Bye Meghan

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

(Coughing) (Cans clinking) Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s**t. Um... (Clears throat) With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Only on Peacock. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you only got to cast aspersions at me.

From the director of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. This your first job? I know what I'm doing. I'm a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators. Rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. Texting privacy policy in terms and conditions posted at textplan.us. Texting enrolls for occurring automated text marketing messages. Message and data rates may apply. Reply stop, dopt, dopt.

The pandemic has been hard on all our kids. New studies show more than one in three children who started school in the pandemic now need intensive reading help. That's right. Millions of kids in kindergarten through third grade in the United States cannot read at grade level. Here's the good news. Your child can be reading in just 30 days guaranteed with Hooked on Phonics. Even if your child has been struggling. Hooked on Phonics will teach your child to read in just 30 days guaranteed. And right now you can get started for just one dollar. Text the word "grade" to 3232-3232 right now.

Hooked on Phonics is highly effective and incredibly fun. And everything can be done right from home and in less than 20 minutes a day. For more than 30 years, Hooked on Phonics has been the proven learn-to-read program that kids love to use. Text "grade" to 3232-3232 and teach your child to read in just 30 days guaranteed. Text "grade" to 3232-3232 right now and get started for just one dollar. Text "grade" to 3232-3232 now. Text "grade" to 3232-3232. Hey everyone! Welcome to episode 11 of Dungeons & Randomness. Today we got something really special for you.

On the fan page, which you can find by going to facebook.com and looking for Dungeons & Randomness, give us a like. We constantly ask you guys what you'd like to see or what you thought of stuff to kind of gauge your reactions. Because while we are just kind of playing Dungeons & Dragons and recording it and throwing it up there, this is kind of a podcast too and we want to know that you're enjoying it. Your response has been absolutely staggering. We really appreciate it. And we're going to be doing another mailbag episode real soon. You can send us an email at dnrpodcast@gmail.com and that's d-a-n-d-rpodcast@gmail.com.

So, speaking of the fan page again, we asked you guys a while back what would you think if we had a second group that existed in the same world as Ironhide and Thoril and Malkus, but they're out doing their own thing completely separate from that group. They may not even have any idea that they exist or they're just doing their own thing. So, you guys seem to really dig the idea and we even pulled some of you guys from the fan page into this. So, we have, I think it's a pretty damn funny group. They all got together and they all seemed to get along great.

Everyone except Megan has either never played D&D before, just heard the show, or hasn't played in decades. So, this was an opportunity for everyone to sit down, play Dungeons & Dragons and be part of the show and have a good time. Hope you guys enjoy it. Give them a chance. Don't just tune out because it's not the base story that you're interested in. I know how the internet works. It's not the exact thing this week that you're used to. Our hope is that you guys will grow to love this group of people just as much as you love group one, maybe for different reasons.

They're doing their own thing and playing completely different characters than what you're used to in group one. So, take a listen. Let us know what you think. DnRpodcast@gmail.com or the Facebook page. Give us a review on iTunes and we hope you enjoy. Danielle, are we fucking killing you? Please don't fucking die. I'm okay. I'm okay. As I told Jason earlier, any kind of breathing may sound like hissing because I've had this cold that I can't get over and due to being pregnant, can't take any medicine. So, I'm just kind of screwed letting myself heal at some point.

I'm really surprised we don't have any medication for sick people and pregnant people. There's no Venn diagrams for that? We do. It's called Tylenol and it takes six Tylenol to cure a regular headache. So, a sore throat is like, "Hey, take some Venadryl and pretend like you're not going to fall asleep." Go with the Neti Pot. Are you using the Neti Pot? They're fantastic. No, I don't want to get brain cancer. I'm sorry. They give us brain cancer? Really? They say that there are chemicals that form in the Neti Pot that can cause brain cancer. Well, I mean, you do have to wash it afterwards.

And it's just saline solution, so yeah, it's fantastic. I mean, mind you, I put tequila in mine, but that's okay. You pour tequila up your nose? That's kind of not... That's where the brain cancer comes from, but... Oh, okay. Well, yeah, that's good. I'm learning a lot about you. They do some weird shit in Canada. Man, we had like 50 inches of snow this winter and there's still six feet of snow in my front yard. We're so stir-crazy right now, it's ridiculous. In Canada? No. Yeah. There's like 800 channels on my TV right now and 799 of them are hockey. Wow. I mean, I like hockey, but...

Next channel's just beavers fighting with switchblades. Yep. Wow, your version of Angry Beavers is very different from ours. I just recently learned red-green is still in the air. I had no idea. Oh my god, I popped so huge for the red-green joke. That was fantastic. We just found out last night, someone sent us an email from Canada, they're like, "Oh my god, red-green!" And it's like, "Yeah, that was great in the 90s." And it's like, "Oh no, it's still on." And I'm like, "What?!" Oh yeah. Yeah. Okay, we should probably play some D&D. I'm sorry. We'll play at some point.

Fine. Okay. So, everyone's got the program up. We can all see what's going on. What's gonna happen here is I'm gonna give you guys a bit of a scenario. And D&D's a real open-ended game. So you guys basically are going to decide as a group what you'd like to do. You're gonna have a goal right off the bat. So you guys are starting near the city of Brightport, which is a real big trade hub. They're not really known for anything else. It's not even a huge city. It's just a trade destination because it's in the middle of several larger cities and towns. It's a place where you can go, and even if you don't have gold, you can bring goods or services and trade and get stuff you normally wouldn't have access to.

Nice. The problem with that is there are only so many roads that lead to Brightport. Which means bandits have made camps and just pick off smaller caravans. They haven't been attacking the larger ones because, I mean, they don't want anyone with enough money and resources to really hunt them down. So if they pick off the odd guy with like one or two, he may have like one horse and a cart. Well, guess what? That guy's probably gonna get robbed if he doesn't have armed guards with him. So that's been a problem along this road, and you guys have been sent in to take care of the bandits and try and get back any goods that haven't been either sold off or ruined.

Please don't tell me we have to talk to the cabbage guy from Avatar. No, and I don't know what that is, so I'm not... Hi, dear. This is awesome. I'm not weird anymore. It's great. Is this a man made of cabbage? No, it's a cabbage man. No, this guy just sells cabbage all throughout Avatar the Last Airbender, and his cabbage cart keeps getting ruined all the time. Poor insurance. Worst insurance ever. I gotta watch Avatar, I think. I don't know. The more I hear about it, the cooler it sounds. Cabbage guy didn't do much for that, but I mean, other than that, I've heard other cool things.

He was a nice running gag for like the entire series. So, what we should do before we really get started is kind of go around the table and get to know each one of you guys and gals. Sorry, I'm not used to saying gals. Girls. It's cool. Just say guys. I answer to that anyway. That's fine. That saves time. I'm also going to use the word cray-cray instead of crazy when things do get cray-cray, because that saves time. This entire podcast will be a shorthand. Everything will be a shorthand. I just finally adopted Crazay-Z, and now they've changed it. Oh, no. Well, in Canada, that might still be hip.

Yeah, that might still be new. That's like five years old here. So, why don't we start with Brian? Let us know who you are, Brian, and what character you play. I am Brian Cookie Cook, and I am playing Rickus, the... Mule? The Mule, yes. The slave-born ruin priest. The mole. I don't like using the term mule. It upsets my people. And accepts your lawful goodness. Exactly. Yes, it should be. You are a lawful good character, and the only one in this group, apparently. So, that's going to be fun. Danielle, who are you? What are you playing? Well, I am Danielle Phelps.

I'm playing a dro assassin who pretty much hates everyone. She can be friendly at times, but generally she's not very nice. No, you're going to spend more time sneaking up behind us and pulling our hair out to make us bleed. Yes! I should let you know that... Let's still get on my bad side. I was about to say, yeah, I should let you know that doesn't do anything to hurt your teammates. That's going to hurt you, eventually. Don't touch my hair. I have such a great... No, I'm not going to do it very often if I do it at all, but, you know, just don't make me mad.

Megan, who are you and what are you playing? I'm... Okay, as he just said, I'm Megan and I'm going to be playing Tala, who is the Razor-Clawed Shifter druid. I am your only healer that you get. Kinda. Kind of. In that you have one healing spell. I'm the only kind of healing you're really going to get out of this game, so you best be nice to me. You may want to invest in potions soon. I'm just going to let you guys know. Any money you find, you may want to invest in potions. Jay, who are you? I'm Jay Alonzo. I'll be playing Rock. His name is only Rock. Razor-Clawed Shifter, another one.

Pretty much I'm a ranger and possibly at this point probably the alchemist as well. And don't touch my head. You are the most fragile of this group by far, so that's going to be funny if anything hits you. And Tyson! Okay, I'm Tyson. I'm going to be playing Galifred Gardris, who is a Gnome Fae Pact Warlock. And I've got the best hair out of the group, I guess. And he's more of the mind manipulator, basically, of the group. My alignment is evil, but I'm sort of going with a bit more mischievous, I think, than fully evil. Yeah, they don't have any alignment for mischievous.

They don't. That would be more of a chaotic good, is what it would be. But they took that crap out in this edition, which kind of makes me mad. You don't have that much freedom anymore. Yeah, you, okay, so you say you pretty much are used to playing 3.5 and Pathfinder. Yeah. So, either you've never played 4 and you just didn't like what you heard about it, or... I never liked what I heard about it. I heard that it pretty much, this is kind of more of a watered down version of the 3.5s, and so far that seems to be the case. Okay, good start. Yeah, it's the redheaded stepchild of D&D.

It really is. But, yeah, because we kind of all started in 4, we don't know the glorious heaven that is 3.5, so, yeah. Yeah, 3.5 is like a glorious heaven compared to this, currently. You haven't even played it yet. We'll see, if you let me finish. No one ever in life lets me get through with my thoughts. We'll see how this goes, though. That's a pretty definitive before you finish your thought. Okay, so, like I just said, you guys are starting near the small town of Brightport, which is a trading hub for a lot of the larger cities. It's smack dab in the middle of larger places, so on the way people like to trade, and that's how they make their commerce.

It's actually a destination for a lot of the smaller villages, so they don't have to go to big cities and travel further away. They can meet up in Brightport and get what they need. A lot of the caravans have been robbed recently. Bandits kind of moved into the forest and they've set up camp, and they're picking off some of the smaller caravans. And you guys have been tasked with clearing them out. So, where we're going to start is you guys have tracked this bandit settlement. So, you found where they are in the forest. I'm guessing Tala did that because she would probably be the best tracker.

Rock would be right there next door, I think. But, yeah, I know you get a plus to tracking, and I think that's one of your racial passives or something. Yeah, that's one of my... No, I think that's my feat that I took. It's my feat that lets me do that. It gives me a plus three to the tracking and initiative, I think. Okay, so I skipped that just so you guys can get the flow of combat and roleplaying and everything, and then we'll get into some of the harder stuff soon. So, through questioning people, you found out that the leader of this bandit camp is named Black Teeth.

And you can probably guess why his name is Black Teeth. Cavities? Yes. He suffers from gingivitis. So many jellybeans, it's sick. That's what he's been robbing the caravans for, just jellybean shipments. Bastards, we must end this. We must end this jellybean terror. This licorice tyranny. So, you guys aren't in combat yet. You have come up on this clearing. I don't know how you'd like to handle this situation. But you see entering into what looks to be a smaller clearing is a treasure trove of goods. So you've got trunks and chests and bags and sacks all strewn about here next to the central.

Screwed. And then you see five thugs guarding it. So I don't know how you'd like to handle it. Do you want to go in guns blazing? Do you want to try and sneak up on somebody? How would you like to handle this? Can I do a nature check? Sure, on what? I mean, just the general area to get the actual, like, you know, get an actual deal with the battlefield and such? Sure. Okay, let's see. My nature is plus ten, so this is a d20 plus ten, right? Yep. Twenty-one. Nice. Mostly it's just open fields and stuff. What you guys have stumbled upon is much more of a rocky terrain, trees.

It's kind of shrouded by trees, as a matter of fact. If you see the top of the screen there where the path winds off, that's something that's kind of rare in this part of the forest where it's definitely someplace someone could hide. So that's pretty much it. Other than that, nothing too out of the ordinary. You're standard forest. Okay. See, one of my powers is that ghost sound where I can, you know, throw my voice or whatever to try and distract someone. Would that be beneficial to us as we get closer to the groups? I was about to say, can you do it from that distance?

I don't think you can. I'm not sure, but I was just thinking that's maybe someone I've got in the pocket. I think it's a ten space thing. I think that's the range on that. Ten. If we have somebody go in and sneak in, then that could be good cover in case they roll badly or something. It's like, "Hey, what's that?" Yeah, like you make it sound like one of the thugs farted, all the rest of them turn around and laugh at that one guy, and then we just go in. Sounds like a good plan. Yeah! That's all I'm ever going to use that power for. We're going to live a good long time with that, kind of.

Yeah, that's a range ten. So you want to go with thug fart. Document it. Boom. Thug fart. That's actually my rapper name. Thug fart? I don't know if it would be M.C. Thug Fart or DJ. No, probably M.C. Thug Fart. That's actually a pretty good Gnome rapper nickname. That's pretty good. And DJ Mule. DJ Mule. So, okay, there's tons of stuff to hide behind if you'd like to try to stealth up or if you'd like to... it's totally up to you. This is your first fight, so I'm not openly trying to kill you or anything, so this would be something where you could feasibly go in guns blazing.

These are just thugs. They're just kind of low-level bandits. Guys trying to make it into the club, so to speak. So Rock pretty much holds up his hands and he's like, "Okay, so hold on now. Wait, I heard this one legend, right? Of these people who are trying to sneak up this Minotaur camp, and they got all the way in, right? It was spectacular. And then they didn't have a look at the actual plan once they actually got in. What is our plan afterward?" After you stealth in? Pretty much, yes. Excellent question. That's a feasible question. Well, if we're going to try and stealth it, I suggest Trixy more stealth so that she has a better stealth than everybody.

That is true. Although, from what I remember, I can't hit very hard. Well, no, and I think that's why it'd be better for you to try and hit the guy who's in the corner over here. That you'd be better off trying to get him, and then I could sneak up on the other side over here by the water place, and because the rest of us could sneak over there and try to attack from that end because they'll get distracted by this guy. So do you want me to sneak around the water and you guys come from the front? Oh, okay, here. I'll show you. If you look at the top of your screen, there's this little hand icon that does a pointer.

If you click on that, and then you can click on screen and you can show people. No, I want you to get this guy over here. That one? I want you to try and get that guy, and then the rest of us will be sneaking over here to get the other ones. Okay, so I'll be hiding behind the tree until he gets his attention? Yeah, you get his attention, maybe it'll distract a couple of the other ones while we sneak up behind him. Okay. So, most of them seem to be pretty preoccupied with this up here, which looks to be like a new hall. So they either just robbed somebody or haven't had a chance to look through that stuff yet.

So they're emptying pouches and they're opening up chests, that kind of thing. So that means they're facing away from us? They're kind of around the fire and there's all that loot behind them too. The guy over by the trees would probably be more of the sentry, so we might want to take him out. Okay, so how do I get that? This dude here. Somebody should stealth up on him if it's Trixie. Well, let me see. I'm an archer and I have a couple of burst attacks if you want me to see if I can distract these guys over here in this general vicinity. Well, you said that they were distracted by their loot, does that mean that they're looking away from where we're at now?

Yeah, they would be pretty focused on where they are. So I can sneak up on them while I'm sneaking up on the guy near the trees. Because if they're all distracted and looking away, it'll be easy to surround them. True enough. So every space is five feet. So if you're looking, the thug number four is standing about ten feet away from thug number three. And they're all facing in that one direction, so yeah, they are not facing you. So you want to try and just sneak up on them. Yeah, how do I do that? So you're looking at your character and you go to skills.

All the way on the right hand side. Okay. And then you go down to stealth. Yeah, because she's going to make a stealth check for that, right? For when she moves. And actually, you can just click on the dice there, that little twenty sided die. Okay. And it'll do a stealth roll for you. And you move six squares every time, yeah? She has a speed of six. So she'll move six squares, thirty feet, standard. Do I just hit roll and see what it gives me? Yep. Okay, that's not a very high roll for stealth. No. I call redos. She wasn't ready. She wasn't ready. It's okay, Jason wasn't looking either, so we can roll that again.

That's how it works. It's like Monopoly when I was a kid, right? So, you guys start moving, well Trixie starts moving and immediately is much louder than you anticipate. The rest of the group anticipates her moving. She's the stealthy, shadowy character, just kicking rocks around and stomping through tall grass and breaking sticks under her feet. And so far hasn't gotten the attention of anyone yet. But you guys are fairly far away, but you are making a fairly big amount of noise. So if you stealth up, let's say six bases, one, two, three, four, five, six.

I think I have a problem in here. Okay, what's up? Because I'm not seeing...she rolled, right? Yes. I don't see her roll at all. I have nothing for her roll. On the chat thing down there? Yeah, on the thing. It said that you have logged out and that you can return later. Yeah, it does say you logged out. What the heck? I don't know. Did you close the window out by accident? No, I have the whole page sitting in front of me, so I don't see how I could have gotten rid of it. That's weird. Well, close it out and open it back up again. Whatever. Something goofy might happen.

It's Dan's fault. It is Dan's fault. Dan's fault. Dan, Dan. Daniel, make another stealth roll. It's on the left-hand side of the word, right? Yeah. Well, just do a d20 plus 12 then. It's fine. So how do I do that? Just roll the dice? Yep. You already...okay, so you got a d20 selected, and then for the bonus, just tick it up until it says 12. I didn't do that last time. Ah, okay, see. I thought you rolled it that way. No one said I had to hit the up arrow for the bonus. You just said, "Roll the dice." It's my fault. Every time there's a problem, just blame me. See, it's just like when you're like, "Hey, 6 o'clock." And I'm like, "Sure, 6 o'clock." I forgot you don't live on the East Coast like all the cool people.

