The Elven Forest

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

[CLINKING] Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. Oh, [BLEEP] Um-- [CLEARS THROAT] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold, Olympic highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah. You're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you're only going to cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs.

Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. It's your first job. I know what I'm doing. It's a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go, go. What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal's experience. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. All right, but anyway. So yeah, basically what's going on, guys, is-- I'm going to do a quick recap of what happened to everybody after-- so what happened is the guys formed-- they went to the town of Overdale, which is this cliff top town, kind of centered-- We took advantage of their kindness.

Immediately. And they've been living there six months, rent free, basically, passing themselves off as these big time adventurers. Like, we've come-- oh, we've slain dragons, and we've done-- and just-- you guys have gotten into some scrapes, but I mean, nothing-- I mean, you're not super advanced. And basically, they've been living in Overdale for six months, rent free, living in a converted stable, basically, that they're converting into a little headquarters, sleeping in hay, and like-- I mean, just-- What adults do. What adults do. It's an awesome headquarters.

I love this. Is this The Walking Dead? Is that what we're playing now? No, I think it's just laziness combined with-- that was the only building available at the time. So I mean, it's six months. You figure they could renovate that and turn it into something really cool. So the mayor of the town asked you guys to investigate some kidnappings. Basically, some farmers on the outskirts of the city have been kidnapped and everything, and what they did, they found out it was a group of vampires that had kind of moved into an old abandoned cave. If you imagine the cliff top, and then a waterfall, and then well underneath that at the base would be a cave.

So they went in and investigated it, and found a band of vampires, basically, and ended up fighting a vampire lord at the end of it, which they were not prepared for. We're going to post that last episode tomorrow, and that fight did not go well. Yeah. The guy possessed Tyler twice. Tyler turned around and smacked Justin to the ground one time, like just bam. He got off that nasty-- Because he hit like twice, and I was a mage, and I can't dodge dicks. So they ended up killing him, but it took a long, long time. Like he regenerated his health. Tyler was bitten in the process.

Yeah. Wink. [LAUGHTER] Foreshadowing. So yeah, we're going to explore that as time goes on. But dun, dun, dun. There we go. Worst case scenario, you get more fucking powerful, really. I mean, come on. Or he can't stand the light, or hey, so he has to sleep outside. He gets retards strong, and he gets a bone or whatever, so when he gets bloodied, and then he tries to eat us. Yeah, that's great. We want that in our team. I'm just saying. There's drawbacks. Come on. Take the good with the bad. Come on. What was that? So OK. They're coming back from a long night of vampire fighting, basically, and it's dawn.

Now Ironhide, Duncan, and Malkus have also made their way south. Now let me tell you guys what happened in town that kind of-- Traeus and Thoril had to leave immediately. So you guys remember you rescued the king's daughter and brought her back safely and everything like that, right? Yeah. Yes. OK. Well, you guys were knighted up there. Oh, shit. In Winterhaven. You guys, they were knighting you. So here's what happened. OK. Go ahead. No, no, no, no, no. I remember now I'm here. [LAUGHTER] I was about to say, yeah, you were the mage last time, so this is the character swap.

Whoa. So what ended up happening was Ironhide, Duncan, Malkus all went through the little knighting ceremony just fine, and you guys are officially knights of Winterhaven. They get to Thoril, and they're doing the ceremony. And if you know anything about knighting ceremonies, you kneel down in front of the king or queen or whatever, and they have the little sword in there. Now, do you remember taking control of a drake? Yes. Yes. OK. That's great. So this is a big outdoor ceremony in town square. Oh, no. Everybody's there, and it's a huge celebration. And nothing went wrong.

And nothing went wrong. The end. So the drake followed you back, but kind of keeping on the outskirts, it's not really-- you're kind of almost keeping it-- you want to keep him as a pet, because I mean, come on. It's a fucking drake. He sees the sword being lowered by the king and immediately starts to attack. Charges into the town square, batting away people, and brushes the king. You manage to subdue him, but guess what? They didn't take too kindly to that. So what you're saying is we should have killed him. You should have probably just let him go, but I mean, you know, it's a drake.

I mean, you could use that, definitely. Drake would have been handy fighting vampires. We let him go. You did let him go, but I mean, he's around. He didn't let you go, though. [LAUGHTER] He was my buddy. [LAUGHTER] So Thoril and Traus left immediately and headed south. And they, you know, they kind of-- they're not considered knights in Winterhaven. You three are, though. Ironhide, Duncan, Malkus. The ceremony was done. You guys are-- and what happened was when they asked who's-- you know, whose beast is this? I mean, Thoril was the one who kind of, you know-- Dick. [LAUGHTER] He seems like totally pissed off and like flexing with all of his might and just screaming at the top of his lungs, get the fuck out.

Ironhide, Duncan, and Malkus immediately like, [MUMBLING] and just distanced themselves a little bit. Just enough, and you know, of course, Traus and Thoril are ejected. So you guys head south to a warmer climate. You're in Overdale. Now, eventually, Ironhide, Duncan, and Malkus, they need-- I mean, you can't really do solid adventuring with three people. So they followed you guys south, and you guys are meeting up for the first time just as Thoril, Traus are leaving the vampire cave. Now, after the vampire cave, AA's character-- what the hell was his character's name?

Oh, AA's character-- Fluxus. [LAUGHTER] AA's character, Atticle, after his abysmal showing, decided he's going to go train in solitude. He don't know when he'll be back, but someday-- So he's packed of alligators. He told me he was going to go be a family man, so-- [LAUGHTER] Well, that's training in its own right. Shavar quit adventuring altogether, and he just decided to head west somewhere. Shane died in the cave. Shane was stabbed to death in the cave. You're killing me. And he bled out before you guys can drag him over the lava pool again. Then somehow he just got knocked down into the pit of hell.

I don't know how that happened. I don't have pointy fingers, but it happened, so-- Can't be arrived. So his lifeless bloody corpse is still in that cave. And you guys are meeting up for the first time, actually, right now. Woo! Do we drop characters down to the thing? Well, I mean, that's going to be in just a second, because I'm going to tell you guys what you're going to be doing. But I would love to see how you guys handle meeting up for the first time after-- Good morrow. What the fuck were you guys doing? [LAUGHTER] All right. I know it's not a competition, but we got knighted.

What do you got? Look, as a war priest, even, I can tell you there are some battles you just have to lose. You got pinged. I'm actually really interested in this meeting here, because you two had some kind of weird romance going on. And-- Hey, we killed a fucking vampire. And all we lost was a couple that just pee ons. Trainees. Red shirts. Yeah, I wasn't there, actually, technically. I've been making bank with my music. So that's what I've been doing. Yeah, six months have passed. So you guys, I mean, you know, there's-- yeah. So it's-- I've been hanging out with my fan club over in town.

I've pretty much risen to the top bard in the city. I just want to let you guys know that. See? What's the population of the city again? Well, I'm the only bard in the city. But I had a fan club, remember? To be fair, though, the old ones were killed by a Drake in non-related circumstances. I sang a lot of songs about Drake. It was awesome. And those dicks with that Drake left town. So I was knighted, right? Mm-hmm. So I got that going for me. You are Sir Ironhide, at the very least, in Winterhaven. Oh, yeah. So up north, they love you. Yeah, let's get back down to Winterhaven.

That place is cool. You guys-- It means-- There's still rebuilding, actually. Six months later, it's not back up to snuff yet, you know? [LAUGHTER] Try this out, making your village out of wood. Not very smart. They're still moving bodies into the gigantic mass creps. So-- [LAUGHTER] Never forget the Drake attack of six months ago. As a spiritual man of the cloth, I'll have to ask Ironhide, how is your situation going with your kids? Oh, my kids? I eat them. Oh, I thought you were trying to get your kids back. Oh, yeah, I found them. I eat them. [LAUGHTER] That's like you're starting to get them back.

It was weird. They're always with me now. [LAUGHTER] Quest complete. [LAUGHTER] There's like 50 questions I want to ask about that. I got 50 family man coupes for that. 50 family man coupes. So Traeus and Thoril are just coated in blood. Not all of it necessarily their own. So how many experience points were children worth? It wasn't worth much. They didn't put up much of a fight. They didn't put up much of a fight. Just get it. Oh, oh, there you go. Got them back. What kind of children does a robot have? I don't know if we've ever fully explored that. Uh, toasters.

