Down the Mountain

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Check out patreon.com/dandr for more details. Previously for Group B, the team had a lengthy conversation with the god Vecna. After coming to the conclusion that something has to be done about the Black Hand, the team decided to undertake the task. In exchange, they received many gifts from the god of undeath, including revenant versions of their friends Larg and Brelin. While Larg and Brelin are technically undead, Vecna promised that they would be returned to their normal self once the deed was complete. And that's where we pick up things today. Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves.

I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table, starting with Jamie. Hello, I'm Jamie and I play Tatiana, the human rogue. And Valerie. Hi, I'm Valerie and I play Elena, the human fighter. And Jameson. Hey, I'm Jameson and I play Larg, the half orc, half human, half revenant, half paladin, half barbarian. That math doesn't add up. All man. (LAUGHTER) And Alex. Hey, I'm Alex and I play Brelin, the halfling bard/revenant. And Ian. Hey, I'm Ian, I play Cauldron Halic and I just took a DNA test, turns out I'm a hundred percent half elf frost mage. (LAUGHTER) I take back everything I've ever said about your intros, that was the one.

(LAUGHTER) And Karen walks through trees, you said. I fucking hate you, I knew you were going to do that. Hi, I'm Karen and I play Callie, the elven druid, and I like trees. That'd be your cool druid name, like Callie walks through trees. Yeah, that's very- Why wouldn't it, Jason? That's it, that's my last name. You know what, look, listen to the behind the scenes. I came up with a very rational, cohesive argument against such a thing. Kind of sounded a little petty. I don't think it did, I think you got 1500 spells already. (LAUGHTER) Also, that's also described in the behind the scenes.

(LAUGHTER) Boy, I hope you like three hours of spell picking and dice rolling. People who want it more, like, why don't we get to see more character sheets and stuff. Well, you got your wish. I wish for that, I wish for that. They're gonna be horny for this one. Yes. So, nothing of note happened on the last episode, so let's just... (LAUGHTER) It's actually kind of boring. I don't remember. Yeah, you know, nothing huge. I want to really turn things over to you guys, bright and early here, because it's the middle of the day on the 8th Affair Ior, and... I feel like you guys have some discussions to have here, because you were given a couple of different options by Vecna, you know your general mission, but how you want to complete that is up to you.

Obviously, the Black Hand is the goal, right? But the Blacktip Forest was brought up as a possible option, but that's more... Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a thing. That's the Ghost Forest, but there is a secret in there. That can help us. So, that's a thing. Obviously, Esterholt is the nearest city to you. And you got two friends who just came back from the dead. Yay! You were all bestowed with a bunch of different stuff. There's a lot. A lot's happened in the last two days, I would say. I've got a clarification, because I think I made an error, and I was thinking that Vecna is the god of undead and secrets, but am I wrong?

Is it just undead? He's the god of undeath. We don't really follow the same stuff as the books. The secrets part is just like... I mean, him being a god, he's got secrets, I guess. But that's not his thing. He's got god secrets. He's got god secrets, you know. Yeah, he's like Santa Claus. Yes. Okay, I understand. He's just like Santa Claus. He's exactly like Santa Claus. To Brelen, he is Santa Claus, for sure. Yeah, he's just as nice as Santa Claus. Mm-hmm. The whole protecting the realm from undead things, that's totally Santa Claus, too. Gave us all these gifts.

So, you guys are still in these mountains, but you're heading out. I guess my first question to you is, what's the destination? I thought the last time we talked it was Estrholt. You're going to Estrholt? Yes. That's probably what I thought. Yeah, Estrholt's the closest. Yes. Oh, hands down, yeah. The Blacktip Forest is days and days away. Yeah. So far. That's way up north, huh? Yes. Yeah, so we're heading to Estrholt. Is this hand articulated? Like, can it move, the skeleton hand? Yeah. Because it's been a long time since Cauldin's had a hand he can do anything with.

I hear you loud and clear. So we'll... I don't think that's what the intention of that phrase was, but then it just... Was it not? Did I misinterpret? Oh, no. I think he realized once he left the chamber, he was like, "Oh, it's loaded." And then you caught it and ran with it. That's my belief? At least it was his left hand. He spared his right hand for all other of hand activities. Why are we going to do this on this family-friendly podcast? What are you guys talking about? We call it the skeletal stranger. I'll tell you when you're old enough. No. Oh, my God.

We call it Vecna's helping hand. So don't do that to Vecna. I think one's officially... What's her name? Oh, my God. Mandy already did it to Vecna, basically. Yeah. Mandy. Yeah, that already happened. So I picture... Do you remember those toys back in '92? Yeah. I remember that. I remember that. You had like KB toys and you'd pick up that Terminator hand and you could make it do stuff. I feel attacked, but yes, I do remember. Dude, I was right there with you. I picture that where it's a fully functional hand, but there's some disconnect with it. It doesn't feel like your right hand.

It feels a bit... It's kind of stiff. The way the stump was, there is a skeletal arm growing out of it. So no muscle tissue or anything like that. It is an animated skeletal hand. You can feel it and you can grip things, but it's not the same as your right hand, your actual physical... Right. It doesn't have the same kind of dexterity, you would say. Yeah. It feels weird, I would imagine. Yeah, I think he's just like, as we're traveling, he's just flexing it. You know how you continuously play with a zipper or something when you're just trying to figure it out.

A zipper? Or like a... I don't know. Like a fidgety type thing. Yeah, like a fidgety thing. When you're just in your head and he's just staring at it and flexing these fingers. And it's making a noise, like abacus beads or something, clicking together. Oh, man. Am I right in assuming? So you guys are poking your head out of this cavern and you set out. So your destination is south east. So is this a thing where you guys... Are you either emboldened by this newfound? Like you feel a bit more powerful, you feel a bit... It's like, man, I feel like I got a really good rest last night type of thing.

Or are you super extra mega cautious? I mean, we've rested, so I don't... I mean, I feel like Tatiana would feel emboldened a little. Okay. Yeah, we got some friends back. That puts us spring in Cauldin's stuff, sure. Okay. For Braille to be opposite because he died, right? This is a new experience for him, for sure. So seeing everyone else kind of ready to go, if we're still getting prepared to leave, he would be pretty slow to get ready. He'd be a little, not startled, but hesitant. And then he'd keep looking at if Larg is nearby, looking at Larg's armor and seeing his reflection in his armor and just continually touch his face because he doesn't...

It's a shocking new look for him. He doesn't really like it. And eventually he just put a cloak over his face so that he doesn't see himself anymore. And we found out through the artwork that Braille is handsome as fuck, so... Now he's just like a zombie handsome guy. I wanted to get into the Revenant stuff because beyond the gray skin and you see the inky veins underneath of it a bit, the white milky eyes, I would imagine your skin has a different texture to it. It would be a little more slightly grittier, like an ashy. And it's kind of cool to the touch.

I imagine just like Cauldin's arm, there'd be some adjustment. It's like, "Oh boy, I just feel different." Imagine we're all sitting here doing this D&D thing, and all of us had snacks and stuff beforehand. Imagine just not feeling hungry or thirsty. That absence of want. It feels like something's missing, but it also feels natural for some reason. Like the Captain Barbossa line from the first Pirates movie, the good Pirates movie. I liked two and three, but maybe I'm weird. No, two's alright. Three, not so much. I haven't watched it in a while. I remember liking it.

I don't know. Anywho, so are you all fairly quiet? Because there's not a lot to catch up on, I guess. It's not like Braille and Enlark were gone for days or a week or something, but at the same time, a lot of heavy shit has been laid on you. Is there battle plan speak going on, or are you just all silently marching to Esterhold because you know what you've got to do? I mean, I think if we wanted to talk about what the plan was, Tatiana would want to go over, "Alright, when we get to Esterhold, what is our first goal? What are we doing first?" And then after Esterhold, where are we going from there?

Yeah, I don't remember. What was our original goal in going to Esterhold before this happened? What was our plan to go there? We wanted to get the paladin's help with... Yeah. Mm-hmm. With Donhurst? In Donhurst? Well, we could... Yeah, let's jump in. So Tatiana says this, and Cauldron says... He's actually very glad that she brought this up because he wants to talk about stuff, but he's keeping a respectful silence around Larg and Brelin because they have clearly gone through something, and he's very happy to have them back. He just wants to embrace them, but they seem to be like...

Or at least Brelin seems to be dragging his feet a little bit. He doesn't seem quite his self. So he's just keeping an eye on them and keeping an eye on Elena too, who got grabbed by a demon. And he doesn't really know how to broach that subject either. So as soon as Tatiana starts talking, he's like, "Yes, yes. Though our plans may have changed a little bit, I mean, initially I wanted to see if there's anything we can learn about the bell so that we could maybe bring back Amara, or if we had to use it, like we had to use it up there in the mountains.

I don't think we should do that anymore. I think we've all learned the bell is outside of our grasp, but we can still go to the Temple of Kord. We can speak with Julie or Una and see if we can conscript them onto our side. We also might want to speak with any leaders of the city or see if there's any people who are worshippers of Vecna that may be able to help as well. Maybe there are paladins within the Church of Vecna. I am not familiar with any of the deity structures so familiarly. And then he looks over at Kali and he's like, "And perhaps there's something we can learn there about whatever curse plagues Kali and her family." That would be great.

I still want to look, because if this doesn't work out, you know, that's still a thing. Yeah, I understand. Even we can't rely on miracles for everything. Vecna was very gracious, and I've been thinking about it. I don't think we're any type of chosen, but I think we're maybe the most receptive, if that makes sense. I think that with everything that we've seen, we're the most logical choice. Exactly so. Should we, when we're in Astrahul, should we also be maybe, I don't know, researching demons or something? See if there is something between the Black Hand and this demon connection?

That is a very good idea. Yes, we should learn as much as we possibly can. Did we ever get the name of the demon? I know we talked about it, but did we ever get the name of the demon from the vision from Vecna? I can't remember. I don't believe you get a name, no. No, I think you asked him if he had gnarly fingernails, and he was like, "Yeah." And that was as far as it went. I seem to remember we brought it up, but I don't remember in detail. I can delve into as much research as we need, though with all of that, it might be helpful to have at least one more of us looking into these things.

Are there great libraries in Astrahul? I've never been. The two of you, you and Elena, you've been on the road. Tatiana, you've traveled a far bit. Well, I was only in Astrahul for a very short time. We were trying to get to Fair Bay for the festival, but I don't know. I called in things back to the festival, and it's in that bright sepia tone, and it was like, "The good old days." It's a large city, though. The chances that there being some good information there are pretty good. Especially with the Temple of Kord being so prominent there. I'm sure they have a library.

Yeah, there's a big library. Have you been? Well, I grew up in Astrahul. Oh yeah, I forgot. I only lived in Durnhollow while I was training, but I grew up. Most of the time I was in Astrahul. Larg, son of Astrahul. All this time I thought you were born and bred in Durnhollow. Well, yeah, it's a little complicated. Or Dunhurst. Well, the orphanage in Astrahul. Anyway, you know the big one? There's a big one. Anyway, yeah, there's a big library. You can probably take a look. Kaldin will look at everyone and be like, "You know, I realize we've been traveling together for a while, and we still have some ways to go to Astrahul.

