More Money, More Problems

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[clink] [clink] Pickaxe. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you don't gotta cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. It's your first job? I know what I'm doing. I'm a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else.

Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um... [clears throat] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Only on Peacock. Welcome to ARK4, episode 5 of the DNR podcast. This week we're catching up with the Overseers. Having found some ore and gemstones in the last session, their luck might be turning around. But before that, we need to hear from a few of our sponsors. Please stick around, we'll be right back. Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves.

I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master, going around the table starting with Jasper. Hello, I'm Jasper. I play Thloss Valal, Ore Extractor and former Archmage. And Jameson. Hi, I'm Jameson. I play Cave Warring, the Foreman of the Twin Oaks Mining Company. And Xavier. Hello, I'm Xavier and I play Dr. Chapman, the Mines Physician. And last and certainly not least, Valerie. Hi, I'm Valerie and I play Linda Wright, the brand new owner of the Twin Oaks Mining Company. And you guys are off to just a boffo start. It's going great. Last time... we wanted to recap stuff before we started.

Last time, you know, it's kind of running around like a chicken with its head cut off right now. I believe Cave went to go check out Cobb, who may be your new explosives expert. But I don't know, he's got an AC interview, I think, first. Jesus, what's Linda doing right now? Linda was pretty gung ho about going into the mines, like taking a tour. Was she? I mean, that's how we left off. You were pretty like, "Yeah, let's do it everybody." How about we catch up with Cave first? Okay. Cave is going to find Cobb, who is this rail-thin tiefling gentleman. And he's kind of got this hunch to his back, like he has scoliosis.

Like, kind of, you know, kind of hunched over. And as you approach him, he's sitting at this picnic table area. Like, okay, if it were modern day, there'd be a food truck there. Something like that. And he's kind of sitting there hunched over like he's worried someone's going to steal his food or something like that. And Cave, I imagine, would come up behind him. How would you approach? Yeah, so Cave would be, when he left Linda and Leo, he would have left at a full sprint. So when he finds Cobb, he would approach pretty much at a full sprint and then come to a really quick stop and do that thing where you want to pretend like you weren't just running.

Like, oh, and just like lean against something and be like, "Hey, hey Cobb, what is going on?" Cobb's the type, he's got a real nervous energy about him, right? Kind of Valerie-esque, if you will. Just very kind of, you know. That's what I was going to say. It's charming, but acquired. Like you gotta, it's like, you know, he's going to have something in his hands and as you approach just kind of jiggle it. Not comically in the air, but just kind of like. And he's going to turn back, "Oh, hi. Hi boss. What's up?" Hey, have you seen, I was wondering, have you seen Lenny around?

That's okay, don't hurt yourself. Lenny died in an explosion and I want to know. I'll do it. I'm sorry, what? I'm taking over. I'll take over. You can count on me, boss. I'm ready. Okay, let's take it. Let's hang on a sec. Lenny died in an explosion and your reaction was, "Yay, a job?" You're right. Yeah, nope. You're right. That was insensitive. We should, you know what? Moment of silence. No, I don't care if you like the guy. Moment of silence. All right, what were you saying? I'm so sorry. Yeah, that's fine. Lenny, you didn't seem surprised when I said, I called you Lenny, I'm sorry.

Cobb, you didn't seem surprised when I said that Lenny died in an explosion. Would you happen to know if you just guessed at what he was using when that explosion went off, what do you think he might have been using? Because you're an expert, right? I... yes? Did you give him something? Uh... well, I've been training under Lenny for quite some time. Sometimes he wanted something with a little extra kick. So I took the initiative, boss, you can say that, and I supplied Lenny, yes. Okay, yeah, let me... I'd like to roll an insight on that response, because I distinctly remember Leo saying, "Lenny hadn't actually trained yet, so training under Lenny is suspense to me." Free sus.

So that's a seven. Okay, well, I still think it'd come off as like, because this guy's got shady energy, right? Right. And you know he's been to prison, so... So you may not... it's not like you're not totally convinced one way or the other, but you're like, "Mmm." Yeah. Okay, I'll give you an example, boss. And he's going to... there's this glass bottle. I think almost like a decanter, something like that. So there's a little rubber stopper on top of it. And there is a mixture of liquid in it. And he's going to hold it outstretched, not unlike a grenade, and march toward caves.

Boss, take a look at this. I've been working, and I think I can drastically cut down on how much explosive material we need in a day by using this. It's ten times more potent. Look, we sacrifice a little. We sacrifice a little away of stability. But! And he's shaking the bottle as he's talking to you. Yeah, so at first he's gonna... caves gonna like back away and make it a point to like keep... Like almost like reverse magnets, like keep directly the same distance from him as he can. But as soon as he says that there's a sacrifice in stability, he's actually gonna swoop in and like gather the thing in his hands and take it from him.

And be like, "Okay." Yeah, he won't fight you either. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get a look at that. No, Cobb, I'm gonna... Hey, shh. Take a deep breath, please. Let's just take a minute, alright? So, I love the initiative, I really do. But the thing I'm concerned about right now, and he's gonna... he's like cupping whatever this is in both hands. This is in a glass bottle. And you just said it's not stable, right? Yes. Have you seen the people who walk around this place? They are not careful people, Cobb. Oh. Yeah. Ah, okay. No, I... Yeah, I wanna reiterate. Lenny just died.

So, what can we do? I like more potent. That's good. I don't like less stable. I'm a fan of stable, Cobb. Okay? So what can we do? Well, I got... Um, he's kind of dejected. Like, it's like, "Oh, man, I was working on that." Okay, okay, okay. We'll come back to that. I clearly... that's just my first pitch. I can totally... I'll rework it, boss. Don't worry about it. I have... I'm a little worried about it, but go on. Okay, but okay. I got this. I got this one. And he's excited. Like, a fucking... like... like... just... You know, like, kids in elementary school, when the fire bell goes off, it's just like, "Ah!" Like, just the pure chaos.

There is a backpack sitting next to him, which I imagine it just looks like a backpack. And he is going to lift it up and spin around toward Cave, and then pull back the flap on the top of it. There's these little leather straps that are kind of pinned down. And he's gonna pull it back, and... This thing is packed to the brim with explosives. But the way... Okay, you ever see Die Hard with a Vengeance? Yes. Do you remember the liquids that had to mix together, and then it becomes this potent explosive? Jesus Christ, yes. Like that. And there's a thin... Almost this paper stopper between them.

And he... Like, after he grabs it and shakes it and gives it to you, he's like, "Wait. Okay. Don't shake this one until you're ready for it to go off, but this is pretty stable." "As long as the two liquids don't mix together, it's not explosive. It's not explosive!" "You could march around with this all day in your back, boss. Try it. Here. Just let me put it... Just give me your right arm." "No, I'm gonna stop you right there. Stop moving for one second, please." He's still got the glass thing, like, cupped in two hands. He's like, "What do I do with this?

