Welcome to Onak-Al

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You can find us on Facebook currently at facebook.com/dungeonsandrandomness and let us know what you think of each group, how they're doing, how they're progressing. All that feedback is tremendously helpful. Sit back and enjoy the episode. We can go around the room and introduce ourselves here. I am Jason Massey, I'm the Dungeon Master, and we have Tyson. - Hey, I'm Tyson. I play Galford and I'm a gnome warlock. - And Alana. - Hello, I'm Alana. I am an elf and what do I do? I'm a cleric. - 1 a.m., at least, 1 a.m. (laughing) Megan. - Hi, I'm Tala and I'm the Razor-Clawed Shifter.

- And Brian. - I am Brian. I play the Mole or Mule, whatever you wanna call it, whatever is the least offensive to you, and I am the Ruin Priest. - And Shane. - I am Tholoman Chandler, a human seeker. - And Danielle. - I play Trixie, the Drow Assassin. - All right, so the last time we all sat down, well, before the last time we all sat down, you guys were arrested in Brightport and shipped off into your new life of slavery. It has been a couple of days since then and you guys have had some time to chit chat on your ride there. You were placed in these large wagons and you're kinda making your way south and it's this long caravan of wagons.

So each one of these can hold about five or six people, not necessarily comfortably. They kind of jam you back there. So you're almost sitting in each other's lap, but they're not really worried about your comfort. So these carts are just kind of wobbling back and forth. You've kind of reached a point where you've run out of road and then past that you've run out of hills and grass and then you've just reached sand. So on top of it being an uncomfortable bumpy ride, it's just hot as hell, really, really hot. I don't know if you guys would like to have a conversation on the way there 'cause the last time, I mean the last episode, you guys kinda, with Alana and everything, I mean, you may have a lot to talk about.

I'm sure by now, Trixie and Burana figured out what's going on. They weren't told that they were being sold into slavery, but by now, I mean, shackles, riding south, you get it. - Anybody wanna start pointing the finger or should I? (dramatic music) - Go for it. - Galford, you suck. I hate you so much right now. - So Galford sort of looks up and looks around the carts, I guess, and sees everybody. And I guess everyone's sort of looking towards him and placing the blame on him. So he's got a few things to say to get off of his chest, but doesn't have the usual kind of screwed up smile or sort of smarmy smile on his face.

He does look a little bit more serious than he normally does and basically lets it all out and says, "Okay, I'd like everyone in the group to listen to me. I know it's not surprising that I'm talking and that you're probably all used to the fact that I always seem to be saying something, but this time I'd like everyone to actually listen as I'm actually telling the truth. So things are grim. I know you're silently spreading blame and doubt around the group right now. And that some of you felt that my attempts to speak to the guard captain in Brightport drew suspicion towards us.

Well, in my defense, I knew that we'd be brought in by those guards the moment they saw us. And I felt that trying to identify any corrupt or pliable individuals might gain us an advantage or find someone with ties to Silverclaw to get us out of that mess. Not surprisingly, we were double-crossed, but Graddock did have a pretty valid point that our stealth mission was far from stealthy. So he looks around the room at Rikas who stumbled down the hall and Tala running away from the dragon. So why are we still together? I mean, this is a group of individuals.

I have no doubt the Trixie could have snuck away by now or escaped our original holding cell back there in no time. So Gelfar kind of glances over at Rikas when he says holding cell. He motions to Tala and says, "Tala, you're powerful, you're full of rage, "yet you keep it in and you don't unleash it on us "for landing you in this predicament." Why? I can tell you right now that I've traveled with many groups in the past and have left them in worse situations than this when it suited my needs to move on. Some of them, I've convinced them to give me all their treasures before I left them for dead.

So why are we together? I believe that like the rest of you, I sense that our coming together was no mere coincidence and this group might be destined for something. I prefer to bend fate in a direction that usually benefits only me, but in this case, powers in the Fae and beyond are drawing me to stay in this direction like a moth to a flame. Do I consider you my friends? No, I call no one friend, but I'll fight to keep this group together as I'd like a ringside seat for whatever grand purpose the powers have planned for our little collective here.

Some of you might see our exploits so far as folly and failure, but I still see potential. We freed Baraneth, we've defeated Black Teeth, we infiltrated one of the most powerful houses of Brightport, we defeated Necromancers, we stole their most powerful artifact and survived a harrowing encounter with a white dragon. I mean, if we were actually sharpened and focused, we'd be a pretty powerful force. So, okay, I've got a vision now where Rikers can bring justice to these slavers with the group here by his side united. I don't think any of us is leaving and our true purpose will eventually be revealed.

Looking back, I feel each one of us would have had a separate idea on how best to use the gold dragon of Brightport anyways, but now I'm a little more confident that we're agreed on how to deal with slave traders. So he kind of rolls his eyes and shrugs his shoulders as at least we're unified in the fact that we're in a bad situation, but we all know how to deal with slave traders. Hopefully no one objects to fighting our way out of a bad situation. So he glances around the room, kind of falls silent and sulks. - The entire time you're making this speech, like I said, these wagons can hold five or six people.

There just so happens to be a sixth person jammed into this wagon who has said nothing up until now, but kind of stares at you while you're making his speech. Clearly you're not addressing him as you never met, but yeah, like he's just kind of like staring at you the entire time. And that would be Tholoman. - Yes, that would be Tholoman. So Tholoman takes a look at Galford and he says, "So you stole the golden dragon. "How'd that work out?" - It's through an unfortunate series of circumstances, it didn't work out on our end. But we were in the city of thieves and frankly I'm not surprised we ended up where we were.

However, the folks in this group here wanted to go ahead and take this job without doing a whole lot of other research first. We actually acquired the item in question, but as you can see, look where we ended up. - Why would you take the golden dragon? - I think we each had our own idea about what the gold dragon would bring us. Whether it was individually or as a group, I'm not sure. I think we were all surprised when we actually got ahold of it. What we would have done with it from there, I think I know what I would have done with it. - What would you have done with it?

- Taken it and run as fast as they can. - Yeah, ideally I think we could have used it to potentially get ourselves some riches and power and then either get ourselves out of Brightport or a position in one of the houses that was beneficial to us which was kind of promised to us in the deal. But hindsight is 20/20 as they say. However, luckily we were brought in by some guards on the straight and narrow there and the captain of the guard and just brought back for questioning. So nothing unsavory has happened since then. Galford kind of rolls his eyes and pulls on his chains.

- Salt Theleman just snickers and says, "It sounds like you just did it for your own greed." - Yeah, congratulations. I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Greedy here. Hence why we're all sitting here. - Who might you be, dear? - I'm Trixie, don't worry about it. - Nice to meet you too. - You know, if I remember correctly, I wanted to explore some of the other houses in Brightport and gather a little bit more information about what made the city run. 'Cause there were lots of opportunities for us to feed our greed instead of going for the biggest prize, which also set us up for the biggest fall.

But, you know, I don't think I was alone in accepting that deal. When he flashed that 5,000 gold in front of us, you know, everybody was in. It was a unified choice to take that deal. - Last I recall, we all wanted you to shut up. And oh, look, you're still talking. What a surprise. - Sounds like you guys were tricked. - Yeah, it sounds like we didn't accomplish what was agreed upon. And I think that's true, if you look at the, how stealthy our group was on this particular mission. You know, when we took the deal, we were just waiting for, really waiting for Rikas to agree.

He was the only one that was apprehensive about it. But however, he stood up naked from his bed and saw that gold and we all agreed and look where we ended up, so. But that's in the past. Not that exactly-- - Who gave you the job? - It was some gnome named Graddock who was, you've heard of Graddock, I take it? - Of course I've heard of Graddock. He's well known around this freaking place. You haven't heard of him? - Yeah, I'm surprised I haven't heard of him because he seems to peddle some of the same wares that I have in the past. - Yeah, you guys didn't take a very good choice on taking a job from Graddock.

Probably should have stepped away when you could. - Yeah. - Although looking at you, you're kind of in the same boat as us. How did you end up getting picked up by this lovely band? - Well you see, I don't steal for greed. I steal from those who steal themselves. I do what's right. - Oh, so you're a regular Robin Hood, eh? - I guess you could say that. - Okay, you and Rikas will get along quite well. I don't know. Have you seen any way we can get out of this? Do you know anything else about these slavers that might help us? - If I knew, would I be standing here right now?

- If you find something out, let me know first. - Oh, definitely. I'd be out of here if I knew. - So the carts just kind of trudge through the sand and it takes a couple more days to get where you're going. During that time, every once in a while, you're allowed to kind of step out of the cart and stretch your legs. But being shackled, you know, ankles and wrists, it's not like you're gonna run off. And I mean, there's plenty of guards to keep you in line anyway. They give you some bread here and there, and then they give you some water, like just enough to keep you from not dying.

Or to keep you from dying, yes, it's one a.m. (both laughing) - We're all dying a little bit. - Yeah. So eventually, you reach these mammoth gates and traveling to the desert, you've seen no signs of life. Nothing peering out of the back of the cart as it goes on. You've seen nothing that looks to be a settlement or a tent or a backpacker, anything, nothing. And then eventually, you guys reach these mammoth gates surrounded by this gorgeous, smooth sandstone. That the entire place is immaculate. And it's weird because you would imagine it would get pelted by sandstorms and whatever lives out in the desert, but this place is just gorgeous.

These huge iron gates part just enough to let this wagon train in. And immediately upon crossing the threshold of the gates, the ride evens out and it's just smooth as silk because the innards of this city are completely paved. Just gorgeous. On either side of the street, there's these running water canals of just gorgeous blue crystal clear water. There's all kinds of hanging plants and ivy looking plants all around the city, kind of hanging off of canopies, providing really nice shade. So as you're rolling through the city, your eyes are kind of adjusting between light, dark, light, dark as you're traveling in and out of shade.

And eventually you are brought towards the rear of the city near this immense coliseum. And all of the carts stop and people are brought, all of you are brought out and you are led single file into this ramp that leads down. So this is kind of the back door to the arena type of thing. So you can kind of hear like bursts of like applause or shouting, cheering, something like that from the arena itself. But as you're led further and further down, it kind of becomes muffled and it's almost more of a base type of thing where you can feel like people stomping, people clapping, all that stuff, but you can't really make out the cheering so much.

(soft music) You along with about 20 others are lined up in this dark sandy type of room just lit by torches. Even though it's perfectly bright outside, there's no natural light getting in down here. And the guards just kind of line you up and then someone who is clearly in charge is walking up and down the line. And all of the guards that brought you in are carrying standard like sword, shield, that type of thing. The occasional spear, bow and arrow, something like that. All of the guards within the complex have these large clubs that are coated in leather.

And what you gather from that is that these are for reprimanding people. They're not trying to hurt you so irrevocably that you can't fight anymore because that's your job now is to fight. But they definitely wanna hurt you. So the slave master walks up and down the line and just starts, he'll point to somebody and then motion towards one of the doors. And then he'll walk up and down the line, point to someone else, motion towards a different door. Up and down the line and he's selected U6 when he's all said and done to go to a door on the left. And you are led to a separate holding area than most of the other individuals were taken to.

And let me load up that map for you. So this is what your new home looks like. (laughs) Which is a dank little dungeon type of area. So if you get, in fact, I'll just slide your characters onto the board. (soft music) So, you are all piled into this room and the door is just kind of slammed shut behind you and then you can hear either a series of locks or some very complex lock. And you are kind of left to your devices. In the room, you see what looks to be a communal water basin. It's this large stone basin that is filled up with not the freshest looking of water.