We've been in some incredibly tense situations and survived a lot together, but there's a lot about each other we don't know. It's something I realized after the two of you were felled. Like our families, for instance. Hali, I know a little bit about your family and from what you've said. And Tatiana, of course we've met your wonderful family. And he'll kind of look at Brelin and then not bring, just avert eyes, not bring it up. He'll be like, "And Brelin, your family. But we don't, I must admit, I don't really know much about any of them." And Brelin will look at Kaldin.

"Do you really want to know about, is this about my family or just family in general?" He's going to look around like he wasn't paying attention. I mean, I know you've had some tough times with your family, Brelin. I've been there for some of it, but from what you've told me, they've been cruel. And usurped you and your talent. Yeah, he's going to look at the ground. I just tend to not think about it as much these days. I was used a little bit, yeah. He was going to nod. Larg, what family have you in Esterhold, if any? Well, not really. I mean, there was the people who ran the orphanage.

They were pretty nice to me most of the time. But I don't know. It's been five years, I think, so I don't know who's still here. I didn't really leave on the best terms. Me and my brother, we ran away. So I don't think they would be real excited to see me. I would imagine while all this is going on, it's this gorgeous springtime day. It's actually, it's not too far away from summer, which is a crappy time as an adventure to be on the road because you're wearing all this, these layers and the heat is just stifling. Right now you're in the mountains, though, so it's really not that bad.

There's a gentle breeze wafting through. I would imagine that the areas where there are trees lining the rocks, you can hear that rustling and that thing as you pass under. Like it blots out most of the sun, but it kind of comes through in little rays. So while you're doing this, I would imagine that you're just sort of stepping over rocks and there's a trail, but it narrows every once in a while. So the party has to go single file and then it widens again and just kind of paint the picture. I see you've taken hikes recently, Jason. I wish. I need to make time.

Because the way you described it reminded me of when I go hiking. As you were. Callie, you mentioned you had a sister. Yeah, a sister and a brother. Oh, all twins? No, my brother is older than us. And then Ella and I, we're twins, obviously, so that's about it. Most of the, well, the rest of the family is no longer around. There is a lot of trauma in this group. We need to do something about that. When we have a minute. Yeah. We're just gonna jump in. Oh, yeah, we'll have some time, you know, after saving the world again. Yeah, family problems. Easy peasy. Well, we're gonna have to find it.

The time, I mean. Because if we don't find it now, we may not get another chance. Elena, you must have parents, right? I hate this. Elena, you must have parents, right? Okay. And it was, and your family name was again? Oh my god. Elena, what was it? I like it because it's subtle. Elena, you know, she's been pretty quiet so far. And she'll be mostly just looking at the ground, watching where she's stepping. And she'll say, "Oh, you know, the basic stuff, I guess. Grew up in Overdale." Well, it was Overwatch at the time. Only child, you know, it was, lived a pretty normal childhood.

And then Overwatch became Overdale and that sort of changed everything. But there's not much to say. Very boring, basic. Well, that's a lot about Overdale. Are they, I'm sorry to hear your parents are basic. Are they kind? Sweet? Well, yeah. I mean, they were good to me as a kid. I know that... You gotta give me a second. I feel like that's really happening though, right? Am I wrong? Like, is Elena furrowing her brow just like Valerie is doing right now? Cullen will look at Elena struggling to come up with it and he'll try and do the polite thing where he's just like, "Well, I'm sure they sound like very nice people." Elena will just kind of give a half smile and look down again.

So... Does that sound like a good plan to everyone? In terms of Esther Holt and who to speak to. Brannan's gonna nod. Yeah, just gotta make sure I keep the old moneymaker out of people's view. He's gonna move his hand around his face, like talking about his skin and the whole undead-esque look. I mean, you make it work though. It looks very good. He chuckles a little bit and looks at Lauren. "Bunch of big guy. Gotta hide your face." He kind of knocks on the helmet that he's carrying under his arm. Yeah, you know, that's something I do from time to time. When we get to the town, I think that we should talk to the Temple Accord and see if we can find the Vecna people and the library.

I think it'd be good to be in the city for a little while before we find out how to get to the Blacktip Forest. I don't know how we can get there fast, but we can ask about that too. Brannan's gonna nod and look back towards Kaladin and the rest of the group. I assume we're still walking through the hiking trail-ish thing, right? Yeah, so he'll look back to Kaladin and the group and say, "Well, you know, seems like a pretty straightforward plan, but..." And he'll look towards Lark. Those don't usually end up going our way. They'll have a half-smile. Yeah, no.

But, you know, maybe this time we'll get lucky. Brannan nods. "Yeah, this time's different." He looks back at Lark and looks back at the group, "Because two of us already died and came back!" He kind of laughs. This time is different. And I'm glad we're all back together again. So, what's there to do in Esterhold? I mean, aside from all of this, anything we should see while we're there? Foods that we should taste? Events? Well, there was this one cart I really liked that had really good food. If that's still there, I'll show you where it is. Mostly when we were there, we were inside the orphanage.

But, you know, I'll show you guys around. At the mention of food, you see Brannan, his face lights up a little bit, but then something comes over him. He's lost interest in the thought. Tatiana wants to, when Brannan and Lark are talking about covering themselves up, she's going to take off and offer her gloves to Cauldron. Just in case you don't want to go floating that around and she's looking at your little skeleton. Oh, right. Yes. That is a good idea. And he'll take the glove and put it on. Is it just a glove that stops at the wrist or is it a long glove?

It's a longer glove. It's probably like midway through your forearm. Okay. And I assume they have relatively similar hand sizes. Well, I mean... Because it has no flesh, right? Right. Yeah. No, I imagine this would be loose. Like a loose. Stuff it with some leaves or something. Yeah. Stuff it with leaves. I don't know. If you'll be crinkly, forget it. That's a druid's answer for everything. Just turn them into scarecrows. It's fine. Just stuff it with leaves. Let me go get some hay. Throw into it. Yeah, I'll put it on and it probably keeps sliding down. It's one of those things you keep having to pull it up and keep having to pull it up.

Yeah. Thank you. And though I might not be able to help much with researching, I hope that I can do something in Esterhold. I mean, we can all do something in Esterhold. There are people there that would be receptive to every single one of the things that we can do or offer. A larg is a paladin. You know, Braelyn is incredibly talented. Calli and I, of course, know magics well. And Tatiana and Elena, you two are very skilled fighters. Our council, from any one of us, should be convincing. Or at least we'd have a good chance. Braelyn nods in agreement and chimes in, "Yeah, and also, you know, you got two dead guys.

They're undead guys with you, so whoever needs convincing, I'm pretty sure will be convinced when they see our mugs." This is walking proof. Tatiana's gonna look over to Braelyn and just say, "You need any help convincing anyone to do anything, Braelyn?" He kinda chuckles, "Yeah, that's true, but I couldn't convince that dragon to spit fire at all of us." It's difficult to convince them to not do that. And Tatiana's gonna knock on her chest onto this new armor, and she's gonna say, "Well, that's what we have these for." Yeah, so what does that look like?

Is it just like red dragon scales? I pictured it as a complete reshaping of those scales, because normally you're kind of stuck with the general shape. So if it's an older dragon, you're gonna have larger scales. You're gonna have to whittle them down or, you know, what have you. So if it's a skilled craftsman, they can take those and do extraordinary things, but this was a god who basically pointed at this, stripped an entire dragon clean, and remolded the armor and clothing that you're wearing and just used this to accentuate. So you're wearing leather armor, boom.

The dragon scales just filled in the gaps and light, so it doesn't replace it and make it scale. It's like, "Oh, this just feels natural." So you got someone like Tatiana who's sneaking around and stuff. It's not gonna sound like loud, clangy armor. It's going to just be this effortless... So it doesn't change the armor itself so much, except add fire resistance because they're red dragon scales. But other than that, it's just aesthetic. It really looks fucking cool. It's accents. So does anyone else not wear armor? Am I the only armorless one? Does it just go into the clothes or into my skin?

I pictured it like you're wearing one of Ric Flair's robes. It's so... I love that. Yeah, because you have cloth. It's technically clothes for sorcerers and wizards. So it's like he bedazzled the shit out of it with dragon scales. Yeah, he's got all these furs and stuff like that. Now it's lined up with jewels, the jewels of a dragon. Scales. Now we gotta redo all the artwork. Damn it. Oh, I'm sorry. Jamison, undo. New book. Volume two. Volume two on new character art. So, Jamison, from where we are now, how far is it to Astrid Holt? You got a good... So, okay. If you open your maps...

I already have it open. Okay, good. So... I don't have it on my new computer. If someone wanted to listen to it, I'm not sure. Is there a map in the table for Atheria? What? There should be. Oh, for the... Oh! Well, you know what? Let's see. I don't want to complicate things. No, no, no. I want to see if I can handle it. That's a good question. Oh, yeah. It's pretty high res, huh? Yeah. Oh, don't do it. Okay. Some of the battle maps, it's like, well, it's loading and everyone has to go get a drink. So, like, I'm worried. Oh, that's true. Yeah. So, I would say you guys are about a day, day and a half out, depending on how quickly you travel.

So, if we're done, like, chatting, Grelin is going to practice his new magic. Like, I'm going to assume that the spells that we got for leveling up, I'm going to say that this new one he got, it's going to come in the form of, like, him seeing a few minutes into the future. Like, three minutes, five minutes, right? Like, it's like reverse deja vu almost. And as they're walking, like, maybe he'll hear a large sneeze or something. And then five seconds later, he snaps back and he's, like, a couple minutes behind and then large sneezes again. And he's just, like, shaking his head, like, what's going on?

And then he realizes, you know, he has this weird spell. And I'm going to burn a spell slot to try it. He's going to, like, go up to, I'll say Elena at everybody and kind of, like, pull on her cloak or cape or whatever she's wearing. He'll just, like, pull on it. Hey, hey. What? Hey, I got to try something. Just stand still, OK? Don't worry. It's not going to hurt. It's more beneficial than anything. I just need to test something. You did thunderclap in your sleep. Yeah, but I'm awake now, so I'm not going to do it again. Fair point. Look, look, just, he looks a little better.

Just trust me, please. Please. I need to do something. I need to test this out. OK, go ahead. OK. And then, like, he, he, like, reaches off from her hand with both his hands, so, like, for her to reach down, grabs whatever hand she gives him. And when he does, his eyes are going to do that thing that they used to do in the olden days when he cast glimpse the future, where they become all white and his hands will glow. And, Elena, I just cast Foresight on you and it lasts for a minute. This is just a test. It's on burning a level 9 spell slot for story's sake.

And you're able to see, like, the immediate future, so Elena sees, you know, whatever the future holds, whether it be us walking into Esterhold, us, like, you know, falling off the mountain, all kinds of different things. But she's able to see the future for a minute. So let's clarify. When you say the future, how future? Just like the immediate, like, not even that far ahead, like maybe a few hours, not even, like, at the most an hour, I would say, at the most. Oh, you know what? Let's do something fun. Elena, do me a favor, roll a flat D20 to see how this leg of your trip is going to go.