I want to put this down." "Please help me. What do I do with this?" "Don't take it from me, because I don't want you to. But where do I put this so that it does not explode and kill both of us?" Put it in the backpack. "I think we both know that's a terrible idea. Do you have anything else?" First pitch, boss. Sorry. Sorry. First pitch. First pitch. Okay. We... There's... Oh! Drop it in the hole? The hole... Is an area of this camp. It started out as a place to test explosives, but very quickly... The bottom fell out of it, literally. One day they were testing something, and...

There wasn't just a little crater. There was just a hole with no discernible bottom. They've tried shining lights in there, they've tried... But again, since they didn't get a result very quickly, they just lost interest. Okay. How far is the hole from where we are? Not far. Like, you know, 20, 30 yards. Okay. But just away from the camp, obviously. Yeah, it was far enough away that they were testing explosives in the first place. Right. Okay. Yeah, you know what? Why don't you take that backpack, don't strap explosives to me, you hold the backpack, I'm gonna hold this, and we're gonna take a walk over to the hole.

I think that's a great idea. Alright. Okay, let's do it. So, I'm getting the impression from him that he's actually, like, he's very eager. Not that he's got, like, ex-con, I'm just like, I'm gonna blow something up just to hurt people type deal. Like, he just likes doing this, right? I mean, not necessarily to hurt people. But if that happens, then hey. That is a byproduct. Okay, cool. Yeah, so we'll take a walk over. I'm gonna keep respectful distance, but we'll take a careful walk over to the hole. When you get there, can I get a perception check, please?

Yeah. There it is. Hey, there we go. Eight. You, this thing, again, it's just a deep dark hole, right? And he's going to have the backpack strapped to him, and he's going to be clutching this glass decanter. Now what? Drop it in? Do you want me to drop it in? How excited are you to drop it in? I'm pretty fucking excited, boss. Do you want me to, can I drop it in? Okay, listen. I'm going to tell you to drop it in. And then we're going to talk. All right, so you go ahead, you drop that in. Okay. Do you want me to do one at a time or both at the same time? Please do one at a time.

I can't, I don't think I could emotionally handle it if both of those went off at once. Okay, okay, okay. So he's going to drop the decanter in. And for a while, nothing's going to happen. And then you're going to hear a distant explosion. And just the smallest, like if you were looking in this hole, you'd see like a bit of light, like a fire or something like that, but it's very distant. And Cobb looks so disappointed. Like he deflates in front of you, just like, ugh. Okay, the backpack. Can I do the backpack now? Okay. Let's do the backpack too. I'd like to start from scratch on all this.

So let's go ahead and let's do the backpack too. Okay. And he is going to shake this thing vigorously. Gleefully too, like, hahaha. And then drop it. And again, for a long time, nothing is going to happen. And then simultaneously, you're going to hear the explosion much more clear than the first one was. And you're going to feel the ground shake. And if you were to look into this hole quite a ways up it, there's going to be this column of fire. And after about ten seconds or so, everything is going to calm down. And Cobb looks much more pleased. Okay. So while he's, um, I'm going to go ahead and assume he's easily distracted by anything on fire.

So while he's distracted by that, I'm going to put an arm on his shoulder and that kind of shoulder embrace while we're looking at the fire together. Okay, so Cobb, here's what I think I'd like to do. You are now our explosives guy, okay? But, and I can't stress this enough, it's only because there's nobody else. Okay? I don't have a choice. It's you. So here's how it's going to work. If anybody dies in an explosion who isn't you, it's going to create problems for you. Do you understand? Okay. What if there's like a probable doubt? No, I think I think that if there's an explosion or a fire anywhere, anywhere within 10 miles of this mine.

Yeah. If there's anything to do with fire or explosions within 10 miles of this mine and somebody gets hurt or killed, I'm going to blame you. This is now your responsibility. Do you understand? Seems pretty unfair. Yeah. Well, you know what? Life isn't real fair and I'm going to kind of like rip his shoulder a little bit tighter and kind of like the weight of my body is going to kind of be leaning in toward the hole a little bit. He's visibly sweating. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, I get it. I will. Yeah, sorry. Sure. Good. Yeah, so that's good. So I think that with that understanding that you're going to have a lot of responsibility.

I think that we can start from scratch on brainstorming and come up with some explosives that that are big dumb miners can operate without dying. I, I'm... Boss, I'm the most careful. You'll see. I... there... he's tripping over words and stuff. There's no one, no one, no one more careful than me. And it's not because everyone's dead. It's because I'm the most careful. You should have came to me from the beginning. Yeah, yeah. I was I was told not to, but that's fine. I want to trust you. I really do. But I think until we get things really rolling here a little bit, and he hasn't let up his grip on his shoulder at all.

I think until we get things rolling here, I better not find out that you made a single bomb without running it past me or Linda. Okay. Where's Linda? Oh, Linda's the new boss. You'll meet Linda. All right, let's go meet Linda. Yeah, let's go meet Linda. But, but real quick again, just for emphasis, not one. No grenades, no alchemists fire. Not anything gets made until I know about it. Or Linda, you'll meet Linda. Is that okay with you? Yeah, yeah, no. Yeah, it's fine. I'd like to roll an intimidation check. For sure. I wish I had proficiency. I wish. That's a 12.

Okay. You get the impression that you made an impression. Okay. Okay. And he's going to do kind of back away like, okay, okay, okay. Kind of, kind of, it's because his back is so hunched over, but it looks like he's bowing and like shaking his head the entire time and then kind of scampers off to do his own thing. Okay. Around this time, so Linda wanted to tour the mine. Do you want a group to go do that? Or was this a thing where Linda's just comfortable like grabbing cave or something and just doing it? Oh, um, I mean, I, I think she assumed it would be like her and Leo.

Okay. Going through, because that's who she was talking to about it. So that it was like, it was like more of, you know, you know how when there's like business people and they get like a private tour of the facilities. I was thinking like something like that. Okay. So, Leo would be getting stuff ready. So he, he grabbed a lantern and just, so there's some minecart tracks leading up to this place and the front end of this mine is pretty, pretty well reinforced. And as he's kind of getting stuff together, he's like, watch your head, watch your head. Hey boss, you want to, you want to come along in this one?

I kind of want to show you the new, what we found. He was talking, I'm sorry, he was talking to Keith. Oh, I'm sorry. They caught, they caught back up to me. I think it'd be like, as you're wrapping up with Cobb, it would be like, it's like, Hey, you want to, you want to do this? Yeah. He'll, he'll just be like, ah, yeah, you know what? That'd be great. You, um, let's do it. Let's go ahead. What's Floss doing right about now? That's a good question. So floss, uh, last, last, uh, we, we thought about floss and Chapman, there was, there was a lot of stuff going on with people losing limbs.

Um, uh, Chuck, I believe lost an arm. Gwen was losing a foot or something like that. Last, last we thought about floss. I think it was, um, he basically sort of just, uh, put his arms around Chuck just enough, not to squeeze him, but just simply to hold it, like make a cage around him so that he couldn't move so that Chapman can do whatever he needed to do. So I don't know if a little bit of time has passed here, but I imagine that maybe Chuck is, is within the physician's tent. What do you think? I figure we're wrapping up like, uh, it's not a long procedure, uh, but certainly with your help, it made it much quicker.