Egg beaters. Rob. They have to grow. Nintendo. Nintendo Rob. Oh, I thought you meant Rob. It's like, well, Rob's got more personality than a robot. Jesus. No. That's mean. The Nintendo Rob. So you guys are talking, and you're heading back to town. And they're trying to catch you up on what's been going on. And it's an awkward walk, I would imagine. You guys are basically-- Ironhide, Duncan, and Malchus are basically telling tales of how people fawned over them after just six full months of them being knighted men of the guard of Winterhaven. That's nothing. We had a stable, and it was really awesome.

Like an actual horse stable, not a group. But it was nice. A stable. We were the four horsemen. There's only two of us now. Not going to talk about that. Now, Hyrule. Just like the four horsemen. We just changed out the groups every now and then. So let me tell you a little about Overdale, just to give you kind of a picture. Again, it's a clifftop city. It basically formed after six smaller settlements decided to get together for protection's sake. And they hashed out power and all that a long, long time ago. So this city's been around for years. Now, as you approach the city, the captain of the guard sees you coming.

And before you guys moved in about six months ago, the captain of the guard, his name's Ian Cerberus. He was the man. Sounds like a pedophile. That's a pedophile's name, Ian Cerberus. Because they're not eating my children. So captain of the guard, Ian Cerberus, he sees you guys coming. Again, not a pedophile. I assure you he is not a pedophile. Say that when he walks up to us. I assure you I am not a pedophile. That's his greeting to everyone. You have been greatly exaggerated. Can we run a perception check on that, see if we can tell him? We'll see some insight.

He's got to hit at least 11. That just pulled me off, is all I'm saying. I feel like asking Rob a question. Have you tried the new D&D yet? I downloaded the play test files, but I have not had a chance to run it. I like what I'm seeing. Generally speaking, it's very different, though, than the past two editions. So it's kind of cool looking, though. Justin rolled a 19, by the way. Are you waiting for me to go into greater detail? No, no, no, I'm sorry. I was-- like, three things just happened at the tail end of that. I was hoping your answer would be longer.

Sorry. That wasn't me being a dick. It's like two emails pop up and a text message. Justin rolled a 19, by the way. Background check. So before you guys moved in six months ago-- and again, you guys-- I told you the last time that people-- they just take it at your word. It's like, wow, you guys are big time here. That's why they sent you on the vampire mission that you were wholly not ready for. But you came back-- I don't know about anyone else. I was doing just fine. Yes, hacking your teammates to bits. I mean, I got taken over a couple of times, but that's their fault for getting hit.

I was possessed. You did it all by yourself. You're welcome for the damage reduction, asshole. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, it was basically the Tyler and Jay show. Yeah. It basically became that. Justin had this wizard that looked like he was going to be-- a shivari. He looked like a really cool wizard. And besides all the lighted coin tricks, and throwing his voice, and making objects appear, and stuff like that. Yeah, I couldn't do any of that that time. And it was all combat-oriented. And I was like, yeah, I'm going to just die. Magic missile, I guess. Magic missile, OK.

Tyler and Jay show featuring Shane, Justin, and Andrew as the Tonight Show band. So you guys moved in, and you took a little bit of the spotlight. And the guy's not used to that, because he's lived there for over seven years. And he's been the guy. Like he wrote-- Why don't you fight those fucking level nine vampires? What the fuck were you? That was actually his idea to send you guys. Bish. Because-- Why is he-- He wanted to be rid of us. Well, that was-- I mean, he figured you guys wouldn't come back. How did this guy play Una on Lost? Isn't that who we're talking to? [LAUGHTER] So he-- I mean, it was his idea.

He talked to the mayor. And he's like, well, send the new guys. They've been sitting around on retainer for six months. Let them go where they're key. That's actually a good idea. I mean, that was his, like, let's see what they can do. And you guys came back. So, you know, some of you came back. Less than half of us. So I think it was a success. 2/5 of you came back. Right. They left with trainees and came back with knights. Come on. That seems pretty good. Yes. That's-- yeah. So he's meeting-- One of you turned into a robot. I'm not quite sure what happened. Wait, were all of you mechanical when you left?

So he meets you at the city gates. And he's got a pack of guys behind him. And they're on horseback. And they're getting ready to ride off. And he sees you coming. And he kind of greets you and waves you over. Now, this dude is just a big, barrel-chested, clean-shaven. Like, he's got-- he wears iron armor. But the shit looks like silver. It's just polished. Like, just the sheen coming off this is ridiculous. Just, like, long, blond hair. Just kind of a douchey-looking guy. But, you know, I mean-- I'd fuck him, you know? You're selling us on his looks really well here.

Well, I'm saying, like, that's-- When you think of the traditional knight in shining armor, this is the guy. Like, he's-- Seems like he knows how to handle his mace. He featured a woman, right? You know? Take him out to dinner. Whatever. He might hit him. Yeah, but is he a knight? Well, the guy is the captain of the guard. Like, he knows how to fight. So in other words, not a knight, I'm sorry. But he's not a knight. I don't know why I'm instantly seeing Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. It's the barrel-chested thing. It's the barrel-chested thing? Is that what that is?

It is the barrel-chested thing. So what does he want, exactly? Gaston is the definition of barrel-chested. I've covered him blood, and I want to take a bath. What does he want? Well, OK. First of all, he's greeting you. There's a new crisis that you guys missed during the evening. But-- They took care of it. We're done. [LAUGHTER] Well, not the whole vampire thing. The whole vampire thing was something else. So as you guys come up the road, he greets you. Well, hello. Why, you gentlemen were gallivanting off in a cave sometime during the night. We were attacked by elves.

Attacked by elves? We fought vampires, a vampire lord, and you're having trouble with elves over here? With horseback and armor and fully-furnished artillery here? Like Santa's elves? Is that what you-- Santa's elves were the first thing that popped into your head? Yes, Santa's elves, those two foot tall. Now you're making us look like assholes. [LAUGHTER] God damn knight, and he's having problems with elves. You're a knight in Winterhaven. Down here, you're just a guy. Yeah, I'm a knight in a real city. OK. OK. Go take that shit. [LAUGHTER] Beat him up. You're still going to have to have a rap battle.

Yes, that's how this is settled in Overdell. A dance-off. [LAUGHTER] Someone's going to get served. Sir, I'm not quite sure who you are, but these gentlemen were tasked with cleaning out a cave hours ago. I show him my knight card, and I explain who I am. Is it the bat credit card from Batman and Robin? I'll tell you who I am. True. Fucking no credit. Duncan, drop a beach. Drop a beach. [LAUGHTER] That one is not a chair. During the night, we were attacked by some elves. They made off with some goods and ran back into the woods. Me and my men are going off to clear out this section of the woods, and we would like you to come with us.

Clean yourselves off. Meet us by the edge of the woods immediately. OK, judging by the fact that you sent us into a cave that had a-- we were well out of our depth there. I have a passive inside of 21. What the fuck aren't you telling us about this that you need our help for, or elves? He doesn't want to take you at all. Oh? He doesn't want to take you at all. This was the mayor's orders. Ah, I see. That if you were back by the time that he was saddled up and ready to ride, that he would take you guys. Because the mayor kind of looks at you guys as an insurance policy.

Like you guys-- I mean, there's more of you than just him, so I mean, why not take care of this thing and nip it in the butt? I see. There was a nasty elf attack. What he's not talking about were that there were several farmers slaughtered. They ran in and just burned a couple of fields down, made off with some gold. And Overdale is not a good place to do farming, is it? No. Well, the problem is all the farming villages are on the outside of the city gates to have room for crops and such. That's the problem. So all the farmers get kind of the shitty end of the stick.

I figured this out. You ever seen those bounty commercials where they talk about how it picks up what other towels leave behind? We pick up what other adventurers leave behind. We take care of the vampires, and we get the leftover elves. Interesting. Young justice. Young farmers. That's what you don't hear. You see the truth about those paper towels. Man, if I were-- I'm just saying, if I were growing up in Overdale, farming would not be the career that I would be going for. That's not the desired occupation. So you guys clean yourself off. Kind of regroup in your stable.