I used to live on the West Coast. That's worse. That would have been even worse. South Coast, anybody? South Coast? 32's fantastic. You could stand on his shoulders and he wouldn't feel you. So that's fantastic. So I'm guessing you want to move right up behind him? Yes. Okay, so take your character. You see her right down there, so you just click her and drag her right behind thug number 4. Now, what about the rest of the party? Do you want her to just make an attack, or do you want to...what do you want to do? I feel like if she makes an attack, we should probably be in a good spot that if the other people go, "Hey, there's a person attacking someone right now," we should probably be in a good spot that we could support her.

If it would come that route, which I assume it will. The Jellybean thugs are very evil. Pretty sure. Pretty sure we should be there. I love that the Jellybean Bandits, that's... Sounds like a home alone sequel to the Jellybean Guild. The Gel...oh, it's that widespread, it's a guild. They're highly organized. So, would you guys like to move up, or what would you like to do here? I would. I want you to make a stealth check. Oh shit. Because while you don't...you're not trying to stealth up next to them, you are trying to remain kind of hidden here. So mine is +5, so I just feel like +5 to like a d20, right?

I want a Wild Shape into a squirrel. I was going to say, the ghostly d20 that's beside our skills there, only Jason can click that, so if we wanted to roll, we'd have to manually do it like Danielle did? Yep. So I don't know why, but yes. So who's going first, as far as the roll goes? You can Wild Shape, but I...how does that work? I've never played with a druid before. Wild Shape isn't at will, it's a minor action, and essentially I can just turn into a creature. Well that's super handy. That is awesome. Well you don't necessarily get all the abilities suddenly gained from that creature, it's not like say, I want to turn into a gold dragon, I'm not going to get all the things that come with being a gold dragon.

Right, right. But squirrel, that's crazy. A squirrel, so like, I'll be able to climb a lot easier, I'll be able...so pretty much I'll be able to climb the tree that's like right in front of me and possibly make the jump over to the next tree. That's fantastic, well that would be like an acrobatics check, something like that. That would likely be an acrobatics check if you wanted to have me make a check for it. Yeah, you're a squirrel. I figure that comes pretty natural. So it's a good thing you have that, because if I had that added piece of hell out of it, I'd be a penguin, that's the first thing I'd choose to be.

Something cool to you, but like not helpful to the group at all. Nothing at all. Tyson, you rolled a 21, that's pretty damn good, so...how many spaces do you move? I think yours is five, I want to say. Speed is, it's my speed right? Yep. Yeah, speed is five. Okay, so you can move five spaces at a clip, so if you want to drag your character up five spaces there. Okay, and can you move diagonal? Or just...yeah, okay, so... Okay, in the meantime these bandits are just emptying out every bag. Oh man, I just reread this wild shape, and this wild shape does not work the same way the wild shape in the other versions work.

Oh, I thought you read up on it beforehand. I did, I read it to an extent, I just kind of went ahead and assumed it was going to work the same way. Because, you see, usually when you wild shape, you'll wild shape into the size, you can go up or down one size category for the animal that you pick, but this doesn't let you do the size category, you're stuck with your own size category. So I'm a normal size, I'm the size of, I am a human-sized squirrel. Squirrel. That's awesome. So can one of you ride her past all of them and keep them distracted so you can kill them all?

Oh my god, I would flip shit if I saw someone riding a human-sized squirrel. Do you realize the strength check I would have to make for that, Danielle? Just nibbling on the skulls. Let me tell you, I don't have that great of a strength check. The only requirement is whoever rides her... That sounded really weird, the only requirement is whoever rides her as the squirrel, because if I said just rides her that would be really uncomfortable to say. But whoever rides her as the squirrel has to shout "Hi ho silver" away. Because I just think that... So... Okay, you are now the opposite of hiding as a human-sized squirrel.

I'm still behind the tree, I'd like to point that out right now. You haven't moved or anything, it's just if they were to look at you that's a holy shit moment if ever there was... You spit out your black jelly beans, yeah. Now, let me see, the wild shaped thing... So that's an at will, so I guess you could change into something else. Yeah, I plan to, believe me. Maybe a deer, I don't know. That would be something a little less conspicuous. You're kind of looking like Sandy from Spongebob. Ah! With armor on. That's the best squirrel ever. What would you like to do with that?

What would you like to change into something else, move up, or just be the giant squirrel? I'm definitely gonna change into something else. I'm tempted between going with a deer and some crazy ass animal. Maybe a small bear? Being a medium sized person, I'm still a 5'7" bear. That's a pretty decent size. Yeah, not incredibly intimidating, but it's still a bear, whatever. Yeah, the only thing I would be worried... Go ahead. Well, I was gonna say the only thing I'd be worried about is if she was a bear or a deer, they might go, "Hey, that's a bear or a deer, we could kill it for meat." Well, I mean, they are.

She's the jelly bean bear. She's checking in there for their jelly beans. The jelly bean bear, the jelly bean bear. At worst, they're probably just gonna try and chase her off or something, because, I mean, that's their little encampment. They're gonna try and defend that. I mean, they're probably figuring, "Oh, she's..." Or the bear is snooping around for food or something, because you gotta imagine, they're getting food from these caravans, too. I mean, people travel long distances, so, I mean, they at least pack a lunch or something. So, in that case, I think I'm gonna go for the tiger option.

Okay. You know you left the game again. What? Says you left the game again. Oh, hells to the no. I did not leave this game again. Nope. This ish is cray cray, dog. For real. God damn it. I just keep picturing all of the animals only walking on two legs, so whether it's a tiger or a bear, they're all just upright. Although, this guy's really dumb. I've been standing next to him for like ten minutes. He doesn't know. No idea that I'm there. He's on his Game Boy. He doesn't know. He's totally zoned out. He's got his earbuds in. He's got the new Pokemon. He's trying to catch them all.

He's just not paying you any mind. He's using a Nintendo 3DS, so he has to stand perfectly still to make the image 3D. Well, for now, just move on to the other people. I'll catch up. Okay. Next time, maybe you want to go chill with Danielle over at Danielle's house. They got a whole multiple computer setup there, my understanding. My internet won't go out. I even just upped the speed recently, like a whole fifteen megs worth, so... And they came out here and fixed it twice. There's no breaking of my internet. Okay, so. We're gonna move on while you're working on that.

With our only healer gone, let us proceed. Let us proceed to the first fight we'll have, more than likely. Hey, I have a +1 in heal. I can figure out something. Yeah, I have a +7 in heal. Oh, shit. Well, then you will be healing people. Yeah, if worse comes to worse. I didn't realize that until I looked at my skills again. Yeah, that'd probably be a good thing for everyone to do, is check your skills, see what you're good at, or remember what you picked. Yeah, Megan's only got a +3, so +7 is better than what she had. Well, it's like she's got a spell. So, like, the difference is, if you have a spell, that's what you would do on your turn.

Okay, I cast this spell and it does this. Whereas, if you're actually using your healing skill, what you're doing is, that's basically your ability to perform triage. So, you have to get next to the person and use that check, and if you pass the check, then they get to use one of their healing surges. Oh, okay. You only get so many healing surges a day, and each one of them is worth a different amount depending on who the character is. So, like, Tala's healing surge is, she gets 9 a day and each one is worth 6. So, if she pops a healing surge, she regains 6 hit points.

Oh, okay. While Trixie's healing surge value is also 6, but you only get 8 a day. Okay. Okay, Brian, what would you like to do here? I would assume I need to move up. That's up to you. You can hang in the back and hide. I'll move up. I'm a chicken shit. No, I'll move up. I've been standing next to this fucktard for an hour now. You're back there behind that goddamn tree, contemplating if you're going to move up a foot. Come on now. You seem to got it. I love tree. Tree is my friend. Trixie's just defected to the bandits by now. They made her a better offer. They just didn't notice that she's not one of them.

Like, they just never noticed. So, do me a favor and roll a stealth check there, Brian. So, do I just, stupid question, do I just do the dice roll or do I actually click on stealth? Just do the dice roll, but add, like, okay, you see your stealth, well, you have zero stealth. I don't have stealth. I'm about as goofy as... Well, then you need to make a choice. So, you're going to roll this and it's a pretty good, it's a pretty good idea. Like, it's probably not going to be a very high roll. So, if you guys want to continue to move up, that's fine. That's something you can do.

Or you can have Trixie just try and stab this guy. I could stab him. Can I run away after? In the other one. After you stab him, he's probably going to let out a noise. And that's going to let the other guys know, "Hey, someone just got stabbed and then I'm going to have you roll initiative and you'll be in a fight." And where you guys are standing is where you'll be standing when the fight starts. Well, now that I seem to actually be here, let me wild shape into my tiger form. Okay. I was going to say... I think I'm going to move some spaces here. Okay. Dancing tiger.

I see Simba. I feel like there's Simba on the field now. That's 20 the tiger. I have seven squares, I believe, of speed. Yes. One, two, three, four, five, six. Holy crap, I get really far at seven spaces. So... Yeah, you haven't done a stealth roll, I'll remind you. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, you're the equivalent of walking out there with a bowl of Frost and Flakes dressed up like Tully the Tiger. So you're just going to walk up as a tiger, just to understand? No, I'm not walking, I'm on all fours, are you kidding? Okay, okay, that's fine. Just stupid. Now I'm going to make the...

No, I'll make the stealth roll, I'm still going to move my whatever spaces. Okay, I'm just checking. So you're going to move them? See, she is confrontational. Can you imagine I have to work with her? That's pretty rough. I'm her boss at work. I'm not confrontational, apparently it's just how I sound over this stinking thing. It's just tone of voice where you... Language, language, okay? Like you leave a conversation, come back and say "Hey, what?" It's like "I... what?" Welcome. Fuck me, I just... you left. Oh, Merciful heavens, am I gone again? Does it look like it?

No, you're on. Okay, well, friggin' hell. Okay, which one of these rolls do I go by? Kind of give me a rule of everything. I like the higher number. Well, the first one is 24, the other two. That's the first one I rolled. First roll is cannon, okay, 24, you are still... They still have not heard you guys miraculously. A natural 20, actually. So I'm just curious, given the fact I have more than one roll, Given the fact I have virtually no stealth, and assuming if I do a stealth roll that it's gonna be sound... I'm gonna eventually be sounding like I'm, you know, walking with my shoelaces tied together.

Yeah, you just want the time, yeah. I was gonna say... Does anybody have any suggestions of what I should do? How loud am I gonna be if I try to move? Did you say that you have archery? Yeah, I don't. If you're a ranged attacker, you don't have to get up close or anything. Well, that's Jay's character. Cookie, I will tell you what you are, okay? Plan B, that's what you are. Yeah. So, yeah, you have no stealth. You have zero stealths. Still the location, can you buff a bunch of people once he gets in there? Is he more of just a close combat anyway? Yeah, I mean, he's gonna be close combat, but when the room priest, basically, when he hits somebody, he's going to do something derogatory and debuff the enemy and *pfft* one of you guys.

It's gonna be real nasty when he hits somebody. So, yeah, you're definitely gonna be Plan B, and if this plan's a bust, you just charge in and start beating the shit out of people. Yeah. Just because you guys get found out or something doesn't mean it's over. It's not a stealth mission interview. It just means the fight starts, that's all. Okay. You're gonna get to a thousand fights, so... Sounds perfect to me. I love trees, so... I'll fill out the tree for a little bit. I love tree. Rock, do you wanna do something? I wanna stealth roll, right? Okay, if you want.

Natural 20. Now, assuming I have to end up coming in, if that's the case, do I get to hum the Indiana Jones theme song as I run in and beat shit up? That won't give you a buff, but I'll allow it. I was about to say, you can. I don't think you'll get a bonus for it, though. I'm gonna play it with Team Alpha. We can have it with the Indiana Jones theme here. Performed by Slayer? If that exists, hell yeah. Tyson, Galford, what would you like to do? Um, okay. Well, I mean, very soon we're gonna be getting into a fight with these guys, but... When can I use my ghost fart here to try and distract them a little bit so basically we get an advantage when we go in?

You get, what, a 10 space for that? Yeah. Centered action, range 10, one object, your unoccupied square effect, you cause a sound as quiet as a whisper or as loud as a yelling or fighting creature. Demi-ne from the target, you can produce non-vocal sounds such as the ringing of a sword blow, jingling armour, scraping stone, or a ripping fart. It's in the text. So that would be, like, here's the limit right here, so you can cast it within like 10 spaces. Okay. What that's gonna do is have everyone look this way, obviously. Right. Your teammate is here. Now, if I could, if they all look that way, I can move in, essentially, between the trees and, um...

Well, I mean, like, right now they're all facing away from you, which is optimal, so, I mean... Yeah, you know, they're all looking at the jelly beans and the sugar crisp and stuff behind them, so, I mean, we've already got the advantage there, so I mean, I might want to save the ghost fart for actually some enemies that we want to distract, whereas these guys are already preoccupied, so... Right. Okay. Alright, so how do we want to start this off? Should I just keep moving in or do we want to try and attack soon? Basically, our job is to try and get this loot back, so we need to make short work of these thugs and kind of prove our mettle.

I'd say right now we let the scalpels go in, like, infiltrate, do what we need to do, try and pick as much off as we can, and then afterwards send in the sledgehammers to bump up. Okay. We'll just go off our way up and, you know, and just want to clear them off. Get in a position which you feel comfortable with? Yeah. Yeah. Trixie's going to take one of them out, essentially the one she's been standing beside, but... Boy, I would hope that attack lands at this point, because she's had time to size it up. Yeah. She's been sitting there aiming, sticking her tongue out, getting ready.

Hey, she's been holding her action! She gets a bonus. Not in fourth edition! Not in fourth edition? You don't get a bonus for holding your action in fourth edition? What kind of crap is this? This isn't your privileged three and a half here, okay? This is... 3.5, Jason. We're simple folk here. Three and a half. Pathfinder's technically considered 3.75. Okay. Well. So basically if I do a stealth check and roll, then I can move another five spaces up towards our enemies, right? Well, yeah, you move the five spaces either way. But it's just how much are they going to hear you?

Yes. Okay, let's give that a shot here. Seventeen. That's pretty good. So you're skulking around over there, that's good. Okay. This is the most well-planned... Initial fight. Yes, you guys are planning the shit out of this fight. The fact that they don't know you're there is a miracle. You guys are fanned out and... And after I was stumbling into a tree almost. Good for me. Okay, so... Brian's gonna stay in the back. Rickus. Do you guys want to move forward anymore or is this pretty much it? You're just gonna... I think this is it for me. I think I'm good. Okay, so...

Uhh... Trixie, you can go ahead and make an attack. I would imagine, like... What, what, what, okay. So, if you click on the powers tab, you can see everything you can do. Okay. Just let me know what sounds good. 'Cause you're stealth right now, so you can use something that... Umm... Well, you said I don't attack very... Good with attacks, so... Well, it's not that you're not good with attacks, it's you get benefits for being... Stealth. Or hidden. And you are, so you're gonna get a... I don't remember what half of these were. I read them yesterday. Well, you can just go with a melee basic attack.

Something simple. Okay, we can do that. So... That's a D20+3. Now... Hello? Yes? Okay, sorry. I just needed to know. Dominoes? The darkness just was closing in. You just wanna make sure Dan wasn't here to mess with us? Guys... Umm... So... D20+3, and I'll let you know if you hit him. Do I raise my... Do I take my bonus down to 3? Yes. Okay. Okay. That's a 9. Uhh... So... You missed him. Aww. That's not a good thing, Daniel. I know that. Missing in general is not a good... like... Umm... So here's what we're gonna do. Uhh... Everyone roll initiative. Now, on your character... Uhh...

Under details... I believe it's under details? Uhh... It should tell you your initiative modifier. Mine's 5. Okay. So you get a +5 to initiative right there. So, uhh... That's a D20+5. And let me add the party here. Boom. Ooh! Okay. So, right there. So only two of the thugs are in the turn order right now? Nope. They're all at the bottom though. Like, if you keep scrolling down, they roll pretty terribly. So... Not all of them. No. No. Couple of them are up top. Although the one I missed didn't roll better either. No. You would think he'd roll really well, because he knows where you are.

I see you. Like, well that chick just knocked the Game Boy out of my hand. He's just so... He's just really slow moving. That's why... Huh? Like, I picture you thrusting forward with a blade next to his ear and just missing his head somehow. Like, just... He's trying to gather himself after he shit his pants. Give him a second. Holy shit, guys! God damn it, dude. Oh my god! Umm... You tried to cleave him in half, but he bent over to pick up something right as you swung. And it just sailed over his head. Stop crying, maybe. This human bandit lady... She is going to run right at Trixie.

For assaulting her friend. See, you assholes all hiding back in the trees. I am the only one hiding in the trees. How sweet would that have been if you hit him, though? With Dice Hate Me. Okay, so what just happened there is she's rolling an attack against you. It's just like a quick dagger slice. So, I rolled a 25 and you're going to compare that with your AC. Which is your armor class. Which means that if that number is equal to or higher than your AC, picture that like penetrating your armor. So... I have an AC of 17. Okay, so 25 is obviously better than 17, so you're going to get hit.

Now... Ow, that hurt. Now, I'm going to roll to see how much that hurt. Now, whatever I roll as damage, that's the amount of hit points you're going to lose. Megan, get your one heal spell ready. Six. So, six hit points. Boom. And then we got Thug #1 is up next. I guess he's going to join his friends down here and take a swing. I have a feeling I'm going to be making my way over to Trixie here soon. Okay, so the pizza guy is in the basement. You have to be careful. So, he's going to take his club and take a swing at you. Or Trixie. So, you are just being surrounded.

Thanks guys, thanks for coming to my rescue. They haven't had a turn yet. Okay, the Thug #1 who ran over and swung at Trixie with his club, totally missed. Totally air balled. Wait, who swung at me? I'm so confused. Thug #1 swung and apparently was swinging like he was a very bad baseball player. Yes. Oh nice, thank you. He totally tiled that. Is that what we say when we screw up now? That's terrible. Yes. I'm going to start using that too. We really tiled that roll. Otherwise known as doing it Iowa style. Okay, alright. You should have Fires of Life now. You do.