Um, so. It went from a minute to about half a minute. Uh, so yeah, unless you wanted to wait by the tent, I'm assuming Chapman would just finish wrapping up like bandages around the, the wounds and telling them to like, you can hear him say through the tent, like, I remember the voice, hold on. Now you make sure you drink water. You need to keep your humor balanced. And he, uh, he just pulls out the flap of the tent and comes out, wipes his hand with a dirty cloth, just tosses it in like a barrel. Despite a tent that's full of other like bloody dirty cloths.

Um, and he kind of nods at you for helping him. This is like, well, bloody hell. I haven't had this many, this many patients at the, at the clinic since the last kind of collapse. And I don't mean the last time kind of broke down. I mean the last time the mine shaft fell on workers. Well, that should have been at least a day ago, if not more correct. Basically it's like this, this hasn't happened for, for, for a while since the last one. Was that sometime in the past day or two? I must have been awake at least. Absolutely fair. So, uh, Floss is just quickly, he'll, he's going to sort of raise his hand just to just give me just a moment, um, to, uh, to Chapman and he's going to stick his head back into the, to the flap of the, of the tent.

I imagine that Chuck is probably, probably almost unconscious, like just like from pain or whatever. Oh God, they're either crying or unconscious. Yeah. I mean, there's probably some sort of combination of unconscious and tears. Um, uh, Floss will, will walk over to, um, to Chuck and say, and it's going to be, believe me, this is, this is tone deaf, right? This is completely not understanding that there's tears and pain going on right now. Mr. Chuck, I definitely detest what you've been dealing with at the moment. Um, if I could give you one of my arms, I certainly would.

Unfortunately it seems they're permanently attached. Unlike yours. Uh, quick question. What, what day of the week is this? Is this early in the week or late in the week? I'd say this is like a Tuesday. Uh, uh, to Chuck, Floss will say, Mr. Chuck, have a fantastic weekend. And then he'll walk back out to, uh, to Mr. Chapman. And then he's going to clap Chapman on the back and say, now what? And it's going to be very, very happy. So, okay. One second. Just one second. So while Leo is gathering stuff, uh, and, and getting ready to give the grand tour. So like there's, you know, he's got the lantern out, he's got, you know, like rope and stuff like that just in case.

Right. Especially now, it's like, okay, this is the new boss. We want to look like we have our heads on straight. Someone is going to come running out of the mine and make eye contact with Linda and then kind of stop. And then look at Leo and run up to Leo and whisper something in his ear. And Leo's going to stand there for just a second and then whisper back. Can I get a perception check from Linda? Yeah, yeah. 17. So you're going to hear, you're going to hear part of what this stranger whispers to Leo and it sounds like a bagger, bandana, but definitely a bee sound.

And you're going to hear Leo go, are you sure? And just frantic head nodding from the guy. Okay. Uh, you know what, before we take a tour, why don't we, uh, uh, let's take a tour of, uh, the lunch area. Let's take a tour of the lunch area and then, uh, we can, we can absolutely go to the mine later. Well later. Well, if, if that's what you think will, will be the best then that I'm totally down for that. He's going to give Cave a look. Like if he can get, like, if he can guide Linda in a direction and start pushing, he's going to give Cave a look like, like there's a problem.

Uh, okay. So is the look he giving like deal with Linda so I can deal with this or deal with this while I deal with Linda? I like, this is more like lean in. I have to tell you this now. Like this is like, tell me what to do is almost like, Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So he'll, yeah, he'll definitely lean down to, to listen in. Um, he, so he's gonna, he's gonna lean in and whisper. Can I get a perception check again, Linda? Uh, yes. Oh my God. 23. Linda's going to hear every word of this. So, okay. You remember the explosion and reopened up that new wing, right? Yeah, vividly.

We got badgers. I'm sorry. Did you say, did you just say badgers? Yeah, big ones. Like big, like, uh, what's the term? Dire badgers. But it's, so this shows plenty of promise. Don't get me wrong, but they came skittering out of nowhere. What do you want me to do? I have a question really quick. Um, are badgers like a thing, like on the mainland? I mean, much smaller. Yeah. Like, I forgot what a badger is. Oh, the badger is the black and white one, right? Yeah. Kind of like an angry looking skunk almost. Right. Yeah. Okay. Like you might get them in your garden or something like that.

They're nibbling or I bet they're a nuisance. Like the, like dire badger doesn't like conjure an image. Like it's like, what, what would that even look like? Like, I guess size it up. Like, is it just bigger? So, uh, yes. Okay. It's going to be like, well, do we have anybody? Do we have anybody who can, who's, who does animals? I forget. Are they still around? I mean, we had a guy who did animals, but I don't think that's the way you meant it. No, I remember him. No, that's not what I meant. You know, somebody like a trainer or something. I don't know. Who's good with animals.

I don't think, I don't, I don't think you're going to train these. I just want to get them out of there. No, I get it. Like we can look, if you want, we could just blow the whole thing up and just be done with it. Blow the whole thing up. There's animals in there. Oh, Hey Linda. Um, yeah, so we got some, we got a problem. We're just, um, not a problem. It's not a problem. We just have, um, some, uh, animals living in the new tunnel we opened and we have to, uh, we just got to get them out. That's all. Right. So is there any like, um, oh fuck, what is it called?

What is it, what is it called in the world? You know, when the pet control, you know, the, um, I think, but you know, the ones that like pick up like puppies out on the street, that's animal control, right? Yes. Yeah. Jesus, Valerie. Okay. Um, Linda's going to say, well, don't you have some sort of animal control over here? They can probably handle it, right? Yeah. I mean, not really. Not really. No, we don't have that. We're going to have to get in there and, um, and get the badgers out. So listen, um, if you want to spend some time in the lunch area, um, I'm sure you'll be able to have some palatable lunch.

Uh, and I'll go ahead and round up a team to get those badgers out of there. And then we can show you around a little bit. You know what, actually lunch sounds great. I don't know the last time I've had a real meal, you know, being on the road for so long and all. Gave a kind of look at Leo and be like, uh, okay. Yeah. So, um, I'm going to go find some, um, some badger getters, Leo, if you want to, um, show Laura, uh, Linda. I read Laura bars. Yeah. Um, and then, uh, yeah, like he's not going to wait for response. He's going to, he's only turn on his heel and go and walk away.

Uh, do you want a sandwich? If that's what you guys, I want to be just with you guys. I know I don't want you to think of me as the boss, you know? So if you guys eat sandwiches, I want to eat sandwiches as well. Huh? Okay. Help me. I don't want to be too forward here, boss, but I was, uh, I was under the impression you were kind of coming in, busting heads. There's a new sheriff in town type of vibe. You're, it sounds like you're a woman of the people. Well, yes, I'd like to think that I am. I mean, I'd like to think that I could be both. Don't you? Isn't that possible?

I don't know. I've never seen it. I mean, if you're serious, I'll yeah, we'll get you a traditional lunch. We can, hell, we can get you in there fighting badgers if you want. Well, let's not go that far just yet. But, but I appreciate the, Oh my God, what's the word? Animal control. The pie over four. You know, not effort, the, the, not the, the, the, you know, the, the vibe, you know? Sentiment. I appreciate the vibe. Yes. Sentiment. That's the word. I appreciate the sentiment. I like to think all that was in character. If someone could just, you know, edit around that, that'd be great.