Where we sleep. Where you sleep. Like fucking filthy animals. [LAUGHTER] I mean, you got your clothes put away and stuff like that. You have dressers and stuff. But it's still kind of a stable. There's still hay in spots. And that's kind of where you sleep. And that's, you know. You guys need to spend some cash and renovate that place. Or just spend some time. Something. Make us feel beautiful. Mm-hm. By the way, Ian offered you no money for this. It is just considered your duty. Oh, shit. I'm out. So, oh yeah, where's our incentive then? What's it cost? It's your own retainer.

This is considered your duty to go-- I mean, like-- I ain't on retainer. I don't know about you guys. [LAUGHTER] You're not getting paid. I'm out. You're not. [LAUGHTER] He looks at it as a point of honor. This is about people's safety. And you guys are just scumbags. You're mercenaries, basically, is how he looks at you. Hold on, kid. I mean, you can at least get exposure to us. Why did you unite us? He didn't. Oh, no, no. That was up north in Winterhaven. Oh, OK. Different region, right? Yes, different region. Yeah, you get exposure here in a different region, though, with your songs and stuff.

You know? Oh, yeah. Yeah. There you go. Advertising. [LAUGHTER] Duncan is a shameless self-promoter. What is the bard situation down here-- or up here, anyway? What's it like? There are a couple of bards in town. It's a big city. It's bustling. But I mean, your style of music could sway some people. You could be the Beatles of Overdale if you play your cards right. '80s covers, mainly, is one of my favorite. Malthus calls drums. So you meet him at the edge of the woods. And he immediately just tells you to split up, go on your own. He has to take you, but he doesn't have to take you with him.

Oh, OK. So he means split up from them, not split up from each other. No. He doesn't care where you go as long as it's not near him. This isn't an episode of Scooby Doo. Good, good. Oh, like, let's split up, guys. I have a drink. One of you be the A plot, one of you be the B plot. Let's move it here whenever we have the plot resolution, OK? Great. So if you guys want to slide your characters right onto that starting area, right down yonder at the bottom of the page. On the open plane thing? Yep. I'm up front. What's with the number thing over-- Because you guys plopped the children's asses down the top of each other.

Well, I mean, you know. So you-- There's a vampire lord up here. Oh, god, no. How do I move the map? Oh, yeah. The hand. Yeah, the right click little hand thing, yes. You should only be able to see the bottom section of the screen if the program is working correctly. So you start out in this clearing. And basically what you have to do is there's basically only one or two paths through these thick ass woods. The problem is you guys are hunting elves. Which ends up inside the woods. Well, I mean, not only are they inside the woods, but that's where they live.

And let me give you a little background on this area's elf situation. You remember when I said that six areas kind of came together in this one central location in Formed Overdale? Yeah, for protection. Well, they kind of pushed out the regional elf situation, pushed them into the woods. Oh, so they're teed off. The locals are mad. So they've kind of been re-situated, let's say, into the woods, driven out of their home. And yeah, so that's basically-- but that was years ago. So I mean, for them to all of a sudden be pissed off is kind of weird. Right, right.

So I mean, they're still pissed off then, in other words. Well, I mean, it's not like you guys are having Thanksgiving dinner together. But I mean, for them to just slaughter farmers and stuff like that, it's weird. I mean, that's not really like them. Because you know elves, they're kind of preserving nature and-- Pushedovers, right, right. Bitches. Pussies. No, pussies. [LAUGHTER] The problem is you're basically walking into their home turf. They're incredibly nimble, really flighty. And I mean, you're basically walking into an ambush. And you know it. So-- Give us some really good networking leverage.

If we're doing it for free with people we don't like into an ambush. I'm just saying. We're Sir Douche-a-lot right now. We're seeing all this. He basically took one of the other paths. Malchus adventures to fund his vices. You're a priest. Malchus is a warlock. Oh, OK. Yeah, I'm the priest. You're the priest. That's right. OK. Yeah. I was going to say, I can only pick one vice there. That's not-- the knight has that going on. We've covered it before. Treyas has serious alcohol issues. I don't talk boys. I just can't keep my hands off of a good bottle of scotch. That's my problem.

They're right. Malchus is drinking a martini right now. Treyas licks his lips. Duncan shakes his head. He's not a drinker. I know he's a dwarf, but not a drinker. Damage your vocal cords. You can't have that. Exactly. So you guys start out in a clearing. And Ian took the only other path with his men, and he ventured into the woods. And basically, his goal is to come back with a sack full of elf heads. And he tasks you guys with doing the same, just don't get in his way. He told you those were his last words, and then he rides off with his guys. You guys are horseless, standing in a clearing, kind of thrust back together.

And what would you guys like to do? I would like to do a perception check. Immediately. Pretty much, yeah. And I expect Justin to do a history check at some point really soon. Streetwise, please. In the woods. In the woods. Street tower. [LAUGHTER] Need you to see a path. It's legit. Pretty much, it's-- OK, so perception's plus 6, so that is a D20 plus 6, right, for a perception check? Yeah, whatever your perception is. Yeah. OK, wait. There's 20. Whoa. Too hot. Bro. 23. OK. Again, you're standing in this gorgeous clearing. It's early in the morning. It's about 6.30 in the morning.

So it's-- Who's trying to kill us? [LAUGHTER] Cut to the J's, old man. It's stone silent. Like, you don't hear birds. You don't hear deer. You don't hear anything. Just stone silent. It's weirdly silent, almost. It's suspiciously silent. Ahead of you is just an open trail that kind of leads into the woods. And you don't see anything suspicious about it. Until you, of course, we round the corner. You guys are too suspicious of things. It's probably not what you think. Or maybe it is. I don't fucking know. I don't know what you're thinking. I just make the rules, that's all.

Does anybody have good nature? We can run a nature check because of the elves. I got a plus 8. Yeah, do it. It's probably our best bet, yeah. I need to bring up the dice rolling. Elves are one with nature. Well, he's not an elf. Well, I know, but I'm saying we should do a nature check because we're fighting elves who are one with nature. 23. OK. You know for sure that there are eyes on you right now. They just are. They know you're coming. You know that they know they're coming. You're coming. And it's completely unnatural for the forest to be this quiet. Like, mystically unnatural.

I mean, not a bird, not a tweet. Especially at like 6.30 in the morning. That's when everything's kind of coming to life. No bees, nothing. It's stone quiet. You hear like maybe a breeze go through the trees every once in a while, but it's eerie. But again, no immediate danger. So where we have our minis right now, it's weird. I mean, the clearing just kind of like-- does that clearing extend further? No, that's pretty much-- I mean, the other end of it is where Ian went. So I mean, the trail in front of you is pretty much your option. You don't want to follow Ian because he told you, keep the fuck away.

Like, just stay away from me. Oh, the road eastward is where we're headed? Basically, yes. OK. Well, it's quiet, but I don't want to stand still because elves tend to have air throws. So I mean, I'll keep walking if no one's stopping me. You guys just want to continue down the path? Yeah, I don't think we have any other option at this point. Basically, no. No. All right. So just move ourselves in? If this was a movie, this would be the point where they would do like the close up of our eyes as we're like just slowly shifting them around. And this is a movie I'm about to die on.

The claustrophobic camera angles. [LAUGHTER] Like, you just see a camera behind one of the trees as it sees us off in the distance as we're slowly walking. Yeah, yeah. Seriously, is it has like an infrared filter for no reason? Is your clicking? Justin's air conditioner makes an appearance? That's the car starting up. We're driving up the road. I guess I'll be the brakes, Humphavitch. If you guys just want to continue into the opening of the next clearing here. Carriage, girly hair. I'm Tyler. Ah. I feel like we're being tunneled somewhere. [LAUGHTER] Kind of the way the woods are set up.

Oh, god, wow. Ah. [MUMBLING] So as you walk into this clearing-- Oh. I wonder what history shook. These trees have been around for a long time. I haven't-- Yes. It's a forest. It's always been a forest. It will probably be a forest for a long time. Altimis lays in wait beneath your feet. Oh, shit. I'm sorry. OK. As you enter this clearing, you hear rustling in the bushes. Shit. And several elves jump out. And a caterpie. And a caterpie. And a caterpie. [LAUGHTER] [MUMBLING] Yeah, battle music. Buck catcher challenges you to a duel. And-- The hobbits are staying out of the sun all day.