There you go. Now can you play the game? Okay, it seems like I can for now. Awesome, it's your turn. Yay! Okay, so at this point what I think I'm going to do is... I believe I'm going to try... Well, as a distraction tactic... I am going to roar. To the left. Roar! You're rocking right now. Hey, that will work, because I think when you roar and if it sounds awkward the thugs will giggle. And follow you swiping at the air. Just with one paw? Roar. That's exactly what I'm planning on happening. Oh my god, that tiger is going to labor guys. Okay, so to paint a picture for those at home who can't see.

Trixie is currently completely surrounded by thugs. All swinging and stabbing and trying to cut her up. There's a tiger on the field. Who I guess is going to roar. Yeah, so also the following thing is going to happen. My Fires of Life is going to go off. And the opposing target who is going to be the receiving of that is obviously going to be Trixie since she lost health. Yeah, because you all left me out to dry. Okay, so you're spending your daily right off the bat. Well, I'm kind of going to have to it seems. Well, I mean she's only down to 18. I'm just throwing it out there.

That's not terrible. That's true enough, but the healing is... It's a D6 plus my Wiz modifier. She's only 6 down. And remember, that's for the day. You can't use that spell anymore after that. That's true. That's true. I may want to save that, which in that case... I'm not trying to talk you out of healing anybody. I'm just throwing it out there. But no, you're being totally fair. It's totally fair. I will use in that case... What is that? I will use my Call of the Beast. Sounds important. Yeah, it's an at will. Okay. And I get to... It's an area burst. Thin 10 squares.

The target can't gain combat advantage until the end of my next turn. In addition, on its next turn, they take psychic damage that is 5 plus my Wiz modifier when it makes an attack that doesn't include. Okay, wait, wait, wait. What power did you say you were using? It was Call of the Beast. I don't see that listed here. Beast Call or...? I see Call of the Herd, but that's not... That's Call of the Herd. What is it? Call of the Herd. Where'd it go? I do not see Call of the Beast. Where did it go? Did I not choose to take it? Apparently you had to call collect in order for that to work.

Hashtag dated reference. Okay, let me see here. Let me see if that's one of the ones you picked. Hold on. I'm gonna go back in time here. I'm going back in time as well. Let me see, you picked... Flame Seed, Grasping Claw, Savage Rain... No, yup, I didn't do it. I didn't pick it. It's an at will, but I didn't pick it. Okay. Just go under powers and that'll show you everything you actually do have. Put down the book. I might as well close that window. Oh, you're looking that up? It's a PDF. I have PDFs of all the books. Yeah, this girl went and downloaded every book that she needed in preparation for this because I didn't quite explain to her that you'd ask her questions to answer this.

Oh yeah, that's totally cool. She was more prepared than I could ever have imagined. We had a total lack of communication today and that's fine. That's totally cool. Yeah. This program does 95% of the heavy lifting. All you gotta do is make choices. So, bang. It's all right there. I'm used to it. And like I said, it's the sad part. I'm used to doing all this crap by myself. I'm used to doing this on a piece of paper, okay? No, that's lame. That's for 3.5 people. This is 4th edition. We do things in the future. We do things in the future around here. Now, I think Grasping Claw was the one that allowed me to charge with it and use it as a basic melee.

If you click on the little arrow beside it, it opens it all up. Yep, tells you all about it. This power can be used as a melee basic attack. I've drank so much coffee, I have a Wiz modifier. Ahh. Zing. I think it's the--no, actually I think it's the Savage Rend I use to charge with. Yeah, it doesn't mention anything about charging here. Darn it, this is why I liked the book. Okay, you can charge with it, right? Because it's considered a basic melee attack. Because that's what you use at the end of a charge anyway. So if you're charging with it and it's considered a basic melee attack, you can use that after a charge.

So I'm telling you you can do it. Yeah, so yeah, I'll do that one. I'll do the Grasping Claws actually. I'll charge with that one. Okay, who are you charging? I'm going to charge. Kill that bitch right next to me. Here, here. Yeah, okay, we'll go for the bitch that's next to her then. Okay, now let me explain combat advantage. Combat advantage is let's say if you were to move here, Megan, there would be a straight line in between you and your teammate over here. Which means you get a +2 to every attack roll against anybody who's caught in the middle. Because you're surrounding them, so you get a tactical advantage against them.

Rawr. Um, are you serious? That was the most like unexcited rawr ever. That guy was like, "Oh, rawr yourself." You silly goose. So you are a tiger. Show me some ferocity and hit this bitch. Well, let's see if I can hit her. Okay, Grasping Claws. So I need to do my 20+3 here. Yep. Oh, well that's terrible. That's a 9. Go kick him out of the tree. So that's gonna miss a bunch, is what that's gonna do. This bitch is laughing at us. She's trying to make it into the guild and we're like, "Haha." Hey, at least I'm trying to come and save you, okay? I could leave you just hanging out to dry and could have just gone after this other guy that's sitting in the corner over here by himself.

Why aren't the two other guys just hanging out by the fire? They're like, "Eh." Well, they haven't taken their turn yet. You don't have a turn now. Imagine this all taking place within like seconds. So like you stab forward behind that dude. You stab forward behind that dude and miss. And he goes, "What the hell?" Turns around, swings at you and hits you. Then his buddy comes to help and this chick, they run in and they just start trying to swing at clubs and they're not hitting you. But that first one did a real good job. Tala came in as a tiger, totally missed.

Which is sad because that could have been great. But grrrreat. I walked into that one, damn it. Since it's kind of an issue in which she's being outnumbered, couldn't she just... I mean, it's early off in the game, but couldn't she just use an action point and try to attack again? If that's something you'd like to do. Okay, everyone gets one action point, right? That's why I'm like, do I really want to waste an action point on the first battle that's like a test run battle? Well, not everyone else knows. So what I'm going to do is explain it to everyone else.

You get an action point, which is one free action you can take. That's a movement or an attack. Like, let's say you run up to somebody and swing at them and you miss. You can say, "Okay, I want to spend my action point and take another swing at this bitch." And you might totally get... Now, that means you spent your action point for the day and you won't get it back again until you guys go to sleep for the night. Just letting you know. That's an option. Don't they stack? Like, if you don't use them? No, they don't stack. But you get more as you level up, so...

There will be a point where you have like two or three action points and... Trixie's like, "Do it." "You're a tiger, do it." Well, for first rolls of nine I'm kind of scared. Dude, I'm just convinced this entire thing just hates me for whatever purpose. Because it's been like kicking me off. It's been... Bucking your rolls. It's not having any of it. Yeah, it's been fudging my rolls all over the place. No, Jason's just trying to fill up his screen with those tally marks. Well, this is what... This is why I like the tabletop where I get to roll my own dang die.

It likes me. Uh... Rickus, your turn. I'm gonna do this revolutionary thing where I'm as far back as I possibly can. I think I might actually move up. Amazing! That's brilliant! Now, you can... since you're so far away from combat... You can take a second move action instead of an attack, just to let you know. Okay, so I just drag it up... Okay. Yeah, what's your speed? My speed's five. Okay. So you can move a total of ten spaces and that'll be your turn. Yeah. Unless you want to spend an action point and move again or something. That is the most arbitrary path...

You can move diagonally. Yeah. Okay. Wow! Okay, let's... You're splitting it off into three people? You're just drawing a penis. What are you doing? Give me a break. You walk like the first Resident Evil game. I'm trying to count the spaces I've moved so far. One, two, three, four... Okay, so I'm halfway there. Thank you for the arrow. I'm trying to help you. It looks like you're having trouble. How's that? That's... that's fine, now... Your turn is over. I think you're so far back that it doesn't matter how much you roll, you're still not there yet. Do you have any...

Do you have a... well, I mean, you kind of used everything to get up that point, so I guess you're done? Unless you want to spend your action point for the day? I think I might... I think I might hold on to the action point. Good. You might need it. God, you're so damn selfish. I'm sorry, you guys wanted me to hide in the fucking tree. No, you love your tree. We're like, "Hey, come visit." I'm over here being bludgeoned by idiots and black-teethed people, and you're like, "Hey, I love my tree." You guys insulted me. You were racist to me in the beginning, so...

Oh, you guys haven't even gotten up to black-teeth yet. He would be the leader of this little bandit camp. You'll know him when you see him. Does he look like his four other twin brothers? No, he doesn't. He looks a little different. That's why you'll know him when you see him. Like, the lady in the group stands out, because she's a lady. She looks like me, then. Well, I'm not saying she's not a little butch. I'm just saying that... She does possess ovaries. Trixie, your turn. Oh my. Um... I guess I will try to attack the girl again. And since the girl's being flanked, she gets a +2, right?

Yep. So whatever attack you choose, whatever the bonus is, add 2 to that. Oh, dang it. Would I have actually hit if I got a +13? Uh, what did you roll? Like a 9? I rolled a 9, but that was... I didn't add the 2 from before. So I would have actually had an 11. So then I would have gotten an extra 2, so it would have been a 13. Nah, that wouldn't have mattered. Okay. So you said add what to my die? Well, okay. What attack are you using? Um... Hold on. I'm looking at Megan. Take your turn. Take your turn. Take your time. Take your time. I'm trying to take my damn turn. And I'm confrontational.

Jeez, Danielle. What about the executioner's news? Well, let's take a look at the executioner's news. Standard attack ranged 5. So that's a ranged attack. So that's... Yeah, so you're looking for something close range. I'll just use the basic attack again. Okay. Cool. Yeah, so instead of a +3, that's a +5, because you're flanking. Okay. Now, 22 is a hell of a lot better. So that totally hits. So go ahead and roll damage, which is 1d10 for you, I believe? Yeah. So what you do is you clear... You hit the clear button to clear all the dice that you have already. And then you go up and find the d10.

And then add what bonus? Anything or no? None. None. That's just a 1d10. Alright, so 7 damage. So you hack at this bitch, and she totally takes one in the shoulder and staggers back a little bit. Into Megan. Yeah, you're kind of doing a Knight of the Roxbury thing, where you're just kind of bouncing her in between... Yeah, but yeah, she's not dead, but yeah, you did wound her. So let's see here. Do you want to shift away or anything like that, or do you want to stay there? I'll stay here. Gjalford, that's Tyson. Alright. I had a question about ranged stuff. Like, if you've got a standard action range 10, is that 10 spaces in a straight line, or is it 10 spaces in a grid out from where I am, or what?

It's just 10 out from where you are. 10 out from where I am. Okay, so if the person is within 10 spaces in any direction in a square from me, I could potentially hit them. What about terrain? So I'm behind a tree, does it matter there, or am I going to tip out? I would say that's obscuring. Like, that would be... But I can move and then do a ranged attack, right? So I could move potentially my 5 and then do a ranged attack? Sure can. You're going to make Ricus cry because you're going to hurt his tree. No, no, no. I'm a gnome, so I'm going to creep... Actually, I'm a fey pack gnome too, so I think I'm cool with some type of dryad, you know, baba yaga tree creature that I'm kind of sworn allegiance to, so...

So I like trees. They're cool. Yeah. Okay, so anyway, so I chop down the tree. Okay, so I'm going to move my 5, and I guess there's no point doing the stealth modifier because we're fighting here. No, stealth is out the window, pretty much, right now. You know, I totally like stealth my way through a whole Far Cry outpost, and this makes me look sad. There was like 20 guys in this outpost, and I got every one of them in stealth. Are you talking about that ship graveyard thing? Apparently I'm running into a tree and I try to kill this girl, and she's like, "No." I hated Far Cry for that.

That damn ship graveyard mission sucked. We just got Far Cry 3, and I actually rolled down a hill, but they didn't see it. I'm like, "Oh, I'm okay!" And then I hid behind a building, and then he's like, "Oh man, she gave me crabs!" And then I killed him. It was kind of nice. Wait, wait. You gave him crabs and then killed him? No, whatever girl he was with gave him crabs. I killed him for the reason that it just seemed convenient. I felt bad for him putting it out of his misery and all. Oh yeah, if you have crabs, the only way out is death. I think so. Are you speaking from experience?

Yeah, he killed himself. It was terrible. I'm still alive. I'm keeping the crabs at bay, but they're turning the tide. Okay, so I've got Shadow Claws, which is standard action range 10, target 1 creature, attack charisma versus fortitude, 1d10 plus charisma modifier cold damage. In fact, if the target moves during its next turn, it takes cold damage equal to 2 plus your dexterity modifier or intelligence. So when it says dexterity modifier, is that the number to the right of my dexterity? Yes, there will be a smaller number next to your dexterity. Right, or my intelligence modifier.

Well, you use whatever one's bigger. Okay, dexterity is bigger. Now, how would this benefit us? Am I still doing an attack and then this effect stays on the enemy afterwards? Yes, so that's something where... Okay, you see these other three dude bros back here that aren't doing anything yet? So obviously they're going to move to engage you guys. So hitting one of them would be smarter than hitting one of the people who are already just standing there fist fighting, because they're not going to have to move. So you're doing an attack and then you're doing your regular damage and then when they move next turn, if you hit them, then they're going to take damage on top of that other damage.

Okay, and this is only one creature, so I've got to pick one dude bro and... You've got to pick one dude bro. Okay, um... Okay, it doesn't... and the... it's only during their next turn, so only if they move once they get the additional damage? No, no, so... It's not like hitting the guy in the back and every time you move he would take the damage? No, no, no, no, it's just one time. It's just one time. Okay, so I might as well hit dude bro number three here. Okay, so go ahead and take a swing, that's D20+5. D20+5... Crit! Now I'll explain to you what happens when you crit.

Worlds confirmed! A crit is awesome. A D20 crit, the 20 crit is good. You don't want a crit miss. So that means you do the maximum amount of damage you can do. And let me tell you, you don't have to roll for that or anything, it just is. You just killed this guy. Nice. My Shadow Claws didn't really help out. His next turn he's not going to move because he's dead. So he just falls to the ground dead. He's not worried about feeling cold because he's dead. Nope, he's totally a nice cold corpse but he doesn't mind. It's fine. Don't mess with the clone. Tyson's got his first confirmed kill everyone.

Rock! Your turn. Well you were in a hospital, I'm sure you could probably hook that up if you wanted to. You could probably kill a guy. Oh yeah, I think I've done that basically through psychic damage because I've willed something bad into happening when I've been at work. There's a lot of karma that goes on when you work in critical care. Alright cool, so I killed him and my turn is over. That's it, you moved and you attacked and that's pretty much it. Ah, but I'm filled with such a homicidal high I want to keep killing. You could spend an action point and throw another one out if you want.

Nah, that's okay. I'll just throw a rock at Rickus. Bastard. We're going to end up like a buddy cop, Phil. We'll be friends by the end. Can everyone hear me? Yep, you're good. Okay, so I've already said all the shit off of Trixie but that's going to ruin your combat advantage, is that alright? Eh, that's fine. Well, she does get a +2. As long as you guys rush in to save me at some point so I don't die a very sadly death here, then I'll be good. Man, it's way too early to have one of you guys die. And then I'm going to use Encaging Spirits on this group of people over here.

There's no such thing as too early to die. So pretty much it's a burst, oh, close burst of one. Fuck. Okay, um... Well... Hold on. What does Tidal Spirits do? Because that's just a complete blank for me on my screen. Okay, that's the one where you hit somebody, it's a burst one within weapon range, and then you slide the target one square. Everybody in the burst or just the one person? Well, that's the thing, that's a ranged attack. So just the one person? Yeah, so, okay, like if you hit... let me give you an example, like if you hit her, then that's a burst one for everything in here except your teammates, of course.

So each enemy in the burst, so you'd want to be back here, something like that, so you can hit her and then it would also hit her two buddies. Okay, so like right here then? Yep, that's fine. Unless you're doing Keep Seas and then they're stuck there? No, no, no, you're fine. We're all learning, it's cool. So go ahead and take a swing at her and then we'll go right down the line. 18. 18. That hits her. Alright, and so in addition to that, does damage, 1d2... Well, hold on one second. Go ahead. Take a swing at her two friends too. Okay. Oh, we just lost Megan again.

Oh, god damn it. Nine missed. Megan's back. Megan's running on the EA server. I think Megan is trying to play Doorbell Ditch and not tell any of us. 15. I wish that's what I was doing. So you missed the other two guys, but you hit her. Okay. Okay, so go ahead and that's d10 plus zero. That's really weird. Yeah, d10 plus zero. There is actually no d10 on here. Yeah, there is. There is. There totally is. Got it? Third from the right. That's a 12. Okay, four. Ten! Ten! Awesome! Radical. So you put one right in her arm. Boom. She's been slashed at and she's already taken an arrow in the arm.

I'm going to shove my booty in the rat's arm and it doesn't kill her soon. She's a lot tougher. Well, she's got a strong jaw, so she does look, you know... She's a man. She can't afford the operation, so you know, just... It's China. Great. So that'll wrap up your turn, right? I'm going for an action point. Okay! I'm going for it. It is Biting Swarm. Alrighty. Biting Swarm. That sounds terrifying. It does. On the fame check, AO crit one. So when you roll a crit one, you miss no matter what. No matter what your modifier is, you just miss. Boy, that sucks. Sorry, man.

Yeah, natural one is ultimate failure. It's sad. Yeah, that's basically... He pulls back on his bow, slips and punches himself in the face. Yeah, I... This was the biting swarm, so it turned on you. Well, the group and I have done a couple of campaigns. The unofficial title for when we roll a natural one for anything is "Nice Shoes!" It was a biting swarm of crabs. Well, because the first check that was ever made in the game was a tracker check. And it was a ranger who was making the check, okay? So he should have had this one in the bag. And it was a natural one.

The druid who is not trained in anything of this sort gets a nat 20. And the DM's like, "The ranger got distracted by his shoes because he knows they were so shiny in the sunshine." And meanwhile, the druid goes, "Hey, I think there's some tracks over here." Hey, what? Okay. Uh... Thug number five is going to sprint down to aid his friends. God, we're just having a mosh pit right there. And he's going to take his club and just come down on the back of this tiger. Wow, Jesus Christ, that is explicit? This animal is not acceptable. Uh, 20. Oh, that's not good.