Also around the room, you notice these small holding cells. And around the holding cells is a lot of just blood-stained concrete tile underneath of it where someone was clearly reprimanded. The opposite side of the room houses two grates. Now, you don't see a bathroom. So you're guessing those two grates are to carry away your waste. In the room with you are two human females who are kind of positioned in one of the corners who stop their conversation momentarily while you file in and then go back to speaking to each other just kind of in a little more like a hushed tone.

So they're just kind of whispering back and forth to each other. All the way in the back of the room in a corner sitting at the only furniture provided in this room is a very large tiefling male. He's sitting in this kind of rickety looking chair and this small table just kind of leaning up against it. Not making eye contact whatsoever. And this guy looks, just from you looking across the room at him, he looks large. He looks to be around the seven foot area. So what would you guys like to do? I don't think we should talk to them. - I'll go talk to the two human females.

- Hey Rickus, Rickus, go talk to the big guy. - Who are you again? - So Braneth is approaching the two human females here. Just right over there. So as you approach them, they kind of stop talking and they take a look at you real quick and just kind of assess you. And instantly, the one on the right says, hi, Katie, nice to meet you, and extends her hand. (soft music) - So I'm gonna shake Katie's hand and say hi, nice to meet you, my name's Braneth. What is this place, where are we now? - Oh, they didn't brief you on any of this or anything, huh? They just threw you in here?

Well, this is the city of Onacole and we're getting prepared for the tournament. And the female next to her speaks up and says, hi, Sil, and extends her hand too. That's my sister. We got picked up about three weeks ago and we were told that we could earn our freedom back if we were to make it to the end of the tournament, which no one ever does. So you guys have about two weeks to prepare, I guess. Katie speaks up, oh, go ahead, sorry. - I just want to know how long they've been here. - About three weeks, she said. Katie speaks up and says, they must think you have a chance because they stuck you in here.

We started out in the general prisoner's quarters and kind of earned our way in a cell here with Valis, who's never lost a fight. - So if you're not fighting, you're in this dungeon. Who are you fighting? - Sil speaks up this time and says, it's pretty much whatever they happen upon in the desert. God knows what they're gonna throw at us at the tournament, but I've heard some pretty horrible stories. They'll trudge dungeons, you'll fight other prisoners sometimes, but it's kind of them or you really. - Sorry, who's the tiefling, what's his name? - Katie speaks up this time, that's Valis.

I would not recommend going over to him. - What's his story? - He barely ever speaks. I know he broke a guard's arm once, which earned him a beating, but he didn't seem to care too much. - I'm assuming the rest of my team is hearing this. - Yeah, it's a pretty small room, like they're with an earshot. - Oh boy. So Branath just kind of becomes quiet, kind of finds a spot on the floor next to the wall and tries to sit and just kind of meditate and take in everything that's happened in the last couple of days. Not really knowing what to make of this and trying to hold back some choice words for a certain individual.

- I'm Matt or Rika's too. So hearing that the two girls had mentioned that you could win your freedom by fighting in this tournament as bleak as it may be, Galford actually turns to Rika's and says, "Like Rika's, did you hear that? We're gonna have to fight, we may die, but there's an opportunity we could earn our freedom through doing what you do best, which is smash people with your hammer." - Rika's at this point hearing Galford talk kind of scoffs a little bit and just says, "Yeah, what I do best." (soft music) - Hey Jason. - Yes sir. - Can I use insight on the water?

- Well, insight's a conversational thing. (laughing) - What, I can't talk to the water? - You can definitely use a perception check on it. - Okay, can I use perception check then? - Sure. - What is that? Like no, what do I roll? - Right, go under your character there and then skills and perception. So you'd roll a D20 plus six. - All right, so the 20 is right here. Computer needs to hurry up and, all right. D20 plus six. It's been so long. There we go, should roll. Thank you, dammit. - A2. - Get the first one, okay. - The water looks used. There doesn't seem to be any cups or anything like that.

So everyone just kind of uses their hands. You're not exactly sure when or if you're gonna get a chance to take a shower or clean up in any way. But that does appear to be your only water source, so. - Theleman looks at it in disgust and just walks away from it, goes back to Rika's. Katie kind of sees this from across the room and shouts. It's like, you're gonna get thirsty eventually, trust me. - Don't worry about me. - Would it be worth it to be worrying about yourself? - Would it be worth it to do a engineering check down here to see if there's any way out, which there probably isn't?

- Sure, you can try that. - Theleman, you look like a pretty crafty guy. You see any ways out of this room? - I can check. - I think you have the best engineering. - I got plus six. - I have zero. (laughing) - All right, let me do it. - 14. The only opening besides the door, you notice in a corner of the room, there's this hatch. It looks like a trap door that is locked up, but you're suspecting that that's more of a prisoner timeout type thing, like a solitary, not an escape hatch. If it were that simple, there probably wouldn't be anybody in this room. - I go to ask Galford and I say, I know we just met, and I know we may not trust each other as much as we should, seeing as we have just met, but if you and Rika's trust me enough to go over to the big guy down there, maybe we could ask him what it really is.

I bet he knows. - Rika's at this point hearing the, I guess, offer from the new person to join our group, kind of scoffs again a little bit and just says, all right, go for it. - All right, I'm gonna approach that bastard. - That's a good way to start. That's-- - Yeah, yeah, go for it, Junior. Good luck, Junior. - So-- - Yeah, I kinda have the word bastard painted in blood on his armor. - All right. - I'll go over there, I really don't care. - All right, so it's Tala and Thallon who's approaching. So, okay. So Tala and Baraneth approach Valus, who is just kind of sitting, again, just kind of staring into the middle distance, not really concentrating on anything, at least that's what it looks like.

So when you walk up, he would be staring at your feet. - Why? - Well, he's just kind of staring at the floor and you just walked into his field of vision. He wasn't, he's not a foot fetishist or something. - Yeah, he's jealous? - Yeah. - Now, do you wanna open by saying anything to him or just kind of wait for him to notice you? - Wait for him to notice us. - All right. An uncomfortable amount of time passes. Like 30, 40 seconds, you guys are just standing there. He's not acknowledging your presence and you're not saying anything to him, so it's this weird, awkward standoff.

- Yo, Valus. I sound like Rocky. - Hey. Hey. Hey. - And not even looking up, he kind of, it's this really deep, low voice. And he just says, "What?" - Do you know what that hatch door is? - And he says nothing for a bit. And then eventually when he sees that you're not walking away, he says, "Why don't you ask one of the guards?" - That's a good idea. You know where I could find one? - Outside. - All right, thanks for cooperating. - And so you're just walking away. - Yeah, I'm walking away. - Hey, he said more than I thought he would. - So walking back, do you guys wanna do anything else or do you want me to advance this a little?

- I didn't say I wouldn't anywhere, I'm just gonna hang out over there. - So you're just standing in front of him. - Not standing in front of him, I'm just gonna lean against the wall 'cause it's kind of a quieter corner and frankly, Tala in general prefers to be by herself. - Okay. - 'Cause that's kind of as close as she's gonna get. 'Cause he might as well be no one. - Don't lie, you know, you're kind of into him checking out your feet. Got some pretty toenails. - God damn, you figured out Tala's deep dark secret. She used to be a foot model in another life.

- For Dr. Scholl's. (laughing) - So some time goes by and a group of guards burst in the room after you hear the door unlocking and a horde of guards walk into the room and they definitely is like, you, new people, let's go. But they take three of you away down, as soon as you leave the room, they take three of you and walk down one end of the room or one end of the corridor and then three of you and walk the other way. So Trixie, Baranath and Tala are heading towards the arena. Rekis, Galford and Thalaman are heading further into the complex. So here's what's gonna happen.

What we're gonna do is load up the arena. - This doesn't sound good. - What could be bad about the arena? - No, they split the girls up. That doesn't sound good. - So what's gonna happen here is-- - It's mating season. - Yeah. - I'm just gonna plop you guys onto the field here. - Foot fetish central. - This is taking a dark turn. - Oh man, we're slaves. - I haven't mentioned my penis yet, so. - Let's see here. So as you're led up into the arena, the Trixie, Baranath and Tala are led up into the arena. And there's this kind of hype man, this announcer. And he's just yelling and just like trying to get the crowd like into it.

And as soon as they see like three ladies walk in, they go fucking crazy. 'Cause there are a ton of male slaves, but there aren't a ton of female slaves. So what they like to do is put female slaves together as a team, just like they did with Syl and Katie. And it's just as well that they're sisters anyway. So they've stuck you three together to see, just to kind of like gauge you and see what you can do. And the hype man's going on and on about it. And eventually he gets to the portion where he's announcing your opponent. And the gate on the opposite side of the arena opens up.

And several crazed looking, hold on one second, let me get them. Holy God, someone died. - Shoe salesman. - Someone died before it even starts. This is looking good you guys. - Several crazed shoe salesman. - And these really disheveled looking humans. They're clearly human, but at the same time, they look like they've either been locked away for a real long time, or they've just gone stir crazy or whatever. So as soon as this gate opens and beyond the gate, you just see shadow where there's no natural light in there whatsoever. As soon as the gate opens up, these guys just, they're not even walking upright.

That's how fucking weird they are. They just were almost like apes, just running in hands and feet. So several of these guys run in and they start to form a semicircle around the ladies. - God, they got corn rows. - Yeah, the corn row rapists. (laughing) - Damn. - Although I feel sorry for them though, with the three ladies that are out there. Ooh, they keep coming. - Is that an insult, Galford? - Good Lord. - No, no, I'm just saying that these guys are in trouble. Like, these girls can take care of themselves. - What I'd like you to do is roll initiative. - Hmm.

- Initiative, why do we need that? - You can not roll initiative and just take your turn at the end. - No, initiative's like the one roll I'm actually usually really good at. - Well then you might wanna take that, so. - Yeah. - Oh, good grief. (laughing) - All right, let me know your initiative as soon as you roll it. - 10. - Ooh, okay. It's not the end of the world, we don't know what they've rolled yet. Let's see, Tali, you rolled a 25, right? - I rolled a 25. - Oh, okay. - So did Tali. - Okay, you both did, okay. I was about to say, I know I didn't see things.

- Yes you did, it's one o'clock in the morning. - It's two o'clock in the morning. - Oh, shut up. - And the rest. All right, so let's sort this and Trixie, you're gonna get ready and go first. Now, because you're at half a party, you're gonna wanna be careful about putting yourself in an awkward position, but go right ahead, have at it. There are eight of these crazed looking psychopaths. Now, they're all sporting clubs too, by the way. - Is it just eight men? - Just almost, they're almost subhuman. They're just these club sporting crazies. - Do they have mankind brown burlap sacks on them?

- No. - Oh, okay. (soft music) They are wearing, they're barely clothed too. They're all just kind of like, they're wearing really tattered pants and they've definitely been here for a while. - Good luck. They probably smell. - Ew, I don't wanna think about it. - Oh, they definitely smell. - So I, let's see here. I wanted to use my executioner's noose and you can do one, two, three, so. An executioner's noose will pull them to you, from what I understand. Pull the target, it says pull the target two squares. - Yes. - There. - Okay. - And then that will be one D 20 plus seven.

- Yes. - That'd be an eight. (laughing) - I stepped on a cat. - And he meows like a cat as the, as a, yes. That is a crit miss. - Wonderful, okay. - His, his meow of rage distracted you and totally threw you off your game. - Thanks. - Tali, your turn. - I am going to use flame seed. - Okay. So that would be a D 20 plus five here. 14. Am I going to have to roll? No, I have to roll several times, don't I? - For. - Cause it's a range, cause it's a range. Or no, it's one creature target, nevermind. - Okay, hold on a second, flame seed, so. Let me just make sure this, one second.

