory's really bad. I'm sorry. You don't have to apologize for that. You're right. I was just being polite. But yeah, let's floss. Why don't you and me go in and talk to Martha and he'll take a look at Lind and Chapman and be like, you guys can stay out here. It's okay. You haven't been here as long as us. Well, I'm not sure if I'm with the group or not at this point. Oh, that's true. Yeah, you're floating around like you're, you know, like I don't think you've left the premises necessary, like people necessarily like people can hear you walking around.

Yeah, I basically just straight up went into the hut probably. Yeah, you're just like floating around. Um, so. Cave, at least. It sounds like just game. So I mean, if she specifically asked for the three of us without Linda. Yeah, Chapman will come in. Oh, so we got to be alone. Yeah, maybe we have flossed it with Linda. My skin is about to be torn off. Yeah, yeah. Plus this. Wow. Yeah, actually floss. Okay, so at this at this this comment around like, how long have you been here and those people who have been here for most of your life and that sort of thing, floss would probably start to get a little bit.

Obviously, a little bit like I'm not sure a little confused looking. And I think he probably would look at Cave and then say, I'll just stay here with Miss Linda for a moment. I think that's a good idea. Okay, doctor, let's uh, let's go. Let's go on in and find out doctor Chapman's already inside. Yeah, just like, like, look at the rummaging through her shit. It's like reading. I'm in here. It's like very like, delicately putting back something very noisy. I'm skyrimming. Puts a pot on Martha's head. Floss will take Linda though and say, let's go get the horses and wagon inside.

How about that? And and and proceed to get that basically just logistically get them inside the fence for the evening. Sure. Yes, yes, yes. So once once once you guys are inside, she's going to shut that little lean to door. And she's going to ask you, would you kindly just sit on the bed? I need to tell you something and it's a bit difficult for me. Okay. Like, just like that. Just like, all right. Chapman will just sit like next to you like an inch away from you. Just like straight back. Yeah. Yeah, this is absolute worst thing he can do. Like, again, him breathing it from it from his nose like.

Little whistle. She's going to sit down on a chair in here and it's this old rickety kind of wicker deal. Old people love wicker. It's like catnip. She's going to sit down. It's going to do that little flex creek wicker thing. I'm afraid I haven't been entirely honest with you, gentlemen, and I. Normally, I would just let this play out and, you know, we we. Get to dawn. I need to kill one of your friends. I'm listening. All right. Chapman nods. Like we like exchange a look and then, okay. Yeah, we both. Yeah, we both at the same time say like, okay, we look at each other like, uh-huh.

Well, do you remember my story about the druids and the cursed land? I'm actually descended from that same druidic tribe, and it's my job to ensure that this curse doesn't get too out of hand. Not to take away from the pain and suffering my ancestors went through, but they they they they really put a doozy on this land without me. Essentially, every tree on this island would rise up and and well. Well, you know. So each month there's a bit of a ritual sacrifice quota I have to meet, and I'm one away from from wrapping it up for the month. I got really lucky with this group of bandits.

Real ass turds if you get my meaning. But I really like your group. Is there something morally you can tell me that's deficient with your two friends outside? They stolen. Have they. Have they cheated on a significant amount of time? Have they kicked a dog? Something give me something. Um, I mean, I'll be honest with you. I'm pretty sure they're both paragons of virtue, and so are we. So here's the thing. Chapman side-eye like darts his eyes go like that, right? As much as I appreciate the situation that you're in, and I really do because I've been in similar situations.

Um, I'm trying to run a business and we are losing people left and right like turnovers really bad. If I let you kill one of them, I've got to start the hiring process all over again. Like we might have to ship in more people from Alara. It's just this logistical nightmare. I don't really think that it's going to be feasible for us right now. I mean, I appreciate the offer, but you're going to have to let your demon trees just go wild or whatever because it's not going to happen. I'm sorry. Well, hold on, Kyve. What's, what's here? What's, what's, what's left to do in the ritual?

Well, what are the next few steps? Well, it's all about the body really. I just need one more and I don't mean to trivialize the entire ordeal, but it is quite important. You'd be saving a lot of lives. I'm not just a monster out here killing random strangers. I get it. We all do what we got to do. He gets it. I just want to know what this, I'm, I'm a man of science. I just want to know if you're just bullshitting us or if there's some, something practical I can go on with. What, what steps do you need to do? Well, I could go kill Linda right now. I just donate to do that.

Her body's not going to waste. Oh, well, that's actually quite reasonable. I appreciate that. No one ever asks why or how they just, they just sort of yes, no. Kyve is staring through Chapman right now. Well, she's going to break out this book. It's super old looking, kind of this, this big leather bound thing. It's going to creak when she opens it. And there's going to be, you know, there's going to be some kind of crudely sketched pictures and stuff like that, but lots, lots of text. Well, I, I can't completely erase this curse. Or honestly, I would. People around here don't even remember why they're being punished.