So is this then, this is like the future, not like one of the possible futures? No, no, no. What we're going to do is no matter what you roll, I'm going to give you a glimpse of what that holds and you guys are going to know before it happens to you. Oh, so this is the definite future? It's so close that it's not a possible future. It's like 2, 3, 5, 10 minutes into the future. It's... oh. That's a 15. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Oh, you won't find a low number. No, I don't. No, I'm not. I just reverse it for arc three. New arc, new rules. Would it be such a "fuck you" move?

That would be so terrible. So, yeah, how does 9th level... Yeah, you know what? I just looked at that right now. I think you mean 6th or 5th. No, no, no. This is all, this is wrong. I picked the wrong spell completely. Oh! All that cool stuff has to go up. You can only go up to 5th level. I only went to 5th level. I jumped the gun. So, all that does not happen, unfortunately. Oh, okay. But now we're on a vision of what's to come. The whole thing was just Braelyn. Oh my god, you did. So, Jason, I will take scrying after all. Do you know what the best part of this is?

Someone is out there watching a video behind the scenes and is like, "What the fuck? You're letting them pick a 9th level spell?" Wait, what if Braelyn does all that and just nothing happens? And that's it. He reaches out. He reaches out to your hand and is like, "Huh?" The wind blows and he's like, "Huh? Never mind. Never mind." And he kind of just like puts her hand back and just like hits his head a little bit like, "What the hell is wrong with you?" And just walks back to the back where Lark was. Alayna is so confused. Because in her head, Braelyn came up to her and said, "Hey, hey, hey, watch me do this thing." And then nothing happened and then he left.

Yep, that's exactly what happened. Can I low-key cast Fly on Alayna? To make it seem like Braelyn cast something on her? I'd prefer if you kept the spell slot and saved it. Alright. Braelyn doesn't need coddling. He's been revived from the dead. He's beyond coddling. I will take the embarrassment as my failure for paying attention to the most basic of rules. You slipped that one by me and that's what happens when we do three hours of... Of just leveling. Well, because I forgot why I was like, "Whoa, let me look at you low." I'm level nine and so I assume like, "I'm at your level nine spell slots." I made the mistake that when I've played with players in the past that they've made and I got mad at them before.

I've now done that mistake. Dude, it happens. I'm ashamed. I'm leaving. Bye guys. See you later. You're fine. It happens. I don't know how I'm going to edit that. I think you keep it in. Yeah, maybe we'll leave it in. I think we should keep Elena's 15 though. I think... You can do it like the guy who got the Donkey Kong score. The King of Kong guy and just make a blurry video interlace thing happen. Wow guys, that's a Billy Mitchell reference in our pot. Man, that's... Yeah, deep cut. Anywho, as you guys are traveling, rocks are beginning to... You're going to hear like a couple like, like, like tiny little pebbles.

And one of the big things in an area like this that you got to watch out for are rock slides. Most of the time it's a really minor thing, right? It'll be like a couple of stones here or there in a worst case scenario. Like, let's say someone uses earth trimmer or something like that. Like you got like bad, bad stuff going on. But you're going to hear that sound. And I would imagine that the party would look like it's like, oh shit. Like you're kind of at this point, the world has kicked you enough that the slightest noise while you're walking. It's like, what the fuck was that?

Like you all draw guns and you're all just like... I love that. We're so shell shocked. Yeah, you're just... Any stranger that walks up to you, you're just, just yeah. So this sound is going to come off the beaten path a bit and you're going to hear it. If you picture this path narrowing and widening intermittently. Like I was saying before, you're going to notice that there's shrubs and bushes and stuff like that. And there's this pretty well worn path just big enough sometimes that you can get a cart through it. Some for parts of it. This is not really a place that you can shortcut like goods and services.

Like I wouldn't if I were a merchant, it's like maybe we take the long way around or something like that. But you're going to hear that and it's coming from the left of you. And you're going to notice that there's really thick shrubbery. Like some thorns and stuff like that. Like it doesn't look very nice to travel through. But you're going to hear some rocks tumble off in that direction and you're going to notice that there's an alternate path. Like you probably wouldn't have noticed it had it not been for those rocks tumbling. Like you just keep going.

It's like yeah, yeah, yeah. But like you're going to notice it's like, oh, there's... That's another way to go if we wanted to. How well worn does it look? Not at all. Like it doesn't look like... Like I said, you would not have noticed this as a viable option had it not been for that. Like you would have walked clean past it. Like it doesn't look like anybody's touched it in decades, maybe centuries. So does Elena see it first since she's only rolled the travel number? I would say so, yeah. Like maybe Elena's in the lead. Yeah, because I got confused. I don't know the marching order.

It doesn't matter. Like, yeah, let's say Elena's in the lead. Okay, so... So there was just like a few like trickling rocks and so it just kind of brought our attention over to it. And it was like, oh, look, a new path. I would say so. Like, okay, so let's say you're an adventurer and you're out hiking. And you're getting from place to place. There's a bit of wanderlust, I think, in every adventure. Because you're basically tossing aside the safety and reliability of towns and cities and you guys are traveling through the wilds. And there's a bit of you that knows that there's stuff off the beaten path that sometimes leads you to really cool discoveries.

Like every one of you have seen stuff like that now. But you also know that that comes with a shitload of danger and a lot of dead ends. Think of it like completing a child's maze at a Denny's place map type of thing. There's a few right ways and it's like, oh, wow, that you could find some really cool stuff. But 90% of the time it's going to lead you to like, oh, there's like a pond or something cool. But every once in a while you find something really cool that maybe no one's seen in years and years and years. You might be the first people to lay eyes on it in forever.

Or it could just be like a dead end. Can I tell like which way it seems to be going? Give me... I'll give you an option. I want you to combine skills for this one. So you can either try to climb up on some rocks and kind of look down this pathway or I'll let you fight through some of these thorns and stuff like that and see that way. So either you could do an acrobatics and combine that with a perception or you could do an athletics and fight through and combine that with perception. What would Alayna do? Because I know what I would do. But Alayna... No, OK, I think I think she would just kind of like take her sword and try and use it kind of like as a machete and like kind of cut through the thorns a little bit and just see for a second.

So she probably like turn around and be like, hey, guys, wait a second. And then she'll like go over and do that. OK, do me a favor. Give me athletics. Well, OK, well, that's a 10. They're really sharp. And so they like hit her a little bit. She's like, ow! I like that you squared off with a demon lord. These thorns are sharp. I like it. You're still human. So you're going to hack your way in. It's like maybe you get part way into the bush. You're like, oh, I've made mistakes. So they're like scratching up on your collarbone and your neck. You're like, oh, shit, shit.

Or they catch your hair or something like that just because your armor pretty much everywhere else. Yeah. So you get about part way through. Give me a perception check. OK. Oh, no. What is happening to us? That's even worse. So that's a two. You rolled a two. So you're going to see Bush. Wait. Wait a second. Alina's going to back out and say, I didn't want this. So you're going to see shrubbery. Like you're going to get part way through. It's like, I've made mistakes. However, you are going to hear a noise and it's you can distinctly hear rocks tumbling. And it sounds very echoey, like maybe there's a there's a canyon or something like that.

The acoustics sound like there could be an opening that way. It's just visually not like fighting with this Bush. Yeah, like everybody. Police like these two skill rolls are not great. Like I'm going to be so like you like. Hold on. Hold on, everybody. Like you said, you're at the front of the party. You're like, give me a second. So just walk into some. Like she has a sword like just just goes straight into them. Like, have you ever had like you're walking a rambunctious dog and they just sprint into some. But it's like, no, God, like they get stuck. Alina is marching forward and there's nothing in front of her.

She breaks left into a series of thorny bushes and just like you're thrashing and struggling and then like stop to peer into the bushes like. So she's going to like I don't think it probably wouldn't be safe to turn around. So she's just kind of just kind of like kind of wiggle her way backwards out of all of it. And she'll turn around like rubbing her arm because it hurt. And she'll look at everyone and she'd be like. OK, there's something back there. But don't try and look at it through these. But there's something there. Brelyn's going to look at Tatiana and say like, hey, you're good at climbing stuff, right?

Kind of elbows her knee. Why don't you climb them rocks over there and see if you can see what she's talking about. And then I'll put a hand on Tatiana and say, don't risk the climb and he'll cast fly on her. Oh, my God. And you have just been dying to use it. I love it so much. I just I went off all flying all the time. So, yeah, these like these like beautiful, ethereal dragon wings of like frost and ice seem to like appear and unfold out from your back. And I think it's like 10 minutes. Is it 10 minutes? Good God. It's not very long. It's excruciatingly long.

That's that's a 10 minutes. It doesn't say on this thing, but I'm pretty sure it's 10 minutes. OK, I'll look into it. Well, anywho, as soon as Tatiana is thrust into the air, she's just going to go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy. How about asking next time? You have 10 minutes. So is this like a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory flight where you're just like unsure of the whole thing and all your limbs are just like wiggling or. I mean, Tatiana has never flown before or used any kind of magic, so I assume she would probably look like a newborn deer with wings.

Got it. Majestic. Again, we got to redo all the artwork for the book. Mia Colpa. Hers is only a first draft. Yeah, there's still time. So Callie's going sorry, Tatiana's going to take flight here gingerly, I guess. And you're going to be able to see over the shrubbery. I would say these bushes are pretty tall. We're talking like, I don't know, eight and a half, 10 feet like they're there. It's it's these are thick. So if you get beyond those, you're going to be able to see where this rock face is very tight. It looks like you'd be able to squeeze through, but you're going to be able to see something beyond.

It looks like you'd have to squeeze for a good 15 feet and then you'll be able to walk casually. It looks like it opens up and. You can't be sure, but it looks like you see something shining back there. Like you're going to see something like just kind of glint, like you're going to something's going to catch Tatiana's eye. Tatiana sees something shiny. How far did you say it was? Well, you'd have to get through these bushes and then you'd have to walk, walk for just a little bit. Then you'd have to squeeze through. There's this looks like where the mountain basically that the rocks are very tight, so you'd have to like, like kind of like single file, like sideways squeeze through.

And then, you know, it opens up again. OK, well, then Tatiana would say to the people and I sort of picture Tatiana as she's gingerly in the air and being that Elena is right there, even though she's got these wings. She's like bracing herself on on Elena's shoulders and head while she's standing there. You know, just like I know I'm lying, but this is still really weird for me. Like a gargoyle? Kind of. Yeah. She's like trying to peek over, even though she is in flight and she's just going to yell down. Yeah, there's something shiny over there. And she'll look down and say, should I go get it?

Braille doesn't hesitate. He moves towards where she's pointing. You try to fight through these bushes? He doesn't even care. He's going to go straight through it. He's going to go in. Oh, shit. OK, give me athletics. My favorite skill. Oh, my God. Step plus zero. So Braille is going to charge into these bushes and immediately get stuck. Like we're talking like I say, like a spider web, like a spider web. Yeah, like seven feet in. And he like like like all these thoughts that they're getting caught on his clothing and cloak and pulling in his hair and just like every time he goes to move a new appendage, just like it's catching him in new places.

And he's like, oh, oh, shit. Oh, shit. Like it's so when he gets caught, he's going to go, ah, ah, ah, help! Thunderclap at a reflex. Really? Well, I'm seven feet away from everybody, right? OK, but there's like rocks that are in a rockslide area. It only affects things five feet away from me. So there are no boulders above me five feet. Aveline's rules. Cauldin turns to Larg and says, oh, no, we're losing him all over again. Larg puts his helmet on the ground and sits on his helmet, puts his elbows on his knees and his chin in his fist and watches. Yeah, OK, let's cast Thunderclap.