So it's a standard action, one creature. So yeah, that just misses. Well, wait, what's that against? Reflex. - It's against reflex. - That'll, that'll hit. - Yay. - Which one was that targeting again? - That would be targeting this individual right here. - Okay. - So he takes a D six plus one. - Okay, he takes four damage. - Okay. So he burst into flames and immediately just starts running around, just hands in the air, his pants on fire, the flames run up his body and he drops to the ground dead. - Wow. - What the hell? (laughing) - Damn. - Okay then. - These guys are fragile.

- Also, any one that, okay. - Anyone that was near him, that's a fiery zone now. So they'll take fire damage as well on their turns. - Let's see here. Action. - I believe. - What's the zone on that? It's one. Oh, just that one. - It's just one. - Okay, yeah, it's a number four. All right, so what we'll do. - Number four will also take damage. - So no, cause he was here, which means that it just, yeah. - It's just outside that zone. - No, he was here, wasn't he? - Nope. - Yeah, I thought he was right next to it. - He was here, yeah. - He might have been. Okay, I'll just say yes.

Cause that's quicker. (laughing) Okay, so that's on their turn. They take fire damage. All right. And seven. Okay, so crazed human rabble is going to, huh. He's going to race down here. One, two, three, four, five, six. And he is going to take a swing at Tala with his club. Cause it's the only weapon and skill he seems to have. - Freaking captain caveman. - 22. - Dang. - Against AC. - That made out of. - No, right? - Club mostly. Most of the ingredients in club are club. 1D6 plus three, eight. Wow, that's a good hit. So, all right. So he whacked you pretty good with this club.

And then number one is going to race down here and do the same against Tala. - Ooh. - Dang. - Geez, everyone's beating up on me. - 12, totally misses. - Thank God. - And then number two is going to race down to Trixie and do the same. 25, that'll hit. So, seven damage. - Really? - So, right off the bat, you guys are noticing that these, they have almost no frontal lobe intelligence. They're just running. It's like, they're just, they're not even speaking intelligently. They're just making noises and shouting. Number five is going to race down to Trixie. So they seem to be wanting to surround somebody really quickly.

- I do have a question, Jason. - Yes, sir. - Why is there so stupid if you hit them in the balls, they probably wouldn't feel it, huh? - Well, you don't need intelligence to feel pain. I mean, it's just-- - I don't know, man. - Number five is going to take a swipe at Trixie. 15, that's going to miss. And then that brings up Baranath. - Okay, so I'm going to use my shield of faith as a minor action, so it's a close burst five. You and each ally in the burst is targeted. Each target gains a plus two power bonus to AC until the end of the encounter. - Okay. - So good for us.

I'm going to move next to this asshole, number one, and I'm going to use my astral seal, which is a D20 plus nine. Oh, God damn it. (laughing) And-- - 12. - Yeah, and I'm done, so I'm going to-- - Oof, okay. Well, you already moved, so you got to stay there. There we go. But you got shield of faith up, so that's cool. Was that an encounter power or just, yeah, that's a daily, all right. - Yeah, and that's for the duration of the encounter. - That's good, though, that's good. Crazed human number four, as soon as it's his turn, he's going to burst into flames and die.

What? 'Cause he's standing in that zone. - Clearly very unstable. - Yeah. They're all made of pop rocks. - Damn. - This spontaneous combustion thing is making me a little weirded out considering that they're all standing so close. (laughing) Which brings up number eight. One, two, three, four, five, six. All right. He is going to take a swipe at, he shouts again and it sounds like a cat, but it's them. I swear to God, it's them. (laughing) They're so crazy, they just meow at people. They don't even know how to scream intimidatingly. (laughing) So he whips his club back and says, "Meow!" And he rolls an eight, so that means he's gonna miss, but he's so crazy, he doesn't mind.

- He just pause at the air and just goes like, "Rawr!" - Yeah. (laughing) Number six. Okay, so he is flanking Trixie with, okay, so yes. 13, still gonna miss, which brings up Trixie. - All right, so I think I'm going to use Shadow Storm against number eight here. Let's see, that is, it targets one creature. It says, if I hit, it's a dexterity modifier damage plus one damage for each creature adjacent to the target. - Okay. - So I'm gonna, it's a d20 plus 10. It's a 26. - That will hit anything you like. - Okay, and if I hit, it'd be one d10 plus six. - Wait, was that a private roll you did?

- Oopsies, yeah. - I'll take your word for it, 'cause I like the cut of your jib and I think you're being honest with me. - Yeah, I was messing with the buttons down here and I accidentally clicked it on private. (laughing) I promise it was a 26. - Okay, okay. - So a one d10 plus six and then I guess one, two, it'll be an extra three, 'cause he's adjacent to three other ones. Well, four, including me, I guess. - Yes. - Okay, so 11 plus four. - Okay. - 15. - And that is eight or six, you said, I'm sorry. - It was a one d10 plus six. - No, no, no, which one are you targeting?

- I'm targeting number eight. - Okay, so you sink your blade into eight and his eyes go wide with pain and surprise and he starts slipping towards the ground and shouts, "Mrow," and then dies. Which will, oh, do you wanna shift or anything? - No. - Okay, that'll bring up Tala. - Now to bring up shifting, I'm going to shift into my, do a tiger form. - Okay. - And in order to do that, I'm going to be using my Grasping Claws attack on number one right here. So that's 16. - Okay. - First reflex. (suspenseful music) Let's see here, that, what was it again? 14, 16, yeah, that'll hit.

- Okay, great. - Totally. - Sweet. 58 plus four. Yes! - You swipe at him and you just shred this guy. He's totally dead. - Awesome. - Totally, totally dead, done. Would you like to do anything else? Shift, anything like that? - I think I'll move forward a square just so I'm between Braneth and this other dude 'cause I'm pretty sure he's gonna charge either at her or me next. - Okay. - I'd rather the healer be safer than me. - Okay, that's good thinking. Number seven's turn, he is going to swing his club at you. (suspenseful music) 17 versus AC, it's gonna miss.

- Cowardice. - Yeah. Again, they're not tacticians, they're just really clumsy at what they're doing. Number two is going to shift and so they have Trixie, fairly surrounded here. He's gonna use his club attack and swing, 27, that's gonna hit. (suspenseful music) And then eight damage. So, oh, wait a minute. Yeah, that's still gonna hit you, nevermind. I was about to say, you get a plus two to your defense but that's not gonna, it's totally not gonna do it. And then number five is also going to swing at Trixie. - No, stop it. - 21. Even with a plus two, that's still gonna hit you.

So, five damage. That brings you down to eight hit points. And that brings up Baranath. - Okay, so I'm gonna use my sunburst against this asshole, number two. So that's a D20 plus nine. - 27. - Oh, that'll totally hit. - Yeah, take that motherfucker. - Thank you, Baranath. - Well, yeah. So each ally within five squares gains five temporary hit points and can make a saving throw. I don't think we need saving throws right now but you know, it's not bad. My damage is D10 plus five. - 13. - That was to two, you said? - Yeah. - Okay, he is totally well and dead. Very nice.

Do you wanna shift or anything like that? - I'll just, oh, sorry, I didn't mean to move there. - Awesome, all right and-- - Don't forget hit points for my girls, eh? - Oh shit, yes, how many was that again? - Five. - All right, five each, so that'll bring Trixie back up to 13 and Tala up to 29. That'll bring up Crazed Human number six. He is gonna take his club, it's original, I know. And he is going to, he raises it over his head and brings it down on Trixie for 10. And he misses well and truly 'cause he was two feet off. He says meow, confused, and then it's Trixie's turn.

(laughing) - Okay, I'm gonna do a melee basic attack against number five. So that'd be a D20 plus five would be 13. - That's totally gonna miss. - Of course it is. - No disassembled number five. (laughing) - That's versus AC? - Yeah. - Yep, that's gonna miss. - Of course it is. - Do you wanna shift or anything like that? - I can only shift away one, right? So he doesn't get an opportunity attack or whatever. Yeah, I'll shift back one. - Okay, probably a good idea. And Tali, your turn. - Are you guys including the plus two to AC that everybody's got till the end of the encounter?

- Yes. - Okay. - Yep. - Grasping claws again. - Okay. - Number seven over here. 13. - What's that against, reflex? - Reflex. - That'll hit. - Sweet. - D8 plus four. Yes, dead. - Yeah, you just rend this guy. Just gash his chest wide open and he drops his club and just kinda holds his chest and falls down dead. - But Savage rends is a different attack. - It's all claws. - Yeah. - It's all claws. - Fair enough. - It's all variations of sharp things hitting people squish. Do you wanna shift or anything? Are you good? Well, you can have a full fledged move. No one's near you.

- Yeah, I'll move around Trixie over here. - All righty. And that'll bring up number five. He is going to shift one and he's going to raise his club over his head and swing at Trixie. 20, which is gonna miss. - Dude, can they leave me the hell alone? (laughing) - What the fuck? - You could try diplomacy check. - You mean diplomacy with the cats? I don't think so. - Brand new. - The crazy cat people? That'll bring up Baranith. - Okay, so I'm gonna use my Singing Strip against number five here. And it's 22. - 22 will hit. - Darn right it will. And, six damage. - Dead.

Totally dead. Which leaves just one crazy cat person left on the field and it's his turn. He, oh, you shifted there, okay. He is going to shift forward, raise his club over his head. - Dude, leave me alone. - And swing down on Trixie. - I'm gonna kick him in his nuts. I'm just gonna have him. - Nine. That's gonna miss and now it's Trixie's turn. - You shouldn't have worn your catnip cologne. - Apparently. I may have laid basic attack again. 21. - 21 will hit. - Yes. - And then I get a, let's see, D10 plus one. That's a small part of it. 11, die bitch. - Is there anything specific you'd like to do to him?

- Balls, kick him in the balls. - Yeah, kick him in the balls. - No, I'm gonna hit him with greatsword in his balls. It'll cleave it right off. - Wow. - So cleave off the balls and as he drops to his knees, Talos scalps off his cornrows. - That is graphic. You ladies are not to be fucked with. Yeah, so all that happens. And he regrets the day he was ever born. - Too late. - He realizes he was born at some point? - I don't know. He realizes his junk is done. That's what he realizes. - No. - And the crowd just erupts. They love it. They dig it. - Can I throw his balls in the crowd?

- Oh, what a social. - Wow, before you can defile the corpse further. - Souvenir. - A sect of guards races out into the arena and grabs you and escorts you back to your quarters. - But wait, I wanna bring those back to show to Galford to show I'm mad at him. - No, man, you should have hit them in the crowd with the club. - Wear them as earrings. - This went on too far. - Has anyone ever considered the fact these guys were eunuchs? - They are now. - Cornrows like that. - That one definitely is though. He's dead. - So he's a soprano. - Ah. - I picture them sitting in a press conference like being like, you know, we talk about practice.

They've got their cornrows on like. - Meanwhile, the three gents that were escorted down into a place called the pits. - Ah. - You guys have a very specific job. Now, as you're escorted into the pits, you see these, it's basically a small room below the arena itself. You look up and you see where there are large columns like shafts that lead up, just darkness. But what they do is sometimes they modify the arena to add some spice to what would normally be just kind of, oh, it's just people fighting people, whatever. Open up the holes. So there will be large pits that basically lead to certain death if you fall into them from above.

Now, your job is to clean up all the corpses that have accumulated down here. So the guards escort you down into this place. As if you three are tasked with getting the bodies down to the incinerator and the light coming from a nearby hallway, you can see where there's this really large like fire going. And there's a small, like a nice sized wooden cart next to these two bodies of water. The bodies for the most part land in these bodies of water. So it looks like they clean these traps out maybe every once a week, something like that. So the smell hits you immediately.