That's gonna hit you. Uh... Two damage. Oh, wow. That was a roll of browsing minus two on me. I think he was actually trying to pet you on the head. He's just really aggressive. He may be retarded. I don't know. I think he probably just brought that club up in the air and then went, "Oh shit, that's a tiger," and like, sneezed and hit it. And was like, "Achoo! I'm sorry." He only hit you in the tail. Hit you in the tail. Hit me in the tail. So we're gonna rise up like a regular cat and just start hissing at him uncontrollably? Let's see here. Thug number four, the one right in front of Trixie, is going to also use his club.

Because he's standing next to so many of his friends, he's gonna get a plus two to the roll. No! Uh... 19! Copy, Trixie. That's what happens. Can I flash him and hopefully he'll get distracted and run away and, like, grab his club or something? I think you could have pulled that off if you didn't try to stab him in the head first. I think. If you didn't knock his Game Boy out of his hands, you probably could have pulled that off. Even the most horny of dudes. Yeah. With my knife. Yeah, it's just right there. I was using it as a pointer. [Laughter] This is how you use the HM cut.

That's how me and my wife met. She just knocked my Game Boy out of my hands, then flashed me. And I married her. With a big grape board. True story. Uh, he did one damage to you. That was cute. That's cute. He was thinking about my boobs, that's what happened. So the flashing did distract him. Uh... Thug number two... Thug number two's over there enjoying the water. Yeah, I... If I were thug number two, I don't know if I'd want to get involved in this mess. There's a tiger, there's... He's roasting marshmallows. Tree-hogging... Someone needs to watch the marshmallows, you guys.

Thug number two is... They're jelly beans, gosh. But he's roasting marshmallows over there. Or, you know, he could decide to attack the only evil player in this game. Well, he's closest and he watched one of his buddies get murdered with giant iceclaws, so... I don't know, maybe he's attacking at a pure fear. I have no idea. Fair enough. For pure stupidity? Either one. These guys never claim to be smart. They're like the... They're different? Uh... 17 against your AC. So your AC's 14. 14, yes, that hits. So... Nope, that's not me. Wait, I was looking at a rock. Hang on.

I just want to look at myself so I know where I'm looking. Uh, yeah, AC 14. Yeah. Uh, he's gonna do two damage to you. My faux-hawk is starting to limp a little bit. Boom. And we are back up to Manchik, human bandit number one. Her name is Bertha. Bertha. The eighth wonder of the world. Crowd's out of the bag. I thought she was more of an Olga. No, we'll give her a Bertha, because if you ever actually saw the rest of her China, she was still a woman. Kinda. Although, you weren't quite sure. There were some... It was left to question. There was some debate about it.

Yeah, she was a woman because you could tell that there were parts of her that were supposed to be there, but weren't sure if they were made of muscle or if they were actually made of what they're supposed to be made of. Poor, scary China. Yeah, age didn't help her. Or the mutated genitalia. Now that they're paying for us. Okay. Uh, so Bertha's gonna take out her mace. Oh shit, she has a mace? Uh, yeah, and she's gonna use something called "dazing strike," which means she's gonna try and hit you so hard, Trixie, that you're gonna be dazed on your next turn.

Oh, dammit. Yeah. So, she hasn't hit you yet, so let's see here. I'm gonna flash her too, we shall miss. Critical miss! Oh, he's worse! I was about to start chanting "lesbian," "lesbian," to see if it helped. And she says, "Stop calling me that!" So she just threw out her shoulder. Yeah, was the same one that we stabbed her in? Sure. Uh, but thug number one is still fine and dandy. Uh, he's gonna swing at you, Trixie, with his club. Twelve, that's gonna miss too. Man, these guys suck. Tali, your turn! Okay. Take that bitch's arm off! Hold on, what was the thing I used the last time?

I was using the savage rend, I think? Was that what it was? Let's see here. Yes, savage rend. Savage rend. That's what you charged. We'll try that again. Okay. I'll try that savage rend again, see how that works out. See if it works out slightly better than last time. Yes, it did. Eighteen. Uh, that'll hit. Okay, cool. Eighteen hits, and then I get a d8 plus-- Do I get a plus three or a plus five? Uh, d8 plus three, the math is right there. Yeah, okay. Yeah, the bonus for flanking-- I didn't know if I still got the plus two because I was right next to it. Or was that just a hit?

Yeah, that's just for the hit. That's just for the hit. Okay, cool. I'm sure with that, uh, d8. Four. Uh, four damage is four damage, you know? So you kinda shove her really hard, and she's bloodied. Now, when a character's bloodied, that means that they are at half damage or below. Okay. So, uh, you guys just got her down to just below half damage, so. I would actually want to take her arm off and beat her with it, 'cause she's starting to annoy the shit out of me. She is a tough broad, I gotta give it to her, man, she is. She's got a lot of gusto. Whatever you want to look at it.

Uh, did you wanna shift or anything, Megan, or do you wanna stay right there? Um, I-- You can run, Megan, I won't hold it against you. I'm scared of her, too, I would run. I guess... No, I'll tough it out where I am. Okay. Cool, cool. I'll tough it out where I am, I don't see a purpose in shifting, so I think I'll just stay. Okay. Uh, Rick, it's your turn. Okay, I am going to select the correct thing and move myself up. You're gonna actually get to do something this turn. Yeah, I'm pretty-- What? That's not allowed. My trees are very patient as they wait for me.

I'm gonna walk up to Bertha, or Helga, or whatever the hell we want to call her today. It's a Bertha. She's a Bertha. She's a Bertha. And I'm just gonna do the basic melee attack. Okay. So that's D... One, two, three, I have that correct. Now it should be noted you're pretty much the group's heavy hitter in terms of strength. Yeah, I'm hoping I can vaporize her. Okay. So that's D20 and then the bonus is seven. Yep. So let's hope for a high roll here. Big money, big money, no whammies. Twenty-four. Twenty-four is fantastic. You hit the shit out of her. So go ahead and roll your 1D10+5.

And then... Oh, shoot. Clear. Hit 1D+5. Bye, Megan. Shh. Oh. What? What? You scared the shit out of Megan. She ran away. Oh, wait. What happened to scare me? You left the game. All of Bertha's blood hit the tiger and the tiger ran away. Her blood smells like dirt. It doesn't say "left the game," though. That's the thing. It will. It left the game. Can we turn later to continue playing? There you go. You're back. Bye, Megan. Okay, well, apparently the game's decided, you know, I'm gonna kick you out of the game, but I'm gonna bring you right back, so it's just... But that's okay, 'cause that was the longest you stayed in the game so far.

That's true. You're getting better. It's improving. I'm starting to crave pizza. I know, right? I rolled a 13. Okay. What weapon are you using? Stealth Curiosity. Details. I assume that's not listed on the details? I believe so. I'm just checking your stuff out. Okay, you got a war hammer. You're gonna strike this bitch with your war hammer right between her shoulder blades. Take her arm off! Right in her giant Adam's apple. As soon as you hit her, she goes down to 1D. So she's alive, but she's just... you hit the shit out of her. Can we give her like Pepper, and if she sneezes, she dies?

Trixie, your turn! Alright, so... That didn't answer the question, though! What? What was the question? If we give her Pepper and she sneezes, will she die? No, but I'll kick her in the face so it helps. Alright, I was looking at Shadow Storm. Will that affect everyone near me? It all depends on the warding of the power, so let me see. Does it specify enemy? It says... let's see... Oh, it says target one creature, but modifier damage plus one damage for each creature adjacent to the target. Yeah, each creature. Oh, yeah, so that every creature... like, you guys count as creatures too, right?

Yep. So that... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... *laughs* Tiger people are people too. Good lord. So that's... so that... D20... Plus 8, and then if you hit, then it's D10 plus 5 plus 5. Okay, so I'll use that, and I'll reset the D20 plus 8. 24! That'll hit her. And then what do I have to roll after that? D10 plus 10. *singing* Okay, you bring your big ass sword right down on top of her, and she just falls limp to the ground. Nice! Totally! It's fitting that Trixie got the killing blow there. It is actually! That's pretty cool, Trixie. Now the tiger gets to eat the corpse. That could have worked out better too, because it was almost a perfect grid of just people.

Just a mosh pit of shit. Do you want to shift back one, or do you want to stay right there? I'll stay right here. It seems to be beneficial for right now. Uh, Galford. Alright. Wait, did that affect anyone around me? No. Oh, okay. No, you got a buff basically from everyone around. That added to the hit. Oh, okay. If I'm standing right next to this guy, are we locked together in an encounter, kind of like hero clicks, or can I move back up and range him? It's just like hero clicks, except where as hero clicks you have to roll to see if you get away. This one, if you try to walk away more than one space, he's going to get a free hit on you.

Okay. Alright. You know what, I might just melee basic him and just take a swing at him. Okay. Because there's really nothing else kind of up close that would help me. Yeah, your character's not a super up close kind of guy, but... No, he's not. I mean, I could try something ranged against the other group that's hanging out with Trixie there, the other three of them. Yeah. Because I think I've got some burst stuff that might work. And of course, if he hits you, you have Fade Away, which if he hits you, you take the damage, but you get to go invisible. Mm, okay, that's right.

Yeah, that's my kind of like, I'm out, and just kind of back back away. You just do the dealer thing, and I'm out. And I'm out. And I'm out, yeah. Okay. Okay, so, and my at will ones I can use multiple times, right? Uh, yes. Yes, okay. Well, Shadow Claws doesn't really help me again because I need people to move to do it, and the ones locked in with Trixie are not going to move. Not really? Not necessarily. Web of Shadows is my daily, right? That would be your, the one that's in black is you can only use once a day? Yes. Okay, yeah. That's your big gun. That's your, holy shit, things are getting bad, I need to do this.

Okay, I've also got Unseelie Sprites, which is an encounter. Standard action, close burst two. Each enemy in the burst would only be him. Charisma versus Reflex, hit 1d6 plus Charisma modifier damage. Fae Pact Binder, the target also takes poison damage equal to your Intelligence modifier. Okay. So that's basically, I would... That's 1d6 plus 5 then, yeah. Yeah, so I would get an attack roll, which could hit him, and then I would also get additional poison damage on top of it? Uh, yeah, that's added already in the map, though. That's the plus 5. That's the plus 5, okay.

Wait, I think it is. Let me make sure. So if my attack is successful, then I get plus 5 on my damage, right? Oh, no, wait, that's added, so that, it would be 1d6 plus 10. 1d6 plus 10? Yeah, because your Intelligence modifier is 5, if I'm not mistaken. And... No, it's 1. No, it's 1. It's 1. So, yeah, that would be 1d6 plus 6, total. 1d6 plus 6, total damage, if my attack is successful. Yes. Okay, alright, well let's try Unseelie Sprites on... Thug Dude number 2 here. Okay. So, 1d20 plus 5... 16. 16 will hit. Nice. Okay, so now just roll a 1d6 plus 6. Okay... 1d6 plus... 10. 10 damage.

That kills him. Sweet. So, bam, dead. That's the second kill, actually, for you. That's awesome. I'm just bodybagging guys here. Do you want to move or anything, or...? Yeah, I should go help out my team here. Even though I'm evil. Up to you. So I can move to 5. You are the nicest evil guy I've ever met. I know, well, the thing is, I'm getting to kill lots of things, so it's helping, you know, satisfy the evil part of my personalities. Aw, the knife part's gonna shine through. It will. Through murder. Wait, then won't that adjust his alignment? Not enough, no. I think he's probably more chaotic good, because he's a manipulative dick, but, you know...

He's the kind of guy... He's not gonna mess up his own team, but if there's the opportunity to send some type of non-playable character to another dimension for, like, you know, what they think is five minutes, but when they get back it's actually been ten years just for a laugh, in order to make his kind of, you know, fae-packed relationship happy, he would do something like that. Probably not too many. Well, we haven't... you never know. Group 1's fallen in on top of itself, so we'll see. By the way, they've been saying nasty things about you guys.

I don't know what group 1 is. Yeah, I heard about that yesterday. We need to pull together and ensure that we're united against them. Apparently, Dan got on yesterday and said that group 2's a bunch of assholes, when Jason reminded him that his wife was in group 2, and I was like, "Hey, wait a second." You're like, "Yeah, that's right. I am your wife." So I can move 5, so why don't I get in behind these dudes here. You want my turn? We just need two more people to draw a penis. Rock your turn! We smell what you're cooking. You're really low, Jay. I'm coming down.

There you go. Alright. I'm gonna be right there. I'm gonna do a biting swarm again, hopefully, on number 5 there. Roll 22! 22 will hit. Nice. Okay. Now, tell me out here, 'cause it says on hit, 1 W plus Wisdom modifier damage, Wisdom modifier is 5. Mm-hmm. So what is one weapon, right? Yeah, the damage, it's already done down there, so that's 1 D10 plus 5. Okay, alright. So it's 1 D10 plus 10, then? Essentially? No. Plus the Wisdom modifier? That's the 5. Okay. The math is already done for you. Oh. Yeah. That's the cool thing about this program. No math, it's just, it's right there.

Bye, Megan. Bye, Megan. So that's 9. Okay. 9 damage. So while he's... He's focused on the tiger in front of him, and all of a sudden, arrow in the neck. He's dead. Awesome. See, Megan, you're more beneficial than you thought. Yes. Dang, a tiger, right there. Blinking in and out of existence is distracting a lot of people. Apparently the tiger... Why couldn't I just take the blank feet and be done with it? Okay, so now each enemy adjacent to it gets a negative 2. Penalties are at their attack rolls now. Okay, so like a swarm of flies or insects, something like that, so...

Bees. Okay, well they don't bite, really. It's a biting swarm, so like... Mosquitoes. Yes, mosquitoes. Perfect. Or those flies, the green heads. Those horse flies, yeah. Yeah, they suck too. So whatever's distracting beyond the tiger. They are flies from the tiger's butt. Thanks, Megan. You're so welcome. Thug number 4 is going to use his club on Trixie's noggin. Oh, kick your ass. Don't worry, it's just a club sandwich. Aww. So he gets a... Your pun was awesome and you should feel awesome. Thanks, I do. He's got a buddy next to him, so he's going to get a +2 to his attack roll.

Which is still a crit miss, so never mind. Good night, everybody. I'm going to be back here. You know what? His buddy's going to do the same thing. 24. Asshole. Uhh... 6 damage. -2. -2. -2. Oh, wait. Was that their attack or damage? Attack roll. It's still a 24. Oh, sorry. I thought it was damage. Yeah, that's fine. So yeah. Still a 6. But that's okay. I mean, it's not great, but you're not dead, so that's cool. But aren't they bleeding? Yeah. Our first bloodied player character. Uhh... That's one I got ganged up on for an hour and a half. It took them a while, though. They're terrible.

You guys wanted me in the tree. I just want to remind you that. I said, "You guys want me to move up?" And you said, "Nope. We're going to have you be Plan B. Stay in the fucking tree." Megan, do you exist? Apparently not just now. Theoretically, yes. You never signed back in. Theoretically, I did. Whenever you want to come back, you can do that. You're totally welcome to come back. I am bleeding now, thank you, so any time would be great. I mean... I can roll for you, if that's what you... She got attacked by the pizza man. Yay! She's dead. She walked out of Skype, though.

There she is. CandyGram! Ding dong! Oh, this is going to be a fun episode to edit. It really is. I mean, really do need to edit at this point. I mean, really. Well, there was that hour we just stopped playing. Oh yeah, there was that. That shit's wild. Okay, so you're back in. I'm supposed to be back in. You are. Yeah, it says you're back in. Okay, well I'm still waiting for another player. Awwww. Goodbye, Java. Her Trixie's bleeding to death while the teleporting tiger just keeps entertaining everyone. Any time they miss, that's when they swing and she blinks out of existence for half a second.

So while we're waiting, hey Jason, I had an idea in case you just really wanted to be really shitty to the audience for whatever reason. Okay. Okay, here's what you do. You tout for like fucking weeks, like, "Oh yeah, we're going to have some awesome behind the scenes content of DNR." And then all you do is you just put the content that you edited out of this episode in there. Just all up at the idol, like chit chat, and like, "Oh god, she's gone again." Or, "Geez," just little things like that. You mean that first 20 minutes where we're all nervous to talk to each other?

And like this? And then we were just... The hour we stopped playing. We just united over ripping on Dan. I think Danielle brought us together there. Yes, the pizza man. I think I figured out what group 2 can be called, the Anti-Dan Squad. Yes. Megan, are you actually here now? Oh, Megan's gone again. I think she's disconnecting from Skype to get that boost to go over the top to connect to the game. Over the top rope. Yeah, she got to flip her hat back. That's like a switch. I think Marty McFly kind of traveled back in time and somehow had sex with someone that made the tiger not exist in the future, so she's fading out.

Okay, I'll give you $10 right now if you can describe to me who he'd have to have sex with to blink a tiger out of existence. Tony. The man who created Kellogg's cereals. Or Tony Danza, I guess. So he's so scarred by that he never creates his... He never creates his own cereals. He teaches you a lesson, you little soothe-freakness. Doc, I gotta fuck this guy and blink that tiger out of existence. I can only imagine how close it is for Megan to walk back into a conversation like that. That was the perfect time to walk back in. Yeah, are you kidding me, Danielle?

That was the perfect time for me to come back into the conversation. So do you exist now? Yeah, I exist. I totally exist. I have the screen and everything. Okay, take your time. Okay. Quick, before you disconnect. Before I get out of here. The chat opens that show her disconnecting the second time. It just shows her reconnecting twice in a row. Yeah, so she's here twice. I don't know. I don't know the logistics of it. She's here twice. Does that mean she can move twice? Okay, I'm just gonna go ahead and keep using Savage Rend here. I don't get the +2 unless I move, so I'll move the one space.

So I get that lousy +2. That lousy +2 could save your life. Yeah, I know it can. Considering I'm over here pleading. Who are you using it against? Thug1. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see the roll. I don't see the roll either on my screen right now, so you know. Okay, it's not a good roll. We're just not gonna tell you so you don't have to be sad. No, it's not. Let's all just know that it's not a good roll. It's a 1, isn't it? It's an 11. So why is a 16 not good? Well, it's not. Yeah, you rolled a 6. Oh, okay, that's why I was like, "What do you mean? I rolled an 11 on a d20?