Two elven striders and three elven archers-- Oh, shit. --are kind of hanging out. And again, they knew you were coming. Like, scouts, as soon as you set foot towards the woods, they knew you'd retaliate. So the interesting thing about these elves is that their eyes are kind of just red. Like, almost rabid. OK. [LAUGHTER] Good boy. Andrew? Oh, god, no. The moment we see them, I say, we're looking for an evil man in silver armor. Have you seen him? Yeah, we're on your side now. [LAUGHTER] Diplomacy check. Elf is a promotion from night. [LAUGHTER] Well, it's definitely better than evil, man.

They're looking for a real nasty man. [LAUGHTER] I have plus six diplomacy. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, please, go ahead. Try it. 24. OK. They-- you notice how they're carrying themselves. And these are unlike any elves you've ever seen. Not appearance-wise. They look like regular elves. They almost look like rabid animals. Oh, shit, put them down. And they-- you can see that there's nothing about these guys that want to talk to you or anything. They are going to attack you immediately. So if you guys want to roll for initiative-- Rolled and flown. I get a plus one initiative.

I decline. [LAUGHTER] A four. A four. You can stand there. Yeah. 10. OK. 18. It's a 20, right? Justin got a four. Five. [LAUGHTER] Duncan got a five. Five. Reroll. Jay, what'd you get? I got a 10. 10. I'm all good. I'm all good. Oh, I'm not a guy who got a 10. Got a roshambo for who gets that initiative spot. I think I got it. Come here, Alf. Would you get there? 18. And-- Done. --Malchus, would you get-- 11. 11. Cool. And sorted. All right. Elven Archer is going first. Then it's going to be Thoril. I imagine I'll be going last. Probably. You got to calibrate your beam cannon, so it's worth it.

Not quite, Iron Man. It's primary ignition. [LAUGHTER] Let's see here. Elven Archer is going to use Longbow. He's going to use it on Trance. That's D20 plus 11. Does a 30 hit your initiative? Wow, that's a good roll. No. Yeah. That's a D10 plus 7 damage. You should just kept saying no. There's no way for him to check it. 13. OK. So that just strikes you right in the shoulder. I'll take it. I don't know. Well, I mean, you know, I'm-- you know. 13. Don't do much of a choice. 13. Can I go to Gray? Break it off and toss it right back at him. Whoa, whoa, this has changed.

What happened? Thoril. I guess I'll start on up to four here. Mm-hmm. And-- oh, shit. Where'd it go? Where'd it go? There we go. Melee basic attack. I lost my one attack. Holy shit, no. No. It's all I had. Don't you see? Yeah, you need to level up so you can get one more attack. 27. 27? Shit. That'll do it. All right. D10 plus 8. That is 9 damage. Oof. All right, you get to make a second roll for your offhand weapon. 19. That'll hit. Woo. 26 plus 8. 12. Another 12 damage. Very nice. OP, OP. Hey, he's on our side. Shut the fuck up. [LAUGHTER] I'm nearly bloodied by one hit.

He can do whatever the fuck he wants to now. He killed me the last time. I get a chance to say something. He killed a good friend of mine. He killed a good friend of mine. He had a drinking problem, but damn it, he was OK. Let's see here. What is he going to do? Elvin Strata's going to move right on up to Traya's and use Bone Longsword. He's going to use his bone on you. He's going to use his long bone. 12. That is a miss. That's going to do more damage to him, actually. No, in fact, he dies. Elvin Strata number 4 is going to take a swing at Thoril. 13. Wow, that sucked.

Next up, Elvin-- yeah, Elvin Archer number 1. I couldn't say the Elvin word for some reason. He's going to use his long bow attack on Thoril. These guys are nasty with bows. That's one thing that they do very well. And here's our closing distance of some of these guys. Does an 18 hit your AC, Thoril? Nope. Then let's see. Next up, Malchus. Shoot on up here. And I'll conjure up my Blade of Annihilation and give it a swing. I miss you, Malchus. It's good to be back. Yeah, it is. That's low. Ooh, 14. What's that for? AC? AC. Yeah, that's going to miss. Yep. I guess a bummer.

It's not the way we wanted to start things off, but-- you want to do anything else? No, that's not good. OK. Try us. All righty. I think I'm going to-- OK, well, just busting the battle on the number 3 here, the Elvin Strider. Don't forget the modifier. Right, right, right. I didn't know you weren't adding the modifier before. I don't know why I didn't even see that. Yeah, I feel stupid now. No, no, that's fine. OK, rolling. You were just playing on hard mode. 10. I rolled a 1. So yeah, that does anything. Does the-- that has an effect, though, right? I mean, does that-- I think that still counts, even for a critical miss.

Right, right. I get damage resistance. I don't have a damage resistance on myself. Probably a good idea. They've already hit you twice now, once. Yep. It's OK. Cool, cool. Here we go. Duncan, your turn. All right. Going to-- 1, 2, 3. Stroll up here. I'm going to cast Warsong Strike. That's what I like to hear. We'll sing "Rock You Like a Hurricane." Yes. And-- because that's a war song. And-- It is. It's true. The d20 plus 8. Roll them. 10. Another evening of low rolls, I guess. Ah, yes. That's what Duncan's here for. That, of course, is going to miss. What? Yeah, 10 missed.

I know. It's shocking to me, too. Shocking. So that equals nothing happens now. So there you go. Ironhide, your turn. It's time to own this bitch. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Going to use Lightning Leash-- Lightning War. And he's 1, 2, 3 spots. I'm going to hit the first Elven Archer. OK. It's a 21 d20 plus 6. Here we go. Bam. Crit. 10. 10. That's a crit. And that misses. Good lord. Well, this is not the start that you guys are wanting. It doesn't matter. We're invincible. OK. Yep. As long as we believe in each other, nothing can faze us. That was throwing hands. Elven Archer number 2 is going to use his longbow against Ironhide.

It is. Ah, shit. Ironhide's kind of right in the center of those three archers now. They can-- No, I'm not. I mean, their range is 30. What? That's bullshit. They're lying. It's long. They're longbows. So-- I had to take steroids. Look at my picture. You can't hit that. But you want to. His picture's all-- man, have you seen the new Ironhide photo? Half of you guys got new photos, actually. So I say, you can't hit him, but you want to, if you're gay. I'm just saying. Just find your fucking gun. 20. Just 20. 20 beats your AC, right? Yeah. OK. Oh, no. So let's see here.

That's D10 plus 7. God damn. 17. 17 damage? Yep. All right. I got it. Boom, OK. Let's see who's next here. Thoril. Yay. Help. Good old melee-based attack. Oh, yes, I remember those days. Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Do you own any other attacks? Seriously, I got to look at your character. Does he need them, Jason? Does he need them? Basic attack, and then-- we went over this last time. I have melee-based attack, and then my dual weapon attack, the offhand. And I have a ranged basic attack. I have a couple of encounters, a daily, and then a couple of things that are just stances.

That's essentially it. OK, you got power strike, which gives you another weapon attack on top of the two that you would normally get. Holy shit, dude. I get heroic effort, which in case I miss, I can use to make sure I hit. And then there's power strike, which allows me to do extra damage if I hit. Well, all right then. So it's basically these basic attacks, and then my other stuff is just to beef it. Go right ahead. I'm sorry I interrupted. 24. That'll hit. I assume you're hitting the strider, of course, in front of you. Go ahead, roll for damage. 10. 10.

He is bloodied. Aha. Offhand, 15. Your offhand does more damage than your main weapon. Yeah. I always puke. OK, he dropped down to one knee. You're just hacking the shit out of him. OK, you're done? You want to move or anything like that? Yeah. Elven strider number three. Let's see here. Let me see what I want to do here. He's just going to use his long bone sword again. He's going to attack Duncan this time. So let's see. That's d20 plus 9. 12. All right. Not a chance. Nope. That brings up elven strider number four. He's going to try to make a retreat. Attack of opportunity, maybe?

Yeah, me too. Yes. Yes, that's the thing. He has an encounter power. Oh. Hold on one second. I'm trying to find it. It's not encounter power. It moved like the wind. The strider gets a plus 5 bonus against opportunity attacks provoked by his movement. So as he moves away, you guys get opportunity attacks. But yeah. I almost got these-- the rules confused with hero clicks. I've been playing too much of that. I got him, Jayce. You did get him. You did get him. You did it. You son of a bitch, you did it. Roll for damage. Rob? Sorry, it helps if my foot's not in the way of the infrared from the mouse.