- Can I say something? - Yes, you can say. - I go to the guard and I say, make me. - Is that your final answer? - Yes. - Okay. - Shane's gonna die again. - Let's put your-- - One more body, I gotta throw in the water. - So let's put your characters here on the board. So let's get that guard out. Hold on one second. So this guard has escorted you down these set of stairs. But in the hallway above the, up the stairs, there's another sect of guards. Like they just let him escort you down there. 'Cause yeah, what are you gonna do? So that's, so you're choosing to tell him, make me.

I'm just making sure, I'm not, there's nothing. - Well with an intimidate of zero. (laughing) - Are you trying, so you're trying to intimidate him. - No, I doubt he would be intimidated. - I just like, what would you like to do here man? 'Cause I-- - I'm just joking. - Would you like to roll a kiss your ass goodbye check? - Yeah, okay. - You gotta be more specific then. - So you're, okay, so you don't wanna, you don't wanna tell the guard. - Obviously he doesn't mean it, but he's like, you know. - Oh, so you do say it. - I do say it. - Okay. - Your diplomacy sucks, you're not gonna make it out of this.

- Upon hearing that the-- - Can you actually check for how fucked is he? (laughing) - How far has she gone? - She, she's off mic usually. So the guard lifts up his leather coated wooden club thing. - Oh crap, I have acrobatics, can I move, can I dodge it? - I'm gonna let you try. So here's, okay. He's taking a swing at you. Go ahead and roll an acrobatics check. - Ha ha. - 23, okay. As soon as you dodge his swing, he calls up for, for several more guards. And he says, we got one resisting. And then two guards race to flank, flank you. - Oh fuck. - And then they all get ready.

Roll, would you like to roll another acrobatics check or? - Yes. - Go ahead. 16, okay, this time you're not so quick. And each one of these, each one of these guards just start laying into you. - Fuck. - And they're, they're, they're hitting you frequently and hard. So like after the first strike, one of them hits you in the, in the, in the knee and you just go down. And then after that, they're just beating the piss out of you, just, just over and over again. Meanwhile, Riekis and Galford are just kind of standing by. - Oh, that's nice. - I don't, well, no, I haven't asked them what they'd like to do.

- Oh, okay. - Uh, Riekis, Galford, would you, do you want to do anything or? - Riekis would step in and attempt to kind of pull one of the guards off. - Riekis gets no choice. - Just quickly reminding the guards that this gentleman doesn't know how this whole system works and he doesn't know what he actually did and trying to convince the guards to go a little bit easier on the new guy. - All right. Do me a favor, roll diplomacy check. - I don't wanna. - You don't wanna. - So can I add into that? - You can help him out with it. Go ahead. - I can add into that and say like, you know, like, you know, leave some of this fool, like, you know, leave a piece of him left cause we're going to need him to move these bodies and, and, you know, at least give him his arms so we can put him to work kind of thing and so Galford sort of feigns, feigns, he's an idiot, but just don't hurt him so badly so that we can make him do some work.

- Okay. So Galford, do you want to make the diplomacy check? - Sure, I'll do it. - Okay. - Thank you. - 13, enjoy your beating. (laughing) - The guards reply, we'll stop when we think he's had enough. So they just really laying into him. And then eventually they just, they, they all stopped beating him. And then like, he's kind of like hunched over on his knees. And one of the guards just kind of like pushes his shoulder back with his foot and he kind of tumbles onto his back. And then the guards walk out. They said, I expect these bodies to be cleaned up within the hour.

- I will say that's good character development. - That's good bruise development. - True. - Ricus will look down at Falman who's on the ground and just go, kid, you got a lot to learn. - I, I, I, I talked to Ricus and I say, man, I, I've, I've wandered these lands enough. I've, I've endured worse. - As a result of this beating, you're going to take 15 damage. - Oh damn. - So you are bloodied and down to 12, just as a, just as a, you know, just as a notice, just letting you know. After the guards, after the guards walk out, you kind of hear a subtle splashing.

And on top of a pile of bodies is one body that's actually showing movement. - Oh, oh God. Corn rows. - So it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a, - The kitty. - Really disheveled looking man, not unlike the ones, well, you didn't see that fight, so you have no idea, you know, what you're in for with this, but he's on his back lane and he's just kind of twitching. And every once in a while, he's, he's, he's kind of mouthing. It looks like he's trying to mouth some words. - Yo, Rick has go check him out, man. - Can we do a perception check first?

Just the whole area or? - Sure. You sure can. - I don't think any of us is very perceptive. - I just have done engineering. Let me check my, - I have plus three. - I plus six. - Okay. Go for it. - Wipe the blood out of your eyes. - Critmas. - Awesome. You are in far too much pain to notice anything about the room other than how much pain you're in right now. - Oh, that's not good. - Should I go for it? - Well, you're, you know, a good guy. - Okay. - Seven. Exactly. It's pretty much exactly the same. Like you don't, you just notice kind of the immediate surroundings and this, this lone human guy kind of laying on top of a pile of other bodies twitching.

You do notice that it looks like in a twisted fit of luck, the bodies he landed on kind of broke his fall. And it also looks like it broke his back. - Oh. - Or at least several bones. - Well, he's done. No need in helping him. - Is he, I was going to say, can we speak to him or is he one of the babbling barbarians from up top? - You could totally approach him. - Okay. I guess I'll go chat with him if. - Yeah. I'm kind of hurt. - Yeah. I'm not going to get too close to him, but just, you know, just reach over to him and, or just sort of kneel down and, and, and say, you know, friend, you look like you're in a lot of pain.

Who are you? What happened? - And he kind of, when you get almost in arms reach, he's kind of, he's kind of sprawled out back first on this pile of bodies and he's kind of like twitching his hand. Like he's trying to grab at you. And he it's just kind of, it's like this pale, like whimpering whisper that's coming out of him. Just he's infected. And he's, he's just kind of like, he can't even move his head to look at you. He's just. - Well. - You know that guys I'm hurt too. - You got what was coming to you. - And my heel is zero too. - Can I do an arcana check on the, on the dude just to make sure he's not cursed or, or infected with something magical.

- Sure. - Zombie. - Okay. - 20. - You sense nothing magical coming off this guy. - Okay. - Um. - Hmm. - Can I heal myself? - You're not in combat. So yeah, you can spend some healing surges and kind of recoup your. - I have a plus plus six heal so. - Yeah but I mean, you don't need to roll outside of combat. It's just something you could do. So you can spend like a couple of healing surges and. - How many, how much did I give? - Two will pretty much get you back up to, so there you're back up to 24. - Right good. That's perfect. - So we'll just count that as a lesson.

- Yeah. You know, like Dullamond's kind of like, kind of cocky. So he, you know, like he said, he's wandered, he's wandered around, you know, this world and he's, he's fought a lot, you know, so he's been dished out a lot of crap before. So, you know, he just smiles. - So Galford turns over to Rikas and says, you know, I think that this guy's trying to tell us something, but I, you know, I don't want to get too close, but I'm going to hop over and just sort of lean down, see if I can hear what he's trying to say, but you know, will you help me if something happens?

- Dullamond will definitely help you. - Okay. - Because at least you tried to help him. - Okay, so Galford leans down a little closer to the obviously very injured cornrow man and tries to, tries to hear what he's whispering. - And, and, and as you lean in for the first time, it sounds like he's forming words. It's just incredibly faint. And he's just saying, kill me. - I got the arrows. - You don't actually. - Oh, I don't have the arrows? - Do you really think as a slave, they'd let you keep your weapons? - We don't have anything. - Clean up these bodies. Here's your weapons.

- Yeah. You'll need these weapons. - And a rope and a ladder and a compass. - If they want the job done, they would give me my weapons. - So Galford calls over to Rikas and says, Rikas, this man is calling for mercy. He's obviously dying. Should we put him out of his misery? - Can we like punch his back in like Bruce Wayne? - If this is what he wants, do it. - You're the strongest, Rikas. You do it. That's what Dallinan says. - I think psychologically, it wouldn't be good for Rikas to, you know, kill anyone. - True. - He'd probably like to see him. - The fact that this guy looks like he's more fragile than a piece of cardboard.

- Well, Galford. - I'm pretty sure anybody could probably do it. - Galford doesn't necessarily value life as much if it isn't as advantageous for him. So I have, I was gonna say, I do have a rod. I don't want to splatter him with a rod. Have I got a knife or something or just something? - Did I use a dungeoneering check? - You don't have your, let me just say, you just have your bare hands. - Oh yeah, that's right. Okay. - Can I do a dungeoneering check to see if there's anything like nearby? - You can. - All right, then here we go. - 15. The only thing, you don't notice any traps or trap doors or anything in your area.

You don't see anything. The only thing that you see is a kind of a long hallway that leads to that incinerator, the fire, which is where all the bodies are put. - I have an idea. Why don't we just like push his head so he's in the water and drowns? - The other thing we could do is we could try and drag him out of the water and just prop him up against the wall and let him die. - Or we could drown him. - Nah. - You're, hey, you would be the one to do it, dude. - All right, so, you know, Gelford glances over at Rikas and sort of nods and, you know, tells the fellow, you know, you're going to a better place kind of thing and drowns him.

- Okay. And he kind of feebly shakes for a few minutes, a few seconds, and then just stops and goes limp. - Now, can we search his body? Is there anything on it? (laughing) Gelford's over his death. - He's wearing the same tattered pants that kind of reveal more skin than pants. Like it's just, they're almost assless chaps at this point. Like they're pretty, they're pretty feeble and shitty. - Fashion statement. - All right, so feeble, shitty, assless chaps. I don't think it'll be too advantageous. Okay, we didn't see anything else. Is there any point in searching these piles of rocks or should we just start cleaning up around here?

What is this in the corner here? It looks like a big spider web. Oh, sorry, where's my finger? There. - Yep, that's just, yeah, it's exactly what it looks like. Just a big spider web. - Okay, probably home to a big spider. - Those are the stairs that lead back up to where? - Back up, okay. - And I'm assuming there's a door shut. - Yes, this is basically, you're in a small room. It's not, there's nowhere, they know that there's really nowhere you can go down there. So unless you leap into the fire, I guess. - Where the heck did they expect us to put these bodies in?

- The fire. - Oh. - Where, is there like a chimney? Is this like a? - It's like a big, it's just kind of like an open, like a big fire pit type of thing where, yeah. - Could we dig inside there? Could we dig if there's anything in there? - Just the piles of rubble sitting around? - Yeah, I don't know, maybe there's some. - I think that's probably mostly charred bones and fleshy bits. - We can make weapons. (laughing) - I don't think there's anything else we can really learn from the room. - Can I use a bone and some spider web and create my own bow? - Would you like to try?

- Yeah, what would I do? - Just exactly what you said. I mean, we can, so, Thalomund kind of breaks away from the group and starts pulling at bits of spider web. - Smart. - And bits of-- - Where did we find this guy? (laughing) - He's been around places. - And, so he's pulling at bits of spider web and just kind of balling things up in his hands and then grabbing bits of rubble and the occasional broken femur and just kind of lashing, trying to lash something together. And what he comes up with is a pile of spider web and bone and rubble. (laughing) - Hey, I have a really good one, nature or whatever, I don't know, I try.

- Right, but I mean, that's more like communicating with animals and such, like that's not, you know, that's, yeah. - Galford says, over to Thalomund, says all right, you know, way to go MacGyver, you wanna help me with these bodies over here? - Hey, hey, hey, at least I tried over there, Galford. I didn't just kill a man. - I don't think there's any way out of this pit except for doing what the guards say. I haven't found any way in or out and we don't even really know much about this. You know, luckily we have Rika still with us, you know, which we may wanna stay close to him when it's time to fight in the arena and hopefully the rest of the group, you know, Trixie, Baranath and Talir are doing all right, but I don't know, I don't wanna get too dirty, but I say we throw these bodies in the fire and, you know, and try and show what good little prisoners we are to the guards for now, until I can learn a little bit more about what we're dealing with.