That's good!" Don't confuse me! No, your final score was 11. That's not so great. No, that's not good. You're slashing him with your tiger paw and he just sucks in his gut real quick and you miss. So you've moved, you've attacked. Do you want to use your... Do you want to do anything else or do you want to just move on? We might as well move on with life. Rakesh! I assume I should because I don't think there's room for me to try to get after 4. So I'm gonna assume it would be more beneficial if I moved. Oh, I don't know why I did that. Let me try that again.

Move up there. And then I'm gonna... Oh, I gotta click. I'm gonna do just another basic melee attack. Okay. Which is d20+7. Gonna roll that. 26! Oh, yes, that's gonna hit him good. And then I got... Why the fuck were you back by the trees, man? They need you up here! I don't know, I have a strange attraction to trees. I can't explain it. And then damage is 1d+5. This could obliterate this guy, I'm afraid. 15. Yeah, he's so dead. You smash his head in. To a red mask. Jesus. So he's dead. In the most horrific fe... I just picture blood spatter just everywhere. Bye, Megan!

Now the contractions are getting closer together. Really? Hey, let's not talk about contractions there, buddy. Sorry, nevermind. Sorry. Poor choice of words. Well, look, and it chooses to selectively tell me when it disconnects. It's like, "We're gonna try and reconnect you here, so just wait a quick sec." And then I'll pop back, but it doesn't feel like doing that lately. Give it a second. Maybe it'll... I'm waiting for the thumbs up. You're just waiting for it to not be on your turn. Yeah, but it's... Yeah. Trixie, your turn. We're just gonna do the basic attack on 4.

Okay. By the way, this is the last guy on the field. You have him completely surrounded. The battle's turned against him. You walked into the wrong neighborhood. Well, you walked into his, so... Alright, so it's a d20, it says plus 3? Yep. All the jellybeans will be ours once this guy's dead. Wait, that was a wrong die. I was about to say, that's a terrible roll. That was a very wrong die. Oh, that's why. It's giving me the wrong one. Hold on. I can read. I can. I promise. Alright, should I see it? Yes, it is. I can't see anything. Why? I mean, that was the correct dice, but it was the wrong dice in this case.

It's all the blood from Rikuus' kill splattering on you, mixing with the blood that's on you that's your own. Yeah, that's pretty much the equivalent of swinging at him and then letting go of the sword halfway through and just letting it flick into a tree branch or something. Yeah, that is a crit miss, ma'am. Ouchie. Yeah, we're just gonna move on and be embarrassed for you. Thank you! Would you like to move? You can shift back one. Uh, yeah, 'cause I'm already... Okay, so you swing at him, miss terribly, take a bow, and take one step back. You're sliding around like a bloody Sam Neill from Event Horizon.

Oh, ew! I love that movie, but ew! At least somebody knew what I was talking about. Oh, no, I'm just saying, that's a three-person reference right there. Like, three people in the world are gonna get it, but that's solid. But all three of them were here. Ah, you remember his eyes from that movie? Yeah, she won't leave. She won't let you or whatever. Yeah, you can't leave, she won't let you. That's what it was. Uh, speaking of which, Galford, your turn. Oh, alright, I need some more, uh... I'm hungry for blood here, who can I kill? Um... number four... Thug number four, uh... what have I got?

I've... This poor bastard's just standing there, against the tree line, just trying to fend off... All I wanted to do was play Pokemon! Leave me alone! Oh, yeah, this is the Pokemon guy! Okay, basic melee attack. This is the first guy that was attacked, he's still alive! Okay, I'll just do a basic melee attack. Okay. So, that is... d20... uh... it's just d20, right? Uh, let me see, basic melee attack... uh, I think so, yeah, I don't think you get... yep, d20. D20, okay. 19. 19'll hit! Wow, no modifier. Damn right! Wow. You ain't your average guard, gnome. Expedia.com, bitch.

And 1d4? Wait, isn't the gnome on Travelocity? Oh, sorry, no, Expedia? Travelocity? I don't know, it might be different in Canada. Okay, 1d4 for some damage. You totally could have just lied to everybody, "Oh no, in Canada, it's the gnome is for..." The gnome is for all travel. Uh, oh wow! Max damage? Holy shit. You walk up to him and stab him in the stomach. Yes! And you meet his gaze as he falls to the floor, like this was a really cold... like a murder. This was just a murder. And I think it is Travelocity. That's what you tell him as the light fades from his eyes.

I think it's Travelocity that... do you know? Oh, never mind. Yeah, I'm so nonchalant about killing him. He stabs him in the stomach and as the tug is going down to the ground, he just goes, "Travelocity, bitch." Travelocity, bitch. He's actually having a conversation, "No, I think the..." and he's just stabbing in front of him the entire time with... Yeah, and then I kind of slick my faux-hawk with my left hand and there's blood in my fingers, so I've got like a blood-slicked faux-hawk now. I don't know, I'll look it up when I get home, but I'm pretty sure... get off me.

Anyway, uh... Hey! Megan's back! (Laughter) You okay, Daniel? I picture it's like a purple cloud, like Nightcrawler from the X-Men. Every time the tiger appears and disappears, she's gone. Very visually impressive, but not really doing anything, because it's not like she's blinking all over the battlefield. It's just... It's just... Jay's making a run for the goal. Screw you guys! You guys are out of initiative. You've killed everyone. In what may be the sloppiest fight ever to take place. I'm gonna make a necklace out of finger bones and black jellybeans to commemorate my victory.

I'm gonna be cleaning my damn hammer. That's fair. Yeah, you're over at the lake washing the brains out of your hammer. I would totally... that one dude you just smashed in, that one guy never saw it coming and just like... Okay, now you guys have a choice to make. Obviously you're gonna ransack this little portion, but... Would you guys like to quit for the night and postpone? You guys are gonna move into this little bandit camp. And try and find black teeth, but it's up to you if you guys would like to maybe knock off for the night. And next time we play we'll just pick up from here and you guys can just kind of look around for some loot real quick before you go or move on.

I don't care either way because I don't have to work until way tomorrow night. I don't care either. Yeah, let's look for some loot unless anybody needs to be somewhere. Okay. There's a matter of our drow bleeding out though. I should have known. Well, if anyone wants to come over and try to heal me, I'm totally okay with that. Well, you can heal yourself now because you're outside of combat. So you can spend as many healing surges as you want. It's just gonna take away from the total of healing surges that you have. And this is the equivalent of you guys stopping and going, "Oh Jesus, like you guys, this is after a big fight." Oh jeez.

Did you see that guy's head? I already find funny things even more funny so be careful if I start hyperventilating. That's why I asked. I didn't hear you breathe for a while so I just heard exhaling so I just wanted to make sure you're cool. If you die on my watch, Dan will never forgive me. Oh, he'll know it was me. We'll actually have to blame Jason in this case. Yeah, I don't want to get blamed for nothing. So do you want to take healing surges until you're fully healed again? And how many do I get per surge? You get eight surges a day and each one is worth six.

So I think like... So just two surges should fill me up, right? Two surges, you know. Two surges, you'll be one point down, but other than that. That's fine. I'll just use two surges. Okay, cool. And two... Meanwhile, whole party, ransack! I'm over here hyperventilating and almost passed out. You guys are like, "Yay, jellybeans!" You got it. You got it. And just go... I am a tiger that loves her jellybeans. I'm sorry. So in this in this loot... Oh, sorry. Can I... The surges per day, like I can see they're on stats there, but are we just going to remember this? The tricks he used?

No. That's not like an editable field or anything in there, eh? Yes, it is. That's pretty much the deal. We'll keep track of that. Yeah, I've used two... If I go to give or use surges, she only has six left. She has six left. Okay, but if I look at her character card, it just says eight surges per day. That won't change to six. Well, right. Okay, so that's what her character card is. Now, if you go over to status, it tells you how many surges she has remaining. Oh, okay. Sorry, I didn't even see the status tab. Continue looting. No problem. He's like, "Don't give her any extra chance to heal herself." Oh, no.

"Teach your teacher. You forgot to assign us homework." Holy crap! What the hell happened to my intelligence rule? I don't know. I don't know. I was just looking at my stats and I'm like, "I know I did not have an eight for my intelligence when I gave this to you." It's based on all your other stats. Oh, yeah, that's what I figured. Yeah, so they're all pretty high, I think, specifically. Let me take a look at your character. Yeah, your details. Here we go. So, your Khan's fairly high, your Dex is pretty high, your Wisdom's pretty high, your Charisma's okay.

Which is what should be high. Yeah, so, yeah, your intelligence still... You're more of a primal character. You don't need to be too smart. You're fine. You're not book smart. You're just good. Meghan, it's okay if you're dumb. We still love you. Thanks, Danielle. So, you're all covered in blood. What you find in the debris, you find 50 gold pieces. Woot. And you find a sack of black jellybeans. Yes! They're licorice flavored, which are the worst. But still jellybeans. And goodbye, Meghan. Bye, Meghan. God damn it, again? Everyone at home, take a drink whenever we say "Goodbye, Meghan." Don't say that.

We'll be sued. We'll be liable for it. Yeah, we'll be sued by somebody having to get their fucking stomach pumped. We will be so liable. We have no idea. There'll be so much suing so fast. And it's not even like giving me a server connection lost. We'll try and reconnect you, blah blah blah. No, none of that crap's going on. Well, if you don't say anything... Whoa, so it's just like you're still connected? It's not telling me I disconnected at all. Shh, shh, shh. Don't move. It's like a T-Rex's vision. If you don't move, he can't see you. Well, roll for it. Just do the roll real quick.

I kinda doubt it, but... Out of curiosity, what do you use the D100 dice for? That's percentile. Dividing up the jellybeans. Damn. Any gold you guys find, unless you say differently, I'm just gonna split evenly. That's fine. But with a different amount of gold? Some of you have a little bit more than others, and that's based on how much your armor and stuff cost? Okay, perfect example. The gnome. Galford didn't really spend a whole bunch in armor and weapons and stuff because his is more spell-based. So he's got his mythical stuff, but it's not like he had to go buy a hammer and...

So let me see if I can see exactly how much gold he has right now. Coins and other wealth carried him on 48? Okay, there it is now. 48 gold pieces. There you go. Danielle's dying. A little bit. Yeah, so if you check Talus gold, she has 50 gold pieces. Yep. Trixie would have... 36. I'm not even gonna wait. Sorry. What are you saying? That's how much you weigh, 56 pounds. Good save. You did try to make me an anorexic. That was their recommended weight. I don't know why. Like, drowls and elves, they tend to be slimmer. I don't know. Yeah, they're not 130 pounds when they're six foot tall.

That would be like, "She's dying already." You could have put a knife right through her, just one hit. Well, or if you stand sideways, you'd be really hard to hit. Darn. See? So I guess you guys would like to move further into this bandit camp? Actually, I'd like to do a history check on the jelly beans. Yeah, how old are these things? Oh, you don't want to know where these have been. You found some gold. I mean, you know. Hey, that's a nice trade. You guys were told, by the way, that you can keep whatever you find, as long as you deal with the bandits. So, you're good.

You haven't fired us again. This was just local caravans. Like, they don't want to move. You scouted ahead. They don't want to go through here until this is dealt with. This has become quite a problem, whereas they would attack us. Are they heading into the port, or are they leaving the port? Do they pick up stuff from a ship, or are they going in to drop it off? These are people heading into Brightport. Heading into Brightport. Okay. They know where these attacks have been occurring. These bandits are pretty dumb. They're not moving up and down the forest. They're attacking the same spot all the time, and it's just people who can't afford armed guards to travel with them.

They just pick them off and take their jelly beans and whatever light pocket change they have. I'm glad they're dead. They're not great people, I'll be honest with you. They just stand around all day playing their game, boys. So, I'm taking it you guys are moving further in. Yeah, why not? Alright. Before I decide to have another contraction. So, you guys are moving in, and this is obviously the center of the bandit camp. Oh, shit. Oh, wow. So, they got their stockpiles of stuff. Hey, chihuahua. And if you would like to just plop yourself down right here. I'm gonna stand back.

No. Oh, Tree, my friend. How I've missed you, Tree. We're just gonna have you roll initiative. Oh my god. If you look over here, apparently they're holding the tree hostage. Look how close it is to, like, there's a fire in between two trees. Both those trees are in danger. One's kind of a shrub. I mean, they have hostages. These motherfuckers have hostages. Where's Rickus? Hostage trees. Actually, where am I? You gotta place yourself on the board. How do I place myself again? Just click on your character on the side and drag him right onto the map. Yep, right up in here.

I'm gonna have you guys roll initiative. Oh, wow. I'll let you get a second. Goodbye, Megan. Oh, no. Okay, great. How do you order? I told you to be quick before I decided to have another contraction, but... Hey, you could have made this pain go all the way if you just went and played at Danielle's house. Is Megan still a tiger or did she... Play the victim, DM. That's right. You know, two connections, shame on me. Fifteen connections. You know, I mean, come on. I'm just saying. Ah, shit. No, no. It's settled. I'm totally doing this at Danielle's next time. This is reflipiculous.

Well, we're struggling, but it's okay. We're getting there. Plus, Dan's good with computers, so if your computer starts messing up, there's a good chance he will just fix it regardless. Okay, so how do you roll initiative again? A 20 die plus what? Yeah, it's been a while. Your initiative? Oh, yeah, huh. That special word that I have to use. The details should be on the top upper left. I think I just died a little inside. Aww, Cookie, sorry. Initiative is 10. Oh, wow, yeah. Intelligence. No, what am I doing here? Intelligence. There you go. Five. That's what it was.

That's how the cookie crumbles. I saw what you did there. See? I see what you did there. Heh. Heh. So teen. I can go home now, right? Initiative is a D20 plus my initiative modifier? Wow, damn, Trixie. Uh, D10 is... I'm sorry, what am I talking about? D20 plus the initiative modifier, yes. Trixie's gonna be all by herself, I feel like. I'm not doing that again. Hi, Megan. Hi, Megan. That should be a 14. I forgot to put the 1 on there. Gotcha. I really do feel like I'm in college because the pizza guy keeps coming. Heh. Okay, guys, realize that pregnant girls can eat everything, and I now want, like, three pizzas.

That would be great, actually. Guys, you're not making this very good. That sounds like... that sounds like Dan's problem. It does sound like Dan's problem. No. We don't have enough initiative. People at home who can't hear this, there's a little doorbell chime every time someone leaves or, well, enters. So, we've heard that doorbell chime 27 times. Every time Megan leaves. Yes. Every time she came back. Honestly, I keep forgetting that we're actually recording this, so... Yeah, that's the best ones. Hi, people at home. Hello. I see you, we should put pants on.

Hi, Megan. I swear to God, if you... I'm gonna kill this thing. We're just waiting for your initiative roll there, Megan. I get a six. That's pretty good. Yeah, it's better than me. 26! Hey! Oh! Bam! Now it's just gonna take an hour and a half to do this one. So I'm talking to you, or what, out of what? Unless someone else rolls an add 20 somehow and has a bigger plus than me. Everyone else rolled. You're first. Okay. My initiative roll makes me sad. Yes! We love you. I forgot to add my modifier. I got it. I got it. Yeah, that's it. That's it. The other bandits don't get an initiative?

I'm working on that now. Bam. And Black Teeth is here, by the way, just letting you guys know. Oh, there he is. He's been eating lots of jellybeans. Yeah, I was gonna say, my toothbrush, or my war hammer is gonna be turned into a toothbrush. Shh. Alright. Who's the champ? The order is gonna be Taligos first, obviously, so go ahead while you're still here in existence. Yeah, while I'm still here and while I still don't see the other people's initiatives. Wait, are you looking in the initiative tab? I'm positive I'm looking in the initiative tab. It's kind of greenish.

It says initiative and all that fancy stuff. I only see our rules. Can everyone else see it? I can see it. Okay. Megan's just broken. My game's completely broken, guys. This is why apparently I have to do it at Danielle's house next time. That's okay, my catches are comfy. Okay. Let's all play at Danielle's house next time. You're going to at some point. I am. At some point. May 17th. Yeah, Megan, you'll get to meet Jason. Hi. Oh, really? Yes. Um, first and foremost, I'm gonna roll a, um... Yeah, whatever, anyway, severe burn, I'm gonna roll an a, uh... That was a crit, you don't need to roll, eh.

If I do a full move... Oh my god... Whatever, fuck him, anyway, my roll... If you can listen closely, that's the sound of nobody giving a shit, Jason. Okay, why can I not move my token right now? 'Cause you're mean. Yeah, great. Hey guys. You're all so funny. So, have you walked back out again, or no? Well, apparently not, 'cause none of you have said bye to me. No, you just... It says you're still in. Okay, well, the game's just clearly deciding I'm not allowed to move my token. Wait, why are you trying to move mine? What's going on here? I'm not trying to move yours, I'm trying to move mine, and it's not moving.

Where would you like to move it? I'll move it for you. Okay. How many squares do I move if I do a full tilt run? If you do what now, sorry? If I run at full tilt, how many spaces, or do I just get six no matter what I do? You just get six no matter what you do, I believe. Oh, well that's lovely. Yeah, but if you're charging somebody, you do get a plus one to your attack. Well, hold on. You're gonna charge into nothing at something. No, it's six spaces if I go diagonally to the right three, and then I go straight right three more. I'm right in front of the first thug.

There you go. Oh, okay. Charge him. So, I can, so yeah, I'll charge him, and I'll attempt to do my Savage Rend once again. So you want to be here. You can't see that, can you? No, I cannot. Excellent. No, I can't! You're catching on to my problems. Okay, so you're right there. You're good, and you... I'll be your eyes. Savage Rend, okay. So, let's see. The modifier... Wait, did we ever decide if she's still a tiger? Are you a still... I haven't said why you wouldn't be. I haven't said I shifted back, so I still am. Which means you get no gold, because tigers don't have pockets, so...

Yeah, and we ate your jellybeans too. No, she ate them. She wants to look like back teeth. Is the only other tiger person in this group? I'll hold on to her stuff, because they're surrounded by racists, apparently. It's more of a species. Species? Yeah. There's my d20. I don't know what it is, so... Uh, it's a d20 plus three. Ooh, that's a ten. So, uh, but you get a plus one, so that's eleven, so that's still gonna super miss. I like how you're so positive. That's still gonna super miss. That's still gonna super miss! So apparently I just do awesome at initiative rolls, and I'm gonna suck at every other roll.