I mean, is there any creature? There's no creatures within five feet of me. OK, let me ask you two questions. One, this is an instinctual thing, right? This is 110 percent. Yes. Oh, he says panicking. OK. You create a burst of thunderous sound which can be heard 100 feet away. Now, while it's not going to harm anyone directly because you're seven feet away and there's a five feet radius. It's still 100 feet of projected sound. So just. We're going to we're going to roll real quick. Just I need to know something. Oh, no. I want you to do me a favor. And in this canyon, on a scale of one to 10, how thunderous is this Thunderclap?

Now, sometimes acoustics work kind of strangely, right? Like sometimes you think you're going to you're going to get some real reverb and some, you know, you're going to you're going to hear this big echo and it just doesn't come. Sometimes, you know, you're standing in your apartment or your living room or something and you shout it's like, oh, wow, that sounded like this room is completely empty. And there's this weird acoustic reverb. Do me a favor. Roll a flat D10. The higher the number, the more this is going to echo and bounce off of this canyon.

Hoping for low numbers then, yeah? Yeah. Yes. One. See? See, guys, I'm not trying to kill everyone. Yeah, it's. So so this is going to be, you know, Thunderclap like bam. And you're all going to hear it and you're all going to watch. So, OK, we've watched Elena. Fight a bush. Everyone's reaction to that is going to look down at Brelin, still sort of balancing on Elena, like, geez, Brelin, chill. And maybe float over there. He's just screaming. I think Kelly's going to shake her head a little bit and then I just want to walk through these bushes and I because I'm a druid of high enough level, I ignore difficult terrain and I can just walk through it.

Well, it's not difficult terrain so much as it is a wall. I ignore non magical. What is it? I can pass through non magical plants without being slowed by them and without taking damage for them. Oh, it says if they have no thorns, spines or similar hazards. We lost another one. So three of your party members are in this bush. But I tried to walk through what I could manage because I'm like, you know, plant savvy. You know what? Can I walk through a tree to another tree? 30 feet away. You know what? Do me a favor. I'm going to give you advantage on your athletics check just because it's like, okay, maybe you know what to look out for him.

You're going to weave in and out. Cool. You don't sound like it's going to go good. We don't know. Unless you roll a 20. So... Natural 20. That is a natural 20. So with some effort, I would imagine like, like, okay, we're talking Ocean's Twelve. Yeah, I'm thinking every person who's trying to break into a museum with like laser. Yes. So you're going to almost dance through this. Like you have to contort and bend and stretch and you are going to get through this bush and you are on the other side now. So this, the shrubbery is a good, you know, like I'd say 12, 13 feet or so where it's thickest in the middle.

And then like it's, you know, like on the other side of kind of lightens up a little bit. So... What would you like to do? Oh, I thought the shiny thing was right on the other side. Oh no, there's still a canyon you have to... Oh. Like if you want to squeeze through it. Uh... Sure. Okay, let's do it. So Callie is going to gingerly squeeze through here. Be a fox. Oh my God, I couldn't. I'm such an idiot. But this looks way cooler. Yeah. So you're going to squeeze through here and it's going to take a couple of seconds because I would imagine like your, you know, your backpack is going to get caught on this or something like that.

But you're going to squeeze through and now you're on the other side and this is going to open up and there's this beautiful, beautiful green field. Completely surrounded by mountainous rock. So you are going to look up and essentially see wall for dozens and dozens of feet leading up. It's this weird bowl shape. And the second you get through to the other side, you're going to look around and you're going to see little, little critters kind of like scurrying around and they're going to get out of your way. And give me a perception check because I want to see how much of this you're going to take in.

Man, you're wow, 23. Okay. I'm perceptive as fuck. Yeah, you got a plus nine. Damn. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what the obvious stuff is first. Okay. You are going to see this massive stone statue and it's standing over top of what looks like a doorway completely etched in stone. This is beautiful work. This looks like maybe like a vault or a crypt, something like it's either from where you're standing it either looks like a maybe someone who was very respected and they wanted to give them a very nice burial chamber or this is perhaps a something people want to do.

People wanted to protect and they put it, it's kind of tough to tell from where you're standing. But there's a very large stone statue and between the legs basically is where this doorway is so it's kind of hunched over in this football like stance like it's it's it's kind of like bent down. And it's built into the mountain itself. So what it looks like it's it's almost like, like someone shaped and polished and carved into the mountain. And this was like a real labor of love like this this looks like it took a long time. Is the statue like recognizable or is it just like a generic.

It's definitely not generic, but let's see where you know what give me a wisdom check. And also, why is this fuck. Jesus Christ Yeah, you are. Someone took all the good roles tonight. That's a 17. So, there were. The dwarves have had some growing pains over the years. And the stone sunder dwarves were essentially the largest grouping of dwarves on a Laura. They didn't originally come from a Laura they came from athletes, and they were essentially just kind of fed up with things they when they got to a Laura they settled in the desert and hated it. They were not built for it.

There wasn't much for them to do there. So they eventually kind of migrated north, and really took a shine to the mountains up there and eventually took it. So, the kind of dicks, but that was over a perceived slight with a minute or and stuff that's that's more of a different story but before they had a concrete plan to move north. A lot of the, a lot of the doors kind of got disenfranchised, and they, they started to branch out. And there were a set of dwarves who really believed in more dense teachings like hardcore like they were wasting their time in the desert.

They wanted to branch out and craft and create and make new things. And some of them kind of went nuts. Well without anything to do. They just would point at things like say a mountain, or a forest or something, and they would just start shaping it like, okay. You know that old guy in in in movies that sits in front of a storefront and whittles. Yeah. Well imagine a small grouping of dwarves doing that with just a forest. So, there are bits and pieces of forest where if you, if you happen upon them. There are wooden carvings everywhere, where they just took the trees and strip them down and then made shit out of them.

Like a terrible Etsy knickknacks stool. But they just did it. It's like, yeah, we just took this acre and just made shit out of it. But like, they would stop eating and drinking and stuff like that and and shape wood until they died. And the statue is very reminiscent of some storybooks that Callie would have come, you know, come across. That statue is like, this might have been a grouping of nutso crazy dwarves who just took Morden's teachings and went nuts about it. Sick. You want to hear something sicker? Sure. So do you know how cats, when they're about to die, they go off and they just they're they're all they want to be alone?

Oh no. So these dwarves did something similar, where they would just stop eating and drinking and stuff like that. And they would, since the time is coming, and they would wrap up a project like this with a bang. Callie would know that there's a half decent chance that something really fucking cool is in this little crypt, because they would create a piece of armor or weaponry or, you know, statue or something like that, and usually imbue it with some sort of magical property. Like they would set out to make something really badass and then croak. Damn.

There's a drawback. Because it was so tied to Morden, they would usually want to protect it. So you're looking at that statue. There's little bits of gemstone and stuff like that that you're going to see catches the light. The statue is probably not just a statue. Oh. It's probably a guardian. Okay. Froggert is also cursed. But you get a free topping. And then is that like the only thing like in this kind of... Yeah, this was very purpose built. This was very, like, it's protected. It's not easily seen. It's not, you know, this... You're probably the first live person to stand in this little valley in maybe a century or more.

It's really fucking cool. So I get out my phone and I start taking Instagram pictures. #Relics. #Be selfie with the statue. Okay, I'm done. Cool. I'm not going to touch a fucking thing. Okay. And I'm going to go back to there. But I am going to go back as a fox this time because that was a really tight squeeze. Sure. Be like, all right, that was just a little too hairy. Let me just change and go back. And then be like... Basically, info dump. Be like, oh my God, there's such a cool statue, but it might not be a statue. It might actually just be like protection for this place.

And like, just give them the download and like what I think it could be. Okay. There might be some really cool stuff in there. But I don't really want to like deal with whatever protection these crazy dwarfs did. So... Is it protecting like a some kind of building or is it protecting like the valley? I mean, it didn't react when I was in the valley. So I'm assuming that if like somebody got too close to the building or attempted to or not the building, but like it's this it's built into the mountains. So if somebody got too close to it or tried to like breach it, it would probably react.

Did you see any entrances or anything? I mean, there was a door like it was it. So you didn't notice any like other than like the door, like did it look obvious? Oh, it's very obvious. Like it's it's like that's the way in. Right between the giant's legs. Yay. Yeah, I should just say, yeah, there is a door like right underneath the statue, like right between its feet. Hmm. Can I roll religion? Sure. I'll tell you what I'm trying to find out. So Largus is thinking about the way she's describing this because he can't see it from where he's at. And he's wondering if if this like sect of fanatical dwarves and their weird crypt, like obviously they were devoted to a god.

But like, would this be something that that more more than murder, more than more than would endorse? Or is this like, oh, these guys lost their way, like they went too far. Give me a give me a religion check. 14. OK, so I would say their heart may have been in the right place, but. They may have went off the rails a little bit, like what they were doing wasn't hurting anybody, right? Like they weren't in theory, like they sequestered themselves off, they built a bunch of stuff, they you know, it was basically a project and they went off the beaten path to make it.

Like it wasn't like they, you know, that they had to hurt anyone or anything to do it. So I wouldn't say that there'd be anything that would stand out to Largus. It's like, man, that's messed up, like they were they did what Morden worshippers do, and that's make stuff like they created things. So, OK, so second question, and if you want to roll a second time, I will. But he's thinking that in that case, would in any way disturbing this be offensive to Morden? I would say you could make a case for either way, because part of making cool stuff is showing it off, but they clearly went out of their way to protect it.

But you can't really know which way that would fall until you know what's in the crypt. Right. But like so, OK, so I don't know if with the 14 you would know, but like, is there something about followers of Morden, Morden, Morden, Jesus, were they... Yeah, were they like are grave sites especially sacred or, you know, things like that? I would say if you're ranking this from like one to ten because of the gods, I would say Morden probably falls into a nice four or five slot, like halfway. Because, again, they obviously wanted to protect the thing they made.

It's probably a one of a kind item. But you're probably not going to like spit in Morden's eye by doing this, if that's what you're looking for. Alternately, if Morden is on board with the Vecna plan, maybe he put this here for us. Depends on how you want to rationalize it. He says that out loud. Shit. Didn't think of it that way. So while he's sitting there and he's looking at it, he's thinking really hard and he says, maybe the gods wanted us to see this. Maybe we have more than just Vecna's blessing. I'm not going to fit in there though. So can you clarify something for me?

And I imagine this and maybe this is like a conversation that's happening with Callie, but really asking you, Jason. You said it's clear that they've protected it. What's clear about that they protected it? Like, how do we look at that and go, oh, this is clearly protected in some way? That big ass stone statue. Oh, it looks like it can come to life or something. So this is information that Callie would have had coming back. It's like, oh, yeah, that's clearly enchanted. Like, that's not... I gotcha. Okay. I've read stories about these types of dwarves that lead me to believe this is an enchanted statue.

