Desperate Times

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

[clink] [clink] Pickaxe. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you only got to cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. This your first job? I know what I'm doing. I'm a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else.

Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um... [clears throat] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Only on Peacock. Howdy folks. I just want to thank everyone who's donated over the last month, month and a half. It's very much appreciated. Um, I don't know if you saw Dan's video on the front page of the fan page over on Facebook, but he's very appreciative and it's helped out. And they're getting back on their feet so totally cool. Um, we... it looks like November is going to be when we debut the art that has been getting pieced together, slowly but surely.

Um, so keep your eyes on the website because it looks as though there's going to be a whole new section on the website just for artwork and all the fantastic artists we've had a chance to work with and an opportunity to work with. On top of that we are two reviews away. The last time I checked on iTunes reaching our first goal of 100. When we hit 100 we're going to give away some games and stuff. The entire point is to get more reviews on iTunes so that we can climb the charts and spread the word and all that good stuff. I also want to give a shout out to Alario who I think is listening.

He's in the hospital undergoing some treatment as we speak so we wish him a speedy recovery and hope everything works out well for him and hope he feels better soon. Other than that we hope you guys enjoy today's episode. Let us know what you think on Facebook and DNRpodcast.com. One of my encounter powers is called death surge and it's an immediate reaction. Okay. And it says the trigger is a creature within three squares of you drops to zero hit points. Right. Um, so that means they die? Yes. Okay, so that means an ally or an enemy, correct? Well, creature would be, yeah, anything.

Okay, so if an enemy dies or if a, okay, or if one of my allies goes to zero. Okay, so if that's a trigger, an immediate reaction thing, if it's not my turn, can I just kind of interrupt and say, hey, I've got a trigger? Yes. Okay, cool. Good to know. Sorry, I'm good. No, that's totally, don't be sorry for asking a question. I guess we have to keep track of things like that. Like, well, like I know I'm resistant to say a bit of lightning or something like that. Is that something we need to know or? It's a good thing to know. Yeah. While I try to keep, like, dude, I'll get reminded all the times.

It's like, oh, that doesn't hit me because of this. And I'm like, oh, okay, cool beans. I can't keep track of everyone's everything at once. Like, I try, but it's like, I'm, you got like on this side, I'm doing all the monsters and you guys and everything. So that's totally the card you get to throw it in. It's like, nope, bullshit. I don't take that damage because of this. Yeah, if one of us buffs you, like if one of us, like I've got a daily power that boosts our AC. Just remember that your AC is automatically plus two for the encounter. So it doesn't show up on my screen here.

Yeah, it's not going to change on your deets, but it'll last for the encounter. Stupid thing, but assuming that we get into an encounter, if you plan out your attack beforehand and are "speedy" with it, you actually get a plus one for your attack roll, assuming we're still doing that. We're always, yeah. Anything that speeds things up in combat, yep. So, like, say you're the third or fourth person, if you plan ahead and like, when it gets to your turn, you're like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, your attack roll gets plus one. So you're like, yeah, I'm doing my basic melee attack, which is d20 plus six plus one because I'm speedy, plus two because Alanna made me great, is a d20 plus nine, and there you go.

Excellent. Yeah, because you're kind of like derp and you have to like read all your stuff, then you don't get the plus one. I might be for a bit, just, I don't know. No pressure. I'm still a derp. We're group derp. Don't let them know that. Oh, believe me, group one will tell you. I am group derp, but the difference is we don't fight each other. No, they're not. Like those dicks. Yeah. Like those dicks. I'm just kidding. Except about Tyler. That's the group two t-shirt. Group two, not dicks. All right, kids. Let's go around the table. We haven't we haven't gotten to do this in a while.

Yay. Yay. Hi. I'm Jason. I'm the dungeon master going around the table. We have Alanna. Hello, I'm Alanna. I play a cleric elf named Branath. I pronounced your name correctly. Yes, you did. And I pronounced my elf name incorrectly. Tyson. Hey, I'm Tyson. I play Galford, who's a gnome warlock. Brian. Hey, guys, this is Brian. I play a mole rune priest named Rheekus. Danielle. Hi, I'm Danielle. I play Trixie. I am a drow assassin. Max, Max says hi to everyone. And introducing James. Hi there. I'm James. I play an eladrin scion named Dagon. Spelled so that the table will allow us to use that name because they think we're trying to use a racial slur of some sort.