That sounds like a good idea. Well, the problem is you used your good roll in the initiative. That's... you wasted it. Well, because you know I try and use all my good rolls on my initiatives. Uh, well, you did get to go first, so that worked out pretty well. Yeah, meanwhile the other thugs get to attack me. Oh, that sucks too, because, uh, it's thug number three's turn, the guy you just swung at. I'll make sure and hang out by a tree instead of rushing in to save you, Megan. I'm still here, just... I haven't got kicked out yet, so just remember that. Um...

And ascension runs rapid amongst our- amongst our- Instantly the group falls apart. Group one comes in and slashes all her throats from the game ends. Twenty-two, that's gonna hit you. Uh, that's gonna just do two damage. Bam, okay. I should be at a 21, even though my thing doesn't say that. Uh, you're at a 23. My 23- oh yeah, I can't count. That's okay. So that's only two, that's not too bad. Not at all. Trixie, your turn. That is the sound of indecision if ever I've heard it. Yeah... I was looking at a ranged attack, but I don't think it'll go that far. I removed my glasses to cry while I laugh, so I can't see now.

Um... How do you know how far- Huh? What's your speed? I don't know, hold on. I'm getting there. Yeah, but you could move like this relative area here, not necessarily be in the line of fire, but still get a ranged attack off. Wait, did you just say bye? Yes. Aw, crap. Wait, where does it show my speed? I'm not seeing my speed. Oh, sorry, it's 6. Yeah, right there. It's under speed. So can I move and then attack or no? Um... Yeah, you can move. Yeah, sure. Okay, so... Yeah, you get two actions. You get a minor action, which is like, "Oh, I want to flip this switch," or "I want to do this," or if you have a power, that's a minor action.

And then you get a move action, and then you get an attack action. You can trade your attack action in for another move if you're really far away, though. So... I can just do two moves, so at least I'm next to her. Hi, Megan! Hi. Ding dong! Do I have to move the full six on the second one? No! No, you can move as many as you want. Okay. Well, do you really want to be, like, behind her? No. No. So then can I move above her? Sure, you can move, like, right here. Yeah. There you go. Awesome. Galford, your turn. Okay. I got a question about fascinating shadows. Okay. Okay, standard action, close blast five.

Does that mean I have to be someone and the blast goes out five for me? Is that how it works? Close blast five. Yes, so that means wherever you're standing, you go off like a little supernova. Okay. Target one or two creatures in the blast, hit 1d8 plus charisma modifier. My charisma modifier is, like, five, so that might be good. And then someone has their TV on. And you pull the target up to two squares. The first time the target attacks you before the end of your next turn, it takes psychic damage equal to your intelligence modifier. Uh, dur. Okay, so the way a blast works is there's blast and burst.

So what that does is, like, it'll go out from you, like, there's a blast and a burst. A burst is, it goes out in every direction from you. A blast is like you're holding out your hands and it's blasting out from that. So, like, you pick a corner from your character and you'll fill up those squares. Like, okay, what is it? A, uh, five? It's a blast five. So one, two, three, four, five. Like, it'd be like that. Okay. So, like, you're gonna have to, like, move to do it, but, like, yeah, that would be, yeah. And I can hit up to two creatures in the blast. Yeah.

And the 1d8 plus charisma modifier psychic damage, uh... Yeah, so you'd want to move, like, here-ish. Would the damage be spread between two of them or would it be each person takes that damage? Uh, each person. Each person? Oh, sweet. Okay. And then I get to pick a, I can move the target up to two squares, so I could move just one of the two people in the blast or both? Let's see here. One or two people, uh, you would be able to move them both if you pick two. Okay. You pick one, but you gotta hit them both, you know. Okay, so I'd have to land the attack in order to do that?

Then the first time the target attacks you before the end of your next turn, it takes psychic damage equal to your intelligence modifier. Okay. So then eventually if they did attack me, is that me or my party? That would be me, right? You. That's what you said. Okay. It takes psychic damage equal to your intelligence modifier, which is one. Okay, cool. So let me move and blast away. Um, one, two... So if I move there and then did fascinating shadows, um, it would be thug number three and, um, Olga number one here. Yep, she's back. She had a sister. Okay, so I got rolled two d20s plus five, right?

Uh, I hit. Well, you roll, you roll two separate attack rolls. So you're, you're aiming for thug, thug, uh, thug number three first and then her. So just make two separate attack rolls. Okay. And okay. Plus five. Yep. So this is for Thuggely's number three here. Yep. Okay. Sixteen's gonna hit. And then one more for her. Okay. You can just say roll again. Oh, we can. Okay. Yeah. 18. That'll hit both of them. So go ahead and roll damage. Now, whatever you roll for damage, it's going to do to both of them. Okay. And that is a one d8 plus five, uh, one d8 plus five. So that already did the math for me in that my charisma modifier is, uh, five.

Yes. Okay. Yeah. It automatically does. It's not like it's plus five, plus five. Okay. No. All right. Now, do you want to pull them or do you want to just leave them where they are? Um, I think I want to pull them. And I can move them up to two squares. What does everybody think? What's advantageous? Um, if I pull them a little bit closer, then we can get Vinnie Jones there. Uh, Rick is in, in closer for a melee attack, I guess. Right. Okay. Um, so why don't I move, I guess, one, two. Okay. And one, two. Make sense? Sure. Okay. And then now I roll for my damage on right.

Uh, yes. 10. Okay. Uh, 10 is going to kill thug number three. Uh, and you hit the crap out of, uh, Olga for the sister. Okay. And, uh, Olga for the sister. Hey, when did she come back? Uh, that's her sister. Completely different shape. They both suffer from the same affliction though. A penis. Ovaries and testicles? Yes. The, uh, comaprodite barbarian family. Did they find her in prison too? She'll find you in prison. Oh no. Oh dear. All right. How much, how much Dan Olga hermaphrodes there took some damage. She took hermaphrodes. That's your Greek name. That's perfect.

That's yeah. Uh, Olga hermaphrodes penis hammer is her name. Greatest name ever. That's your full, that's your full name. Uh, black teeth, um, is super pissed off that you guys have stormed, uh, his, his little forest fortress here. Now, uh, he's already pretty much figured out that you guys have either chased off the guys up front who were trying to be in the bandit gang, but just kind of shitty or kill them. Right. Well, it's one of the other, uh, and he's just gonna assume you, you killed them. So, uh, he's gonna race up here, uh, and charge, uh, at Tala.

I'll save you Tala. I think maybe we'll see. Uh, let's see here. Uh, he's gonna use his battle. Am I the appropriate question? So, uh, black teeth has twin battle axes and what he's gonna use is he's gonna use both of them. Oh, I'm sure. Uh, and he's gonna swing at each of you at Tala and, uh, and Trixie here. So the first one's for Tala. Uh, that'll hit. Oh, that's nice. And the second one's for Trixie. That'll hit too. Bastard. So you can all get some is what he says. You both take eight damage. He just screams for Colgate. I'm pretty sure all die and every game cheats for the DM.

Just saying. Um, that's not, it's a public role. You can see it. I didn't make it up. Uh, I know I'm saying it's still cheating. She can't remember her job is messed up. Oh, that's right. I don't know why your Java or internet is messed up. I'm seeing my shit now. I see it all now. It's happening in time for me. I don't know if it's because I moved downstairs and something was wrong with the upstairs location for some reason. Maybe you've been connected. Yeah, you do sound better too. Yeah. Maybe I'll suddenly become the voice of God and like make my ears hurt.

Uh, Rock, your turn. Okay. Coming in low again, sir. Just try to decide. Uh, take out hermaphrodite. There. Hermaphrodis. She gets pissed when you pronounce it wrong. Oh, excuse me. And black teeth has a battle ax in each hand? Yes. He's pissed. Jesus. Presumably he was just standing there with them all day. Like that's, I mean, Maybe he's got like the whole God of war complex. Maybe they're chained to his hands. He needs a toothbrush. Biting swarm of hermaphrodis. Okay. 20. 20 will hit. Okay. Chop her arms off. It's an arrow. Well, if you launch enough arrows, you could perforate her arm and Do it a few times, it'll fall off.

She has one male arm and one female arm. So hit the hit the male arm if it looks more buff. Oh, that's just, that's sexist. That is kind of sexist. Yeah. Is it? Just hit the most buff of the two arms or one breast. What the fuck? No, don't hit the breast because if she has a bow and arrow, she can chew better. She has a breast and a peck. So yeah, seven. I took it off. And rikus. Okie dokie. I am gonna move up here. Protect the trees. Uh, can I hit her diagonally? That might be a stupid question. What do you mean hit her diagonally? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. Yeah, it's not a line of sight doesn't mean like directly in front of you.

Like it's yeah. So I assume Jay, you won't mind if I end up getting probably right near line of sight of her. Um, Jay went BRB, so. Okay. He's, we're assuming he doesn't mind. He doesn't mind. He's not here to object, so. Right. That means he doesn't mind. That's right. I like it. That's consent. I'm just gonna do the basic melee attack because that seems to be really reliable for me. You do look like Vinnie Jones. You got a potato face, man. You got a little lumpy potato face, but damn it do you hit hard. Um, that's, damn that's right. That's D20+7. Big money. Nine.

When you hit, you hit hard. Uh, in this particular instance, you do not hit. I sneeze. I, I have allergies, the trees, they, they don't like me apparently. You were distracted by the beauty of hermaphrodes. Kay. As so many men have been before. Kay. That's canon now. Now we, we have to, we have to keep that in the story. You sure. I like it. Adds complexity to my character. Uh, thug number four, one, two, three, four, five, six. Uh, he's gonna swing his club at the back of Tala's head. Oh, fantastic. Uh, seven, two. Now you know how I felt. So he gets a nice big meaty swing against the back of your noggin.

Uh, and does two damage. Weak! Not heavy hitters. And she's bleeding! Yeah. Hey look, one more, but look, if it had been one more point below, it wouldn't have hit me. Well, no, 16 would still hit you. Oh, damn it. Cause 16 is matching your AC, which means, yeah. So your turn though. We gotta get that tiger some armor, like battle cat. I don't need you. That's the sad thing. Oh, battle cat would be awesome. Well, you're wearing like hide armor, which is like possum pelts and such. Like it's not like, it's not incredibly like, like armor armor. It's not meant to.

No, I'm not saying it is. I'm just saying. So you're wearing armor in the loosest sense of the word. And that's a problem because? Well, you're getting hit a lot. Yeah, you did just kind of like, you know, run in there. All right, let's try this grasping claw. See if changing attacks does anything. Uh, who are you attacking? Hmm. I want to say black teeth cause he's right in front of me, but. Let's see if the game's going to be accepting. I'm actually going to move to deal with this guy. Okay. Uh, okay. You, you can only shift one space. You can only shift one space.

That's fine. Because you're okay. So yeah, there you go. You're good now. Okay. Since the game decides to be cooperative right now. Awesome. Yeah. It must've been your internet connection. It must've been something about the upstairs. I don't know. I guess you do sound a lot better. You're a lot clearer on Skype too. Yeah. Yep. Okay. Well, apparently Skype, this program doesn't like the upstairs room. I'll just be down here, you know, whenever we have to play. That's all. Don't blame the program. All right, fine. Whatever. Okay. So I get to swap. Your tone of voice says so much.

Whatever asshole. I sound so angry. Not angry. Just like you just don't care. You just do not give a flying fuck. Whatever dick bag. And just, there is no flying fucks to be given there. Not at all. But Danielle, you know, I care too much about things at work. So I know my tone of voice means nothing here. Yeah. It's like pure 100 proof apathy. You have to be working on it. 100 proof apathy. Okay. Grasping claws. Okay. Yeah, that's a miss. Yeah, I figured that was a miss. That's why I was like, who's next? Why thug number two is next. One, two, three, four, five, six.

All right. I'm nervous now. Well, 13 is going to wait. I don't know. 13 is going to miss. Oh, thank God. Okay. Trixie, your turn. You might want to save your friend. Yeah. Even though she passed up on saving you. Wait, I'm the waffle good. You should definitely save her. You should forgive her. Yeah, save within your alignment. Let's see here. Pretty much the rest of us, besides you and Galford are on the line. Now can Trixie heal Tala with a healing burst or is that only during non-combat? Oh no, that's... No, but I also found out that my healing is negative one, not one.

So yeah, you're healing. Okay, so you can do either in combat. The move will just be your move. Whereas the heal check, you're checking to see if you can heal yourself. That's going to be like your attack option. Okay. So, you know, and like a negative one is not great. So, yeah. Well, I was looking at... Okay, I know it's just like the encounter, but the cloud of darkness, will that help them not damage her more? Let me see. Cloud of darkness, I believe. Says the burst creates a cloud of darkness that remains in place until the end of your next turn. The cloud blocks line of sight squares within it are totally obscured and creates entirely creatures entirely within it are blinded until they exit.

Oh yeah. Well, that's... Yeah. If you're blind, it's super hard to hit something. Well, that would hit us though, right? How many spaces would that hit? The burst creates a... So it's a burst one. So, okay. So what that would be would it would do one square around you like that. Okay. So, I guess that wouldn't be very beneficial to her. Well, it would blind everyone. So, you, them. But it wouldn't blind the guys in the square though, would it? Yes. It would blind everyone but me. Yes. It would totally blind everyone within the square and anyone looking into it from outside, it would be obscured.

Yeah. It'd be like trying to look through like a dense tree line or something. I got it. I gotcha. Yeah, I would say that's more of a holy shit button, like when you were surrounded earlier and getting beat to death. Like, totally. Shadows. Okay. Fine sight. So, I guess when it says action range five, does that mean it has to be five spots away or it has to be as it's just not next to me? Uh, anybody within five squares of you that isn't right next to you. Well, then can I use my executioner's noose on the fourth guy or number four? You can, but if you attack someone other than someone who's right next to you, they get to attack you for free.

Okay, then never mind. We will just use my basic melee attack against Black Teeth. Okay. Hooray for attacks of opportunity. So, that is d20 plus three. Oh, yeah, good for me. Um, well, that's seven. We all should stay away from Las Vegas. You just heard like a distant laugh. Uh, Galford, your turn. Um, okay, well, I'm looking at that Unseelie Sprites again. Standard action close first two. Each enemy in the burst, that would burst out two from me. So, I could hit Thuggy number two. Ah, he ran away from my burst. I can hit Thuggy number two and Hemaphrodis here, I guess, right?

Because this enemy's in the burst, so it wouldn't hurt any of my team. And- Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's a burst or a blast? It's a burst. Okay, then yes. Okay. Hit 1d6 plus Charisma modifier damage. So, that's a d20 plus five, that's all right. And then also says in my Feh Pact, the target also takes poison damage equal to your Intelligence modifier, which is one. Which is one. Yeah. Okay, so why don't we do that? Hemaphrodis and Thuggy two here can get in my Sprites. Okay, swing on Hermes first. Okay, d20. Whoa. Megan, is that your pig in the background?

You have a pig? I thought I heard a pig and I didn't want it- Yes, yes it is. I was like, wait, is that a bird? No, she has a damn pig. I was like, no, that sounds like Linking. What's the pig's name? Hold on. It's Liam. Wow, okay, that's the classiest pig name I've ever heard of. Well, I think she was wearing a monocle for that reason. And the top hat. He has a sweater. Cosby had a sweater, that didn't make him- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, before you finish that sentence, Jason. Fuck Bill Cosby. Um, uh, Critical Miss. That is my pig talking. Yeah, Critical Miss and a 14, they're both gonna miss, sir.

Damn. Yeah. The Critical Miss doesn't hurt me at all, eh? Like I- No, no. I did my beauty again. It's not like Heraclix where that's like, it backfires and hits you. Okay. Black Teeth's turn. Uh, he is going to race on up and use his twin battle axes again. Yay. I tried to save you, Megan. I tried. Good luck. Uh, and he's going to swing at Trixie first. Holy shit. 27, that'll hit. Ow. Uh, that puts you right next to me. No, no, that's not damage, that's just the attack. That's the hit, that's the hit. Uh, and then to Tala. 25, all right. Oh, I'm scared now. GG, guys, GG.

Uh, let's see, damage 8. So, okay, he has a nasty habit. I'm going to tell you about it in just one second. So that's 8 and 8 to Tala. Okay, when Black Teeth, uh, hits someone who's bloodied, uh, what he likes to do is bite his opponent. Thank you. Uh, so that's, uh, that's a 1d6. So, uh, he's going to bite Tala, like physically, like, lean in and bite at him. He's not, he's just a human, by the way. No, he's just a human. He's just really fucking creepy. He wants to be a colon is what it is. So that's, ooh, that's 5 damage. Because he finds your open wound and he...

Well, that's great. She's dead. Okay, she's not dead. This is, wow. Okay, so that brings Tala down to zero hit points. Now, what that means is she falls down unconscious. You bit off her nose. Uh, so what that means is, uh, you guys got to either finish this fight real quick or heal her in some way to get her back up. Once she's has any more than zero hit points, she can stand back up. Now, what she's going to be doing in the meantime is every time she gets a turn, she's going to roll what's called a saving throw, saving roll. Um, if she gets 10 or below, then she's that, that, that's one point.

That's one strike. If she gets three strikes, she's dead forever. Uh, if she rolls a 10, I'm sorry, if she rolls a nine or below, she rolls a 10 or above up into 19, then nothing happens. And then if she rolls a 20, she gets to spend a healing surge and stand back up. So just letting you know, just letting you know, gg guys, you're not dead yet. Uh, no, I'm pretty sure I am. The way that I have been rolling for me is any indication I'm dead. Well, you're really good at initiative roles. So maybe saving rules too. You don't know, uh, uh, rock your turn. Okay.

I'm going to go here, here, here, here, here. What the hell? Are you drawing us a picture? No, trying to avoid her right there. Cause it gives it a technical opportunity here. Yes. I'm gonna use my daily, a storm of spirit shards, uh, D 20 plus seven. Okay. 17 hit him. Uh, you're using that against the black tooth. Uh, that's actually going to miss him. Okay. I'll miss it. You have damage. Okay. Um, D 10 plus two. It's just eating candy loudly. But Justin on this call, what the hell? So 5.5 damage. Uh, well we round down. So five damage. And then I'm going to use, uh, seriously, what the hell is going on over there?