Basically. Well, if you think this is another act of the gods, perhaps we should take a look. If it's as revered as you say and protected, I'm not sure. I mean, as we know, the gods don't directly act or do so very, very not often. So whatever protection this has is likely dwarven made and dwarven. I mean, I don't know if a god's influence will protect us from that. Brailen's going to step up. Well, Larch, right. I mean, think about it. One of the gods brought us back from the dead. Sure, a little greater than normal, but it would make sense, right, if there were others on his side or who shared his viewpoints and maybe they put us on this path.

I mean, we would already be halfway to Erstorhold by now if we had kept walking, but something caught our attention. Something made Elaina look this way, and here we are. I say we go for it. I suppose as long as it's quick. Let's take a cautious explore. How do you want to go about this? First, we got to burn these bushes. Well, do we need to go burn them? I can tear you over, Brailen. That's fine. I don't want to touch the bushes anymore. In three months, another adventuring party walks by and there's six skeletons in the bush. That was pretty... Oh, jeez. And Vecna's just standing there like, "Ah, dammit." What idiot.

You had one job! [laughter] Yeah, can we make it over there? I seriously would pick up Brailen and bring him over. He's small enough that I probably could. Thank you very much. You know what? Let's cut ahead to you guys fighting this bush. [laughter] You don't shout us getting through the bushes. It's a montage. Yes. So two days have gone by and you guys have been through this bush. Elena is dead. [laughter] Elena's bled out in the bush. [laughter] I never gave up. [laughter] Follow your dreams. So you're going to get to the other side of this little rock face and stuff.

So you are going to make it to the other side and this opens up and there's this beautiful little valley. And I guess what do you guys want to do from here? Oh my god, I forgot to see if there are any cool plants. Sorry. Brailen will go invisible when... He'll tell the group he's doing it. He'll go invisible so in case something pops off, he can surprise whatever attacks us. Well I think it would be that and just point up to the big... Yeah, when Colin points up he's like, "Oh, good. Well, I'm going to do what I normally do." And he waves and just poof. Yeah, how big is it by the way?

This thing's sizable. If I were to put a size... Okay, do you want the D&D measurements or do you want a height? So Larg is 6 feet 6 inches tall. How far up is he looking at it? This is a good 10 feet. It's classified as a huge creature if it comes alive. Dwarves compensating. You said 10 or 15 feet. This is 10. This is large. Enemy Minotaur almost. As soon as Brailen goes invisible, Tatiana is going to sort of whisper, "Maybe we can just sneak past it." Yeah, you try first. What's the door look like? Is it just like... It's almost a hobbit hole type of thing, but it's made of stone.

That's racist. Okay. It looks like it could be pushed or rolled or like... Is it clear at a glance how the door is opened? Yeah, there's a much like a hobbit hole. There's almost a doorknob-ish type thing in the center. Okay. With a lock above it. Oh, some kind of lock. Okay. Yeah, this isn't just a... Does the lock give off any arcane energy or is it just... Like the lock itself? From Kali's description, it seems like this colossus kind of would, but does the lock itself seem mundane? Give me an Arcana check. Okay, I can do that. Good bye. 19! Almost. So, okay. Kaladin's going to pick up two things.

It's not coming from the door, but this statue is definitely... I almost wanted to say haunted. That's not haunted. Stand back, it's haunted. This statue is a Scooby-Doo villain if I've ever seen it. It is definitely enchanted and it will hurt you if you try some shit. However, Kaladin's going to pick up something even greater. There is something very powerful in this little hideaway. Oh my god. We need it, we need it, we need it! So like, okay, if you're gauging stuff, let's say you have predator vision. So like the statue would be like a yellow dipping into the orange.

And whatever's in that hidey hole is a deep red. Like this is some big time shit. God. We're messing with like wow rarities. There's something of immense power behind this door. A wheeler whoa. So Larg is going to take a position, like he's going to basically stand in front of this thing with his helmet on, his shield and his hammer. And his hammer, the head of the hammer is going to light up with white energy. He's going to activate sacred weapon. And he's going to call out to the statue. He's going to say, "By Moradin, we request entrance to this tomb." The statue's eyes are going to open.

Can I ask you a question? Okay. Okay. Would Larg be wearing any heraldry of Moradin by any chance? Or is it all Arathas? Arathas all the way down. Hell yeah. Wrap that shit so we turn to dust. Wrap his time to die. You know what I think about a lot? I think about the guy from Benny from the first Mummy movie who wore all of the H- Oh my God. I think about him a lot. I think that's the direction Larg's heading in honestly. Yeah, probably because he knows that Vecna exists and the other ones have to exist if this one does exist too. I mean we're Blues brothering, right?

We're on a mission from God and we've got to get all the gods. Got to catch them all. Got to catch them all. So you're going to hear an ungodly noise as this stone golem begins to animate. And it literally breaks away from this mountain. I'm just imagining the sound effects right now. Oh my God. It's going to use its back hand to brace the rest of itself like an old uncle getting off of a fucking ratty recliner just like. And it is going to stand and this thing is solid rock and it's going to turn toward the party. And it's going to grab a piece of the sharpened bits of stone that have fallen away from it and it's going to whip one at Larg.

I fucking knew it. Larg, can I get a dexterity saving throw? Yeah, I think I'll do that. I'm just considering just letting it just crash and like. Just eat it? Just show that he's not afraid. But that's a big rock. So let's dodge. Let's not start off. I'm not immediately like, well, that's three, three times in a row I've died, so. Oh my God. That's in that 20. So I would like to do the least amount of movement to get out of the way of this rock. Yes, just badass as shit. Now I have to take one small step to the side. Oh, yeah, that's hot. OK, yes, we're doing that.

Oh, yes. OK. Oh, man. Everybody do me a favor. A little initiative. I'm so happy that we're going to have this fight. So I'm just a flavor guy. He dodges the rock. The dust settles after the crash and he just goes, please. Use your manners. Oh, shit. Yes. I postured too much. OK, so that's a one. Yeah. All right. You're all over the place today, Lerg. I was too busy posing. That's fine. That's OK. Wow. OK, so I'm going to get you guys. Let's see. All right, so, Raylan. Am I first? You're first, baby. Holy shit. All right. Oh, my God. How do I play this game? It's been 47 years.

I still don't have the heart of the ocean. OK, so 25 is my speed, which means five squares. So I'm still invisible. Sure. Yeah. One, two and three and four. Right. I'm going to try and cast Bestow Curse on the guy. OK. Let me double-check the range because there's no range marker on Fantasy Grounds. So Bestow Curse is a level... What is that? Level... Three. Holy balls. Oh, my God. Range touch. See, I can't do that. Yeah, you got to go touch it. I'm not touching that thing because he's going to touch me and it's going to touch me. He's going to touch me into the ground is what he's going to do.

Give him the old good game curse. Yeah. OK, let's do... Oh, can I do Erupting Earth? I'm going to break that cavern. Sorry, guys, I had to kill it. So we're casting Thunderclap and Erupting Earth in the same... Start with the highlight room. Yeah. Hey, guys, I'm looking for solutions here, OK? There it is, Erupting Earth. This is what we're looking at range-wise. 120 feet. Let's do it. OK, I'm going to choose a point up to 120 feet away. I'll pick his back leg. And then to click his control click, right? Yeah, to target him. Oh, no. I have to move here. That's closer, right?

That's fine. I'm in range. And he has to save. So I'm going to... OK. I'm going to target him and hit cast. Yeah. He saves. Oh, by the way, he has resistance against magic, so he gets advantage on saving throws against magic. What the fuck? I'm first and my magic isn't the strongest, so I'm glad that I did this first, right, guys? Does that manifest in a cool way when we see that happen on it? I would imagine, you know, those gemstones and stuff like that, I would imagine it's almost like you can see a Sue Storm, like, barely visible bubble type of thing. This thing is definitely magically protected.

Cool. Is that all from Braelyn? Yeah, he'll just emerge from the shadows or from invisibility and start playing his lute. That would be a good song for Erupting Earth. I don't know. I'm not sure what would be a good song for that, but he'd begin playing. Yeah, let's say like Papa was a Rolling Stone. And then as he begins playing, his words, you know, they manifest into magic, it shoots out, and just like you mentioned, the gemstones turn on, it just like fizzles out to nothing and his music stops. Like, great, awesome. And that's the end of my turn. Tatiana.

So, Tatiana, I wanted to ask you very quickly, am I still in the air? And if so, what does that do to my speed? I mean, it's up to you. Do you want to be in the air? I mean, I don't know how long. You said 10 minutes? It's 10 minutes. You have a flying speed of 60 feet for the duration. Okay. I mean, I don't even know if I would necessarily need to, but I don't think it's been that long, has it? Probably not. Okay. So, she's probably still in the air and is going to sort of, with a very sarcastic tone, what would have been wrong with sneaking? She's going to move forward or fly forward here.

Ooh. And I know. And will try to attack with an arrow. Do it. You don't want to get closer? I don't want to get closer. But because Braelyn, I don't know where the Stone Golem's attention is, if I would be able to do my sneak attack because I'm sort of zipping through the air over here. No. Okay. Okay, let's attack this baby. 15 is going to miss. Miss. All right. So, I imagine like a crossbow bolt just like firing against this thing and just, like, just it's going to hit and then just fall away. Mm. Anything else? Nope. Callie, you are up. Oh my gosh, everything moved.

I hate when it does that. Like the map moves when you, it's your turn. Sorry, I'm just nervous. Okay, so Callie's going to move forward a little bit, but not too much. Like here. It's like 10 feet. It's like 10 feet. And she's going to call on some lightning. Okay. Gonna cast Call Lightning on this guy. Okay, he has to succeed on a Dexterity saving throw. Wait, I pressed the wrong button. Sorry. Did that do it? No, it's not. I think you just have to roll it. Okay. I'll just, yeah, but I get advantage. Well, the good news is, Dexterity is not this giant stone golem's best stat.

So, that's kind of what I was thinking. Yeah, so let's see here. He gets a negative one, guys. Yes. I think. So, let's do it with advantage. He saved. No, he didn't. We're dropping a two. Wait. No. No, he got 13. Oh, 13. My DC is a 17. He did. Oh. Yes. Oh, I probably didn't work because I didn't target him. I got it. That'll do it. So, now we know. Yeah, and then, so he's going to take 3d10 lightning damage. Oh, shit. 22 damage. Oh, fuck. So, I would imagine you're going to see this lightning bolt streak out of the sky and just strike this golem, and it probably hits it so hard that you're going to see little flecks of stone fall off of him.

Like, he has to catch himself just for a second. Oh, there's like little cracks and stuff. Yeah. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Okay. That's it. That's all for me. Oh, man. Stone golem's turn. So, he's going to right himself just a bit, and I'm assigning a gender. I shouldn't assume gender with this giant stone golem. So, whatever. But, it's going to look at the party, and its eyes are going to flash red. And, for a split second, blinding light is going to shoot out of them. And, it's going to cast slow. It's going to target everyone in the party. All of you need to make a wisdom saving throw, please.

Okay. Don't fail me now. Jesus. Oh. I'm pretty sure Elena and Kaldin and Kali are the only three who are not slowed, I feel like. Uh, so, Kali, Kaldin, Elena are fine. Larg, Braelyn, Tatiana. On a failed save. The target can't use reactions. Its speed is halved. And, it can't make more than one attack on its turn. In addition, the target can either make an action or a bonus action on its turn, but not both. These effects last for one minute. The target can repeat a saving throw at the end of each of its turns, ending the effect on itself on a save. Hmm. That's not as scary as I thought it would be, but it's still pretty bad.