Which we will reveal on the next mailbag. We're just going to call you Asterix from now on. Never seen that before. Yeah, Group one has to beep the like F word and like we have to beep James's name. So since it's been a while, let me let me recap. Tal has been sick. She was bitten by a zombie a few episodes back and has been gradually dying in front of you guys, essentially. So you guys went on a quest back to Brightport and to House Darksbane specifically to kind of raid the complex as time is of the essence and try and find a cure. Hopefully you figure they did this mess.

They have to have some kind of cure sitting around there somewhere on the last episode. The to wrap things up, you guys threw a bomb at their front porch and kind of ignited the front of the building on fire and then snuck in the back door. Ding dong. This this as a sneak attack is kind of out of the question at this point. So you guys will be will be kind of fighting your way through the complex. But on the bright side, you don't have to you don't really have to worry about getting surprised by anyone because, you know, everyone knows everyone else is coming.

So to start, you guys are sneaking back in just just like the first time you guys came to House Darksbane. So everyone pop your characters right there, right in this general vicinity. So you're going to start walking back down that long hallway that you did the first time you were here. So immediately after you cross the threshold of the building, Tala is going to advance to stage five, which is coma. So Tala is out. I should say everyone but James. I don't know why I did that. It's too sated. You want to hit stuff. I get it. I do. All right. So that's a good start.

It's a very good start. So you guys remember the dining hall from the last time you were here. So these guys here, this commotion outside, you come running down these stairs and you are going to run into a pack of warlocks. So they're all going to move out into the hallway here. And everyone go ahead and roll initiative. I got an 11. Are we going to set Tala's body down, you know, in the corner of the room for now or what should we do? I'm carrying her right now. Yeah. That's up to you guys. What do you want to do with her? I got an 11, by the way, for initiative.

OK, cool. So let me add. I got a 19. Where's Baranath? Is she around? I somehow gained invisibility. Let's try that. Boom. If that's not where you want your character, just throw. Wait, why am I in the front? I was going in the front general area where he told us to put that and then Galford magically ended up way in front of us. You know, Galford, he's heroic and just likes to lead the charge. Yes. And Galford got a 19. Oh, for fuck's sake. Baranath gets a five. Clerics in the back, kids. We had a conversation the other day about how like Alanna is the one that actually swears the most in group two.

You know, she is actually. Yeah. I'm like the holy healer, Dimir Elf, and I drop more F bombs than like group one and group two combined. That's a tall order right there. That's impressive. This is where Jake Mullen needs to have a stat sheet where he tracks all the swears and then to see how many F bombs actually get dropped. Somebody should like hold a counter. We did it. We did it for the wrestling show we did once. That's not healthy. It makes you really rethink life choices if you keep track of how many times you swear. Yeah. And sort. OK, so you guys are going to be facing off against four Hellfire warlocks.

Hellfire Warlock number four is going to be going first. He's going to charge forward to about here ish. And you know what? He's going to cast Hellfire because it just makes sense. That's what he's feeling. It's what do you know? He just he's going to target Galford. Galford seems to want some. So Hellfire. It's for breakfast. Warlock on Warlock violence. Twenty eight against what? I mean, I think. Yeah, reflex. Yeah, that'll hit. And also as a reaction, I'd like to use fade away. So I'm invisible. It's only the end of my next turn. All right. Cool. That is OK. Two D six plus four damage.

So that's 14. Ow. But then he slowly fades moonwalking backwards. Hellfire, warlock number one is going to hop on up and OK, so Galford's invisible. He's going to go ahead and target Valis with Hellfire because it just seems right. Twenty six. That'll that'll definitely hit. So two D six plus four. Although Valis is resistant to fire. He is. This is true. Yeah. So 13. Let me see how resistant he is to fire. It was something like five. I want to say or 10, maybe. I'm not sure. One of those, whatever. Math is not my strong suit. I was falling into the pit during that, so I don't remember anything.