All that stays in. So yeah, he's going to take you to get a bite, a bite to eat. What's Cave doing? Cave's going to find Floss. And I need my hitter. Floss and Doc Chapman are still hanging out, right? Yeah. We're just, I mean, there's nothing to do. It's basically like all of the, the, whatever adrenaline has gone from all of the sawing of, of limbs. Yeah. It's just sort of, we're just standing. It's like basically a smoke break without the smoke. Yeah. Chapman's cleaning up. He sent, uh, he's leaving the both of them to sleep, I guess. They kind of need it. Uh, but yeah, he's cleaning up.

He's, he's closing shop. Yes. So Cave will come, come, uh, again, like running up full sprint and then stop a few paces out and act like he wasn't just running and be like, Hey, uh, Floss, what's up? Hey, what are you up to? Are you guys done with- Mr. Cave. Hey, how'd the sawing go? The sawing was fantastic. Mr. Chuck's actually completely mended at this point. I think Miss Gwyn as well. Yeah. Um, okay. So Cave makes it a point to not ever make eye contact with, with Dr. Chapman. Yeah. Dr. Chapman is just like staring at you, waiting for you to make eye contact.

He kind of like glances over at him and then returns back to Floss and be like, that's, that's awesome. Um, listen, what's up to you? You, you, you don't have anything to do right now, right? At the moment, I think completely free. Would you like for me to throw something at something or bend something? Um, yeah. How do you feel about badgers? You want to bend some badgers? Absolutely. What's a badger? Uh, well, turns out they're, um, I guess they're dire badgers. I don't really know what that means either. I guess they're just big, they're big animals and they're in that new tunnel that opened up and, um, and, uh, we need them out of there.

So I, I need your help. Um, hey doc, I don't suppose Chuck is still available to, uh, cause he's usually one of our guys for this type of thing. But, um, No, Chuck is resting. Okay. Um, how big, how big a badger are we talking? I'll be honest with you. I don't know, but, um, it got Leo pretty spooked. So I'm going to say it's probably bigger than Leo. I could probably give you a hand. Got nothing else to do. Let's do it more than please to throw something at it. Yeah. Come on along. That'll be sure. Um, I'll, I'll, yeah. Follow me guys. This'll work out just fine.

Uh, yeah. Floss will pick up the pickaxe and, uh, put it over his shoulder and, uh, stride right behind cave and, and sort of just motion to Chapman. Yeah. He just finishes wiping his, his search. So surgical knives, uh, tosses the cloth in the same barrel, tucks the knives in his, uh, apron and follows along. Is this quote like blood spattered at this point? Oh yeah, it is. It's like permanently always. It's always, yeah, just a little bit more now. So it sounds like three, you guys are going in. Sounds like it. Okay. So who's okay. Paint a picture for me. Who's leading the way.

First of all, where's that guy who came out and told Leo? Cause I want to find him. I want him to show us where to go. Um, he'd be somewhere close to the entrance of the mine. So if you were to find him, uh, real like, just this, this just, okay. Just covered in soot and coal and like just filthy, filthy dude. Do I know this guy's name? I'd say this guy, okay. This guy's such a gopher, like a runner that his job is just to deliver messages back and forth. But if I'd say maybe you had a passing, like maybe you were introduced to him at some point, but his name's Griffin.

Griffin. Okay. Um, he's an elf. Okay. Can I roll intelligence to see if I know his name? I just want to, yeah. Okay. Two. I do not know. So I'll see him and be like, Hey, um, uh, Hey, um, Hey bud. Uh, so show us where the badges are. Uh, and he's going to kind of straighten up when he sees you coming. It's like, Oh shit. Boss is coming. Okay. Okay. Um, yeah. So we were digging and, um, we saw a bunch of claw marks and then, um, one of these things just kind of came out of the dark. So we started running. We don't, they're big. It's a good strategy. Everybody got out, right?

Oh yeah, no. I mean, we just got started back to work with the, um, you know, cave-in. Okay. Yeah. That's a good idea. Hey, um, I'm going to have to ask you to go back in though, so that you can show us where they are so we can, we can, uh, take care of them. Is that cool? Yeah, no, I that's totally fine. Boss. I'll hear. And he's gonna, he's going to take a lantern off the wall here and start heading in. So, um, the new wing opened up and there's like a bunch of pathways back here, but, um, I don't know. I don't know where any of them go. Uh, but we saw some glimmering, like there might be gemstone.

Oh, that's promising. Okay. So, um, yeah, so let's, uh, let's get, uh, badgers out and then we'll, we'll see what we got to work with here. Okay. He's going to walk with you for a while. Uh, there's kind of this weird tense silence. Everyone's once like, like that kind of thing. And then eventually he's going to lead you to, uh, this big fresh hole. A lot of the rubble, like there's, there's like this hillock of rubble that you'd have to kind of climb over traverse. But on the other side of it is this, this long thin tunnel that opens up, right? And Griffin's going to stop.

Uh, it's in, so if you go left and then keep going. All right. Well, we will, uh, we will take it from here. Thank you. Um, well, thanks. And, uh, we'll turn to look at floss and be like, Hey, do you mind, uh, do you mind leading the way big guy? Absolutely not. And he'll just take the stride immediately, just sort of waiting for the, for the thumbs up. Okay. Quick question. Um, is the mine, is there light, like torches installed on the sides of the wall or are we carrying our own light? I'm not sure who's got dark vision amongst us. I figured from this point on, you're carrying your own light cause this is all new, right?

They haven't, there's no infrastructure whatsoever. There's no bracings. There's no nothing. So, um, I would imagine so like cave doesn't have dark vision. I don't think cave does have dark vision floss definitely does not, but happy also to lead the way. So I think it's more like, let me know if I'm going in the wrong direction. Uh, yeah, we will, of course. And he'll kind of like step aside and kind of indicate to Chapman to like, go on and go on and. You know what? I'll carry a torch cause it's silly to just have floss walking in the darkness. Floss would not have considered it.

Yeah. Chapman will have a, he'll be carrying the torch. Well, do me a favor. Give me a floss. Give me a perception check. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let me get there. Perception. Oh, one of my best. My wisdom is high. That's a, that's a seven. You have a negative two. Okay. So, oh yeah. That's not my worst either. So there are these holes and they'd come up to, geez, I don't know. They're maybe like two feet across somewhere in there and they're angled. So they're, they're at your feet, but angled like 45 degrees. So they're, they're like drilling into dirt and rock, that type of thing.

And around them, you can see these big claw marks and you could tell that it was an animal digging in there. It's not like a naturally occurring thing. It wasn't any of your guys, that's for sure. But floss would not see that. And as you guys go trekking into this place, I think a big clawed maul is going to take a swipe at floss. Plus three and swing. Jesus, 19. Oh yeah. Okay. Okay. Oh yeah. Are you asking me? Oh yeah. Yeah. No, I was, I was curious. So, okay. Uh, oh shit. Sorry. That's 2d4. So this is going to do six damage. And what's going to happen is this thing is going to come out and the paw is so much bigger than the arm it's attached to.