Oh, OK. Jesus, did you just roll 6 to 17? 17, yeah. Look, the blade of annihilation is no joke, all right? He's very dead. Yeah. And he took it in the back trying to run away. That's the worst kind of death. Oh, oh, I get some kind of bonus. And I haven't played my character in a long time, so I don't know what it is. We're all learning again. Croak and rage. Oh, temporary hit points. I get three temporary hit points. Do you have to control temps, Jason, or do I? Yep, I got it. You're already set. Sweet. Who the hell is next? Elvin Archer already went. By the way, Rob made that up.

He doesn't actually get those temporary hit points. Well, I could see his powers. He knew you wouldn't check. If you speak authoritatively enough, you can go anywhere. This is true. I win. Elvin Archer number one is going to take a swing at Ironhide. Justin? Yeah. He's going to use his longbow. No. He's going to take a swing with his longbow? That's not going to work out very well. Well, you know what I mean. That's what she said. She threw the longbow at him. 17. Does that hit you? 17, and that is towards what? Armor? Armor class, yeah. Does it hit? OK. He's pissed.

Pulls her way. Elvin Archer number three is going to do the same. He's going to take a swing at Ironhide. 26. That hits you. Yeah, it hits. That'll do it. D10 plus 7. 12. Down to 10. And you are bloodied. Next up, Malkus. All right. That guy looks like he's in a bad place. Let's take care of him. Like so. So I'll flank, and I'll get-- Plus 2. Yes. So D20 plus 11. Attacking Strider number three. 18. That'll hit. Cool. The usual. So-- Whoa, too much. There we go. Big man. Holy crap. 16. Nice hit. That's all for me. And you're done? My work here is done. See, I just remembered.

The best part about this is now that we have Rob back, now we can hear Jason go, Malkus. Trey's-- --tonation. Like when you're calling your dog, it's almost like-- It's like someone's fucking being summoned on the Family Feud or something. Malkus. Come on down. I'm going to use an against word on Ironhide. OK. Is there a line of sight issue with that, or can you just-- This is close burst five. OK. Well, then it should be fine. Yeah. So-- wait, do I roll, or does he roll? Oh, Christ. What does it say? I've done this one. The target can spend-- oh, he spends a healing surge.

So-- Yes. OK. What is that, an encounter? Or is it-- He'll spend the healing surge, and you'll roll the bonus dice. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you're using healing word. OK. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's encounter. Twice per encounter. So I'll roll 1D6 to give him-- so he gets-- oh, he gets an extra six points. Yes. So-- All right, so I get-- 15. 15. And you've spent a healing surge. Healing surge. Surge. I liked surge. I used to drink that. Oh, you mean Mountain Dew? No, I mean surge. Surge was like Sprite, and Mountain Dew had a baby. Yeah. It was the first one with a wide mouth. Yes, it was.

Yeah. Oh, wow. I miss the '90s. It's kind of like Vault. I was just going to say, Vault is like Surge 2.0. It's not as good, but-- although I might be wrong, I was like nine when I drank Surge. So that's just-- who knows? Because people are screaming and running on the commercials, so it would look cool. I was nine. I was like-- it was like 13, 14. Yeah. Look at these blessings of battle on the Elven Strider here. All right, go ahead. So just 29. No, that's-- oh, crit. Oh, shit. Crit, crit, crit, crit, crit. What's the damage on that? Let me check. Let's find out.

Just verify my damage roll real quick. Whoa, where the hell did he go? OK, 1d8 plus 6. So a crit is just max damage? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the attack roll, not for the-- Yeah, that means you do-- yeah, but when you crit, that means you do max damage. Yeah, there's only bonus dice involved if you have a magic weapon. OK, so that's just it there. So it's just-- perfect 20 is just max damage then? Yes. Whatever it says for your damage, if it says like roll d6 plus something, take-- add up whatever that would be, and then just tell me. So that would be 14 then, d8 plus 6.

OK, 14. Nice hit. Plus 6. Excellent hit. Cool, cool. The elf is bloodied. And he is down to 1d. He's just getting the shit kicked at him by three dudes, just surrounded. And I'll put a damage reduction on Malchus, because he's kind of out in the open. OK. What's that, 2? What the fuck was that? Hold on, wait. I think it was 2. Constitution modifier, so what the hell is my constitution in a second? Details. 2, yeah, plus 2. OK, cool. Just making sure. Duncan. OK, I will try once again with Warsong. So I didn't hit last time. I'm sticking with the song I sang before. I'm just keeping that train rolling here.

So it's 20 plus-- oh, wait, what do I add for the-- because we're surrounded him, we're flanking him. Plus 2. You're across from me. Yes, you'll just get a plus 2 to your attack roll. Oh, to my attack roll. OK. So it's not-- OK. So it's-- oh, yeah. So it's plus-- OK, so it's plus 10 now. So 27. Damn. That will hit. That is awesome. OK. Clear. That is a 1d8. That's a d10, sir. 1d8 plus 4. 11. All right, 11's a good hit. Now, so anybody who hits him-- so the next person who hits him gets-- if you hit him before the end of my next turn, you get temporary hit points equal to your constitution modifier.

Nice. Nice. Equal to your Dan's-- My constitution. Your, yeah. That's my sign. Oh. Which is-- 22. 3. 3. Yes. Ironhide, Justin, your turn. All right. You're going to keep doing that flamboyant ass attack? No. I was just doing that because I wanted to get a shot, and I moved the maximum mount. OK. In order-- because those guys have a hell of a fucking range. So if we don't start jumping those guys-- whose song's still again? Thor. All right. Cool. All right, did you want to rush the archer 3 next time, your next turn? Yeah, it was-- Yeah, I'm going to use a Js of assault on him.

OK. On what, one? Number three. Oh, OK. So now he has to attack me in order to not have me work right behind him and attack him. Isn't that a close burst 2? Is it? Because I thought it was-- Yeah, it's a close burst 2. All right, whatever. You can hit one? No, you can't even hit one. Well, it doesn't matter. If I hit one and I'm right next to him, then-- Right, right. --there's nothing gained. I'm just going to use a green flame blade on him. Green flame blade. That reminds me of a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers attack. All right, here we go. If you want to put that on him anyway, I'll walk past him.

And if he does take the attack of opportunity, you hit him. And if he doesn't, I walk into flanking. Elvin Archer. He's going to take a swing at Ironhide. Yeah. So that is a 20 plus 11? Let me look that up real quick. It's been so long since-- Yes, please, it was 11. 19. Does that hit your AC? Just barely, yes it does. Well, just barely is good enough for me. That'll be 11 damage, sir. All right, I'll accept the charges. Next up is Thoril. You're bloodied, by the way. I've never opened this drawer. Oh, let's see. One, two, three, four. Guess I'll bum rush three. All right.

But with what attack? That's the crap shoot. You never know. There we go, each one. Yeah. 12 cards pick up. 12 does nothing. Yeah, so 12 does nothing. I've gone for us. Wow. No blowing into the mic. Here you go, buddy. All right, so Elvin Strider three. He is both flanked and flunked. He's bloodied. He's getting the crap kicked out of him. He's not doing well. Help me. He's going to use Rushing Dervish. What? Rushing Dervish. You know what a dervish is? Sounds like an Australian instrument that you use to like, war off-- I believe they're like little tornadoes. Like a-- That's a didgeridoo.

Oh, yes, yes. That's the other silly name for a thing. So Rushing Dervish, so he's bloodied. What he's going to do is he's going to move his movement speed plus two. Now he will incur attacks of opportunity on his way. Now during his run, at any time, before, during, or after the move, he's going to use his longsword attack and his obsidian shortsword attack. So before he takes off at all, he's going to swing-- he's going to use his longsword against Malchus and his shortsword against Duncan. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. And then when he goes to move, you guys are going to take opportunity attacks.

So let's get that out of the way right now. This is in counterpower. He can't just do that, just to let you guys know. He's going to use his longsword first against Malchus. 19. Did you say we don't take opportunity attacks? No. Well, you're going to-- Once he moves, you don't. Once he moves, you're going to. Yes. That will hit me. And I'll react with Infernal Wrath once you resolve the damage. OK, so since he's charging, that's a 2d8 plus 4. Plus 4. That's 11 damage. Damn it, that's all that did. OK. Not that I wanted to do more or anything. Shit. I mean, good job.