Megan, is that Dan and the chips? That wasn't a cue to eat louder. I know I was actually throwing trash away as that was happening. So I was finishing off my girl scout cookies. There's no cookies that don't taste right. Hey, the thin mints tastes fine. Thank you. So I'm going to use an, I'm going to use inevitable shot, which is an act at any time. I miss an attack. So pretty much I use that as a free action. I get to make a free, um, range basic tack once per turn. So we use that. Okay. 16 shit that will miss too. No. Okay. That was really good. That is, that's pretty much it for me.

You can say the pig distracted you. Yes. The pig that's all the way over here. Distracted along with girl scout cookies. Rig is your turn. Um, okay. I've been trying to map out what would be the most beneficial thing for me to do. When, um, yeah, I was born to win. Um, I'm trying to think, I'm thinking black tooth is going to be the biggest thorn in our side. So I may move up. Well, you can't, you're kind of locked in with hermaphrodes there. So if you move away, she's going to get a free swing on you now. That's not going to impede your progress. And I mean, she might miss.

So if you want to risk it, you got, you got a downed ally right next to black teeth and you got, and two other thugs and a bloodied friend next to her and two other thugs. Yeah, man, this is, Hmm. Is there any, anything we can do to heal Tala? Who was, who was our healer? She was. I have stuff that can help her in terms of using healing surges, but I don't think I can do that now. Cause I was, I was looking at some of the powers I have and I was a little confused by some of them. So if, so no matter what, she's going to get a free swing at me, isn't she?

If you move past her, yeah, but that doesn't mean she's going to hit you. You have a fairly high AC. So yeah, you have the highest AC of the party, I think. Yeah. Okay. You got that rune of, rune of mending too. Yeah, that's what I was looking at and I did know, can I use that with Tala? Rune of mending. Let's see here. Cause you can move and it's a burst five. Encounter special divine healing action, close burst five. Target you and one ally in the burst. The effect the target can spend a healing surge. That still counts as encounter power. So that would be like your turn.

But it wouldn't count for Tala cause she's down. Well, no, I, she could spend a healing surge then. Yeah. It should work. I think I, yeah, when I was tree I saved somebody like that. Yeah. So that would work. If I move, so if I move, say you could do it from there. I could do it from there. You could do it from there. That's a burst five. Yeah, because it's five squares. Yeah. Then you don't have to take the, hermaphrodis swing. Nope. Okay. So do I just, do I just say I'm using the root? Just say you're using it and you've used it. Okay. I'm using it. Okay. So don't say I didn't do anything for you.

I never said that ever. I know I'm being a jerk. Uh, that's allowed. It's okay. Apparently I've been a bitch all night. So it just, it comes so naturally to you Megan. It's okay. Uh, one surge and you are back up. I mean, you got to stand up for your turn, but yeah, you're up, which will be just in time for black teeth to take a swing at you again. Yeah. I thought about that. It's the thought that counts. Hey, he's, he has, he's what three, four moves after her. So she might have enough time to save herself. Thug number four is going to take a swing at Tala. Oh man.

Uh, 24 numbers, 18. I'm telling you dice cheap for DMS. Uh, that's two damage. This is rough. And that brings us back to Tala. I think she ran away. Yeah. GTFO. Yeah. Otherwise he's, he's going to bite some more hepatitis teeth into you. So wait, I can only move back one square though, right? Yeah. That's that's out of his way. That gets you out of the range of black teeth at least. Does your razor claw, do you have any sort of like feets that will help you like push them away or anything? Uh, no, all my power, the powers I actually have draw people closer. No.

Whoa. Do you have any antibiotics? Unless I use my fires of life, in which case I damage them, but at the same time I'm also healing myself. Is that a bad thing? No. I think that's what it does. Uh, fires of life, if your target drops to zero hit points before it saves against the ongoing damage, one creature of your choice, uh, within five squares of the target gain hit points. Oh wow. There's a lot of things that happen to happen before any life is gained out of that. But, um, yeah. But I think every, no, everyone else to get hit in the process though is the problem.

One creature of your choice within five squares of the target regains hit points equal to the charisma. Well, no. Okay. You do get that as an after effect, but you also gain life if that thing dies, uh, due to fire damage. So, okay. You may want to use it against black teeth anyway. Yeah. I'm thinking that may be a good idea in general. One creature of your choice within five squares. So I guess you could choose yourself or, uh, Trixie. Both of you are getting the shit kicked out of you. Pick the pig. Oh Liam. Liam! Why'd your pig get bloodied? Uh, because someone tried to make him into bacon?

Aww. Aww. Righty, um, did someone try to make you into bacon? Oh my lord. Okay, here's what we do. We take the scabbles out, we put the slash hammers in. That's what I vote. Yeah, I think it's time to maybe you guys. I'm looking at this as like all of our stealth characters are like relatively within reach of them, whereas all the powerhouses are like far, like, you know, out of reach. There's something wrong here. So what would you like to do there, Megan? Yeah, I think I'm gonna do my fires of life dealy bit. Okay, and that's to black teeth. That's to black teeth, yeah.

Alrighty. Let's see how my to hit goes first before we... Come on. Well, each enemy in the burst. No, she picked... Well, no, it is each enemy in the burst, so yeah. Burst one within ten... So you can hit his friend, maybe? Or was that four? Oh no, I can't. Wait a minute. Standard action was each enemy in the burst. It says burst one within... Oh no, no, no, burst one within ten squares. Right, so that's that. Yeah, so you hit his buddy here, or was that at his buddy? It doesn't matter. The world may never know. Uh, check my role, it does. His buddy is... Look, okay, right, but what I'm saying is, I'm trying to give you an out, listen.

They could just say it was for number four. Just say it was for number four, because if you're aiming for number four, right, that means that it would hit everybody here. Now, maybe you missed, but you still get to swing at both of these guys. Uh, yeah, well, yeah, it was definitely aimed at number four. Okay, duh, that's what I was trying to say. You're too busy fucking implying with your tone that I'm a dumb cunt, then just... Note the feature, Jason, edit this out. I thought it was the DM that dropped the first C-bomb there. Sorry, I do that a lot. I gotta stop doing this.

Sorry. We haven't heard one bundle of sticks tonight, so that's good. Yeah, give it to me. There's been hermaphrodites, but... So the damage here is one DM. No, no, no, well, okay, you missed number four, so now swing on number two and then black teeth. Seriously, though, not in front of Liam. He's so impressionable. Yeah, that didn't make a bit of a difference. Good God, okay, well, you missed everybody. Everybody in the world. You know what, I'm using a damn action point, I'm doing this again. That's right. What? We're gonna hit some bitches. Wait, wait, wait.

Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. Roll damage because you do get to do half damage to each one of these guys. No, I think I'm gonna stick with the full damage there. You can do it, though, and then do an action point, and then try again. Hold on, you don't get a choice. You missed with your daily, you used your daily, that's it. Oh. Yeah. I thought the action point let me do it again. No. No, no, no. Your action point just gives you another opportunity. Like, that just, that's gas in your tank. Action point doesn't give mulligans? What the crap? That's 3.5 nonsense.

That's not, you don't go by those rules. What is this? This game is nonsense at this point. Yes, that's totally silly. I missed, I don't get to not miss. Look, roll damage and then we'll move from there. 1d6 plus 3. Hold your fucking damage, Megan. And you still get full length of red cast each year. The DM is gonna start rolling willpower not to strangle her through the internet. Look at this, you just killed his two buddies. So that nine damage is enough to kill him and him. So both those thugs are dead. Hey, where you going, Megan? And you have done damage to black teeth.

And you still get the after effect. I believe. Yeah, it doesn't seem like... After effect, one creature in the bird. That makes it sound like that's if the attack lands. It's not the effect that's an after effect. So I'm not gonna give you the healing, but you can kill those guys. That's fine. And you're popping an action point, you're saying. Yes, no. I don't know. You don't know? I don't know, where's the coin for me to flip? Run away, Megan, run away. I can't run away anymore. Okay, look at the bottom of it. I'm rolling at 29. If it's an odd number, go. If it's an even number, don't.

Even number. Don't do it. Okay. Don't do it, Megan. Next up is Trixie. Go. I'm just gonna do a basic attack against him. Against black teeth. Hopefully I'll roll better than Megan. 19. That'll hit. And you guys are trying to tell me this game doesn't hate me. Hey, you should have disconnected recently, so. I'm pretty damn sure it does. Maybe you should ask yourself what you did to the game. You insulted it right off the bat. Yeah, you did, actually. You hurt its feelings. I insulted the addition. I did not insult the table top. Well, the table's running four, so. Yeah, it knows.

The table knows you were talking that version three stuff, so. It's only run four ever. It's all it knows, so. That's not my fault now, is it? So you totally hit black teeth. So does pop-tip, babe. Go ahead and roll damage. Seven. Yeah, sorry, I didn't say. Totally didn't say anything. I put too much on. All right. Do you want to do anything else? Maybe pop an action. What else can I do? You can pop an action point. Or did you do that already? No. No, you didn't. So you could do that if you wanted to. What can I do with it? Can I try to heal myself with it? You could, or you can try and hit him again.

I'll try and hit him again. Okay, spend an action point, ladies and gentlemen. Trying your luck. All right, hold on. Okay. Uh, you just doing another melee basic attack? Balls! She's using the attack. Balls! Or are you attacking balls? I'm just... Uh, either way. That was a clear shot for his balls. Either way, nine. That totally misses his balls. Tard. Uh, Galford, your turn. Um, okay, well, let's go with Fascinating Shadows again. Because it's, uh, blast five, right? So I could hit, um, hermaphrodes and black teeth? Because they're extended out in the blast from where I am?

Yep. Okay. Uh, one or two creatures in the blast. Let's try and hit both of them. And it's 1d20 plus five. Uh, son of a bitch. Seven. Apparently my shadows are not that fascinating. Who is, uh, who is that aimed at first? Um, that was aimed at, uh, Olga. Okay, so now shoot one at black teeth. Okay, and if I just click roll again, that'll do the same thing, right? Yep, totally the same thing. 13. Wow. The roll... It seems like a really good power. It just doesn't work. Yeah, well, it worked the first time. I think that's true. No, no, I think I failed with that one too.

Okay, well then maybe you shouldn't use that one anymore. Yeah, where's that thing where I say I'm out and I just walk out? Well, they have to hit you first. Fade away, fade away. Uh, it's black teeth, sir. Uh... Megan almost died. Dan said hi. Dan said hi. Uh, he's gonna shift right here. He's still chewing on her flesh like bubble gum. He's gross, man. He's got blood streaming down his chin there from where he bit into the open wound of Lady Tiger. Just to be clear, am I still in the game? You're totally in the game. Okay. You haven't lost the game yet. Okay. He's gonna use double swing.

I've lost movement of the game, that's all. Okay, well, he's gonna use double swing. He's gonna swing at Galford and Trixie. Thanks. Dang it, I just lost the game. I should have everything. Uh, and Galford first. 22. And then Trixie. 11. That'll miss Trixie. Woo! But totally hit Galford. Uh... 10 plus 3, 9. You just took 9 damage. Ouch. You can fade away now if you like. Yeah, I think I'll fade away. I mean, I'm invisible until I attack or until the end of my next turn, so I mean, if I could stay invisible and not do anything, I guess, on my next turn. God, we're all bloody messes right now.

Yeah. Yeah, where's Richard? I'm working on it. He chose to heal on his last turn, so let me see. Change adjust conditions. He is invisible. And save. So you're invisible until the end of your next turn? Or until you make an attack? Yeah, invisible until you attack or until the end of your next turn. Okay, goodbye Megan. Rock, your turn. Okay, so I'm going to... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... here. And so by passing him, do I do like an attack of opportunity or no? Yes, he would get that. Okay, so what will I get? Unless you snuck around, like, okay, like, if you were to like go from here back around, that's fine.

Uh, I don't think I have enough movement. Oh, do I? Yeah, I think you do. Like, if you move diagonally, you're fine. What was I like, here? You're like, you're like right here. So like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Okay. Yeah, so there you go. I know I can move through the turn. Yeah, whatever. Okay. Okay, so I'm gonna use spider spirits on him. I'm just using every fucking thing I have in my backpack. You're just emptying your quiver there, Hawkeye. Ah, 16. That's gonna miss. Motherfucker. Okay, that's all I got. Okay. Uh, points for variety, though. Yeah, I'm trying. Uh, Rekis, your turn.

Okay. Maybe you'd like to hit something. Yeah, I'm thinking I might lay down the war hammer on Elga, Holga, whatever the hell her name is. Permafredes. Permafredes. I think I might try to just move over one spot. Maybe? That works? No, he can shift. Yeah, he can shift. Well, that's her. That's not you. Yeah, I don't know why that did that. Stop fondling hermaphredes. I get excited sometimes. My hand's all for boob pecs. And then, uh, I'm gonna do just the basic melee attack. Just jelly bean patches. Pouches. Just absolutely punch her pants out. Yeah, the jelly beans have gotten to me.

Sling for her testica labias? I don't know. Wow. Hi, Megan. Um, so... Megan's back! Rob Pite. Oh, hey, we never knew she left. Oh, I said goodbye. Uh, yeah, Eleven's totally gonna miss. These are the worst rolls ever, guys. I know. Tala, Megan, do you exist? Or do you want to use your action point, Brian? Uh, I... Eh. Hmm. Sure, why not? Black Teeth is murdering your friends. I just want to throw that in. Yeah, party's over here, man. Well, if I move past there, she's gonna end up getting a swat at me anyway. Yeah, well, I'll... Can I... Okay, let me ask this question.

If I use the action point and I move past her, obviously she's gonna try to take a swing at me. Here's the thing. If you use your action point and use it for the movement, then you're out of moves and your turn's over. Okay. Well, shit. Um, because... Okay, well, I... Now I'm conflicted because I kind of want to help you guys, but I don't think I can. Well, okay, you could do this. And this is just me as a disembodied voice tossing out some... So you can use your... Is that you? You can use your executioner's call, the encounter power. So, uh, that's strength, modifier, damage.

So that's D20 plus seven. And if you hit Olga here in front of you, hermaphrodis, um, then, uh, your allies gain a plus two, uh, plus two bonus to damage rolls against the target. So if... Oh, holy crap, finally. Yeah, if someone were to, uh, like, hit her, then they get a plus two bonus to damage. Now you got... You also have a rune of destruction, I believe. I think. Yes, yes. Okay. One ally within five gains plus four power bonus to the next attack roll. Yeah. So that's up to you? Or do you have a rune of protection? Hold on a second. Let me check your thing.

I have rune of... Un-something, I can't read the rest of it. Oh, hold on. I'm looking. Wrathful hammer, rune of mending. Okay, you got the rune of... Gain rune of mending power. Rune of protection, that's what you got. So, uh, so that means the target takes a negative two penalty bonus to attack rolls until the end of the next turn. So if you hit them, if you, you can't really help them out directly. Um, oh, I think I might use my action point and do the executioner's call. Okay. Because at least if I... Did I read that right? Yeah, like, yeah, we'll go with that.

Okay. That's, so that's d20 plus seven. God damn it. I've not had a good luck. Nobody's had good luck recently. So all that and you roll an 11. I'm sorry. Trixie, your turn. Oh, that was the old roll. That was before the action point. Was it? Yeah, that was before the action point. That was my baby. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm sorry. Go ahead, go ahead. Okay. 21. That'll hit. Now roll damage, sir. One d10 plus five. One d10 plus five. Let me clear that out. She's gonna be a eunuch when you're done. Big money. 14. A woman, maybe? 14. I don't know where we're... Uh, that kills her.

Bam. Yay. That was a defeated yay, everyone. Come on. Yay. Well, we're all too bloody. It's half a night's death. There's blood pouring out of all of their orifices. I'm looking upon them from the tent. My hand's quivering with my bow in my hand. Like, what the fuck is going on? You guys have solidly surrounded Goatee. Bye, Megan. Bye, Megan. Bye, Megan. Really? No, we're kidding. Come on now. But you can return later. You'll be fine. Yeah, you'll be fine. It says you can return later. Well, that's fantastic. But meanwhile, my Skype's been deciding that, you know, it's having issues.

So Skype likes it upstairs. And the other thing likes it downstairs. Can you sit on the stairs? Yeah, sit on the stairs. I'm gonna leave that one alone. It's like that Tales From the Crypt episode. Apparently, that's what I have to do. So, uh, you guys have Black Teeth surrounded. His whole bandit troop is dead. And, um, you guys are in bad shape. So it's gonna be a challenge to see who goes down first. Uh, Tala, it's your turn. Okay, well, that'd be wonderful if I was there. Okay, well. Delay, delay, delay. You can delay. I can delay my act. Can I just say I use a surge and be done with it?

Uh, well. I don't think I physically have to be there in order for that to happen. Well, you have to do a heal check to do a surge. Dang. Can you do it? What do you mean unable to launch applications stink in Java? Okay, all together, guys, we're never gonna die. We're never gonna die. Teamwork. Well, now, technically, if Megan never takes a turn, I can't advance, so I can't kill you. Technically, I'm just throwing that out there. That is a tactic. Logic redefined. I bet group one never thought of that strategy before. This was all a branch. We talked before we started today, and this was...

Hi, Megan! Hey, Dang. It's War Games. The only way to win is not to play. Yeah, everyone's just having a seizure from the blinking tiger. Just in and out of existence. Is she still a tiger? Yes. Oh my. She never said she wasn't. Until she declares that she's not a tiger, she's a tiger. Yes. Nice. Okay. Now, let's see if it'll even let me make my stinkin' heal check at this point. You can do it. We have faith in you, Megan. Totally do. Do it. Okay, well the dies don't seem to have any faith in me whatsoever. Wait, did you roll? No. Oh, well then, how... See? You don't know.