- Fine, if I help you, I'd like to hear more about your story. I'd like to know why you guys are all together. - Oh, no problem, I can tell you lots of tales. - All right, sounds good. - So... - I basically figured that, like, he could just discuss the entire, like, I know why they got caught, but I don't know what they did prior, so... - So, while you guys are cleaning up bodies, he's kind of like telling you. - Yeah. - Okay. Or at least Galford's version of... - Yeah, basically. The embellished Galford version and, yeah. - Well, I, as of now, I kind of trust Galford the most because he's the one who's communicating with me.

- Yeah, and it's, you know, it's one of those things where it's like you lie in the truth, you know, like you can, you tell the truth kind of thing, but you can manipulate it a little bit to, you know, try and change the relationships you have, so. For the most part, Galford's been pretty honest with the people around him, but he's ready to lie to anyone else outside of the group to try and give us an advantage. - Well, trust me, Tholoman, you know, he has a weird set of morals. I mean, even though he steals, you know, from thieves, he's still stealing the process, so I mean...

- Yeah. Tholoman would probably notice, too, that Galford does seem relatively interested in Rikus for being kind of a, you know, a slimy guy who talks a lot, who, you know, seems a little bit shifty. You know, he seems to be glancing over at Rikus after he makes a comment or, you know, if Rikus does make a movement, 'cause Rikus is generally fairly stoic, but if he sort of gets up and moves, Galford sort of glances over to see what he's doing, which just seems a little bit odd, but... - So you guys, get your task done. Some of these bodies you're rolling out of this, out of this, this disgusting water.

Are just bloated and kind of just... A lot of them are in pieces, because they'll take an awkward tumble into this, like it's kind of... That there'll be a step down into the water. So some of the bodies don't hit cleanly in the center, so they'll just hit part of the step in or something like that and just bone shatter or the occasional arm will fall off or something. So this appears to be quite a fall. And getting your task completed, they throw you back into the prisoner's quarters after you're done. - Oh, what fun. - Now... That pretty much wraps up your first day there.

And sleeping is incredibly awkward. First of all, you're not... I mean, there's just kind of awkward piles of straw here and there, but this is definitely like a little community where the biggest person takes what he wants. So there's a very large pile of straw over in the corner and that's where Vala sleeps. And then whatever's left over is pretty much split between the eight of you. - I wanna approach him again. - Okay. All right. Okay, so let's, okay. So he's kind of sprawled out on his cushy bed of straw and you're gonna approach him as he's laying down.

So you're standing over him. - Oh, shit. I'm gonna be back here. - So you approach him slightly. Like you're still like several feet away, like about 10, 15 feet away somewhere there. And you're gonna say what to him? - Hey, hey buddy, Valis. Can I just have a little bit to like use as a pillow? Just, you know, I just want, you know, protect my head. Is it cool? - And his eyes are closed. Just kind of stretched out. And in the low grumble, he says, go away. - Okay, well, I tried. - So, Thalen walks away. You kind of all awkwardly find, you, the crowd noise is dissipated.

So you're guessing everyone's gone home, which kind of works out so that at least you guys can get some kind of sleep. It may not be restful, but it's something. You figure you're gonna need it. - Can I approach the ladies? - Sure, if you like. - All right, I go up to them and say, hey, ladies, I actually stood up to the guards 'cause you see, I'm a real man. And I, you know, I avoided an attack. And he's just lying through his teeth. - Sil, Sil looks up at you. They both are kind of sharing this bed of straw. And she kind of looks up at you and it's like, yeah, I see the bruises on your face.

- What are you talking about? I had that when I came in. - Then someone else kicked your ass. And then you got here. (soft music) - Bellarmine like kind of like eyes Galford and kind of like is like. - So Galford walks over to Baranath and just sort of quietly says, can you believe this fool? So what happened to you guys today? You know, what are we up against? - So Baranath just kind of opens her eyes slowly and shoot some daggers at Galford. Takes a breath and says, well, we were thrown into an arena with eight crazed men. I don't know what they were men.

They used to be men. I don't know what they were, but they were meowing. And we fought, we fought and we killed them. And we came back here. What about you? You weren't fighting today, but I see, you know, fellow man has some bruises. - Yeah, he decided to make himself known to the guards when we were sent down for cleanup duty, which I'm assuming in the pits below the arena. So we cleaned up some of your handiwork up there and it looks like you made short work of the things you fought. Basically we did. - Thelemen kind of, Thelemen interrupts. You're not telling her something.

- There was one still alive, but we all agreed that putting him out of his misery was the best thing to do. He was broken. - Hang on, you all agreed? - We all agreed. - Thelemen just stands in the corner with his arms crossed against the wall, not saying a word, just grinning. - Thegalford says enough of that. You know, did you learn anything? How big is the arena? How many guards were there? How big is the crowd? Is there any way out of here? - It's large. This is, we're entertainment for this town right now. You know, we fought these, you know, these men, these really damaged people.

And, but I mean, by the looks of that place, I mean, it could be anything. - Thegalford sort of smiles and says, okay, so it was for their entertainment. So was the crowd entertained? - I'm surprised you couldn't hear the cheering and the roaring from up there. They went ballistic. - Good, good. For now, let's just keep winning and keep them entertained. And hopefully this fool over here won't get us killed by standing up to the guards until we know a little bit more about how things go around here. So Thelemen gets off the wall and asks. - Sure, Thelemen, I'll be glad to be entertainment.

- Thelemen asks, did they allow you to keep any weapons? - Well, do I look like I have any weapons? - Hey, hey, hey, I'm just asking. - At this point, I'm gonna ask you guys, 'cause it's about 3 a.m. Do you wanna continue and we'll get like one more, one more little chunk in, or it sounds like Brian's gonna die. - Well, if we're just gonna do the fighting, I mean, he's not gonna have to like talk, you know? - I'm fine. - No, you're fine, okay. - I'm down to continue, obviously. - I'm just asking, I just wanna make sure, I don't wanna force anybody into anything.

- You're a good man, Dungeon Master. - I just finished my coffee and having discarded my donut. - I want, see now I want some donut. - I had a Canadian maple. I know you were confused about the Canadian maple. I've never had one. - Hey, yeah, I thought about that. - Yeah. - I'll mail you one. - Thank you. That's all I ask. Okay, the next morning, after you, some of you kind of awkwardly position yourselves against walls and you know, you manage to catch a few hours of shut eye. So at dawn's first light, which you can kind of see from a high placed window that appears to be no more than a foot wide and about seven or eight inches tall, it's barred.

This is about 10 feet in the air. So that small amount of light shines into the room and about that time, you hear the door unlock again and several guards walk in and scoop up the six of you leaving Katie, Sil and Valis behind. And they said, come on, let's go see if you're worth the money we paid. And as they're outfitting you, they're giving you your weapons back and everything, but you are still shackled. So they have you positioned at the gates and they only unshackle you after the gate has been raised and they kind of shove you out into the arena.

So. - Hey, wait, did we regain any health from sleeping? - Yes, I'm gonna let you take a rest here. - Do we have time to do an insight check on when he said, let's see if you're worth the money we paid? - Sure, good. - 23. - 23, okay. You gather that they gauge certain slaves differently? - Yeah, how much am I? Obviously I'm different. - You as a group are different. It looks like you, like adventures, people like that who are used to fighting or some kind of battle are gonna be different than pickpockets or just regular thieves or some guy making counterfeit DVDs, that kind of thing.

Like they're not gonna, they're not gonna be the same as, it's like those guys are pretty much gonna be fodder or something for you guys to slay. So this is kind of the opening big fight in the morning as people file in and you're getting the sense that you guys are gonna be the entertainment. So let me slide you guys onto the board here. So, the interesting thing is, Talib, Baraneth and Trixie, notice that the gate slides open again. This time there's no hype man. You're thinking that maybe he's something like he's, they save him for later in the day, something like that.

And the stands are only about half as packed. So people are just waking up or filing in or something like that. Or maybe it's, this is like a dark match type of thing where it's like, ah, none of the real good gladiators show up until later in the afternoon or the evening. So the gate slides open and nothing appears. And then the gate slides shut again. And that nothing, you don't see anything. - Can I do an Arcana check? - You can, go ahead. - 22. - 22, you don't sense anything magical. You don't, whatever's out here, if there's anything out here, you don't, it's not a magic based type of thing.

- That was Dungeoneering. - Dungeoneering is mainly for traps. You don't really see any traps in the immediate vicinity either. - What about a nature check? Is this some type of like invisible gelatinous cube that just, I can do that. Let me check. - That's ever so slightly specific. - Here. - It's a little too on the nose there, Tyson. - There we go, nature check. - So you, again, 20, you don't see anything. So after a few moments, Tala and, Tala and Galford. - Oh. - Yes. - Uh oh. No. Tala and Galford feel something strike them. - Oh. - Really? - So first is, let's see here.

First is Tala. - It's spam. - The top. - J-E-L-L-O. - So you feel the presence of something and then all of a sudden after, like it's like, it's almost like a magic eye painting. Like once you see it there, it's like, oh shit. Like it's this huge gelatinous cube. And then Galford, same thing. Nine, so that's a crit miss. So it's the same thing. You both kind of notice them at the same time. Ladies and gentlemen, please roll initiative. - 10 again. - It's my AC and 20. - 22. - Oh shit. - What it is is not your AC and 20, good God. No, that'd be like a 39. What you do is go to your character info and then right in that tan box up top, it'll tell you your level and everything like that.

It'll tell you, oh wait, it's under... - Details. - Details. - Details. - Megan, are you sick? You actually rolled a pretty low initiative. - I know. - Okay, my initiative is zero, I think so. - I stopped drinking, that might be the problem. - You just roll a regular D20 then. - You just roll a regular D20. - Five. - No, your initiative is seven. - Oh, is it? - Yeah, your initiative is seven. So just add seven to that. - All right, so. - No, no, no, you don't get to roll again. - No, my bad. - Take that five. - My bad, I accidentally forgot to clear it. - That's cool.

So 12, everybody give me your initiative, please. - Seven. - Okay, thank you. Someone had to be the brave one to speak. Who's at 22? - Oh, I'm 22. - 22. - I'm at 22 as well. - All right, Trixie, 22. - Riekis is at 18. - 18, and Baran have got? - 10. And the Gerblatness Cube, one and two, roll 22 and then an eight. All right, so let's sort that and Galford's gonna go first. - Okay, I'm gonna use Fascinating Shadows, I guess on cube number one. It's a close blast five. Even though I'm standing right next to him, I can still do a blast, right? - Sure can. - Okay, and it is Charisma versus Will.

D20 plus seven. And that's a 10. - That's gonna miss. - That's a Gerblatness miss. - Do you wanna shift or anything? - Yeah, you know what, I'll shift just back one. - All right, and Trixie, your turn. - I'm gonna move forward just one. Hold on. Towards number two and do my melee basic attack. - All right. - 17. - That is versus AC. - Yeah. - That'll hit. - Okay, so then, a D10 plus one. 11. - Oh wow, nice. So you stick this thing with your blade and it's hard to tell if you've heard it. Your blade just kind of sinks into this thing and it kind of shivers a bit, but you're not sure if that's it reacting or just it's kind of gooey nature.

- Oh God. - So next up is July this cube number two. - Is there any way we can perceive any weaknesses on them? Like if it was weak against cold, would we be doing a check on it or are we just in the encounter now? - Well, you're kind of in the encounter now, but there's- - If we hit it with something elemental and it was weak to that, would we know about the damage that's done? - Yes. Yeah, you would definitely, there would be some feedback on that. So this giant gelatinous cube is going to slink down just a bit and shift, and it's going to use engulf.