Good job. I mean, good for you. Infernal Wrath goes off, so he takes fire damage for hitting me. Does that give you my three hit points? Because you hit him before my next turn, so that would give you my temporary hit points, I believe. I guess, yeah. There's no attack roll involved, but I did hit him, technically. So that's me. So I thought that was if you attack him before you're next. Let me read that. Is it phrased attack or hit? Let me read it. I changed my attacking on him. Let me go back. It's on strike, right? Any ally who hits the target before the enemy next turn.

No, hits the target. All right. All right, so give me three or two temp. Three. Three temp hit points back, and then I'm going to do a d6 plus 0, just a d6 damage of fire. No, I'm not my own ally, right? No. I'm my own best friend. It will say yourself an ally if it means you can too. So allies are always not you. OK. I was kind of being facetious, but-- Sorry, I'm helpful to a fault. Let's see here. So he's going to start his move, which would be this way. So as soon as he steps foot this way, he's going to keep charging this way, but you guys get to both take an opportunity to attack against him.

Spear that rock and just blow a hole through it. Well, elves get to run over terrain, over hindering terrain, because they're elves, and they're awesome. That's why people hate them. That's one of the reasons people hate them. Envy. Right, how did it envy? He gets a plus 5, though, a plus 5 bonus. But we still get-- me and Duncan still get our flanking. You do. Yeah. He's the leaving of the square is what-- Let's say plus 3 then. Let's just shave that off right away. What? OK, I will argue. OK, now see, he would get a plus 5, but since you're taking to-- like you're adding 2 to your roll.

OK, so do our regular roll. Regular roll. You'll take care of it all on your side. Yes. Got it. I figured that'd be easier. Done. 27. Now whatever the fuck I do, you hit him. Like it's over-- like 27 you-- Malchus is just batting 1,000. He is. So you're going to hit him. I'm sorry. Oh, I didn't swing on Duncan. Don't look tonight. I completely forgot about that. Geez, man. It's like chess once you let go of the piece. I wouldn't say anything. Well, let me resolve that real quick, because I would hate to cheat and not take a swing at you. 29. Take a swing at a good friend.

Take a swing at a good friend. That's just 1d6 plus 7. But it's a crit. Oh, was it? Oh, it was a crit. Oh, wow, I didn't even notice that. Thank you. You're so very helpful. I'm honest on both sides. 13. So that's 13 damage to Duncan. Man, I think I almost forgot about that. Oh, yeah, it's like-- OK, now roll your damage there, Malchus. It was 20 damage. It was-- I rolled max. Super, super, super dead. Like, I can't tell you how dead he is. I cannot tell you. To tell you. I cannot tell you. So he-- You don't understand. He's an Italian elf from the old country. So he takes a stab at both of you, hits, takes one step, and Malchus just smites the shit out of his back.

They refer to them as goombas, actually. So racist. Touche, touche. Why the fuck do you make fun of my homelands? Oh, god. Let me see here. Elven Archer number one. Uh-oh. Whoa. Let's see. You're right in his face. So he can't use longbow. I have to deal with this, buddy. He's going to use a short sword. So that's a d20 plus 9. These guys are pretty accomplished fighters, so 12. [LAUGHTER] Wow. OK, he's going to use his encounter power. Score. Shit, that's such a-- He's going to use his encounter power, which is called Elven Accuracy. He's going to reroll-- he gets to reroll one attack roll and use the second outcome.

No matter what it is. Yeah. 16. God, is he in the-- OK, so yeah. Stone cold. Stone cold. Elven Archer number three is just going to do the same against Thor. 17. Will that hit your AC? Nope. He is also going to use his encounter power. 24. Yep. That will do it. OK. Damage for that is 1d6 plus 9. 10 damage. It's a 1. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't-- Yeah, that was damage, yeah. Man, you're just looking for anything you can to take away-- [LAUGHTER] Shh. Malchus is just very racist against elves. That's what it is. Hates elves. Hates them. They touched them when he was young.

Filthy goombas. [LAUGHTER] Malchus, your turn. OK. And none of these guys are bloody yet. I will assist the bloodied friend as opposed to not bloodied friend. That seems wise. OK. Why is it very confusing? What? Which why is it very confusing? Let's-- OK. Encounter power, blazing doom of the void. And yeah, that's a melee attack. Let's do it. Oh, I remember this. T20 plus 9. I'm going to punch the shit at you with my knife. You have moves like blazing doom of the void, and I have moves like hit with hammer. [LAUGHTER] Oh, I crit. Holy cow. Dicer hops me. Oh my god.

So-- 602. I-- it's something-- it's bananas, whatever it is. It's 32. It's 2D12 plus 8. That's right. Holy shit. I got him. You guys have got him. Just bring it in. Bring it in. 30-- 32 is good. Does it kill him? No. Action point. [LAUGHTER] It's a matter of pride now. He's still alive. I'm not done with you. You stab him in the gut, and he falls down to one knee immediately. Like just-- With fire. I stab him with fire. You stabbed him with fire. You just grab him by the ankle, and you yank him back up? All right. Yeah, I'm not done with you, and then I stab him with darkness. [LAUGHTER] You're stabbing him with concepts.

Like, it's not-- [LAUGHTER] If he's still standing after this, I'll smack him with philosophy. I'll hit him with math. [LAUGHTER] I don't think you just take a book on nature, and you just start beating the shit out of him with it. That's all it is. That was a 24 to hit. And so normally plus 8 damage, but Blazing Doom of the Void gives me a 5-point boost. Oh my god. I will obliterate him. 17 will do it. He's dead. I've already got my temp hit points. Otherwise, it would just be insult to injury. Oh god. That's good. Malchus is spent. Malchus does not get injured.

He gets angry. Malchus lights up a cigarette. He asks if it was as good for the Alpha as it was for him. Dead. Alpha gurgles. Dead. Like, the first hit, it looked like he was going to simultaneously throw up and shit himself. The second hit was just ugh down. Like, that was it. That was nasty. Treyas. All right, I'm going to-- Follow that. [LAUGHTER] Whoa, that is the-- All right. One, two, three, four, five. Right here. And a blessing to know. What else? [LAUGHTER] Let me see. Let's do 12. Right. Bro. 26. That will hit. These guys are fantastic long range. Not so great short range.

Ah ha ha. And that is a D8. Oh, six. Hm. Boom. Nine. Nine damage. OK, nice solid hit. Nothing to be ashamed of. Duncan. All right. I'm going to-- let me see here. I have a range to 10. So that means I can go 10 spots with it, right? That's correct. Yeah, so-- Why, you got a 10 range? I have-- my vicious mockery is standard action range 10. Oh, OK. So-- I thought you meant your movement speed. Sorry. No, no, no. That's a five. That's why I need to use-- You have a dwarf with a 10 movement speed? That's amazing. So I'm going to move right there. Let me take a look at this real quick.

OK. So it's a D20 plus five. All righty. And I'm going to roll. I'm going to roll that. 15. 15. And that's against AC. Let's see here. Will. Will, yes. Versus-- it's against Will. It's charisma versus Will. Yes. Yeah, OK. That-- that'll miss. Yeah, I should attack elves' will, huh? Well, they're not incredibly willful creatures, especially right now. They're just kind of almost like rabid dogs. Their reflexes are through the roof. Yes. Now, like the vampire, that would have been just ridiculous to attack his will. Yes. But so I missed. I'm still hanging out. Ironhide.

Well, I'm going to have to move. Going to move right over to number two. I'm going to take a swing at him. Drunken rage. All right, here we go. Got to switch to kill mode. Transform and roll out. All right, somebody else's turn. God, Shades of Shavar. I'm just not getting roles right now, so. Someone else-- The elven-- the elven archer, number two, is going to make a shortsword attack against Ironhide. Magutta works it. 21. 21 hits. Ironhide is D6 plus 9, 14. That reduces you to zero. Yeah, you're knocked out. I'm on the ground. OK. You know the drill with that.