And I certainly haven't been directly affected by anything. I just find it a bit unfair. I don't believe in open-ended curses. Now that being said, and I rarely get a chance to do this, but druids are usually bastions of magic. We prefer to enrich lives, not take away and definitely not end them. I could give you both some sort of blessing, sort of a bastion of good luck, if you will. You said you're running a business. I could make it so your business is indefinitely successful until the day you die. That's not the question I asked. I found all your quite crudely decapitated bodies back there.

Quite, quite a poor job, really. I just, you know, if this is what you're gonna do, I don't know how you're gonna use those bodies. All right. I'll explain the ritual, if you will. There's no need to be rude, dear. They kept wiggling and I'm old. It's, it's, my eyes aren't what they used to be. I need a certain amount of appendages and blood, mostly. And once that they're arranged, sort of a rune shapes around a circle. Please don't tell anyone this, but it involves a certain amount of nudity. And I have to rub the blood all over me and do some praying. This goes on for about an hour and it stems the tide of this little punishment.

Hey, outside. Could Floss and Linda do me a favor? Give me a perception check. Sure thing. I'm very good at that now. Floss is not good at this. Oh, 27. And a 12, which... Comparable. I mean, they're right there. Both numbers? That's pretty good for Floss though, I'll tell you. Yeah, you guys keep insulting yourselves and then rolling pretty decently. You're gonna hear, as the sun starts to set, you're going to hear the wind rustling through the trees and you can hear little animals and stuff just kind of like, like every once in a while hop from branch to branch.

And then you're going to hear one of those animals squeak and then fall from the branches of this tree. And you're going to notice that that tree is appearance wise, definitely closer than it was a while ago. And Linda is going to notice that almost imperceptibly, there's an oak just kind of like sneaking up on this hut. Okay, in terms of the gate, are we talking about within the gate? No, no, no. This is still outside, but they're closing in. And they're trees, so they kind of hang over. Sure, sure. But we're talking about still outside the gate. So there's at least a potential that the gate is doing something, if anything.

Okay, well, I would assume that at this point we've got the horses and the wagon within the gate. That was kind of order number one. You wanted to get it done before sundown. Done. Yeah, done. Floss is going to gently but firmly put Linda behind him. Like back here, Miss Linda. Well, we're in a circle, so I don't know how much that helps. I think we should maybe get try and go into the hut and check in on our friends. Fair enough. He'll check the horses. Is there horse or horses? I guess. I don't know why, but I pictured horse. This is a real one horse operation you guys got rocking.

He's checking the horse just to make sure that the horse can't get away. That there's not sort of like a... Yeah, everything's secure. You got it hitched. What's the horse's name? Excellent question. I won't say what I'm about to say. What's the horse's name? We need the horse, Val. Should I roll on a random table? Sure. Sure. Okay. I need... Valerie, give me a D10. Jasper, give me a D10. Two. Chocosplosion. Chocosplosion. Chocosplosion. Yes. Yes, it is. If you go... There you go, Chuck. There you go, Chuck. You'll be safe out here. And then he's going to, backing up as he's watching out towards the gates, make their way towards the hut.

Choco, like chocolate. Okay. Yeah. It's a brown horse. Are you on like a pastry name generator for a horse? No, I just... So I wrote down... I wrote down a bunch of different combinations for stuff. So I got some for horses, some for dogs, some for cats. And like, I guess we ought to put those in the book next time we make one. Chocosplosion. It's really dumb, but like... Can I cast a spell on the horse? What would you like to cast? I would like to cast Calm Emotions. Oh, that's good. So... Done. The Xandex of spells. Is there like a saving throw? The creature can roll a saving throw if they want to.

I mean, it's a horse. If someone is angry and you do Calm Emotions, but they want to be angry, they can like roll against it. Right. So like, this is more like, I'm a horse. Like there's a certain amount of intellect that needs to come to that. So like... If you're panicked and you're suddenly less panicked, you're gonna probably roll with it. Yeah, but like, it's not... I like being less panicked. Yeah, I mean, don't we all? You can suppress any effect causing a target to be charmed or frightened. Alternatively, you can make a target indifferent about creatures of your choice that it is hostile toward.

The indifference... Well, I guess that's for indifference. I just want it to... Be chill. Be chill. Different towards the trees. Yeah, whatever. Cool as jets. Yeah, I mean, it wasn't doing anything. Calm down, horse. You gotta calm down. Get a hold of yourself. Slap. What the fuck? So Linda's gonna get up to this door and try to open it. And it is stuck. It's not opening. It does it in an instant. Flushes. Oh, like knocking on it? No. It's like battering it. It's open now. Do me a favor. Give me an athletics check. Absolutely. 16. So inside this hut. So have we picked someone yet?