- Oh. - Don't eat me. - What's gonna happen is it's going to attack both Tala and Trixie. So first Tala. - Tala, hold my hand. - 26, you might not want to hold Tala's hand. Tala is sucked into the cube. And then Trixie, the same thing. So both of you have been pulled into this cube and it just, it kind of like touches your arm and slowly starts pulling you in, almost as if there's something inside wrenching you in. So you guys are completely immobilized. You're stunned and you are in this cube. So what's gonna happen is on your turn, you basically just get to roll a save, but each turn that you're in the cube, it's trying to eat you, essentially.

It's trying to digest you. So you're gonna take 10- - Oh, lovely. - You're gonna take 10 acid damage each time. (laughing) - That's freaking wonderful. - Oh man. - So, Riekus, your turn. - Okay, then I'm gonna move up to Jalopniski number one and take a big old smash of it with my hammer. At least give it a shot at least. Oops. - What was that, melee basic attack? - Yeah. - Okay. - And that's, I think it's, yeah, D20 plus nine. - Okay. - 16. - 16 versus AC will miss. - Oh, dang, you missed that big thing? - Yes, I did, Apple. - That thing must be fast. - Thalom, your turn.

- How many spaces can I shift? - Well, you can move. Your land speed is, I'm looking for your speed now. - Six. - Six, okay. Yes, six speed is right there. - All right, so I'm gonna move backwards. - Okay. You're gonna be well liked by this group. I'm just letting you know. - I believe that might've been five. - Okay. - Well, come on, I have the, I'm doing it for a reason. It'd be dumb for me. I'm the archer, why would I go up to the thief? - Okay. - Just make sure you're not gonna try to shoot straight through Burana. - Can that happen? - No. - Yeah. - Well, you can't fire through allies.

- Okay, good. I would like to do Biting Swarm. - Okay, on what? - Jello Cube with the ladies. - You can't. - I can't? - 'Cause you can't, like look, you can't. Yeah, you'd be firing at Burana. - Okay, so can I shoot it at the other one? - Yes, you can do that. - All right, so I believe this is a D20 plus 10. - Which attack are you using? - Uh, yes. - Okay. - So let me get D20 plus 10. Whoa, way too much. And that's 20. - 20, okay, that'll hit. - And now a 1D. - 1D10 plus six. - 1D10, okay, plus six. I should clear my roll. 1D6. 1D. Oh, my bad, 1D10. My bad, sorry. Plus six.

All right, seven. - Okay, seven damage. And it takes a negative two penalty to attack rolls. So yeah, so that's gonna be handy. - Huzzah. - Buraneth, your turn. - Okay, so can I attack number two from around here? - I don't know what you're pointing at. - Sorry. - There you go. - Does that count as attacking through allies? - No, no, no, no, no. - Oh, okay. - The allies are just in the cube, so just yeah. - Okay, okay, good. So I'm going to move here. I'm gonna use my Shield of Faith. - Okay. - And I'm going to attack cube number two with Sunburst. - Okay, so Shield of Faith, what's the burst on it again?

- Shield of Faith is a burst five. Close burst five and everyone gets plus two power bonus until the end of the encounter. - Everyone except Trixie and Tal. - Aw, no, really? - Yeah, it doesn't count for them because they are technically not on the field right now. - Oh. - Remember, Thalom and Galford, Rikas, you guys all get. - Yeah, that's good. - And power bonus, would that be AC and attack? Or is it plus two to AC or plus two to what? - Power bonus to AC. - Okay, okay. - Until the end of the encounter. So I'm gonna use Sunburst against a horrible gelatinous blob number two.

- Okay. - Oh, good God. - That is a crit miss. That sucks. And we'll check off Shield of Faith and Sunburst. But at least you got the plus two, so that's cool. Let's see here. - Oh, so my Sunburst, it doesn't, like my effect, do I still get my effect if I miss? - Does it say, let me see here. Sunburst effect, you and each ally within five squares of you gain five temporary hit points. I believe you do get the effect. - So does that mean? - No, you don't get the effect, I'm sorry. - Oh. - No, that's on a hit. The only time you get an effect or something is it says miss half damage and blah, blah, blah.

Like that's when it counts. Usually it's for daily powers and stuff. - Okay. - Sorry, ma'am. Shellatness cube number one is going to shift one space and then reach out to both Galford and Ricus and try to engulf them. (laughing) - Oh no, it's just gonna be us. - Well, we don't know yet. - Me and Baronet. - Galford, you first. 20 against AC, or I'm sorry, 20 against reflex. - Where is my reflex? Well, 14, so yeah. - Yeah, so it reaches out and grabs Galford's arm and pulls him into the thing. - No. - Ricus, 14 against reflex. - Yeah. - Okay, so Ricus two is pulled into the gilatness cube.

- No. - Oh wow, Tali, your turn. You're gonna take, you're going to take 10 damage. - Wait a minute, I gotta check something real quick. - Okay. - What armor did I get that one time that, did I get the, I gotta check. I got the armor of resistance. What was I resistant to? - Was it the gelatinous cubes? - Well, you said I take acid damage. I thought it was acid. That's why I'm double checking. 'Cause I wanna make sure if it's. - Armor resist plus one acid. You resist acid five. So you would only take half damage from this thing. - Okay, I just wanted to make sure, yeah.

- Good thinking, that's good. So Tali, go ahead and roll a saving throw. - What? Save, save. - So you're trying to claw your way out of the cube. So it's a save of 15. So if you can roll a 15 or higher from a flat D20. - It's a 15 save, ugh. - Yeah, it's not. - It's rough. - It's not good. - It's ridiculous. - It's jello. - 14. - Really? - So you almost claw your way out of it. And it just kind of like absorbs you back in. - Nope. - What manner of stupid is this? - Galford, your turn. You're gonna take 10 damage. (dramatic music) - This isn't looking great. I'm gonna be honest with you guys.

- I'm watching this from a corner. - Trixie, oh wait, sorry, Galford, roll a saving throw here. 15. So Galford's-- - And Galford is secreted out of the cube. - Galford's face pokes out of the broad side of the cube and he just kind of claws his way out. And he is plopped. - Yes. - He is plopped next to the thing. So let's see here. That is, okay, so you did take 10 damage, but you, you're free now. - Do I get to make a turn now or? Was that the beginning of my turn or? Okay. - That technically is a save throw at the end, but go ahead and take a turn. It's fine.

- All right, well, I will do, my shadow claws on cube number two. - You'd be firing through teammates. - Oh, I'd be firing through Baranasuri. You know what, I'll, I was gonna try and save them first, but I will just do fastening shadows again on cube number one. - Okay. - 19. And it's charisma versus will. - Versus will, that hits. - Okay. - Okay. - 1d8 plus six damage. And I can, well, I was gonna say 11. - 11 damage? - 11 damage, yeah. And the first time the target attacks you before the end of your next turn, it takes psychic damage equal to your intelligence modifier.

So if it takes a swipe at me, it takes a bit more. - All right, cool. Totally, totally cool. All right. And let's see here. (dramatic music) Right. And Chrixie, your turn. You're gonna take 10 damage. - I don't wanna take 10 damage. - Didn't ask. And you, by the way, ladies and gentlemen, you can thank, you can thank our lovely audience for voting on these gelatinous cubes. That's the reason you're fighting them on the fan page. It, you almost totally unanimously landslide victory. - Hey, hey, hey. - Yes, yes, yes. - When I checked that voting thing, it said gelatinous cube, not cubes.

- But that's the twist. - Thank you. - That's where I stepped in and said, well, one cube is pretty hot, but two cubes, that's just downright sexy. - And I'm sure a cowardly Archer will even the odds there. (laughing) Thanks. - And Archer could. He's choosing to be cowardly, I don't know. - GG, everybody. Thank you, DM, for killing us all in one go. - I didn't kill anybody yet. (laughing) Trixie, go ahead and roll a saving throw. - 10. - Woo. - That's not gonna do it, sadly. - I'm just gonna keep swimming. - Gelatinous cube number two. - Don't digest. - Oh no. - Gelatinous cube number two is going to, he kind of like thins himself out and makes himself more vertical.

And then he kind of comes down and thumps the ground next to him, which is attacking Baranath. And it's a little move called Slam. So let's see here, that is a D20 plus eight on Baranath. But don't you have a plus two to your AC, I believe? - I do, yeah, so my AC's 20 right now. - So 11's not gonna do it. (laughing) And then the gelatinous cube goes, and shivers. - It's a pigeon? - It sounds like a pigeon. - The gelatinous pigeon? - That noise. - That is scarier actually. - Riggus, you're gonna take 10 damage. - I'm gonna take five since I have-- - You're right, sorry.

You're right, sorry. - And then I just rolled and I only got a six. - Okay, so we're rolling down. Thalomun, what you got? - Well, I have that title spirit shot, and I think you told me something where it can engulf an area. - The title spirit shot, I believe, is the one that you fire it at an area and what it does is it's a burst one, and anything it hits within that burst, it shifts them one. So what it does is it just kind of like-- - Pushes them? - Yeah, just a big push of water, basically. - Can it push the girls out? - No. - Let me see. I am going to shoot more bees.

Can I move to the other side of the cube and not hurt them if I shoot cube two? - Yeah, you can fire cube two now. - All right, good. - Yeah. - And I am gonna move right here, five. - Okay. - And I am going to do a fighting swarm. - Okay. - So D20 plus 10, not 11, 10, 27. - 27 will hit. - Yes, and then D10 plus six, 16. - Okay, because you hit it with the maximum amount of damage that you can hit it with, both of the ladies are set free from the cube. They're just kind of ejected from it. - Thank God. - Thank you. - 'Cause let's face it, there was no way we were gonna roll that 15.

- By the way, anybody who hits a crit and gets the maximum amount of damage, that would do the same, just letting you know. - Nice. - So that was a very lucky roll, and it takes 16 damage, and that will bring up a rediff. - All right, somebody used my Singing Strike, hang on, first I'm gonna move. I'm gonna use my Singing Strike against gelatinous cube number two. - Okay. - D20 plus nine, 15. - Against what? - Sorry, it's Wisdom versus AC. - Ah, that's gonna miss. - I like how she's saying though. (laughing) - Hang on, can I use my Elven Accuracy? It's a free action, so I can reroll the attack roll.

- Let's see here, free action, reroll attack roll. - Nice. - Sure can, yeah, it's gonna use that. - 21. - Nice, hit. - Whoa. - So 10. 10 plus five. 12. - Okay, it takes 12 damage, and aren't there temp hit points in store for people? Oh. (humming) The cube is bloody. - No, the cube. - Wait. - A bloody cube. - No, I don't sound, I don't-- - It's a bloody cube. - Wait, did it lead? - Yeah, it did lead to hit points, but the target takes a minus two penalty to attack rolls until the end of my next turn. - Okay, that's what that'll do. - Okay then, so. - And my bees, my bees hurt its attack, right?

- Yes, I am getting rid of that, and so it takes a negative two penalty to attack rolls from both of you, so that's gonna stack, so it takes a negative four. - Nice. - So that's until, okay, yeah. So he's gonna take a negative four, and that will bring up gelatinous cube number one. He does the exact same thing as the other one did, where he goes vertical for a minute, kind of compacts his entire body weight, and then plops himself back down, and he's going to use that body weight and slam Galford with a 10. Nope. - He also takes one damage from what I hit him with last time, that's my intelligence modifier.