So Ironhide is knocked to the ground. Like he runs up to the guy, swings, misses. The archer just immediately swings back, knocks him out. Trias says, I guess you could say-- and then he takes out his sunglasses, puts them on his head-- the robot is a bit rusty. Yeah! They're like screams at once. Because a fire broke out inside their rooms all at once. I'm on fire, my lens. Thoril. Guess just a regular basic attack on three. You don't even have to speak for your turn, do you? Yeah, just-- Nice 18 hit. No. The elven archer is going to pop his another encounter power.

Elven reflexes. An enemy makes a melee attack against the archer. The elf may shift one square and then use longbow attack against that enemy. Yay. So he's immediately going to use his longbow attack on Thoril. D20 plus 11, 21. That hits. You don't have to sound so frustrated. You've been cleaving everything in your path. 15. Up until now. Yes, well. He made God bleed? Shit. And he's flooding. Fuckers are doing some damage. Jesus. Well, that was a longbow attack. That's what these archers do. It's in their nature. Yeah. Elven archer number three's turn. He's going to swing on Thoril again.

Yay. Because it's just good business. 12. He missed. Critical miss. Critical miss. Yeah, see? So there you go. Malchus. I feel like it's too soon. I feel-- my turn is around already. OK. You're echoing again, sir. Sounds like he's in an empty white room. He's having nothing around. Yeah, I think he passed on. He's talking to God. He's like, it feels like it's too soon. Can't be the end. That? OK. Oh, wow. I can hear that better. OK. I will Eldritch Bolt the one that Ironhide is next to. OK, cool. If I can coordinate my hands to add the numbers. There we go. 26. Whatever it's against.

That hit. Yeah, yeah. Reflex. Wow, it just keeps coming. OK. Wow, you had the balls to take a shot against an elf at Reflex. That's fine. That's fine. Because they know better than a fly. Knighthood made me cocky. That's all I'm saying. Next-- Jesus. It's-- I don't know what to tell you. 18 damage, Max. I've had really good luck in roulette lately too, any time I've gone to the casino. I was about to say, are you going to Vegas any time soon? Yeah. Uh. Need to blow on some of these dice. This is what we're saying. Whoa, whoa. It's like a-- Well, no. That's what you have-- someone do something.

You said that in this-- --sexual with that. It's like, come on. You said that in this group. You knew what was going to happen. Blow some dice, we're blowing them. It's true. Blow these dice. Because I'm an old criminal. Criminal. Criminal. I'm going to have some piscetti. Some animal crackers. Amino crackers, sorry. Trey is. OK, I'm going to shift over to this fellow right here. And first of all, though, can I-- OK, if I have a close burst, can it go through the elf and take it over to Ironhide over there to help him? Are you trying to hurt him more? Wait, with what?

No, no, help him. Help him. That's fine. Is it one of your healing powers? No, it's soothing light. Can I heal him? You could, yeah, because it's indirect. You don't have to have a line to it. Could I resurrect him to heal him, though, because he's dead? Or dying? So if you do any healing to him, we take his hit points to 0, and then we add hit points from there. So yeah, you can. And then you're just alive again? Yeah, and he'll have to take a move action to stand up. All right, I'll just do that then. So d6, right? 1d6. You have another healing word, right? Yes.

OK, so this is your second healing word, so that's used. OK. Yep. Let me see. Yep, 1d6. Let me get that real quick. Doo doo doo. 1d6. Real. He gets plus 1. He gets plus 1. OK, so that's 10. That's 10. That's nothing to scoff at. That's 10 hit points. And now we are flanking. So I'm going to do Blessings of Battle on this motherfucker right here. Number 2. 1, 2, 2. Oh, crap. Let's see. This here. All right. Tech roll. 11. Well, you did the healing anyway. Plus 2? No. 13. Wait, heroic effort. Oh, what's that at? Let me look real quick. I don't know. I just shattered it out. Hold on.

Do it better. Where did it go? One second. Oh, there it is. There it is. I think it's plus 2 or 4, right? Wait, wait, wait. It's plus 4. Yes, plus 4. Against AC? Yep. Still misses. Really? Oh, fucking A. Missed by 1. Plus-- pretty much plus 6, really? Plus 8, like-- Yes, I'm not lying. God damn. What the fuck? I wouldn't lie to you. OK. It's not my nature. I can't lie. Duncan. OK. Has he been hit at all yet? I know you can't tell me his. Yes. Yes. He has been hit. Malchus hit him. Hard. Hard? Like, really hard? That's pretty hard. It's very-- He's not bloody or anything, though. No, but it was stern.

He knew he got hit. You're saying it didn't hit him hard enough? No. I'm-- I'm going to-- I'm going to use-- [LAUGHTER] I'm going to use-- What are you going to hit left where that came from? I'm going to use an encounter power. I'm going to use inspiring referring. I was about to say, Malchus has been known to hit teammates. He'll do it. Look, we're not talking about the ice armor incident again, all right? So I know I don't usually take requests, but something inspiring, guys? What do you think? Living on a prayer. Is that inspiring? We always do, like a Bon Jovi song or scorpions.

Yeah. How about the Shawn Michaels Lost My Smell song? How about that? [LAUGHTER] Damn it, now I got to find that. No? [LAUGHTER] I don't have-- hmm. Something inspiring, something that gets the-- that gets you go. How about the song from The Karate Kid, You're the Best Around? OK. Again, I feel like we've done that too, but OK. We have? I feel like we've done it too. OK. Then instead, we will do-- Katy Perry's California Girls. We will-- the song-- Sammy Hagar's song from Over the Top. Look it up. You can get the hat. OK, fine. And this is D20 plus 8, which I will roll now, and I'll probably miss.

And this is probably for nothing. All this hype of-- 23. 23 will hit. This is a 2D8 plus 4. Roll it. 7. Roll that beautiful bean pudding. Oh, it's a 2D8. Sorry. Let me reroll that. OK. Well, OK. That's fine. Yeah. 13. So-- OK, that's respectable. Yes. Good. In addition to that, however-- He is bloodied. He is bloodied. And in addition to that, every ally within five squares gains one plus one power bonus to attack rolls until the end of my next round. Nice. So enjoy. That's good. You know you've been kissed. I was inspiring you. Ironhide. I believe the Sammy Harris song is called "Winner Takes It All, Loser Takes the Fall," by the way.

Oh, I know that song. Yes, there you go. OK, that's fine. All right. For my move action, I will stand up. OK. You wake up and dust yourself off. All right, all right. Um-- I'm going to swing at him. OK, with what? Let's see what I have. Fuck, am I kidding? Green flame blade. You sound so defeated already. No, no, no. I'll hit him this time. It's been a bad night. 25. 25 will hit. OK, then I'm going to do something else. Someone's tikes and-- tikes, tikes. Someone's tikes. Oh, no, no, no. Damn, six to him. See, you can take him. See, you can take him. Six damage. Bam, he got hit again.

Initiative. Next up is Elven Archer Number Two. Whoa, you're not done? Forge, resolve. Using that. I gain three life plus 1/2 of my power of my actual level, so that's four. But since I'm bloody, it also does it again. Wow. OK. So I get eight. Let me read that again. You gain a number of temporary hit points equal to three plus 1/2 of your level, which is one. So that's four. And you can make a saving throw against one effect on you. That's fine. If you are bloodied, you also regain hit points equal to three. So you gain eight hit points. All right. OK, so wait. You get four temp hit points and four regular hit points.

OK, cool, cool. And then-- And did he use my plus 1, by the way? He hit him anyway. Oh, no, but it's 1 plus-- oh, yeah, OK, because it's a power attack. Yeah. It's 25, brah. And you're good now? Yeah, I mean, I can't do anything else, but yeah. OK, Elvin Archer, he's-- Which one? He is two. This is Elvin Archer's shift. Well, he's scared and surrounded. So let's see. Yes. He's going to use his short sword attack against Duncan. Don't know. So that is d20 plus 9. 29, that is a crit, ladies and gentlemen. Shut up! I'm going to cut your face. He's going to cut your pretty face. 9 plus 6, 15.

Wow. So that'll do 15. That is a man kiss. Glad I didn't put a Js of a soul on him. Bam, so you are down to five, Duncan. And that will end his turn, because he's not going to move. That would be silly. Thoril! OK. Yeah. Move up. Hit him. OK. Might as well. I want to end this. I'm going to end this bitch. Hang on. I want to make sure I get this right. OK. Man, it seems like he's taking a lick in here. First I got to hit before I do that. We're all still standing. This can't stand. God damn it. 12. That will miss. I'll be over here if you need me. Not working out well. Elvin Archer number three is going to take a swing at you. 29.