Only, of course, it's gonna be Linda. So you're telling me that... She's like biting his fist. Like, really? You're telling me everything you need to know is in that book, including the history of your ancestors, right? Well, I mean, I remember things. I would like to be able to pass this down one day to someone. Yes. Why? Okay, what's the bullet points? Just for I'm curious. What, for my entire history and my people's history? All right. I know. I don't care. Um... You're gonna hear... You're gonna hear a banging. On the outside of the door. And it is a loud bang.

And this hut's gonna kind of reverberate. Oh, well, um... I don't mean to be pushy, but a choice really soon would be great. Well, um... Yeah, I'll just go open that door and let Linda and I'll just do it. And he takes out like a scalpel. Like a long thin knife. That's meant for poking and like... [laughter] I mean, most knives are... Like boring holes through bones. An awl. Oh, an awl. A surgical awl. It's just a shiv, Xavier. I think that's... But it's long and it was made with a purpose, a medical purpose. Okay. I don't know. During this whole conversation between Mark and Chapman, Cave keeps opening his mouth to speak and then stopping and then like...

Eventually he's gonna like shake Dr. Chapman's shoulder. Like, "What are you doing?" Are you just like... Is there a party that's like, "Oh, he has a plan and you're just waiting for that?" And it just never comes. I wouldn't object to this, but like he's being so cool about killing our new boss that I like... He's genuinely like really confused by it. He looks at you like, "Well, we've got to walk away from those woods." And he stands up behind the lady if she stands up to go open the door. She's going to... It's almost like a, "Oh, thank you. Someone's coming to their senses.

It takes forever to get a decision from anyone anymore." Like she's going to go to the door and kind of wave her hand at it. And you're going to see this little barrier dissipate. And she's going to open the door. And I'm going to stab her in the back. Oh. And Cave's going to be like, "You're going to be like, "Oh, I'm going to be like, "Oh, I'm going to be like, "Oh, I'm going to be like, "Oh, I'm going to be like, "Oh, I'm going to be like, "Oh, I'm going to be like, "Oh, I'm going to be like, "Oh, I'm so relieved." Oh, thank God. Okay, where in the back are you going to stab her?

Oh, the heart is. Oh. Give me an attack roll. If it's crit, you kill her instantly. Yeah, well, if I hit with advantage on surprise and, you know, like if I crit... Yeah, the whole assassin thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's the attacks? I don't feel great about this. Don't you, though? As Xavier, but I feel like the first time I get to play that kind of character, so let's do that. Advantage. It's going to be a dagger. Okay, okay, I remember how it works. Oh. What? Um, that was very bizarre. You're going to have to tell me that fumble effect, man. What? That's almost statistically impossible.

Yeah, I'm not feeling great about this. Um, everyone out there. Xavier just rolled two ones with advantage. Okay, before I do... Okay, before... I just had to be cool. No! I wanted to be cool. That's what happens. This is what happens. I love it. Like, it fits your character. It's amazing. This is just unprecedented. I just was not... I wasn't ready for it. If it's an incident that killed myself, that's gonna be weird. No, it's not that. It's not that. I can tell you right now, that's not the case. Can I get... Outside the door, when you guys go to reach for this door and get it open, what's the thought process?

Like, you hear commotion inside, but like... Right, well, I mean, if there's... I don't know the timing on this, so I know that if Linda tried to open it and just was stuck and Floss is like, "No, fuck that," and he's gonna try to bang it open, whatever, you know, pull it off, whatever it means to open it up, I don't know if that's at exactly the same time that she would be opening it up or something like that. If it's all happening at one time, I imagine that... I mean, the thought process is, "Get inside. This doesn't feel particularly safe. This is probably the safest place to be." In my head, I was doing it the moment her head's in the crack of the door, saying like, "Yeah?" Right.

And that's when I do it. So whatever happens, that's when I think it would happen. Okay. I have a... This is a real good news, bad news situation, right? So, okay. One, the door is open. Yay! So we got... Everyone's reunited. I need you to do me a favor and roll a d10, because we're dealing with worst luck in Theria. Oof. Ooh, is there something about trees in there? Well, not per se, but it's not gonna make things better. Is it public roll? Yeah, please. Can you remind the audience what worst luck in Theria does? It's... we're gonna roll on a natural disaster table.

Now, the woods are... The woods are stopping me from killing the druid that's like, staving off the curse. I mean... It's more interesting than killing her. I mean, maybe she's just so connected to nature that literally intervened. They need her. Yeah. She speaks for the trees. So I am in the midst of redoing this list and making it a d100. But for now, we're gonna stick to what is written. So give me a d10. Oh, here we go. Just roll higher. God damn it! A one. Nah. That's a one. I'm sorry I tried to stab her. You're doing the right thing. Well, it's a little late for that.