It's not great. Yeah, not great, but it's not like, "Ah, you're three steps from death." No, it's pretty close. Then, it's going to march forward toward Larg. Well, can I ask a question? Yeah. When something is a reaction, is it labeled as a reaction? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Alright, that's the end of Big Stony's turn. Elena! Okay. Well, Elena doesn't really know how to go about this, because, like, other people have, like, magic things. And, like, that seems like it would, you know, hurt something. Elena has a sword. True. And, like, that doesn't seem like the right weapon to, like, you know, break rock.

True. However, you've seen that it can be damaged. Like, it's not immune to, like, physical failure. Like, it can be shattered. It can be, you know. Yeah, but it looks scary. Very true. Again, though, you have stood toe-to-toe with a demon lord. And a bush! And I didn't win! Well... Fuck it. The world's gonna end. Elena's gonna go over to the Stone Golem. That's what I say every day when I wake up. I'm just gonna hit him with my longsword. We'll see what happens. No one's been hurt yet. Wait, what? That's a do it? Oh. No one's been hurt yet, so... We don't really know how damaging this thing can be.

Also, you get a +2, 'cause Lars connects to you. Oh, are we still doing that? I mean, I don't have to. No, I don't know. I thought there was a weird thing where, like... It used to be advantage. Oh, and now it's +2? Yes. Got it. That makes sense. I will now know that for the future and definitely won't forget. 16 will miss. Cool. Is that the +2 already on it? Yeah, that's... Yeah, that's +2. Oh, shit. Can I do... If I have two actions, can I do the other one if my first one failed? Yes, right? Uh... No, because... Well, you're slowed. No, she's not. She's only the good one.

She's not! Oh! You're right. Sorry. Oh my god, why did I think you were? Yeah, no, you just passed. So, yeah, you can go. Okay. I'll hit it again. That's less this time, so that's gonna miss. Cool. Well, that's discouraging. [Laughter] Olenna's done with her turn. Oh, oh. Kaladin. I'm looking around and I see everyone like magic-affected, like Time Aga has been cast or something. [Laughter] And so, Kaladin is going to rip this glove off to reveal his skeletal hand and hold up both of his arms as some wind is gonna whip around him. And there's gonna be like snowflakes that start to appear in front of this golem's face, like Rek focusing on that.

And then it suddenly, like, it's very calm and then becomes like a whirlwind of hail and snow. And then he's gonna pull his arm down and like try and bring down this snow, like hardened ice upon this snow golem. Snow golem? Stone golem. It's gonna be a snow golem after I'm done with it. [Laughter] Okay, so this is Ice Storm. Let me do a cast. Failure! We're gonna drop a three to take a five. It's still gonna fail. Poor dexterity. Stop targeting his dexterity. That's mean. And I'm gonna do this as a bonus action. I'm gonna crush up a sorcery point to like do this as a quick spell.

Okay. So here comes a damage. Jesus, 19? Wow! So you guys, when you do hit, you're hitting big. And because this is cold damage, I get to add another D6 just 'cause it's like I'm pulling deep from my arcane well. Okay. But I don't know how to add that, so can I just roll it? Yeah. Okay. We'll just add it. Three! So 22 total. That's pretty damn good. So that's two. You've done 44 damage to it so far then. So I'm casting this. This is a... I don't know how to draw one of those things, but I probably should. 'Cause this is a... it's a 20 foot radius and the area around it becomes difficult terrain.

And I wanna cast this in a way that wouldn't affect Larg and Elena, obviously. That's huge. That's big. You have to move it. Yeah. Okay, so something along the lines of that. Okay. Yeah. Do you wanna get rid of the purple one? Uh, I'm trying to. I don't know how to... Oh, there you go. Boom. There you go. So that's the area, yeah. Thank you. Alright. No problem. So that's gonna be a bonus action. I'm going to call out to Larg. Larg! Larg! What's the symbol of Moradin? Is it an anvil? Sorry, out of character. That'd be great if he called back. Who's Moradin? Oh, it's Moradin, right?

Yes! Okay, good. Oh, you don't, yeah. I'm sorry. Mordrin! Murica. Mori! I can call you out for a while, literally. It's a chisel and a paintbrush. It's about all the creation, not just smithing now. Yeah, it's a hammer, a chisel, and a paintbrush. Okay. I'm gonna cast a cantrip as my action and create in my hand whatever Larg describes to me as a medallion. A medallion, sort of, just shape water into a small palm-sized interpretation of Moradin's symbol. And then I'm gonna move over behind him and pass it to Larg and say, "Try this." This is interesting. So, has Kaladin...

Kaladin's never seen this? I don't know if he's never not seen it, but he's certainly not familiar with it. Okay, so this is like a game of telephone, but you're doing a police sketch and it's being shouted to you in combat. Yes. So here's what I want to do. On a scale of 1 to 10, let's see how close you got. Okay. 1 being not even kind of close. 10 being, wow, spot on. Photographic memory. Yeah. 10 being like, "Oh yeah, I've seen that." Alright, here we go. Hey, that's right. He made like the type of paintbrush you paint the house with. It's upside down. So that's a 1.

So this is like when your kid draws a horse, but they've never seen a horse before. It's like, "Ah, good try, kiddo. I'm going to put this on the fridge." Not even close. Larg, is this good? Sure, yeah, it's great. I'm going to put it on the fridge. Oh my god. Larg. Yeah, alright, so he'll take it. He'll look at it and kind of, you know what? Hold it, pat you on the shoulder. If it's not going to cost me an action, can I make a deception check to act like it's not terrible? Yes, please. That's, okay. 9. So you kind of see him go, and then he holds it up and he uses it to cast Bless on his allies.

Oh bless your arm. And they all burst into flames. See, that spits in the face of more, doesn't it? Yeah, so he's actually going to, he's going to use it though. He's going to hold it up in the air and Bless is going to go on Leila, Braylin, and Tatiana. Just like that. Oh, sweet. And he's slowed. You got a Bless. So you get an extra 1d4 to your attack rolls for the next minute or until I get hit and drop my concentration. If you're slowed, by the way, everybody who is slowed, roll a saving throw again. Yeah, and Elena, you get +2 because you are within my aura now.

So wait, so I get a d4+2? What? No, so you get a +2 to your saving throw because I have an aura of protection, which gives you a +2 to saving throws. Oh, okay, but I don't have a saving throw to do. Oh, right. It's at the end of our turns too. Okay, well I'm going to roll with a +2 because it affects me too. And I didn't think of that the first time I rolled. And I rolled even worse, so what the fuck. Jesus Christ. Poor guy. You're extra slow. Just moving in slow motion. You did great. Brailin? Okay, so Brailin's like, he's not used to feeling this slow. So it's like, he's got this face of disgust the entire time.

He's like, what the hell is happening? And he's gonna... magic doesn't work on this fucking guy. You know, while it works, he's just highly resistant to it. We're gonna cast Bane. Oh, yeah. I was born in a dark state. You may or may not have embraced it. Okay, I'm gonna cast it. And then it's gonna be a charisma saving throw. Oh, he's so charismatic. I hope not. He's so not. He got a zero. A negative five? Look, he's not great at parties. He's got shinies all over him though. Well, he got a zero. You're in really awkward places, like right on the nipples and like...

Yeah, he's got like ball jewels. He's got really good dick though. They carved that real nice. Like, you could tell they went crazy. He's got a diamond penis. Those murdering guys are weird. They are so weird. Does it automatically put on him a effect and I'm targeting him? I thought you were asking questions about the penis. Not the shape you'd expect. So I think you have to do it. Alright, cool. So now when he attacks or makes a saving throw, he has to subtract a d4 from whatever he gets. He hits me and knocks me out in one hit because I'm very sure he can do that.

We don't know. He hasn't done anything yet. He plays a very slow version of Cold as Ice by Foreigner. Yes, buddy. He's thinking, "Why am I so slow?" He's at like 45 RPM on a 78. It's the lounge version. I will do a wisdom saving throw at the end of my turn. Let's do it. Oh, Jesus. Eleven. That's with a +4 of wow! Jesus. It's so slow! Oh no. Long, do something! He didn't. So hey, I gave him the medallion. He's fine. It's very good. Why are you talking so weird? Wait, why am I talking so weird? And that's the end of Reylance. How did we get here? Well, it started with a bush.

Same way we always get anywhere. Yes. Your turn. Okay, so Tatyana is going to attempt to fire another arrow, but I am going to do the d4. Let me pick it up first and then just add that in. I think it should do it. Oh, shoot. Whoops, never mind. It's all good. It's all good. Oh, Jesus, god. 25 will hit. Yay! And because I have two allies that are within 5 feet of it, I do get to do my sneak attack damage. Yes, you do. Which is 5d6 now. If I picked your Hawkeye, you're just using some sort of drill arrow or something. I'll do this one first. Oh, max damage! Oh. Partially resisted.

Wait! Oh no! It's fully resisted. What? To piercing? Wait. Oh my god. Where does it... Hold on. It says it did damage. Damage immunities. If it's immune, it's... Bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing from non-magical weapons. This is exactly what happened last time. Not to say I told y'all so, but I literally told y'all so. Everyone is resistant to my damage. Oh, that sucks. Who has a magical weapon? I have one. Jason, not to jump the gun, but would we all see that it's immune? Like, how does this work? Do you know in Dragon Ball Z, when someone fires something someone fires this big ass energy blast and it's like, "Got it!" And the person on the other end just bats it away.

That's what this would be. Tatiana is like, she has fired this arrow so many times, it's like, "I gotcha." And it's just gonna go "ping!" And it's like, "Oh no, that should have done something." It didn't even notice. No, it didn't even care. It's not my turn, but can I like... Well, we're both slow, but can I shout to her to get her attention? I think Tatiana would notice. If I shout... Tatiana's no dummy. No, but like, I want to get her attention to like, have her fly over, but I don't know if I can do that during my turn. Not really, it's not your turn.

Okay, I'll wait. How would Tatiana react to that? I don't even know. I'm so angry. That is fair. Yeah, I think she would just sort of be like deflated by it, and slow. And I guess I'll just do my save. And slow. Slowly angry. I'm deflated and slow, guys. Hey, you saved! Yay! Ooh, shake it off. Callie, do something. You better be good. I don't know what to do. I was going to give Lark freedom of movement, but now I feel like I should just do more damage. Yeah, smoke it. Help us! All right. All right, I'm just gonna... Because my call lightning is still up, so I'm just gonna strike it with more lightning, so it needs to make a dexterity saving throw.

Okay. But it gets advantage. But doesn't it have like a negative... Yeah. And minus one? Oh, Jesus, God. Well, with all that garbage, he's gonna roll a two. With... Jason, you know who this is? This is group two, baby. It is a little group two! This is a war of escalation. Fourteen damage to the golem. Yay! At least the table's doing a lot of the heavy lifting right now. That's true. This is way different than when we did the SWAT team kills before. Oh, my God. That shaved years off my life. Is Callie done? Yeah, I don't have anything else I can do, so... Hey, you've done the most damage to it so far.