- Yep. - Doesn't he have a minus two as well, because I hit him that one time? - Oh, he missed anyway, I get a 10. - Yeah. - Okay. - Dig. - Tali, your turn. You are covered in goop. - Okay. Ew, Savage Rend. Oh, that's lovely. - That's a 10, that will miss. - I'm bigger than that one. - You want to shift her now? - I'll shift back a square, yeah. - And Galford, your turn. - Okay, Shadow Claws on gelatinous cube number one, Charisma versus Fortitude, and it's cold damage as well. - Okay. - 25. - 25 will hit. - Nice, and... - See that? - 1d10 plus six. 14. - 14 damage is fantastic.

- Nice. - And if it moves during its next turn, it takes cold damage equal to plus two, my dexterity modifier. - Okay, cube number one is Bloodied. - I picture Rika's just like cross-legged inside the cube. Like he's just no-selling the whole thing, like just focus, like... Just crossing his arms and his legs. - Do you want to move or anything? - Actually want to shift more towards gelatinous cube. Number two. - Okay. - There. - And Trixie, your turn. You are covered in goop. - I'm gonna do my Shadow Storm. - Okay. - It'll be a d20 plus 10. 18. - Against... AC. - AC.

- That will hit. - All right, so then I do a 1d10 plus six, and then I get... - Plus one. - One damage for each creature, so I guess just plus two. - Okay. - Let's see here. - Plus... - So we get 10 points. - Wait, wait, wait. Okay, you didn't factor in the plus two, okay. - No. - Okay, so 10. Not bad at all. And do you want to move or anything? - Uh, no, I'm good. - Oh, I'm just gonna say, if we try and lure the cubes closer together, I have a burst that may be able to hit both of them. Just saying, team. Go team. - Either way I could hit them. Well, one. - Well, I'm just saying, if we...

- Yeah. - Baranath and Trixie keep shifting towards me and I keep going towards the middle, if the cubes move, a cube one will take damage from what I hit it with last time. Maybe cube two would continue moving towards me, and I can hit it with a burst if they both get close enough. If they move. - Well, that's the case. If that's the case, I'll shift back one. - Yeah, just shift back one. - Baranath, I don't know if you're back from the dragon cave there. (laughing) - You just got dragon cave? - You're a very big house. - I'm trying to think about luring the cubes towards each other with Galford in the middle.

I got a burst too, but I can't hit them both unless they're closer to each other. - Well. - I love that there's a constant stream of yawns under the microphone, I love it. - Like you can tell, it's now 3.30 in the morning. Like you can just tell. - You know, it's only 12.20 for me, so I'm just looking. - See, what you guys can't hear is my cat upstairs going ballistic because one of them got down here. He has been nonstop meowing for the past hour and a half. - Oh. - Nice. - Like he knows his sister's down here and he's pissed. - I've had enough coffee that I'm starting to play the epic battle music just in my mind.

(laughing) You know, it's part of the episode that I know the listeners really enjoy, but I've had a fairly large amount of coffee and I can hear it just like drums in my brain. - Nice. - We're gonna finish playing, you're gonna be up for the next like six and a half hours just on this weird coffee buzz. - Oh yeah. - My battle music is like, da da da da, hey. - Da da da da da da da da. - Gary Glitter is some great battle music. - Gary Glitter was a gelatinous cube. He used to suck people inside him. - Nice. - I'm sorry, what are we doing now? Okay, so Tricky moved backward and it's gelatinous cube number two.

- Ooh, yeah. - He is going to, well it's a cube, it's pretty sexless. So the sexless cube is going to reach out and try to grab Burana. - Asshole. - But he takes a negative four. - Yeah. - So he's only gonna roll a 14. And that is, well wait a second, hold on. Versus reflex. - Shut up. - Is that plus or minus the four already? - Negative four already, I took it off. - Oh, 'cause I'm seeing plus four. - Well yeah, but it's supposed to be plus eight. - Oh, okay. - So that does. - You're a slow elf. - Yeah. - Yeah, you're gonna get sucked in. So Burana is gripped by the slimy tendril of this thing and brought into the cube.

- Oh boy. - Rikus, your turn. You're gonna take five damage right off the bat and go ahead and roll your thingy. - I quit. - Roll your thingy. - Wow, that is a one. That is a one. - I quit. - He quits. - Rage quits. - Solomon, your turn. - All right, I'm going to do. - Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, go ahead. - I'm gonna do Binding Swarm again. So, D20 plus 10. And it's at the Q2. 14. - That's gonna miss. - Oh yeah. Lovely. - Do you wanna move or no? - I'll move up like right here. - Okay. All right, so, Baraneth, your turn. You're gonna take 10 damage. - Uh oh. - As the cube tries to digest you slowly.

And go ahead and roll a D20, just a flat D20. - I tried. - And she's out. - 15, holy shit. So you claw your way out of this thing. - I wish we did have that ring announcer. - Go ahead and take a turn. - Oh, all right. Let's do, I'll do Singing Strike against Q2. So, that is 29. 20. 20 will hit. - Excellent. D10 plus one, two, three, four, five. Oh, six. - Six damage, all right. And it takes a negative two again. All right, so the penalty is now negative two instead of negative four when it attacks. - Can I also, I wanna use a free action. - Okay. - I'm going to use my Hidden Strike.

I don't know if this is helpful at all. Basically, I gotta make a bluff check if it exceeds the passive insight of the cube. They believe something or someone else was the source of the triggering attack and I'm invisible until my next turn. - Okay, sure, you can use that. - So my bluff is plus three. - Crit miss. - Wow. - Oh dear. - The cube is not fooled. - It wasn't me, it wasn't me. - I can't believe the cube has like a passive insight greater than four. - The cube is like, what are you taking for? - Jello is not insightful. - Let me check its passive insight just to make sure.

Yeah, I'm sorry now, that's not gonna do it. - Do cubes come in a flavor? - Death. - It's tasty. - Berenath whistles as if she doesn't know what's going on. The cube is not fooled. Cube number one. - Oh, Berenath, have you shifted or moved? Shift towards me. - Yeah, I'm just gonna move back. - Okay. Cube number one is going to shift one in and take Riki's with me. - He takes damage for moving, I believe? Or was it just to the end of your turn before? - Let me just double check here. That was, if the target moves during its next turn, it takes cold damage equal to plus two, your dexterity modifier.

So it takes four damage. - Okay, that's fine. He'll take four damage. Cube is fine with that. - He goes vertical once again and then comes down and slams Galford for 17 damage. That'll hit. - That's against my AC. - Hi, Galford. - Yeah, but I got a plus two AC from Berenath for the rest of the encounter. - So it does not hit. - That does not hit. That'll bring up Tala. - Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and use my Fires of Life for this, so roll twice. - Roll twice? - Yeah, 'cause it's against their reflex and it's a burst thing, so I have to roll against both of them.

- Okay, tell me which one you were rolling against first here. - Number two, number one respectively. - All right, they're both hit. - Okay, awesome. So they both take a D6 plus four. I will give myself the hit points, so I'll get seven back, yay. So seven and nine damage respectively. - Oh no, you just rolled one. - Oh, they take the same damage? - Yeah, so seven. - Okay. - So seven damage. - For the first time, these things are starting to look like they're losing some of their luster. - They are jello. - But they're looking a little sluggish, they're kind of droopy, they're not keeping a solid cube form, they're kind of like-- - Well, she burned them, right?

- Yes. - Yeah, so they're melting. - As an after effect, somebody within five squares gains hit points equal to my con modifier, so they'll gain two points. - I thought you took them. - No, there's the primary effect, which is-- - Okay, let's read that, hold on a second. The final and the ongoing five fire damage, so they both get ongoing five fire damage. If the target drops below zero hit points before it saves against the ongoing creature, your choice is five, okay. After effect, one creature of your choice within five squares of the target regains hit points, okay.

Earlier you called the hit points. I can take them back away from me if you want. So you rolled and got seven hit points back? - No, there's one creature that I get to choose that gains my hit points equal to five plus my con, and then as an after effect, I can pick a creature to gain just a constitution mod. At least that's my understanding of it. - One creature of your choice within five squares of the target regains hit points equal to your constitution modifier, no, no, just one thing. - No, it's two, it's two. So it's one creature of your choice within five squares the target regains hit points equal to plus five-- - Oh, you're right, okay, you're right.

- Yeah, that's initial hit and then afterward. - I'm sorry. - And then just the con modifier, not the plus five. - Okay, so who else is getting the-- - Galford would like that. Since I was creeping your profile. - Well, everyone's getting-- - We're not getting him out of Galford. We don't like Galford right now. - Yeah, I'm mad at him, so. - Actually, Baranath was trying to save you from the cubes. - Yeah, give it to Baranath. - I was giving it to Baranath, thank you. - Damn, sassy. - Did I hear another meow? - It was more of a hit, actually. - Okay, Galford, your turn, speaking of you.

- Okay, so Galford gives Talo the finger, no, just joking. - Makes sense. - Okay. And I can only shift one without him getting a free shot at me, eh? - Indeed. - Shysa. If I try, can I try my ghost sound as an at will to see if I can distract a cute one long enough to be able to shift more than one square away from him or is that a flat encounter rule? - That's just a flat encounter rule. - Damn, okay. Um. - I've got a good idea, guys. - All right. - Get Galford. I know you wanted to get them close. When it's my turn, I can use Tidal's Spirit Shot and push number two.

- Towards me? - Yeah. - Okay, well let me take a shot here at number one anyways and then I will just use Fastening Shadows against number one. 15 against Will. - That'll hit. - Okay. 1d8 plus six psychic damage. Nine. - Nice. - All right. - Also you can pull the target up to two squares, but bleh, nevermind. - Yeah, you're right up against, yeah. - Yeah, if it tries to attack me again, then we will take one more damage. - Okay. - All right. - Uh, Trixie, your turn. - Trixie. - Give me a second, I was trying to read. My eyeballs have stopped working. - Oh, that's fine.

Think of it this way, there's no more Wrestling Randomness, so I can do this on a regular time on Saturday now. - Okay, good, 'cause I can't do this this late ever again. - No, this was a fool's errand. That's really what I saw. - Whose idea was this? - Hey, we had to get our show in. We had to. - I agree, it's my fault that the other one got scrapped. - That's cool, I'm doing fine. - No, it's your computer, it's your computer's fault. - Shut up, Shane. - Dude, this is really hot. - If I had lived back in California, I wouldn't be so bad. I just had too long to get used to.

- Yeah. - Oh no, man, it's hot right now, like. - I know, I heard you had a wave today. - Yeah. - Let's see, okay, I'll just do my melee. Oh, no, not close enough, crap. I'm just gonna scoot forward one. I know we're trying to lure him back, but I'm hoping maybe I can just beat him up. So I'm gonna scoot forward one and do my melee basic attack, which is a D20 plus five. 17. - Versus AC. - Yeah. - That'll hit. - Yay. And then D10 plus one, five. Yay. - Something. - So the thing shudders again and makes that sound. - Can we throw some bread at it? - It became a pigeon.

- And the thing just quivers all over. - The gelatinous cube number two, the thing quivers again and goes vertical. And then. - Leave me alone. - Comes down and 22. That will hit you. - Damn. - Yeah. - I was trying to be helpful. - This is 2D6 plus nine. - Am I dead? - 18 damage. - I'm dead. - You are down. - Well, what happened to the plus five temporary hit points though? Was that already added? - Or they were inside the cube when that got launched. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Honesty is bad. - I don't wanna die this early. - Did you think I did? I wanted to back in the day.

- So the cube comes down and just smacks Trixie just down. - Oh man. - So instantly. - Never help you guys again. - She gets hit and just starts snoring. Just instantly. That's how hard she got hit. And then the cube shifts one. - Look at those way Trixie, you're not in the negative like I was last time. - Rekis your turn. You're gonna take five damage and go ahead and roll your saving throw. Three. - You saved nothing. - I'm going to bed. - Rekis is bloodied and it is Solomon's turn. - All right, it's me. I'm gonna move up right around here and I am going to do what I said I was gonna do.