Like it's almost like comically inflated and it's going to take a swipe and dig into floss's leg and basically rip a chunk out like just slash tear claw. Does floss have any reaction to that? Yeah, it would be a simple, I mean, I don't know if this is an initiative type of thing, but it would be a very quick reaction to kind of like a golf swing with the pickaxe, like, shwoom boom. Got it. Uh, you know what? Give me a swing. Yep. I think that's only fair. Oh, that's a crit. Okay. We're not going to roll on the table, but just give me whatever damage you'd have.

Don't forget. Yeah. I know you can't target. Double or die. 20. So you're going to lop this thing's arm off, clean off, and you're going to hear this horrible high pitched shrieking sound. And if you were to look into this hole, you'd see this thing wriggling and squirming and then eventually stop. Like floss just killed it outright. That's why he's in front. Floss will immediately turn back around after the golf swing. And just look back at Cave and Chapman. I think they're here. Well, they were. Yeah. Good job. Let's do that some more. Do you think they're more?

Well, they didn't use plural. Well, let's keep going. I'll be right there behind you. I actually want to take note. What's Chapman's reaction when the arm gets chopped off this? Because Cave is like watching Chapman for a reaction. He's kind of like his, you see his head and his eyes just like trace the arc that the arm does before falling to the ground. Takes note of where it fell. Okay. Just curious. I don't think it's going to be too much time after you hear that horrible shriek that you're going to hear lots of skittering. And these things are going to emerge from several holes around the place and they are fucking ugly.

Like they are very like it could be debated that a badger is kind of cute, like, you know, but these things are almost like. Do you remember the princess bribery that was clearly someone in a rat suit like hunched over? Oh, you know, kind of like that, like they almost stand on two legs, but not quite. Their limbs are very exaggerated. Their their hands and feet are huge. And oh, yeah, they're there. Yeah, they're not super cute. Kind of bulgy eyes, big, big teeth. So you're going to see four of these things come skittering at you, but you gather it probably would have been five if not for floss.

Can I get you guys to roll initiative for me? You got it. Ooh, that ain't bad. Except for floss. That's all right. So let's get these guys to roll now. OK, the badgers rolled pretty damn well. The cool thing is at the end of every round. We reroll initiative, the table automatically does it. Don't you worry about it. It'll be taken care of. So arc four, baby. Yeah, a bad initial could be a great initiative role. I don't know. Oh, is this just like a new thing that we're doing? Oh, it's a new thing. OK, fine. Some people think so. Well, we haven't fought yet. A giant badger number one is going to move on up here to floss target floss.

See multi attack. Oh, my God. One with its bite and one with its claws. So here we go. Here's bite. Jesus, that's a high roll. Twenty. Yep. Yes, six damage to floss and then one with its heels. Fourteen. That'll hit. Six more damage. That's damn. That's that's not great. Ah, shit. Giant badger number two. Blood floss. Going to move on up here. God, it's a floss bite. That's going to miss and claw. That's going to miss cave. Oh, OK. So I don't I don't know what this looks like, but like I imagine they're just ripping parts off of floss like it like he doesn't bleed, obviously.

But like these things are ruthless. They're just like slashing and kind of grabbing at the same time. So he's going to be like, ah, oh, what do I do? What do I do? OK. He's going to take a step up this way and OK. He's going to kind of psych himself up a little bit and his eyes, for anybody who's looking in his direction, are going to start to glow sort of this deep, almost maroon red with like a crackle around them. And eventually after a minute of that, not a minute, a few seconds of that build up. Ten turns later. Ten whole turns later. It'll be worth it, guys.

Just wait. A blast of basically just chaos energy is going to come flying out of his eyes and hit this badger number one here. Eleven. That'll hit. That's nine points of damage. Yeah, you're going to hit this thing solid, like right in the broadside. Like it's it's going to kind of tumble over and right itself. But it's going to take a second. Like it's got a rock on its back like a turtle for a second. Yeah. And at the same time that it screams in pain, he screams in pain, too. And he like covers his eyes with his palms and goes, "Argh! Argh!" It's like energy, like trickling around his hands because it hurts so goddamn much.

And he's done with his turn. Dr. Chapman. Chapman's going to read the situation, going to try to see, peek behind cave, see there's another one coming, just poking out the side of the wall of the tunnel. You'll see the other two that are starting to circle around Floss and you'll just take quick two steps around Floss and just dodge the big, nasty snout of one of the badgers. And he'll just kind of like go around Floss in between the other two badgers. And he'll in the same movement, he'll take one of his long surgical knives and he'll swing at badger number one, the one that Cave just hit.

You hit it. So I'm going to add my sneak attack. Let's pray. Oof. OK, well, bad news is that's two ones. Good news is that's enough to kill the badgers. That is good news. Badger number one is no more. Great. And then with the torch he's carrying in his other hand, I want to see I want to know if it's possible to do like an offhand attack as a bonus action. With the torch? Yeah. Which would be like, I guess, a club or something. Yeah. If you'd allow it. Like a 1d4 type of thing, I guess. Yeah. Go ahead. Cool. OK, let's swing. See if it hits. Oh, that'll hit. That'll be 12.

OK, so my damage will be four. Give me a flat d20. Ah, perfect. OK, so you are going to hit this badger and it's dirty matted fur is going to ignite immediately. So standing next to Floss and Dr. Chapman, this cape is going to illuminate very quickly because there's essentially a furry clawed bonfire right in front of you. And it is going to scream in pain. And then behind the group, a giant badger is going to run up to cave. Try to bite. Oh, 20. That'll hit. That will hit. Three damage and then claw 20 again. Six damage. Also. Floss. Right, so Floss will as Chapman is doing all of this deft attacking after all of that's taken care of and the and giant badger number two is caught on fire.

He's going to look over and with whatever smile makes sense for a war forged like this. Mr. Chapman, much appreciated. And then he's going to sort of start to whir like you're going to hear like, like a machine that's not quite working very well. And he's going to attack the badger right next to him. And this is going to immediately be reckless attack. So first attack on my turn, it's going to be advantage on melee weapon. And he's just going to go straight through pickaxe through the head. Very nice. And also add a plus two to it. So advantage plus 14 will hit.

And I should mention also with all of this, it's it's reckless attack immediately, but it's also rage immediately. It's it's it's all on or not in a way as long as it can happen. So the rage is just going to take in the plus two for melee. I want to make sure that there's a picture painted here of it's not beautiful, organic, beautiful attack, right? It's it's like a machine that isn't working correctly, just sort of hammering in the wrong directions, almost like it's just out of control and like an unbalanced washer. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. And I think you'd probably hear noises like that as well.

But a break in it. Holy shit. 14 will kill the badger to what Floss said. Chapman will reply. Well, I can't do anything for your wound, so you better not go dying. Floss is just going to look down at the flaming corpse just for a moment. I know this is in the middle of combat, but he's actually still going to do this. Just as in conversation with Chapman, as though there were no combat happening. I believe it probably smells quite nice. It makes me quite hungry, which is interesting because I don't believe I have a stomach. And then that ends that ends his turn.