It says nine. So he's resistant. So he takes four damage. So that's not too bad. These guys aren't going to do a tremendous amount to Valis, apparently, as long as they stick with that. Speaking of which, Valis's turn. The Kettenhund, which is the name of that big ass chain bear trap thing he uses. That's sweet. He's going to swing that around and launch that. I picture Rika's ducking every time the chain goes over his head. These huge arcs. That will be a very inconvenient. This hallway is 20 feet wide, but still, that seems like a very... He's got to not have a lot of slack, because he's got to be spinning it really close to him.

Yeah, that'll hit. Everybody's coming out guns a-blazing right now. Yeah, no one's missed yet. 19 to Hellfire Warlock number one. Half faith. I'll miss. Galeford, your turn. Okay, I'm going to go with Fascinating Shadows, which is a close blast five. Charisma versus Will. I can target four and one, I believe, with that. And that is a d20 plus eight. I guess with my Charisma going up, it'll be a little easier to hit, hopefully. 19 against Will. That'll hit one, roll for four. 15. That'll miss that one. But you hit one. Okay, one d8 plus six damage. Which one did Valus hit?

One. Did that not pull him forward? Oh, Jesus, you're right. I'm sorry to ruin that, but that was my thought. Wow, I totally forgot about that. You're right. So you don't hit anything then, Galeford. Grr. Sorry. No, you know what we'll do? Because the first roll... Then it hit four, because you rolled twice, the first one hit, so go ahead. Okay, so it would be 14 damage. I got max damage on him. And also I pull the target up to two squares. And the first time the target attacks you before the end of your next turn, it takes psychic damage equal to my Intelligence modifier.

So we'll pull him two squares towards me. And he also takes 14 damage. Can I move him? Okay, there we go. I felt the hand of the Dungeon Master about to smack me. No, no, no, no. You're fine. You don't want to move or anything? Um... yeah, that's not a bad idea. Although if he does attack me next turn, he's going to take some damage. However, I've already been hit, so I don't want to be sitting right in his face. So maybe I'll hide behind Valus. Okay, you are also no longer invisible. Right, yeah. Because I've taken my... it's the end of my turn, so I'm invisible now.

Yeah, either way, when you make an attack. Either way. I'll try and keep line of sight, so I'll just go right here. All right, Rikus, your turn. Okay, I'm going to move up four spaces. Am I technically still rushing him? If I move up in that direction? Were you trying to make a charge attack? Yeah. I was going to do a charge with the melee base. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As long as you... Sorry, you're running up in charge. Yeah, that's a charge. 26 against the Stacy. 26 will hit. And then that is 2d10 plus 8. Okay, 2d... got to get back to doing this again. 2d26. Damn, that's excellent.

Okay, 26 damage. He is bloodied. Bam. That's how we do it. We just keep surprising House Darksean. Like, they think they're rid of us and we just keep murdering more of them. Uh, Chrixie, your turn. All right, so I am going to move my character right here. So I'm flanking and I'm going to hit him with a melee basic attack. It's a d20 plus 7. 27. That's a crit. Nice. So, let's see here, melee basic attack. What... that would be 11 damage. Yep. Oh, wait, you have an enchanted weapon, don't you? Oh, yes I do. Oh, roll a 1d8 too. Okay, with no bonus? No bonus. 5. Okay, you just did 16 damage.

Nice. Very, very nice. Gotta love crits. Uh, Hellfire Warlock. I guess Jake is keeping track of all this now. He's going back and listening to every show, taking down all of those stats. That's fantastic. That's suicidal. Love you, Jake. Love you. Thank you. In a year when he gets to this episode. Well, and then we can have fantasy D&D where people can draft their characters and then get points for who hits and who doesn't. There will be a whole side game played by the listeners. So if anyone wants to create that, we'll... That would be super sweet. Hellfire Warlock number 2.

You know what? He is going to rush right up here and... hmm... Come on. You know what? He is going to ride the fire. So he is going to come up here. [Laughter] Try not to laugh at that. It's what it's called. We just got back from Mexico, so there is a joke there about the buffet. Ahhh. Suddenly I get flown across the board. So he is going to swap positions with you. Hmm. Which pushes you further into the compound and away from your teammates. And he is going to use Hellfire. 24 versus your reflex. Against who? You didn't... Sorry. Ricus. Oh, hell yeah. My reflex is 13.