I'm gonna do the title. The title spare shot. Yeah. All right, let me do D20 plus 10. 10, one, five, six, seven, eight. All right, this should be good. 15. - Again, Stacey. - Yeah. - That's gonna be a no. - Ah. - You do have a power called heroic effort. Heroic effort you can use once per encounter. It's an encounter power. - I'll use it. - Okay, I didn't tell you what it did. It gives you AIDS. So now you have AIDS. - No. - Heroic AIDS. - Who is that? - Heroic AIDS. - Heroic AIDS. - Now what it does is it gives you a plus four bonus to your attack roll. So that just kind of, yeah.

- Makes it. - Yeah, so you hit the thing. So go ahead and roll your damage. - All right, so when D10 plus one. All right, so six. - Six damage. - Okay, and I'm guessing you're pushing it inward one. - Yeah, yep. - Okay, so this little tidal wave of water hits it and it's pushed a little further in. And Brianna, your turn. Or, Brianna, sorry. - Brianna. - I'm thinking of. - A little bit of group one there. - Wrong character. - I'm sorry, that's a session for later today that I'm going to be playing. - Lovely. - Don't tell group one they'll break my knees. - So I'm gonna move here.

I'm going to use. - Wait a second, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You were touching it. So if you do that, it's gonna get an opportunity attack against you. - Oh, I was touching it? - Yep. - I remember touching it. - You're touching it right there. - All right, so I'm gonna stay where I am. Oh, so as a minor action, I'm gonna use my healing word. - Okay. - So I'm going to share that with Trixie. - Good choice. - So target can spend a healing surge and regain 1D6 additional hit points. - So go ahead, Brianna, roll 1D6. Three, would you like to spend a healing surge, Trixie?

- Yeah. - Okay. You are up to 10. - I mean, no, I just wanna hang out. No, I'm good. (laughing) - So Trixie wakes up and Brianna, go ahead and take the rest of your turn. - Okay, so I'm gonna use my moment of glory. It's one of my dailies. It's standard action, close blast five, hitting each enemy in the blast. - Okay. - It's wisdom versus will, D20 plus seven. - Big money, big money. 21. - 21 will hit number two and now roll for number one. 21 again. - Nice. - Wow, sneak eyes. - So. - Wait, what? - Myself and each ally in the first game resist five to all damage until the end of my next turn.

- Resist five to all damage. Now that doesn't count for Rikus. - Okay. - He's in the belly of the cube. - Yeah. And also it says they push the target three squares and not get prone. - So. - Know if Jello can be prone. - I guess, yeah, so prone. Okay, do you wanna push them together? So the object is the what, push them together like that? - I don't know. - Make it one Jello. - Together they form super Jello. They regain all their hit points and they, oh. - What, no. Did Thalom give them AIDS? Are they like a big AIDS Jello cube? - No. - I threw peas at him. - Oh, he has AIDS.

- Yes. - It's so late, I'm so tired. - Thalom has AIDS, that's canon. Now. - Hey, I just got bees. - That's what they call it. Oh, you got the bees? Oh, I'm so sorry. - Yeah, they're my AIDS, they help me. - So what do they do, light filing? What do they? - Yeah. - This is getting out of hand. - I'm sorry, it's fucking 4 a.m. - I'm gonna know my own arm off to get away. - Gelatinous cube number one stands up, I guess. His, a cube can do that. And then it. - He grooves me. - And then goes vertical. (laughing) - And runs around to the most immediately. - It's gonna fly.

- And it's swinging at Galford and totes misses, so. - And takes one damage from my intelligence modifier from the previous turn. - And takes one damage from my previous turn. - And go ahead, Tala. - Okay, encounter called the herd. That's a, it hit? - That's against one creature, what are you swinging at? - It's, I'm swinging at number two. - Two, that's against Will, that'll hit? - Yes, yay. Okay, and then two D8s, yay. - It's a big hit. - Did I kill it? - 18, not quite, but the thing is, the thing is shaking all over and making that erratic, those, just making that noise.

- It's just the puddings from Power Rangers. - It just sounds like Bill Cosby pushing pudding pops. It's all like, "Ozombosom, pudding pops." (laughing) - Jello. - The pudding pops. - Yeah, Galford, your turn. - All right, so Galford loads up his unsealy sprites, summons them, and 24. - Now. - So that's burst two, each enemy in the burst. - So let's say that was for number one, that hits one. Now, now do it again for two. - Okay. 18, that's also versus a reflex. - Okay, fine, they're both hit. - They're both hits, okay, yeah. - Great. - And one D six plus six, seven.

Oh, and also it takes one poison damage equal to my intelligence modifier, so eight, it takes eight. - Okay. Let's see here. Gelatinous cube number two is dead. - Yes. - It just kind of melts. - They're killing strike for Galford. And as a little bonus for your XP for making the killing strike, I'm gonna give you a little bump. - Nice. - Yeah. - Are you not entertained? - Trixie, your turn. - All right, I'm gonna scoot forward. - Actually, you have to stand up. - Oh, I have to stand up? - That's your move. - Oh, well, great. - That took a lot of effort. Tons of it.

- Off your butt, Trixie. - So can I use my executioners noose after I stand up? - Sure. - This is action ranged five. - Okay, so you've got your Wonder Woman lasso and you're gonna whip it at this cube. - Oh, the truth. - Is it E-24 seven? 19. - Uh, that'll hit. So it's pulled two here. - Oh, we're flanking. - Riku's is still inside of it. Being digested, like... - But he's still no selling it though. - Yes. - He's just angry. - Stoic as fuck. And what damage was that? - It says a one D six plus six. - Okay. - Dexterity modifier force damage when you pull the target two squares, the target is slowed until the end of your next turn.

- All right, so it's slowed. Now roll one D six plus six. - 10. - 10 damage, all right, so. - Nice. - Smack the shit out of it's jelly ass. - Let's see here. Riku, it's your turn. You're gonna take five to Hemmage. Poor guy, I'm glad you got that acid resist armor. Go ahead and roll your save, Riku. Oh my God. Not since the great Tyler Wilson have I seen such rolls. - When Jason, when he was fighting the vampire? - I'm thinking more in the Cobalt Cavern. - Yeah, that's a four Cook, I'm really, really sorry. - But Cook is only half awake, so he's only getting like half the rolls.

- Solomon go ahead. - All right, I'm gonna move up to like, just up to this little two spaces. I'm gonna use my biting swarm again. - Okay. - So D 20 plus 10, 27. - 27 will hit. - Yes. And now D 10 plus six, seven. - Okay, seven damage. The thing is cooing like crazy, just like shaking and shivering all over. Just kind of like almost like a growl almost. And that will bring up Baranath. - All right, I'm just gonna see if I have anything in my armory here that can help out Rickus. - You could sing to it again, you know, it's kind of singing right now. - Do I have to sing while I do strike?

- You can if you like. - It's like a duet. - If you really want to immerse the listeners in what we're doing here, you absolutely can. - Well, I got to pick a song. - Something about pigeons and cubes. I'll narrow it down. I'll make a deal with you. If you just name the song, I'll put it in. - I was gonna sing like Katy Perry's I Kissed an Elf and I liked it. - Oh, I knew that. I just took six psychic damage. - It's all Duncan trick now I gotta go actually. - Did you split the Cosby show theme because it's jello? - Nope. - Yes, we have to show. - I was gonna ask you, do you make Duncan sing every time or did you?

- No, I didn't. I'm just saying, but I did offer, like if he did sing, I'd give him a plus two to his attack roll. - What? That's just being generous. - No, it's being fair. Your humiliation is totally worth plus two. - It's not humiliating? - I'm kidding. - Plus two is totally worth humiliation, yes. - Yeah. - So, Brandon, go ahead and roll. Let the visions loose. - Really? - Sorry. 16 versus what? - Sorry, that's, I moved. 16 versus cube number one, 'cause he's the only one left. Wisdom versus AC. - That's gonna miss. - Shut up. - It's gonna miss. Unless you'd like to sing.

- Sing to the cube. Sing the rap part of the Sunday song. (laughing) - We're riding. - There goes a corn. That corn's orange. - There's another corn. - Nothing rhymes with orange. - That corn's orange. Nothing rhymes with orange. Let's go to church. - Let's go to church. - That counts as singing. I'll give you a plus two, ma'am. That hits the cube. - Yay. (laughing) - Gosh, it's like she'd be singing if it wasn't this early in the morning. - I don't know, but I'm totally taking advantage. - Pastor Jim is so fun. (laughing) - You know I gotta play that fucking song underneath this now?

- Yeah, Pastor Jim's bones are inside the cube right now. There's just a Bible floating there. - So Pastor Jim and Rika. - But isn't Ferguson here today or is he usually here? - Ferguson was in the other cube, cube number two. He's dead too. The cube wiped out the entire congregation. - So that's 10, right? - Yes. - Okay, 10 damage will kill the cube. - Yes. Gotta get down on Sunday. - My cover tune, Rebecca Black cover tune, Christian Rap says kill the cube. - You know what day it is. - Kill the cube. - It's Sunday. It's Sunday today. - It's Sunday. - It's Sunday.

- Please, let's not. - That cube was orange. - So out of the cube when it just kind of melts and just like it's not sentient anymore. It just kind of, ugh. And Rika's just come spilling out of it. - Pigeon out of existence. - He's not amused. - And immediately after the victory, it took a while. So a few more people have filed in since you guys had started and the guards come back and reshackle you, take your weapons and armor, and usher you back into the gate and the blackness beyond. Where there is no natural light. And I think that's a good time for us to stop for this week.

- Okay. - Huge victory. We didn't even get to play up to the crowd after we defeated the cubes and Rika's is covered with orange cube after birth. - Oh, I do booty dancing on it. - I'm the only one who's clean from the cube. I didn't get hit once by it. - That's what you want to brag about. That to score points with your new friends. That's what you. - I didn't get hit guys. - I didn't get hit at all. - Hey, I got the girls out of the cube. - Did you? Cause I remember. Okay, well that's, yeah, you did. - Remember? And even though Galford's a prick, he stayed by Rika's side the entire time and tried to fight the cube that contained Rika's.

But no one will notice that of course. - I was saving the girls, buddy. - So. - Someone has to it's about damn time. - Yeah. - See. - Well, Rika's probably would have tried if he weren't being devout. - All of it's a gentleman. - If I remember correctly the last time I actually did a lot more than just sit on my ass and basically do nothing. - That's not true. - Well usually the guys are hanging in the back so they. - Well, hey, I just want to note that the lost episode. I did not hang in the back. And I got into the face of what we were facing. So I'm just saying.

- I'm just saying that may as well have been fanfic. Doesn't count. - Fanfic. - Okay, nevermind. - They patched that up with an update. - I'm gonna let everybody go here, but thank you very much for hanging out. Brian sounds like he's going to hit me. So I think this went well. - I'm so tired. That's why none of this is funny. - I know, I know, I know. - I've changed into my glasses now. I'm just going to go crawl into bed. - It could have gone worse. Eight code of caution. - Shut up, Shane. - No, it did. We're fine pretty slow. - Just shut up. Yes, I'm going to get in a plane to California.

- Shut up, Steve. - I'll talk Brian in and go to bed. - Yeah, Brian eats some warm milk and a cookie. - He does. - I'll talk to you guys later. Thank you very much. I'll wake up in a couple hours and get ready for group one. - Oh yeah. Good job, guys. - Good night, everybody. - Good night, guys. - Oh, fuck. - Bye. - Good night, guys.