That's pretty good. Yeah. Stone Golem's turn. Stone Golem is going to create an action attack. Create an axe handle with its hands. Like it's going to... It's like a clubbing motion. It's going to raise its arms high in the air. And it's going to try to come down on Larg. And it's going to attack with something called Slam. Fifteen is going to miss. Nine. And he's going to raise his arms again. And he's going to try to come down on Larg. So I imagine the first one is going to land at the side of him. Again, that minimal movement. And you're going to feel it impact the ground.

I would say everybody within a ten-foot radius is like, "Slam!" And it is going to raise its arms again and attempt once more. Oh, and do even worse. Nine. Boom! Again, just Slam. Like, you could tell if this were to hit you, that's going to hurt like a motherfucker. Just... That's got some weight behind it. That will end the Golem's turn. Hmm. Man. Elena! When Bane hits, it's good. Yeah. Yeah, dude, that's a negative four and a negative three. Is this the first time Bane's worked? It's never worked before. Well, way to pick your spots, because... [Laughter] It's got plus ten to its attack.

Yeah, it's not screwing around. Elena! Okay. So, did I 100% see what Tatyana did and figure out that if I hit it, it's not going to do anything? I would say at this point, you'd get it. Your instinct was right on the nose. It was like, "Well, I got the sword, and that's just a big ol' rock." And then you, Jason, were like, "Nah, it worked a little bit." And I was like, "Okay." [Laughter] I was trying to be positive for you. Okay. So... Honestly, Elena's not sure... What... To do. So... Okay, so... Is disengaging still a thing? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I will remind you, you have superiority die and maneuvers.

Right, but... I mean, you might not be able to do damage, but that doesn't mean that your maneuvers wouldn't work. Right. Well, I was thinking about that, because I have one that makes it drop something, and I was like, "Well, if it's saying that now it has this stone axe, can I..." No, no, no. A wrestling term, like a double axe handle? Like he's putting his fist in the other fist and just raising them and clubbing. Oh, you see, I didn't get that part. That's okay, sorry. I figured I might have confused you. Yeah, no, he's just... He's got rock hands. Yeah.

Big, strong hands. I can try and push it away, but that ain't gonna do nothing. You're probably not gonna push it. Yeah. So... Read the chat. So what Elena's gonna do, she's gonna give us some really long hard thought, and so she's just gonna think, "You know, let me see what other people do, and then I'll make a decision from there." So she's gonna delay her turn. Good, okay. Nice. Captain! Carl's gonna see Elena do nothing and give her the Jackie Chan meme, like, "What, what?" Like put his hands on his head. And he's going to keep this storm going. He's just gonna keep casting, like trying to bring down this ice.

I'm gonna try Ice Storm again on this thing. I'm gonna smash another sorcery point and do this as a bonus action too, 'cause I would like to also cast a Ray of Frost, so like a white hot beam of cold energy just comes out of the middle of this raging storm and comes down like Independence Day on this boy. Oh wow. Yeah, so let me try first the Ice Storm. It's gonna fail! Alright. Give him... Fucking Bane! Give him this damage. It fell. 17 damage to the golem. Plus I got this D6 here. Hey! Six extra damage? Ooh, that's hot. That's real hot. Ooh, that little "fuck you" die.

Yeah, so this... I had to take nine levels of sorcerer to get it. It worked for this one. So yeah, all this hail and rock is like smashing into his gems and his diamond penis and his beautiful... This beautifully... I mean, the craftman of this thing is beautifully done, and it's just getting crushed with this ice, and then this white hot beam is gonna come down and I'll cast Ray of Frost. Boop! That one's gonna miss. Okay, so that just comes down and just sort of like gets refracted by one of these gems and just sort of like splices out into a harmless cold light.

Boy, if people didn't know about this valley before, they're gonna find out. I imagine it's just fucking... The fireworks show. Yeah, just laser beams and magic all over the place. And slow music. It's like a thundering boom. We should have all taken mushrooms and just watched this light show. And then I'm gonna do... I'm gonna say to Larg, "Are you good?" I think so, except he says it slower. Okay, alright, just say, "Okay, alright, good, good, good, good." And then... And then he's gonna back up here with his buddy Breland and I'll be entering. Alright, Larg.

Sounds like you've got a plan. So he is preparing to start swinging back at this thing after it missed him twice, but noticing Elena's sudden hesitation, he's going to reach over because the head of his hammer is glowing with that energy when he uses that ability, which I can't remember the name of right now, the Divine... The Channel Divinity Sacred Weapon, that's what it is. So he's gonna reach over with the hammer and touch and bang it against Elena's sword. And it's gonna be like when you touch a lit match head to one that's not lit yet and the magic just flares into her weapon and he's casting Magic Weapon on her sword.

Holy shit. And he's gonna just... You can have two of those going at once? Well, yeah, so I checked. Blast is concentration, Magic Weapon is not. It's only a bonus action. Got it. So normally I'd be able to turn around and attack this thing, but I'm still slow, so I can't. So he's gonna nod to Elena in slow motion and then that's it. It's been 10 minutes and he's just finished moving. So I'm gonna just do a Wisdom save instead. Let's do it. Jesus Christ. We're gonna be slow for a thousand years. It's actually a 15 because of my aura that I still won't take this enough. 15 will do it.

Ugh. Alright. Elena, you got a glowy sword. Okay, so when Lorg puts his weapon to hers, which sounds funny, but... You know, the glowing of his now starts to extend along Elena's sword. That sounds bad too. She's going to... You know, she's holding it with two hands and it's in front of her. And as it starts glowing, her eyes are going to go wide. But there's also going to be a smile on her face. And you probably haven't seen her smile like that. Definitely since they got out of the cave. And then she's going to bring the sword over her head and try and hit the golem.

Let's do it. You get a +2 to your attack. +2. Do I also... It automatically adds that detail. Oh, okay. Yeah. And attack... And this just makes it magic? Like it doesn't do anything else to it? It's a +1 weapon as well, yeah. So you actually get a +3 instead of... Right, okay. Oh boy. Please don't ask. Okay, let's see... So you have a... Oh shit! Oh Jesus! Oh shit! So it's 29. You just cut away to a mile away from this mountain and you just see a bomb, like an atom bomb mushroom bomb. 29 will hit, believe it or not. Okay, so because that hit... Oh, oh, just kidding, never mind.

Okay, I'm going to do damage. Yeah, I'm just going to do damage. 9 damage. It says resisted, but don't worry about that. It's 9 damage. Okay. Then I'm going to do it again. Okay. Do I still have the bless or is that like a one-time thing? No, you still haven't. Oh, so the magic is still on the weapon? Yes. Right, okay. And then the +2 is from you being next to me, so that's still around. Yep. Jesus, you rolled a 4 and still got an 18. That'll hit. Okay, cool. And I will do damage. Let's do it. Oh shit. Max damage. 13 to the golem. And why not? Because she doesn't know how long this magic thing will last.

She's going to use action surge. Give me a second. I have to think of what it's called. And she's going to do it again. And... 25 will hit. Fuck. Okay. And on this, let me just... No, okay. I'm going to do damage. 9 more damage to the golem. And that's everything. I was about to say, that's 3 whole attacks. Brailin! So he just sees Elena go crazy and she's wielding a burning blade. Kaladin's right next to him so he looks at Kaladin and goes, "That's so cool!" I'm going to, because I have to use bonus actions as full actions now, right? Because I'm slow? Yes. I'm going to give Bardic Inspiration to...

Let's see, who's that? Tatyana calling. What's the range? Can I do it? 60 feet, I mean, that's everybody. To the golem. Give it to the golem. Yeah, golem gets it now. He kind of needs it. He's not doing great, honestly. You know what? No, he'll shout to Tatyana. That's what I want to do on my turn. He'll hold up his vicious longbow and say, "Tatyana!" Just hold it up, motion her to come get it. That'll be... can I do it as a free action or as not spending anything? I'll give you an option. I'll let you attempt to whip it at her. Hell no! Okay. You're mine! Don't you...

I'll just hold up the vicious longbow so that hopefully she hears me. I will pass Bardic Inspiration to Calli. Okay. I think it's still a d6, right? That hasn't changed. I don't believe so. Let me see. It becomes a d8 at 5th level, yes. It's a d8. So two levels ago it should have been a d8. Shit. Now we know. Tatyana, your turn. Okay. Tatyana, you said it was... Sorry, does Brelyn save? Oh, save! Yeah, roll that save. Oh my goodness, thank you guys. Woo! Still slow. Now, now, that's a 10. Well, because battle takes like seconds, Tatyana's gonna see these arrows sort of ping off of this guy and just exasperatedly, "Oh, come on!" And she'll hear Brelyn from behind her sort of slowly yell this at her and I'll move back to go and get it.

Remember, your movement speed is halved. But I saved. Oh, you saved! That's right. Never mind. So I can get that and go back. You can get it. Yeah. You can't go home again. And she would take it. Brelyn reluctantly answered the vote, "Give it back when you're done!" Do I need that here in order to fire? I can tell you the stats if you just want to roll, like the quick roll. Okay. Oh, no. Basically, you're gonna get a plus one, but you get a plus two because of Larg and Elena. So just take what you'd normally get. Okay. And just roll up with a plus three. That's all.

With a plus three? Okay. Yeah. Here we go! 28 will hit! Yay! Finally! Do you know what's... There hasn't been a crit hit or miss for anyone yet. Why don't you say that? I'm shredding it. I don't know! I'm just... I'm worried. I'm worried for all of us. Now the damage that I have here for the shortbow I have is still piercing, so I don't know if it would be different for a magical bow. It just says, "Wheel 1d6 + 3 piercing magic." Okay. Well, mine's plus five. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Roll yours. Okay. And we'll just count that as the damage. Oh, well. Six. But I still get my sneakiness!

Then do it! Is it plus one for magic weapon as well? Yeah. So seven? Yeah, so it'd be a seven. Alright! Fourteen extra. And Tatiana will look down at Brelen after this obviously affects this stone giant, and she'll give a little head nod, "Thanks," and sort of scoot over here. Five minutes later, he'll react. You're welcome. I'm just saying, if you wanted to walk away with that bow, now is the greatest time ever to be in the place. No, please! Tatiana leaves out the valley, just like, "Oh!" Hell, you got wings! You could just fly! Yeah, that's true! Peace! Deuces!

That's barely even stealing, that's honestly... Callie! I gotta hit it with lightning! Let's do it! Okay, can you give me a dexterity saving throw, please? Well, sure. I want to see this thing matrix dodge a lightning bolt. Thirteen! No way! That's his best roll so far. Yeah, he still fails. Oh, buddy. Oh my god! Eighteen more damage! Oh my god! I should have done it at a higher level. I'm regretting that. Alright. That's it. Anything else? Okay! Stone Golem is just fucking pissed! That makes sense. I don't blame him. He is going to stop targeting Larg and he is going to target Elena.

And he is going to try and just slam Elena. I'm going to provoke invoke disadvantage on that, please. Oh my god! Okay, here we go! Eleven! Perfect! I have a reaction to that. I'm going to use riposte. I can use a reaction and spend one superiority die to make a melee weapon attack against it. If I hit, I add the superiority die to the attack's damage roll. Let's do it! So, using one superiority die and then I'm going to attack it. And I think I... Because I think the plus one is already added in. A magic weapon, yeah. Yeah, so I'm just doing a plus two. Okay. Oh!