Pretty sure if I went to the doctor and they hit me with the hammer, I would probably wait 20 minutes before I noticed anything. That will be 11 damage and that will bring up Hellfire Warlock number 3. Who is going to use Hellfire? Ladies and gentlemen, Hellfire. Hey, consensus. I can't talk. I'm going to stop now. Critmas, everyone. Critmas. How about it? Baranith. Hello. Alright, I'm going to move two spaces. I'm going to use Astral Seal on Hellfire Warlock number 2. And it's a standard range 5. So it's d20 plus 10 plus 1 because I'm speedy. And that's 24. 24 will hit.

Nice. So until the end of my next turn, he takes a minus 2 penalty to all defenses. The next ally who hits him before the end of my next turn regains hit points 2 plus my Charisma modifier. Which is 2. So 4 hit points. Anybody wants? Nice. Who... Anybody hurt at all? What is this? 10 hit points? Yeah. Okay. I thought it was regains hit points. Oh, regains hit points equal to 2 plus... Yeah, so no. Oh, okay. So, Valis, go ahead, Imani. So next ally who hits, yeah. I got hurt too. Did you? Yes, you did. Wow, you did. Okay, you get it. And there she goes taking Valis' side.

Yeah. This is awkward. Into the episode. Seriously, you want to do this now? In front of the kids? Do you want to fight? Mom, Dad, stop fighting. We talked about this. Now I picture you going to couples counseling in banana costumes. How far... That's going to mean nothing to the listeners now. No, it's not. I was a picture of me in a banana costume, you know, making a phallic gesture on the DNR page. Everybody goes to Tyson's Facebook. Actually, you know what? I'm going to tweet that right now. So you guys keep fighting and everyone watch out for the banana. Hellfire Warlock number 4.

He is going to get right behind Trixie and pull out a dagger. And he is going to stab at her. Why does this always seem to happen to me? People like to flank you. Apparently. I don't want to be in this sandwich. I don't want it. 21 versus your AC. It'll hit. Oh. Just barely, but it'll hit. We don't have any buffs to our AC, do we? Not yet. I don't think... not yet. No, not yet. That's going to be 11 damage. Stupid. Hellfire Warlock number 1. He's also going to swing at Trixie with his dagger. And he's flanking too, so... 17. That's going to miss. Stupid. The problem is, Valus is flanking the guy who just swung at you.

So, Valus is going to use the Blade of Avernus. 26. That will definitely hit. That's 2d10+4. 15 damage. And that'll kill Hellfire Warlock number 1. Yay! Boom. That's great. Galford, your turn. Okay. The banana is live. In case any of you are in the chat, but no, we're not live. That sounds like code for something. The banana is up. Oh, it's a go? The banana is go. Banana is go, yeah. And the cake is a lie. Go banana. Okay, so I'm going to use Shadow Claws on Hellfire Warlock number 2. Oh, ready? It is a cold power. Is that going to help me against these dudes? If it hits.

They don't really have a weakness to it. Okay, so it wouldn't give me anything extra. Alright. 25 against Fortitude. Oh yeah, that'll hit. Okay, so d10+6. 7 damage. And if it moves during its next turn, it's going to take more. Alrighty, 7 damage. Oh, and also I regain 4 hit points because of Baranathas' thingy. Oh yeah. Yay! On it. And 4 hit points. Potato face! [Laughter] Wow! Rodriguez! Wow, well I'm going to saunter up to Warlock number 3. I'm going to picture Jason's lovely, beautiful face on Warlock number 3. And because I'm speedy, it's going to be a d20+11.

And you're going to scream "Happy Saint Patrick's Day" right at the guy. 27. Happy Saint Patrick's Day. 27 will hit. That's d20, or 2d10, wow, d20. 2d10+8, as I begin to stammer and stutter, 20 damage. 20 damage, gorgeous, love it. Brian's drinking problem is starting to rear its ugly head. [Laughter] Brian strikes me as a cough syrup kind of guy. [Laughter] It's actually a Mio juice right now. With Nyquil. Also relaxants. [Laughter] Lots of tequila. Horse tranquilizer. Trixie, your turn. Alright, since I'm right here, I'm just going to do my melee basic attack against number, I guess that's number 4.