This is an interesting combat in that you guys are playing rocket tag. Like the badgers hit for a shit ton. You guys hit for a shit ton. It's just a race to see who hits most. Giant badger number four is going to come running on up. Target. Chapman and bite. Oh, that's going to miss. And claw. That's going to hit 20 again. These fucking guys with the 20s. Four. All right. And here we go. Let's reroll that initiative. Boom. Oh, my God. Look at that. See, that's why we're doing this. Chapman, then floss. Go. Who's going to do it? Yeah. So I imagine like he blasts this badger that's in front of him and this other badger comes running around the corner behind him and slashes in the back and bites him.

Where he was covering his eyes with his palms, like drops them because he's now screaming in pain because he just got slashed. The beam of energy, like goes slashing up into the ceiling and he whips around and just points it at the badger behind him. Just like this laser that's being waved around in this cave. Just going full teenage cyclops. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, fully, fully. So we're going to we're going to target this badger and we're going to shoot an Eldritch Blast at it. A agonizing blast for 14. And then we're going to do this damage and we're going to roll the minimum for four damage.

It's a glancing blow. It's only partially agonizing. It hurt me more than it hurt him. Medium success. Anything else? No, that's it. I'm going to just be hollering in anguish. Dr. Chapman. Well, I guess you're right, Floss. I am getting quite hungry. And he tried to like nick the badger right in the neck. Go for the jugular, I guess. Yeah. Shit, 21 will hit. Oh my God. 14 damage will kill it. You're on a roll. It's good that we are at this point. Yeah, I was genuinely concerned for my friends. Oh boy. And session two, let's start a new group. And so, yeah, he'll wipe the knife on his apron and turn around and look at the rest of the group.

And that's it for me. Hey Floss. All right. So Floss is going to immediately just straight over to next to Cave and Giant Badger number three. He's going to actually push Cave out of the way. You know, the arm, whenever you're stopping a car a little fast and you put your arm out to hold somebody who's in the passenger seat. He's going to do that, but he's going to then shove Cave sort of out of the way if possible. And then he's going to, with his other arm, slam down with a pickaxe. This is still rage, but that's for damage. So we'll see how this goes.

Oh, that's a nine. Well, you get your plus two. That would be a 11. Yeah, no. Yeah, no, that's just for the reckless attack will do for the attack, but rage will do for the damage. 11 doesn't do it? It does do it. Sorry. Yes. Sorry. Flanking with an 11 will hit. Yes, you have a plus two. Well then, cool. I'm an idiot. Ignore me. Yes, you hit it. All right. Well then that's going to mean... Boom, that's going to be a 10. Ten damage. This badger is not looking good. I imagine, like, again, it's not a smooth motion, but it's like, like this pickaxe just goes into the badger's spine.

Like just like it's not elegant, not pretty. It's it's it. Yeah, it's gross. There's a lot of worrying sounds too. It's like, like, like you're not sure what like servo motors or what's going on in there, but yeah, I think you're right about the off balance washing machine. Do you know what I picture? I picture like a G.I. Joe with like the Kung Fu grip thing where like it's just like it's like, well, he squeezes legs like the arm spins wildly or something like, yeah. Oh, and and while all that's happening, by the way, Floss, as he pushes Cave out of the way, he's going to say, "Excuse me, Mr.

Cave." And that's when everything happens. Giant badger. Going to try and bite Floss. Ha! That'll miss. But Claw Cave. Ha! Oh, that's a crit one. We don't roll on the table, but he sucks. So, Doc Chapman, you are up. All right. He will kneel down and start cutting up the badgers for easier transport. These two have it covered. Oh, shit. So he takes out his other big knife and he starts cutting limb in all the limbs and then, you know, doing the whole nine yards. Butchering. Yeah. Well, no, it's surgical. It's medical. It's elegant. Yeah. I mean, like a butcher, like you're cutting apart, like all the different segments of me.

Like a doctor. Yeah, sure. Yes. I'm glad I don't have insurance. Jesus. Cave. Yeah. So Cave is getting hit from all sides. His eyes really hurt. He got scratched in the back. He got shoved against a wall. So he's kind of just ricocheting with a lot of yelling right now. So I've got this power called Infestation, which means that a badger, if I hit with this, is going to just erupt in parasites. Oh, God. Yeah. So so essentially he he turned around, he grazed it with his his laser eyes and he got pushed into the wall. And he's going to like his eyes are still kind of burning this glowing red.

And he looks uncharacteristically furious. And while his eyes are still glowing, no laser is going to come out. But this literally like parasites are going to burst forth from the fur and skin of this creature. Target must make a constitution saving throw. Oh, boy. Let's. Oh, OK. Wow. Fifteen. That probably did it. Yeah. D.C. 13. Yeah. He made it. So he got some bugs on him, but they ain't hurting. He's just grosser. Yeah, he's just grosser. But that's all I got. I used I used that cave. Batchers turn. Oh, my. He he's going to try and bite floss. I was almost something, but it wasn't fucking claw floss.

Seventeen. Three damage to floss. Man, that that. You're raging. Half of that. Yeah. So, yeah, that not even so floss your turn. Great. So it's just going to be a big zoom, right? Just like straight down. Not even the the the pointy part of the pickaxe is simply like a like straight down, like he's shoving it into the ground. Fifteen. Oh, God. Yeah. Fifteen. And boom. Holy shit. Fourteen damage will destroy. So I picture this pickaxe going into this thing's back a second time. Right. And it's with such force. It's the it's the it's the head. OK. So the skull is going to crumple inward.

So there'll be this indent that sort of wraps around the kind of reverse mushrooms around the the the pointy end of this pickaxe. And there'll be a couple of mealworms and maggots that kind of like start crawling up the pick. Like it just kind of like forces everything together like a like a Mad magazine fold in. But, you know, with a skull. Yeah, perfect. Is it clear that there are no other attacking badgers? I picture being very quiet in this cave now, except for like heavy panting, maybe from cave. I'm not sure. Yeah. Yeah. So fossil just just take a beat and then and then he's just going to poke his pickaxe over his shoulder and turn to Chapman.

Anything good, Mr. Chapman? Well, all of this pretty fresh. You do, however, you probably should stop by my clinic after this. I'll put you right up. We probably don't want to have these corpses rotting in the tunnels, so I'd rather have you carry them floss if you don't mind. I made them smaller for you. It's going to be easier. Fantastic. Not a problem at all. And then he'll open up his arms kind of like whenever you're moving house. Right. You got your arms up and you just stack boxes on my arms. That's kind of what he's doing here. So just I'm imagining Chapman is just going to stack them up like kindling in his arms.

He's just going to burn the one that's like full of parasites with his torch. This one's no good. What about the one that was on fire? Oh, this one's good now. So while they're doing that, he'll basically just like he'll he'll kind of wave vaguely like, hey, you guys you guys clean up. And his eyes have gone back to normal. He looks like whenever his eyes stop doing that thing, he always looks like he's been crying, like his eyes are really red and bloodshot and kind of like wet. She's like, yeah, you guys handle that. I got to I'm going to take a look around and I'm going to take a look around and see about gemstones or gold or whatever else might be in this in this there cave.