Should have killed Linda. The option was on the table. So she is going to wave a hand in front of this door. And she's going to crack it open. She's going to lock eyes with floss. She's gonna get ready to say... It's like, would you come in here for a moment? We need to... You know, but she never gets that sentence out. From behind, Dr. Chapman is going to try and plunge this pointy object into the back of this old woman's soft flesh. However, he's going to trip over a bone and just kind of shoulder check her into the door instead. As you're doing that, these vines are going to gently creep up the sides of the hut on the inside and outside.

And they're going to disassemble the hut. Take it apart like Legos. And these trees, vines, they're all going to descend upon you. Everyone huddle up. What did we say about combat earlier? I'm casting Leomund's tiny hut, and we're all gonna live in this hut for a while. Could I get initiative rolls from everybody in the hut? I'm not apologizing for this. This is interesting. It was fucking cool! Come on. Like, who could have seen that coming? Not this guy. So what is it? Is it that the vines are part of the cursed trees? Um, this is like nature itself intervening.

So instead of just the trees, they're going to be some vines. There's going to be some, a variety of things. Okay. It's not great. I'm going to level with you. Or I cast Leomund's tiny hut and we just wait until morning. I mean, you have a pretty high initiative. I know I did. I got a pretty good initiative. We just gotta get in there. Now, it does say that it takes, that the casting time is one minute. Oh shit. So that means we gotta survive 10 rounds. But then we'll be fine. You really made it sound like that was just the end. You reversed the thing you did with, um, understand languages.

The thing that could literally save your life is the thing that's way longer. Guys, I think that's a good time for us to stop for the night, but I think it would be fun if we looked at initiative to see what we're ready to deal with. Um, so give me, who baby? Oh, I guess Martha's in this too, huh? Yeah. Poor old gal. I'm gonna say, oh, did you, did you feel that? Vines made me trip. I'm not gonna hide my knife subtly. Uh, initiative and PC initiatives. Uh, if you guys look at the initiative tracker, you'll see what you're up against. That's not good. Oh, fuck.

What? Um, yeah. I beat the end of the overseers. Who knows? So all I'm saying, I'm still first on initiative. So you are, but you're spending 10 rounds chanting hut, hut, hut. I don't know what. Would it be great if that spell started by just protecting you? And it's like, just. Um, so wow, this ended in a way that I did not see coming. I thought it's never a boring session with you guys. No, we were going to be in a library in Newberry. Yeah. I thought I would be buying some stuff. I feel like the roles weren't necessarily with you guys tonight. No, no. But if you're going to have a bad role, a six, not good.

If you're gonna have a bad role, go for the one. And I think you did it. I think you got it. Thank you. Thank you. I'm going to blame it on sleep deprivation. I'm going to blame it on making our character portraits. I'm going to blame it on bad RNG. Pushes up glasses. You guys are just faking it anyway. Let's get through this combat before we commission any more archives. Yeah, let's see what happens in March. I was already ready to do that group portrait too. Oh, man. Now's the time to not do it. Here's the thing. If you guys get through this, I will personally commission a group portrait for the overseas.

Personally. That does not bode well. That's for Jason money. That's the... You guys, you guys are going to be great. It's going to be great. It's going to go very poorly. I honestly think it's a good thing we're stopping tonight. Just so you guys can get whatever the fuck bad mojo is happening. I don't know what you're talking about. I rolled great the whole night, except that one D20 in the beginning. But all my checks? Incredible. We haven't even heard from my rage ring this whole session. That's true, actually. That's interesting. I wonder if that would change the game.

I think that it's a rage ring now. You just made up your mind. I assume that's what my wisdom checks or whatever I was doing was for. It is, yes. But yeah, it's not just flat out rage. Anyway, thank you guys for sitting down. Desperate anger. You're right. I'm sorry. Desperate. We're going to need some of that desperate anger next time. We'll be right back after these words from our sponsors. Please don't go anywhere. I'm really excited about this arc. Everyone is doing crazy different stuff, and every time I sit down with a party, it's kind of refreshing. It's this weird 180 over and over and over again.

So I really hope you guys enjoyed today's episode. We'd love to hear what you think over on the Discord, in our Facebook, on Reddit. The Knights have been working their butts off to try and get some regular discourse going on on Reddit. We're trying to get social media sparked up to a point where it isn't just one or two people commenting. We'd love to hear your thoughts. Obviously, the Kickstarter is still going on, and Jameson is hosting a Mutants and Masterminds game this next week. That's this coming Saturday, the 20th of February. If you're around, please come check it out.

He's really excited about this, and he might do a much better job at running a Mutants and Masterminds game than I did. Other than that, guys, thank you so much for listening this week. Please spread the word, let everybody know you listen to the show, and we'll see you next week with a brand new episode. But until then, good luck with your games.