Crit miss! Well, there we go. There's that crit. There it is. That's why you don't say those things, Jason. Speak about the devil and the devil comes up. The target, okay, critical counter. Oh no. The target critically hits you with a basic attack. Oh shit. Okay, well. This may be the only attack it lands. Okay everybody, hold your breath. What a ping pong. Yeah, really. The good news is I have 100 HP. 28 damage! That's nothing. Super deadly to me still. Yeah, he rolled like two, three ones in there too? A couple of three? Yeah, that was low. That was a level three Braille's full HP.

I bet that looks so cool though. Like Elena trying to repose, like scraping off this stone with this magic blade. And then it like whirling around to knock it away and punching her or whatever. Oh my god. Okay. It's gonna stop targeting you though and it's gonna swing back around and try to hit Larg. That's fair. That was a lot of effort for one hit. It was. He's like, "Oh, I think so." 22 damage! Oh, sorry. 22 will hit. Yeah, I guess. 20... wait, what happened? Oh, concentration. Oh, that was your concentration, so that succeeded. So you're gonna take 22 damage.

Okay. So it was 22 damage. Yeah, yeah, it was. Oh my god, it was. 22 damage. Oh shit. Damn. Wow. 22 damage, but you're gonna succeed with a 23 in your concentration, so you are... You're stone faced in your resolve. Larg walks out of the valley. No, we got a light show going. No, he just stops, he drops everything, he takes off his clothes and leaves. Oh my god. You're gonna miss Floyd. You're gonna miss Laser Floyd. Kaladin! Oh shit. Alright, tried and true. I'm gonna keep this ice storm one more time. Clickety-clack, we can hear your click-clacks. Your heals on the runway, we can hear them.

Oh, I think he saves, right? No, he failed. 14, it says failure. Oh, 14, oh yeah, all the banes and stuff. Because of fucking Bane, man. God damn it. Damn right, for the first time ever in the history of this show, my Bane worked. Thank you. Like a lot too, like that. 16! Wow, you got three ones in there. Yeah, but hold on, there's more. Another one! And keep the tip. Yes! 17 damage, yeah. And I'm gonna burn my sorcery point and try and cast this ray of frost again as well. If I may. Please. This golem looks a little rocky right now. Kaladin rips off all his clothes and kills himself.

Kaladin impales himself on the Diamond Penis. It's how he would have wanted to go. No, he doesn't look so great though. Alright, I can't. I'm just, I can't come back from that. 23 will hit! Ray of frost. Ray of frost is what kills this thing. I will laugh my ass off. Yep. Oh my god. I got one of these. I got one of these. This stone golem will close its eyes and fall backwards. Just dead, like just boom. Like it just ceases functioning. And the instant it does so, like the instant it lands, like the entire ground is going to shake. You're gonna feel it. And instantly, that slow feeling vanishes.

Brelin huffs him. Goes to where Tatiana's floating. Give it back! Tatiana would drop it down to Brelin. He bows, thank you. So Lark kind of rolls his shoulders like he's getting feeling back in his arms or whatever after being slowed. And he glances over to Elena and kind of nods again with the grin. And the flame, the white flame on her sword will go out, but he'll put a hand on her shoulder and lay on hands for however much she was hurt. 28. Yeah, I've got 30 in me so you can have 28 of them. Aww. I guess I'll use two on me. Well Calliope will go up to Lark and she'll do a Cure Wounds on him.

And I'll do it fourth level. So it gets two extra d8s. Oh geez, I'm only down 20 points. Oh. Well. Well that'll be only for 10. And then we're gonna, hold on, add 10 to what I'm gonna roll. Oh wait, I need to target Lark. Well, needed that. Roll a 1 but with a +15. We're all topped up. So after all that, he'll thank Kal and he'll kind of look around at everybody and shrug and be like, "That wasn't so bad." Maybe Moradin is looking out at us after all. Maybe there is more than one god shining down from above. Mmm. Brelin points to the doorway. I think that will determine if there is, you know, more gods on this, on our side here.

Let's see what we fought so hard for. Everyone mine the ice. (Laughter) Wouldn't it be great if someone slipped and broke their neck and hit the deck? (Laughter) No! No! Listen, the thorny bush actually presented a bigger problem than this giant. So that's what would happen. We stay sloughed and we're basically playing a blue magic deck against him the entire time. Yeah. Counter spell. Yeah, so Largo will step past this thing and go to the door. Alright. Are there any of these jewels or anything that have been knocked off at all laying around? I mean, it would still mostly be embedded in the rock.

And it's something you could work at and pry him out of there, probably. Maybe like a monkey with the beetles on the wall and the knife. Yeah, no, I wanted to pick one up if something got knocked out, but I didn't want to pry on it. Tatiana would go with Larg over to the door and I think when they see this lock would yell out, "Anyone see a key anywhere?" The answer might surprise you. Oh! No is the answer. It's the diamond dig. Break that thing off, get it over here. Alright, one sec, Daddy has to do some work. I gotta break this dick off. Remember when people get mad because we do a lot of dick violence on the hill?

Yeah, they do get mad. If someone gets mad at a fictional golem's rock dick, I'm gonna be real. I'm gonna be mad back. It's one hell of a souvenir, that's all I'm saying. Oh my god! Take that to town, slap it up on a counter or something. Like, how much can I get? I just made your day, merchant. Like, the golem had clothes on. No it didn't! It didn't? It was just a naked golem. It's a rock man! Like, it doesn't... Well, with rock clothes. Do you think they chiseled modesty into it? It's a statue. Like, a statue that has clothes. So the clothes are part of the statue.

I mean, if that's what helps you get to sleep at night. It will. I'm telling you, it was made by crazy dwarves, and it's much more likely to have a big diamond penis than... Also, now my goal in life is to have enough money that I can go to Zales and tell them what I want. I want... I don't want a cube of zirconium, I want an actual diamond penis. Like, that's what I want. It's not too late to get out added to the book for this. Oh my god. Anywho, sorry. Let's open the door. So there's no key with the golem, right? There's no key anywhere? No. I mean, I try to...

I get this, guys. I'm feeling pretty confident. I just beat this golem thing. Maybe you are the key, Tatiana. Go home, Kelvin. Tatiana, as she's like, cracking her knuckles and sort of stretching out, very showmanship-y, is just gonna sort of roll her eyes at that and chuckle. And I'm wondering if there's a way that I can check for traps as well, because I have this thing that's technically a feature that lets me do that as a bonus action, so I'm wondering if I could do... Oh, yeah, that's your job, basically. Okay. So, do you want me to do two rolls? One to check for traps and then one to break it open?

I... I would. Yes, please. What to check for traps? That is... I think it's just Wisdom? I'm not sure. Hold on a second. Dex. I think it might be Dex. Is it just Dex? Flat out? I hope it is. Yeah, it might be. I don't remember off the top of my head either, but I think it's a Dex. Well, so my bonus action thing says that I can use dexterity to disarm a trap. To disarm it, not to spot it. Wouldn't it just be like an investigation? I see, yeah. Yeah, it might be an investigation, yeah. Okay. Yeah, it would be. Jesus Christ, it would be. Oh, okay. I'm an idiot. I'm sorry, it's late.

Okay. So, give me a little investigation there. Well... Eight. You know what? This looks great. Looks good. Alright, here we go. And I'm just gonna try to crack her open. Use them thieves tools. Ugh, so long ago. Okay, hold up. You rolled a two. But got a 15 because of your 13 modifier. Yeah. Basically, you could take your thieves tools and just jab at this and still do pretty well. That's what I'm learning. So, it's gonna take you about five minutes. It takes her extra long because she's still like mid-air. And then falls over halfway through so she's gonna sort of stir her up.

Well, you don't have to be flying if you don't want to. Why didn't you tell me that, Cauldron? So, eventually, you're gonna hear this click, like a large click. Do you wanna turn the handle? Yeah, I believe that this is a safe door. I checked it. Good. Excellent. So, turning this handle, the door is actually going to separate and open outward wide. Inside is a small room. About 15 feet by 15 feet. Beautiful chiseled stone everywhere. You're gonna see skeletons. Dwarven skeletons. Clad in armor. The state of this room is really messed up. There appears to be something smeared all over the walls.

And it looks like this has been just a long, long time. But it appears to be feces? Yeah. It also appears as though some of the skeleton's fingers have gone missing. But all of this is garnish. Because in the middle of this room, this dingy cobweb-ridden room, there is a stone dais. And on top of this dais is a beautiful long glass case. Picture almost like a fish tank, something like that. In this fish tank, propped up, is a massive sword. There is a placard underneath of it. This apparently was crafted by these dwarves and has a name. It is a gorgeous, large silver sword with engravings all over it.

The second these doors open, the light's going to catch it. It's the most beautiful thing you've probably ever laid your eyes on. Do any of you speak or read Dwarven? I think I might. No, I don't. That was my other character. Right, I know those two. No, no Dwarven. Well, that's a problem. Are there any languages similar to Dwarven? Like of the same country of origin? Well, I mean, if a lot of people say that Dwarven is basically a blunt, thuggish version of Elven. So if you speak Elven, you might be able to get the gist. Me, I speak Elven. Same. Yeah, it's not going to be a one to one.

It's like getting instructions from China that are very English. I was going to say, if you speak Spanish, you can kind of speak Italian a little bit. I also know Old Elvish too. Oh, that'll help. Okay, Old Elvish will help. Okay. Because that's a little closer. It's less sophisticated. It's less, you know. Yeah. So with that, you can kind of get a translation here. Sword of the Dwarven God. Oh, I think that's a pretty good time for us to stop. Oh, Jason, no, listen, I know it's a good morning, but please. Dude. We'll kick off the next session. Well, Alayna, you got a full sword.

Confusing. We haven't seen one of these on the show for a minute. Vlog. It's like art one, I think, right? We almost walked by this. We almost walked right past it. We almost decided to not do this. Can I tell you, that's happened a bunch on the show. Yeah, don't tell me that. That happens all the time. Like people just, you know, it's fine. I wanted to see whatever this was, but my thinking was like, Cauldron is like, no, we got to go. Like this got us into trouble. I was totally going to advocate we just leave until... Same. You were saying you were... Yeah, I brought it up.

I was trying to think of a reason not to do it. Is this a magical item in the book? No. Fuck! I was going to abuse my powers. No. No, no, no, no. See, one thing I wanted to do was I wanted to open... I wanted to open the Google folder and see who opened Esther Holt. And I saw Jameson on there. We really hope you guys enjoyed today's episode. We'll be back next week with a brand new one to continue Arc3. In the meantime, we have posted a brand new SHIB shirt. We are trying to dedicate ourselves to posting a brand new shirt every single month. If you guys have suggestions for things that we should kind of put together and pop on a shirt, please let us know.

Tell us in the comments below. Tell us in email form at dandrpodcast@gmail.com. Tell us any way you can. Again, as always, we are brought to you by Patreon because that's how we keep the lights on. That's how we give you guys new content. And that's how we are able to focus on things like the book and do this as our full-time job. If you go to patreon.com/dandr, there's literally a ton, a metric ton. If you measured it digitally, that's how much it would weigh. We just posted a living in the area about the Countess. So we answered 50 questions all about her, her past, what she's up to, all kinds of stuff.

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