Oh, OK. So as he walks away, like crying with like red eyes and stuff, Chapman will say like all the way back in the echo, like I'm I'm always here if you want to talk about it. You will thoroughly ignore that. Physician therapist. Yeah. There are three paths up ahead. I want you to pick one, one, two or three. Let's go to I assume two is the middle. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that would be a madman to label them anyway. Third one's like it's like really fucking weird. That's why I had to check. No, I don't. We have to have some order. I imagine caves kind of trepidatiously walking in, just kind of like peeking in like, hey, any badgers, that type of thing, any anything that's going to take a swipe at me.

And you're going to see. You're going to see this glimmer of red. And. Ah, you have dark vision, but I think it's going to take like you get a little closer to it, right? And you're going to see flecks of ruby in in the walls and a little deeper in. You're going to see big pockets of ruby, like big fucking gemstones of ruby. And more importantly, you're going to find this big slab of stone that resembles a door. Whoa. What would Linda be doing? Linda, enjoy your sandwich? I hope she did. And even if she didn't, her thinking is, you know what? It's just an acquired taste.

You know, I like it eventually. Give me a flat D10. The higher the 10, the higher the 10, the higher the D10, the better the sandwich ingredients were. The lower, obviously, we're going to throw some weird shit in there. Always the nine. That's a good that's nine. So like this is a Jersey grinder type of thing. Like you. I don't know. I don't know what you just said. Delicious. That's all you need to know. So like it's a seven for for the rest of us. So Linda is enjoying her sandwich. A rotund gentleman is going to approach Linda. Oh, excuse me, little lady. I'm looking for a cave, Lauren.

She's going to very politely take her napkin and dab it on the corners of her mouth. And she's going to say, oh, cave. Yes, I met him earlier. Last I saw him, he was talking to Leo. And she's going to leave it at that. Ah, well, if you could do me a favor and fetch him for me, my dear, I would be very appreciative. I'm sorry, I don't think I can help you with that. I don't know where they are. Oh, well, excuse me, darling, but if you're the secretary, you should know where management is at all times. Oh, I'm sorry. No, I'm not the secretary. I haven't met the secretary yet, but that's not me.

I'm actually Linda Wright, new owner of the Twin Oaks mining company. My great step uncle Larry, may he rest in peace, was the Larry Wright, the previous owner of Twin Oaks mining company. He's got this. OK, let me paint a picture of this guy. He's wearing a white suit, which is ridiculous for many reasons. But it's mostly ridiculous because it's like this is a filthy job and it very, very clearly sends a message. It is pristine. And he's he's going to take his his little hat off here. I apologize, madam. And he's going to kind of give you this exaggerated bow.

My name's Harmon Hale of Hale Extraction. I've greatly offended you and I did not intend to. I heard about the passing of Larry. It's a great tragedy. I am very sorry for your loss. Thank you. I really appreciate that. I actually don't need cave anymore if you are the new proprietor of this. Camp. He's going to kind of wave it away, just like this. And he's going to sidle up. He's kind of got a loomy presence like evil John Goodman. And John Goodman for 10, you know, 10 Cloverfield Lane little little. So like he's got a snake and arm around Linden kind of kind of pull her in.

She's going to very gently, you know, duck and weave. Got it. OK, good, good, good, good, good. And he's going to with his hat off. Yes. Oh, brother, where art thou, John Goodman? Perfect. Big, sweaty John Goodman. Just just being being. Yeah. He's going to fan himself with his hat because he is starting to spy a little bit. It's warm. I would like to make you quite frankly, generous offer on your little mine. I was looking to expand real estate appeals to me. Oh, like the whole company, like by the company. Oh, well, I'm not going to mince words with such a clever businesswoman as yourself.

You've fallen on hard times, madam, even in your short stay. I'm sure you could see the dire straits you're in. Allow me to take this off of your hands. This bird. This this noose. Well, Harmon Hale of Hale Extraction, I actually just got here today as a matter of a fact, and it took a very long time to get here. I don't exactly expect myself to be selling this company anytime soon, because then I would have to go all the way back to a Laura. And that's quite a travel for just getting here. Now, what I could do is have us figure out a partnership, possibly.

I'm afraid I've led you to believe that I was interested in such a partnership. I'm terribly sorry. I'm more of a solo business venture kind of person. I'll tell you what I've I've I've terribly intruded approached you after your long journey. What if I come back in a couple of days and you have a chance to mull it over? I could leave my offer in an envelope. You can look at it whenever you want. He's going to reach into his jacket pocket. Well, I still think that just a couple of days is an awfully short amount of time to make such a huge decision like this, especially since I did just get the company.

How about you come back in one or two months and we can discuss this again? His eyes are going to like, OK, you know how someone's trying to keep composed, but they're clearly furious and then like that he's going to recompose like it takes him a second. There's a split second where that mask is going to crack like it's like a. He's going to take another step toward Linda and again, kind of loony. I. I am not used to being kept waiting for such an extended period of time, madam. And as a visitor to athletes, it might do you well. To tread lightly in such matters.

Keep up with the local customs. It's best not to taint your relationship with the locals. He's kind of looking at you unblinkingly like expectantly. So Linda, first of all, is not intimidated by this man, which infuriates him even more. Yeah, she knows exactly what she's doing to him and she will keep going. So she's she's going to say, well, I mean, by your description of this company already, it doesn't seem like things are going too well. So, you know, if I'm here to mix things up a bit, why not ruffle some feathers while I'm here and she'll give him like a really big smile.

I'm going to roll a flat 20 because I this is going to go one of two ways. Oh, shit. OK, well, that's a one. All right. Is that the good way or no? No, no, one is very rarely good. He's his face is going to get red. Listen here, you little bitch. I did not come all of this way to make an offer, which is a pittance of what I normally make to buy your crappy little mine. You should be lucky that I'm offering you anything at all. Now you can sell this mine to me. Or maybe you start having a few accidents around here. I don't think anybody would even notice. But you will.

Harmon can can Harmon can I can I call you harm? It seems a little fitting. If this mine is going so badly, why would you want it in the first place? I'm just curious. His mouth is this twisted kind of it's he's clearly like biting his tongue, like he's just like, OK, OK, OK. I apologize. I've had a tremendously trying day. I'm going to leave you be. I'll check back in on things in a week or two. Have a pleasant day, madam. Thank you so much. You too. Bye bye. Oh, my God. That's OK. I cannot tell you how how righteously infuriated this guy is. Excellent job, Valerie.

I think that's a good time for us to stop for the night. Damn being making friends. That was awesome, Val. Was that good? That was me trying to be a bad ass bitch. I was on point. You killed that guy. Seriously. Dead now. Kill them all with kindness. I mean, James, James is dead in the chat. We just killed a few badgers, but Linda destroyed a guy. And took no damage doing it. The entire time that fight was going on, I was picturing Linda like gingerly eating a sandwich. Just like, yeah, she was like savoring it like, oh, thank goodness. And which turns out is the nicest sandwich anybody's had at this mine for years.