Roll. Roll. Liam has faith. I can hear it. Oh my gosh. Wait. I assume that hits. Yes, that's... Okay, because we could all be celebrating for something sad. Yeah, I miss! No, 19 is great. You're fine. So you want to do, I imagine, you want to use a healing surge. Put some polysporin on that bite wound. Yes, I'd love to use a surge. Well, let's do a surge then. Okay, you're up to 10 hit points. Still bloodied, but possibly not infected by this skeevy man who bit you. But that's my entire turn. I can't do anything else in this point, right? I can't even move back. I could shift, but I'm not sure what shifting would do at this point.

I could shift back into a person, I suppose, but... No, no, no. I mean, shifting is when you move one space. Oh, yeah, that's what I thought I wanted to do. Awesome. Yeah, changing not into a tiger isn't gonna help. I will shift back a square. There you go. Back it up. Good. Just back it up. Goddamn, DM. Whoa, what? Another character! Jesus, God, you're so stupid. What character? Wait, you're saying she doesn't have any character? That's pretty... Oh, I thought... Well, I just... God, I'm just saying, I was in a group with no women, and you did not act like this. That's what I'm saying.

What did I say? He's the one who bit her. I'm confused. I don't either, see? No one took offense to anything but that imaginary slight that you said. I wasn't paying attention at that help. Trixie, your turn. I re-established in the class, so... What? Who's a tortoise? What happened? Okay, I'm gonna do the Shadow Storm on Black Teeth. Okay. So I roll a d20 plus eight. Shadow Storm or Shadow Step? Shadow Storm. Okay, yes. Liam believes. 23. 23 will hit. Liam's belief is contagious. Liam's one is actually a feat you can choose? Yeah. I'm wearing a pendant of Liam's belief.

Yeah. It's a pig head with a monocle. That's what the shape of it is. That shall be our coat of arms. That's... I hate to ruin... I hate to ruin his wonderful reputation, but he was named for the One Direction person. Oh. No, you jinxed us all. Damn it. His love comes at a price. He's not a monocle pig. He was a One Direction pig. Well, not in the D&D-verse. He's a monocle pig. He's a totally classy monocle pig. You hear that, Liam? You're a monocle pig. One, two... Um... Each... That's one... Okay, so yeah. So that's... His excitement. One. That's plus one. So... Go ahead and roll damage. 10d plus five?

Or 1d10 plus five? 1d10 plus five. I was like, "Oh, God. d10 plus five? Jesus!" That was Liam being excited. 15. 15. And that's plus one becau- Okay, so 16. So that is... That's a damn good hit right there. Yay! We can't see how many hit points he's got. We can only see his initiative from the beginning of the turn. But he's bloody! Right. But he's bloody. He's bloody. He is bloody. What happens now? Yeah, he said, "What happens now?" Why would you say that? Yeah, I'm sure he's got some type of modifier from when he killed. I've played this game long enough to know that that's not a good thing.

It's not good. We're halfway- Oh, shit. He's gonna fuck us all in the eye. Uh, as a result of him being bloodied... Uh, he gets a free, uh... Uh, it's called Kick to the Stomach. Uh, and he's going to use that against Trixie. Now, what's that gonna do- Aw... If it hits... Doesn't entail a kick to the stomach. Kicks the pregnant girl in the stomach. Yeah, fuck. She's not pregnant in the game. That's- he didn't know. And if he did, he probably still would do it. He's a terrible man, but... He bit Megan! He did! He totally bit Megan. He bit me! He steals black jelly beans of all things?

What's more evil than that? Uh... And he's like- he's beating on the women, too. Like, he bites the women, kicks the women, eats jelly beans. Well, they attacked him, to be fair. Yeah, that's true. Uh, so, uh, that's gonna do two damage, but it's also going to push you back two squares. Okay. So, yeah. Not a real heavy damage thing, but it's more of a, like, "Get the fuck away from me!" Nice! Yes. But then if I try to run away from him, I'm not close enough to him that we're engaged, that I could run away without- Right. Yes. You could totally sprint into the forest if you wanted to.

Just... Bye, guys! Um... Galford, your turn. Okay, so I guess I'm no longer invisible if I attack. Right. Um, I'm gonna go for broke and use my Web of Shadows daily power. So, D20 plus five. But, if I do... One thing is, is no one else is- Although, that might not be good, because, uh, Rickus might still plan to move. Well, he's probably gonna want to get next to you. Yeah, so then that would- That would immobilize him, right? Yeah. Well, wait, does it- Wait, wait, wait. Tenen is says, "Each enemy in the burst." Yes. Each enemy in the burst. And- but then it says, um- It's enemy, not creature, so it's chill.

Yeah. Well, no, wait, but it says, uh, "The burst creates a zone that lasts until the end of the encounter. Any creature that willingly enters the zone is immobilized until the end of its next turn." Yeah, you're right. Yeah, no. So, okay, that's bunk. Um... That's butt. Don't use that. Well, immobilize- what does immobilization mean? Like, they can't attack, or they just can't move away? Yeah, I think you're stuck. Immobilized is, like, you can't attack, can't move, can't do anything. Oh, okay. I'm almost positive. Use is a vegetable. Okay, so I might as well try my, uh, fascinating shadows again, because it's- You are hell-bent on making this work.

Well, it's, uh, psychic damage went d8 plus five, plus I can move the target of two squares, um, if it hits, so... Let's see if Liam's belief is enough to- to get this going. Liam believes! Liam! Come on, Monica pig! Liam! Leaving the gnome. Come on, Liam. Big money. No whammies. 17 is gonna miss. Dang it! Wait, what is this targeting? Is AC or- Uh... It is charisma versus will. That hits him. Yeah! Liam's belief is a thing. It's canon. We have to have Liam in the D&D sessions. So that's totally- that's- yeah, you hit him. So what's- what's the damage? I wasn't- 1d8 plus five?

Yep. 13. Okay. 13 damage. That's fantastic. And, um, I can pull the target up to two squares. Does anybody want me to move him? Do you want me to move him closer to Rickus? I'm planning on moving over there, probably, if Rock doesn't get to him. Well, Rock's ranged anyway. If he stays far away, I have a move that'll pull him too. Just pinball him all over the- Yeah, I love that we're planning how we're going to throw him across the field. Well, it's just turn net. If I move him one square away from me, though, that breaks the encounter, so I could technically get away from him without him getting a free swing.

So I could move him here, and he's still within range of Rock. Yep. Okay, let's do that. Yep. And then if Rock doesn't get him this time around, I can move up there and take a swing. So you didn't move him at all? No, wait- I moved him one square down. No, that's- you gotta pull him. You can't- Oh, I can't push him. I gotta- Yep. It's gotta be closer to you. Well, we can't really get any closer to you, so... You can pull the target up to two squares. Okay, that's- I mean, you could hug him if you want to. Yeah, you could totally- you could- Hey, we- we- Can I point him?

He just all fonts that. Okay, well, I guess I'll just leave him where he is, then. Okay. You are visible again, by the way. Okay. So he totally saw where that shit came from. And we hit him for 13. Yes, and I took that off. It is Black Teeth's turn. Fuck. I'm gonna pay for that. He's just gonna use his battle axe against you. So... let's see here... 23. So that's totally gonna hit. D10 plus three... four! Wow, that was a little- Natural- oh, I don't mind, yeah. Yeah, that's- that damage. So that's four. You're down to seven hit points, sir, and he is going to... He's gonna shift this way?

I guess? Break. Rock, your turn! It doesn't matter, he's completely surrounded! I'm moving up. Yeah, he's- he's- he's not in good shape. Okay, moving up, fighting swarm again. Bye, Megan. Bye, Megan. God damn it. Make sure you don't head into the south, these are awesome. Crit miss, sir. Yeah. Jay, you don't have the hot hand tonight. It's because Liam left. Yes, temporarily he was out of the game technically. Liam the Celestial Dice Pig. God of classy D20 rules. Is it bad that I can- I can envision her putting him in like an outfit for Halloween that's like a D20 die?

Like, I could totally see him walking around and wearing a outfit like that. Monocle Pig is a thing, that's totally a thing. Monocle Pig exists. Don't doubt that. Um, yeah, so, uh, Rekis, your turn. For the love of God, man, do something. Oh, Rekis. Wow, I totally stopped paying attention there. Um, hey, the guy with the giant hammer wasn't paying attention, that seems safe. Um, okay, I'm gonna move right in front of him. Okay. Uh, because that seems like a logical and, you know, safe thing to do. Totally. Um, and then, uh, we're gonna bring the hammer down.

And so that's D20 plus seven. Okay. Um, bump up a bonus. Shit. A crit miss, wow. I'm canceling my trip to Vegas, I'm just throwing that out there. Like, this is getting ridiculous. Tali, your turn, you wanna make it a hat trick? Another crit miss? This is shit. Or can you even see any of this? Megan! She's not in the call. There she is. But I hear the pig. That's, I heard the pig too. Liam, Liam, quick. Liam, use your daily power. Yeah, of course. Use intimidating snort. I don't, I don't know if he has any, any more help than him. I hope so, because someone's gonna die in a minute, I don't know who.

This is like the last seconds of Rocky 2, like you guys are just hammering on each other and you're all bloodied and it's a fucking mess. But we're still alive, so. This is true. So to recap so far while, while Megan decides what she's gonna use, you guys found their bandit camp, ran in, and everyone just started hammering on everyone. It was maybe the least calculated fight ever. Just, just a bar brawl. We ran into the bandit camp and then it suddenly turned into an episode of the Three Stooges, where we all just started going, "woof woof woof woof woof" and trying to poke each other in the eyes and hitting each other on the top of the head.

And now we're, now we're on to the season finale. Um, I think I'm gonna take a calculated risk here. Uh oh. Those always pan out. Yeah. Remember, calculated risk at 10 HP is not necessarily smart. This game has rewarded that thus far. I don't know, he's my, he's my pig, so, well, he's, he's my sister's pig, so maybe his faith only really works on me if I say it. Okay, we'll see. So, we'll see. I'm gonna try this cull the herd thing. Uh, so, what, I'm just gonna have to make a... D20+3. D20+3 here. Nope. Tell me more about Liam's faith and being binded to the owner somehow.

I didn't say anything about, I didn't say anything about Liam having faith before I rolled, I should have done that. I think, I think Earl Hedner, the spirit of Earl Hedner is somehow in this game because we are getting screwed out of this right now. Liam, do you have any faith left in you? Yes he does. Okay, well, you should have used it then. Um, does he decide when? Liam is trolling you apparently. No, look, Liam had any faith left and he gave me an add 20. Well, it's Easter and we're all having a crisis of faith here. Liam's a fan of 4th edition and you insulted it.

And he's just super pissed about that for some reason. Trixie! You shouldn't have asked me about it then. Finish him off Trixie. Alright, so, since I am, it's considered range now, I'm gonna use my Excuse News. Alright. And it says it's attack is a D20+5. Alrighty. Hopefully Liam likes me a little bit more than Megan. Let's hope Liam likes you. Nope. Awwww. And they call it the Excuse News because you just hang yourself with it. Someone to rickus his freeze. Guys, I think you guys ticked him off when you said that the fact he was named for One Direction upset him.

Well, that's what it does. You did it to him. Yeah. I did do it to him. My sister did it to him. Maybe he's just talking like a constant downward spiral of depression because he's named after some boy. I thought it was Liam Neeson, to be honest. I wanted to name him Wilbur, I'll have you all know. Liam's a cool name, it's just, I don't know. Am I better for not knowing what One Direction is? Yes you are. Yes. Okay, good. I'm just gonna roll the cut then. I have a vague knowledge of what it is. I don't know who. I couldn't pick a medical one up. Yeah. Um, uh, Galford, your turn?

I guess Fascinating Shadows again. Oh my god. That's probably my best bet. Liam, will you have a little faith please? Pretty please? By the odds, eventually it's gonna have to roll good, right? Well, he landed last time, so yeah. Roll it. Roll it. Um. Have faith, Liam. Yeah, that's probably the best thing I can do. Um. You got it, man. Go ahead. 20 plus 5. D20 plus 5, come on. Big money. Shutter dancing. Big money, come on. Do it before he kills again. Ugh! Crips! Liam, how is that faith left in him? Fuck you, Blackdeep. You cannibalist motherfucking... Ugh. Okay, give back Tala's nose and...

Uh, so that is 8 plus 5, so that's 13 damage, man. Uh, does that have some sort of... Or 1d8 plus 5. I guess I gotta roll for it. No, no, you crit it, dude. No, no, crit. It's massive. I'll actually give you 4 points. Yep. Uh, you have taken him down to 1d8. So he is hanging on by a thread here. So the first time the target attacks you before the end of the next turn, it takes psychic damage equal to your intelligence modifier, which is... whoa! But still. But still. But still, if... I mean, I may not survive the attack, but... Uh, Blackteeth's turn. Boo. He stands back up.

And, uh, grips his twin battle axes and gets ready and makes a swing against, uh, the two gentlemen standing in front of him, which would be Rikas and Gullfrid. So, make my day. Liam, do you like black licorice? 24. So, as he runs out of the room crying. He just made your... Apparently he does. Uh, so he hits, uh, he has hit Rikas. And he... Hit Gullfrid too. Uh, now he will take one damage. So the aneurysm in his head popped. So, bam, he took one damage. And he falls down dead. Yes. But, am I still alive? Uh, you both are. He, he, he never got to roll damage. Just by attacking you, uh...

The aneurysm blew. He had one hit point left. I'm not shitting you. Oh my god. That's awful. I was ready. I was like, I was hoping secretly that the cock was gonna be able to hit him. And like, he was gonna miss because I was like ready to just take a swing with the hammer. So, uh, in the midst of his, his big old attack that's... Has fucked you guys up a lot. I want to duly noted that the conclusion of this dramatic battle was the last person taking a swing at one of us and then dying from taking a swing at one of us. Like a Monty Python sketch. Um, congratulations guys.

You, you, you have cleared up the main... Next time we try diplomacy. That was an option, I guess. That could have totally been... We could have gone in and like talked to Black Teeth and tried to negotiate with him. And you know, he bites us a few times. We trade some goods, you know. But I'm glad he's dead though. What you guys find in this bandit camp is you find another hundred gold. Nice. Uh, and you find a health potion. I shift back by the way. Well, okay. It's over, but... That's fine. At least I can actually put the money in my pockets now. Can we just get like three straws for the health potion?

Oh, I keep thinking you mean like you backed up a space. It's like, okay, I guess you can do that. Yeah. So you, you guys did it. You, you, you cleared out the bandit camp and, and travelers can once again safely go up and down the roads taking their goods back and forth and not have to be picked on by assholes who would bite them if they were bloodied. Uh, that's, that's pretty much it guys. Congratulations. You can't see it, but I'm patting myself on the back. Totally dancing. You guys need a healer in the worst way or a strong investment in health potions.

You may be spending all your money on health potions. I don't know. I'm definitely not adverse to the idea of us investing in some health potions. Probably not a bad idea. Really is. When, when we go to sleep for the night, do we heal up at all? Or we got to use healing surges or heal up overnight? Yeah, you, I mean, the way it normally works is if we were to continue and there was more to do, then you would just pop some surges and just continue. When you sleep, you get all your surges back, all your dailies recharge, your, your, your encounter powers, all that stuff.

When we, when we sleep, we sleep on a new Tempurpedic mattress that heals us overnight. Yep. We have it on the highest setting too. So that's where it really, truly helps. Yeah. It's like memory foam to soak up all your blood. Yes. Do a history check on the Tempurpedic mattress. I was owned by Black Team. Let's just use a black light on the Tempurpedic mattress. What's a mattress? So what'd you guys think? That's something you're going to come back and do or do you, do you? I loved it. Okay. If I can keep Megan in the game long enough, then definitely. I think tactical difficulties aside, it was good.

I literally have not played D&D in probably 20 years, which is sad, but, uh, it was easy to get back into. It was awesome. I'm going to have to get used to these rules. Definitely. It's just slight differences where you're used to, sounds like 3.5 is easier. I'm just saying it sounds like there's a lot of benefit. No, 3.5 gives you a little more room. Yeah. A little more wiggle room and stuff. But I'm basically trolling everybody who's told us we should be playing on 3.5 for the podcast. You know, I'm just going to say, you know, group one is going to be laughing at you guys when they listen to this, right?

Oh yeah. Group one has a lot to like, yeah, yeah, sure. They were shooting when we smash hammers in their face. One word. Okay. One word, one word. Stealth! Okay. Group one can bite us. So I, I, I, you guys will get stronger and maybe one day you'll meet up on the road. You don't know. We have no idea. So. Now, Jason, do you keep track of like you said, when we level up later, you're keeping track of like experience and all that? Yes, I am keeping track. I don't say how much experience you're getting for each kill just because it kind of takes away from some of the immersion.

Okay. So it is, it is advantageous that I killed like four people today. Aside from the murderous glee. Here's how it works. You all split experience evenly. So even though you got the kills, everyone gets points for it. Okay. So like, let's say you kill a guy. Go ahead. Genar is communism. Well, well, he, well, technically as a GM, he could reward you specifically for getting all the, if you got, if you were the only person who got kills in the battle, some GMs are kind and give you like an extra 10 experience for that or something. Well, I always keep track of stuff.

If you do something spectacular, like, uh, like roll a crit on like the last guy in the battlefield who who's, you know, like I always do something like I always keep track of that kind of stuff. Like, uh, or if you call you, sorry, go ahead. Go ahead. Sorry. Well, normally it's like, I need to like, you know, somebody talked to me during the league and that's when you usually go over, you know, how much you specifically got and stuff. So I think it's not like, I'll talk to you each individually. And then when you level up, I got to do, you may have leveled up today.

I doubt it, but, um, uh, yeah, I'll, I'll, I'll check the math and I'll, I'll let you know in the basement page and, and yeah, I'll get ahold of each one of you and say, Hey, you get a new power. What do you want? And I'll, I'll let you know your options and stuff. And, uh, so for the next session, you guys are going to be heading to Brightport. So that's going to be your first like major city. So there's going to be more stuff to do in the city besides kill shit. So you get to talk to people and they may have stuff for you to do, and you may be able to solve a problem without burying a hammer in it.

I got a plus 10 streetwise, so that's probably nice. Nice. Uh, yeah, your character is pretty shifty. So, um, yeah, that's, that's pretty much it.