That is number 4. And 12. That's going to miss. Of course it is. [Laughter] Do you want to move or anything? Nah, I'm fine where I'm at. Alrighty. He's probably going to hit me anyways. [Laughter] Hellfire Warlock is going to saunter right up to Trixie and use Concussive Inferno. This is a close burst 2, so this will get Valus and Trixie. So now I'm going to be stabbed and set on fire? This is not a good game for me. It looks to be. We'll see though. Looks to be. So let's roll on Trixie first. 21 versus Fortitude. Oh yeah, that'll hit. Okay, that'll hit. And...

Valus, 22 versus Fortitude. Yes. So that is going to be... 2d6 plus 2. So that's 10 damage to each of you. Damn. So these guys seem a little bit tougher this time around. And I'll explain why in just a second. It also pushes you both two squares, so it pushes you two squares and it knocks you prone. Shitty, Trixie's bloodied now too. Yep, Trixie is bloodied. And you are prone and so is Valus. On a good note, the baby's almost asleep. [Laughter] The baby is almost prone. [Laughter] Actually I would say he currently is prone. He is not going nowhere. He is stiff as a horse.

Will he have to make a saving throw? [Laughter] Would that be throwing the binky across the room? Uhhhh... Hellfire Warlock 3 is going to try and stab Ricus with his dagger. 16! That's cute. Bing! Bing's right off my armor. Uh, Baranath. Alright, I'm going to move a few spaces. To Hellfire Warlock number 2, I'm going to use Sunburst, which is D20+11+1 because I'm speedy. And I thought I clicked the button. There it is. 28! 28 will hit everything, yes. Oh darn right it will. So it's one D8+6 damage. 12 damage. Uh, 12 is admirable. It is admirable. Is there an effect with that?

There is. Myself and each ally within 5 squares gain 5 temporary hit points and can make a saving throw. Oh shit. Let's see here, 5 temp hit points. I'm not bloodied. Technically not bloodied. Technically. You more have like a small cut or a scrape that's still healing. It's all internal bleeding now. Oh thanks, that makes me so glad. That's not reassuring at all. Optimism. May I shift? Uh, you sure can. Thank you. Uh, Hellfire Warlock number 4 is going to advance towards Trixie. Leave me alone! And since you're prone, he gets a +2 to his attack. And he is going to whip out his dagger and just stab down at you. 30!

Ouch. So that'll hit. Can I... that I'm dead. This isn't necessary, I'm already dead. Out. So that's, yeah, that's 12 damage. That's starting to mount up. Yeah. You're down to 12 hit points. Thank you. Thank you for that. Uh, Valus is going to stand up, look pissed off, and start whipping the old chain dog around. Which again, sounds like sexual code for something. Is he more intimidating because he's pissed off and whipping it around? Yeah. He starts grunting really aggressively. He's going to throw it at Hellfire Warlock number 2. 25, that'll hit, and whoop! Pull him over there. 14. 14 damage.

Alright, so this thing just clamps down on the Hellfire Warlock and jerks him back down the hallway towards Valus. Um, Guilford, your turn. Now I can shift back one away from him, or do I have to stay adjacent? No, no, no, well, you can shift in any direction as long as one square. As long as one square. Okay, so I'm going to back up one, and I'll use Fastening Shadows again, which is a blast 5. So I should be able to get 2 and 4 into it, right? Because if you blast, let's say it's a blast 5. Well, because, yeah, it's coming out from you, so it won't get, it doesn't go out like that, it's going to, it kind of continues in that direction, so it's a cone.

Yeah. So he's just outside of that. Okay. What if I aim it at 4? Will I also catch 2? No, I won't, it'll start in the first square, right? Does it start at me, or no, it starts in the first square? Okay. Yeah. Although, if I shift it here instead, and then... That'll do it. I was trying to figure out where you could actually position yourself and still get both of them. That'll totally do it. Okay, Fastening Shadows, d20+5, and 15. Against Will. That'll miss 2, go for 4. 10. 10, that'll... I don't know why I use anything but Shadow Claws, honestly. I can't wait till the stats come in, Jake is going to tell us, yeah, he's only hit with Shadow Claws, that's it, he's never...

That's the only move he uses. I'll never top Tyler, though, with the melee basic. Or the bey-lay-masic, dyslexic attack. Bey-blades, let it rip. The bey-blade, yeah, let it rip. The bey-blade, let it... The Billy Mays bey-blade attack, yeah. I've got an incredible offer. R e a n t e n e n n