I'd like to imagine that in the movie version of this podcast, it keeps being like a really, really, I don't know movie terms, like a really hard cut back and forth between like this action packed cave scene and Linda, like with like nice music in the background, like cutting up her sandwich with a fork and knife for no reason at all. Oh, my God. Staring off into a sunset. Yeah. Meanwhile, there's fucking eye lasers and shit going on. We'll be right back after these words from our sponsors. Please don't go anywhere. This week's Patreon preview is 10 minutes of our latest Curse of Strahd game, Curse of Strahd reincarnated 2.

So if you don't know what the premise is, we are playing through Curse of Strahd, but a very abbreviated version of it. And while death is totally inevitable in that campaign, we've kind of spiced it up a bit to make it a bit more fun. So when someone does kick off, we tag in another cast member. The catch is that they can't listen to the show. So the departing cast member has to fill in the entering cast member on everything about that person's life for one minute. Now, as the show gets on, obviously this is going to get tougher and tougher. And, well, I really hope you guys enjoy that.

Without further ado, here's Curse of Strahd reincarnated. Bleh. Welcome to Curse of Strahd reincarnated episode 2. Today we're saying goodbye to Ashley. But we're saying hello to Susan. Now, as will become tradition in the show, we're going to give Ashley one minute to download, to give Susan the entire backstory for their character who lived a long and healthy life in Barovia. Ashley, are you ready? Yes. Susan, are you ready? Yes. Okay, so why don't you both on camera here so we can get this and begin. Okay, so my character was named Beast, and he was a Minotaur leather daddy.

He was... He was once a part of a band, and he was very confident. And yes, that is all. He died within five minutes of entering Barovia, and he was killed by a German. That only took 31 seconds and half of that was last week. Susan, was that what you were expecting? No, but I love it. So not to be crude, but there's going to be a little leather daddy in you. Like there's going to be, it's going to be in you somewhere. I got... He had five at four. A Minotaur? Yeah, and also we started at level two. Yeah. That was to give you, here's the thing, that was to give you an edge.

I don't know. On the hit point level up dice, Ashley rolled a zero. Like you one up the amvin. Yeah, pretty fascinating. So with that, we're going to let Ashley go and do schoolwork. Thank you, Ashley. Goodbye, everyone. I'll make you proud. Beast. Beast leather daddy. Do I have to keep the name? No, no, no. Here's the thing. We're going to, so here's what we're going to do. We're going to quickly roll up a character for you. And then we're going to get right back into the action. And I have a table. And depending on how you roll on the table is how the physical way you get reincarnated.

Some of them are more angelic and beautiful. Some of them are cthulian like nightmares and. Some real hellraiser shit. Like out of the corpse, this primordial sludge emerges. I just walked back into you, but I'm here for it. That's Susan's new character. Cool. We rolled it. You roll Cthulhu. That's great. His name is feast. Damn you. Oh, my God. So are you ready to roll up a new character? Sure. Okay, so we are going to use the book. Okay. Because why not? Right. We took the time to write all that stuff. Might as well use it for character creation. Never going to look at it again.

Fair enough. Rolling up character. Where is the character creation tables? There we are. Okay, so jumping on over the table here. Let me put you guys. There we go. I split the screen now. Now I got your beautiful faces there and the book. So we're going to create a brand new character sheet for you, and I'm just going to name it Susan. And then you can rename it whenever you like. I like feast, but we'll see how this goes. We'll see how it goes. You can keep the name. It's fine. Like, let's start with race. Let's see what race you're going to be. Could you do me a favor?

Give me a d20. Yeah. Excuse me. You're going to be a tiefling. I'm familiar. Okay. Let's next jump on over to stats. Let's just see what we're working with here. Okay. Okay. Give me 4d6 and let's drop the lowest. Okay. One second. 13. Good start. Hey. Oh, my. 15. 13. A positive constitution score. 9. 10. And 11. Okay. That ain't bad. You automatically get a plus two to your charisma. Now. I would like you to assign these now. Okay. I'll just do it in order. That's what we had to do. Yeah, we just have to do it in order. Yeah, I mean, yes. Okay. I was complaining about the randomness element.

Kelsey, I was trying to, but you know what? Yeah. No, you know what? Susan made a cannon. Everybody. No, I had to. We had to do it. You're right. You're right. I did the homework. You're right. So I get plus two charisma, right? So that'd be a 13. Yeah. Boom. Now. Well, let's hope these things line up for your class. Can you give me a d12, please? Eight. An endurance. Okay. Oh, Jackson's strength and my good ones. So you. Oh, I guess let's roll a d6. See what kind of endurance you are. Okay. Oh, let's go. I want mine. I believe that's hate. Oh, no, that's the opposite of mine.

That's the opposite of Susan. Oh, right. Well, okay. You know what? Honestly, if I died the way beast died, I'd be pretty hateful. Yeah. And Daren, let's slap some. All the personality stuff is like happy and carefree. What if she's like a smiling Karen type where it's like, yeah, you know, anyway, but I'm plotting your demise. The just passive aggressive hatred. Give me two skills you'd like to be good at deception, performance, history, insight, medicine and stealth. Deception and what other ones are like, I want to be mean performance, history, insight, medicine, stealth.

Stealth is going to be like listening to Mandy trying to be mean. What's my super mean? Press X to doubt on that one. So. We have that. Do me a favor. Give me a D6. Let's see what age you are. Okay. You're up there. Many wonder why your character has yet to retire. I agree. Give me a D20. Trained for greatness. Your character was blessed with a loving mentor who wanted the very best for them. They were given advantages in the field of their choosing, which most others would never have and wanted for nothing during their during their coming to age. Then I became a dick.

Then you became a dick. Like most people who wanted for nothing. Save it for behind the scenes. Give me a D12. Let's see what faith you are. You worship the God of creation. But let's see how much you want. One second. D6. Oh, no. How do we keep getting? We got another fanatic, everybody. Got another fanatic. Your characters beliefs are an act of obsession. They meditate on them every day and there's not a decision to be made that does not in some way factor into how they feel about their chosen faith. And you're fueled by hate. So that's a great combination. Uh, Jesus motivation.

Give me a D10. Okay. Why are you out there? Why? Oh, you're being chased. I mean, for murder. Probably a murder. You murdered your mentor. Nice. I meant to hug them. Your character has made a very powerful enemy where they come from. They know it's only a matter of time before they are discovered by this person, and they have to keep moving for their own good. We really hope you guys enjoyed today's episode. Happy December. Happy holidays. We'll be catching up with you throughout the month. Obviously next week there'll be a brand new episode. And if you want to reach out to us, please, uh, Jesus, you could visit us on Facebook and Twitter.

There's a big free group page on Facebook. We obviously have a discord with hundreds of people on there through our Patreon at patreon.com/dandr. But you can also just send me an email and I'll reply to you as soon as I can at danddrpodcast@gmail.com. That's danddrpodcast@gmail.com. Please take care of yourselves. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. And guys, good luck with your games.