Oh, a crit! What? He's out. That knocks you out and beyond. That's 15 damage. You're down to negative eight, sir. What does that mean? He gets down to negative 10, that's it? Or what? I think it has to be-- What is this? Negative bloodied. Yeah, negative bloodied, and then you're dead dead. Like Shane. Like Shane. We kicked him into the fiery waters, actually. Yeah, I thought it was still over at the top. But you called it a Viking burial. I have like a few eyes on it. What are you guys doing? I'm not dead yet. I feel better. No, no, no, don't worry about it. I feel happy.

I feel happy. Malgus! I'm starting to feel better now. All right, I went to all this effort to get into a laying position while I was on the couch. And now the mouse is not working on my pant leg to make this all happen. This is pitiful. You want to make God laugh, huh? Tell him your plans. Man, that was pessimistic. D.N.'s got a suicide. No, I'm sorry. I was-- Nothing matters anymore, guys. Fuck it. Everybody's dead now. Is that off a nuke? This dude isn't real. What are you doing? What are you talking about? Crit. Crit again. What? Wait, is this broken? This is their crit in a row. 21 damage.

Oh, he's so-- wait. That's a melee attack, correct? Correct. He's going to pop his encounter power. OK. Uh, you know, and triggered by a melee attack. He could shift one square, which he does, and immediately uses longbow against the person who triggered it. OK. Don't we all get opportunity attacks or something? It's a shift. We don't. It's a shift. You don't, no. 30. Oh, that's almost a crit. Yeah, so let's see. That's D10 plus 7. 9. All right. OK. Treyas. I'm going to attack number 2 with a sunburst. Boom. 26. Does that hit? Yes. OK, here's what's going to happen now.

Honestly, I have each ally within 5 squares of me gains 5/10/4 hit points. And Thoril, you're dead, so you can make a saving throw if you want. And I believe if you are within-- let me see. There we go. One second. Oh, god. Why is this going so slow? You fear within so many-- wait, wait, wait. What's this? You fear within so many squares of me, you get a plus 2 to death saving, also, I believe. 4. 4. OK. Cool. Yeah, so he's-- Wait, oh, wait. That's lights. That's sun's glow. What did you use? That's-- oh, crap. Sunburst. You used sunburst. Yes, but I read on the notes, apparently, like if he's within so many squares of me, he can get like a plus 2 to death saving, also.

Could you-- could you-- I can't find it. It's not listed here. Really? Let me look. Maybe it's in details or something. Yes, details. Feature, choose an extra bonus skill, choose any human defenses, power selection, choose an option. Human character. I can't remember. Channel divinity. You got smite on dead, obviously. I don't see it listed. Oh, sun domain features plus 2. Yes, plus 2 to death saving rolls for self and allies within five squares. Plus 2, 4, and 6 hit points per tier to self or ally and healing words burst. That's for healing word. Word. So does that affect his saving rolls for death?

I think that's just for healing word. Oh, OK, OK. Target spend, yes. Especially-- yeah. OK, so is it too late to do a minor action, then? I mean, yeah, if you want to do something else. That's fine. OK, so I'm going to do-- I'm going to do soothe and light on him, so he can make a-- soothe and light so that he can make a saving throw with a plus 2 power bonus. So go ahead. He's 20 in order to-- No, well, I mean, to stand back up, use a-- I mean, like, 10, nothing happens. Anything under 10, that's a strike against him. If a 20, he gets to stand up, dust himself off, pop a fart.

He gets to pop a healing surge. Gets to pop some pills. So go ahead. He gets to take that now, right? Yeah. OK, go ahead, Thoril. Oh, I get to take it right now? Yeah, plus 2. D20 plus 2. Come on, you son of a bitch. 16. 16, nothing happens. But that's OK, it was worth a shot. But everybody does get a plus 5 temporary hit points, though. Close team. Not sure how long it lasts. I'm going to bring that up right now, actually. Hey, gentlemen, I just noticed we keep forgetting to apply. I have something called virtue of valor. When an ally within five squares bloodies or reduces a foe to 0 HP, my ally gains 1 plus my-- what is it?

My constitution, so plus 3 temporary hit points. Wow, shit, that's a good thing to know. Yes, so just thought you guys-- yeah, we totally forgot to do that. Duncan. Wait, wait, wait. Oh, wait, sorry. Damage roll. Damage roll. And 13. That's against 2. The number 2. Yes, OK. He's dead. And then see, now he gains 4 temporary hit points. I'm doing that. Adjusted. Now it's Duncan's turn. Now it's my turn. These elves are tricky as shit. That's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. OK, that's going to give an opportunity attack for him. Oh, it is? Yeah. Oh, where can I go where it won't do that?

As soon as you base him, as soon as you're right next to him, that's where you got to stop. You're right next to Tyler's character, that's where he-- Right here? OK. Yeah, wherever. Unless you go around the other way. Cool. I'm going to do War Song Strike on him. And D20 plus 8. Got any good War Songs? We'll do "Ball with the Baa." Oh, you're gay. I just want to have Jason have to put "Ball with the Baa" on him. I have to download that? Exactly. OK, I lied. It's "My Progative" by Bobby Brown. That's the song. That's a War Song? Kind of. 24. 24 hit. Wish you got a massive crit.

It's "My Progative." I miss. I hit myself in the eye. If the elf was female, you'd get a crit. You have to play a Steve Lightman song, though. 28 plus 4. 7. 7. That's 1D8. OK. That has the possibility of chasing somebody down. Like, there's a thrill of the hunt in that. Chasing them to the woods. But also, we can't forget that any ally who hits the target before my next turn gets the three hit points. Three gem hit points. 6, 9. 4. Oh, yeah, 4. Yeah, that's 4. 4. It's my turn. I want to hit him. I-- Oh, you're not. Go ahead. Sneak around and stealth like a ninja.

It's "My Progative." Got it. [LAUGHTER] You little bitch. Bitch. Oh, good. You just bark at him while you're hitting him? Oh. [GROANING] [LAUGHTER] I'm going to use the destructive. Destructive. 1 out of 4 times I swung hit. Green. Flame. Blaze. I'm gonna run it. Oh, no. Jesus Christ. Wow. I'm a distraction. It's 20 plus 9. Like, your odds are pretty good of hitting him. Like, it's-- With flanking? Oh, wait, he's thinking about me. I told him it was my life. No, it doesn't-- no. But I-- no. No, I'm afraid that misses. I got a funny idea. I'm going to use a Jayus of assault.

A Jayus. Which means if he doesn't swing at me-- Then he's going to have me warp right behind him and swing at him. OK, fine, fine. There's a lot of blood over in this corner. Just let him-- It's slippery. Yeah. This particular patch of grass. Dead guy. Somebody else to stand besides me. OK. Not dead. I'm taking a nap. Oh. He's dead. You're dead. You're not dead dead. But you're dead. You're dying. True love. Come on, regenerate. Come on. Is it just a regular d20? No, nothing. Crit. Crit. 15. No. Nothing happens. So he needs to hit a crit? Yeah. That's what I said before you said no, he doesn't.

Well, no, no, no, I didn't. No, I-- So if he rolls a nine or lower, he gets one failed death save. Pre-failed death saves, and you're dead no matter what your hit points are at. Yes. Oh, shit. But he's not-- there's no strikes on him. So it's all-- you get one guy left. I have to hit a 20 before I hit nine or less three times. Correct. Yep. Or we just end the-- we get the battle over with, and somebody heals you. Let's stab him in the throat. Yeah. [LAUGHS] OK. This desperate rabid elf is out of options. He's out of encounter powers. He's going to take a wild short sword attack against Ironhide.

Yeah. He's desperate. He owes the mob money. 11. [LAUGHS] He missed! And I scream at him, like kind of scared. But I-- I-- I've been through. Malchus! OK. This is getting nasty. We got him. We're all standing in private. You have solidly surrounded him, like it's-- Look at his ribs. You're a son of a bitch. Oh, my word. I'm struggling with this mouse position here. Hold on. The mouse is our greatest enemy tonight. [LAUGHS] Here, you want me to move you? Where-- [LAUGHS] Yeah, picking up-- He's stuck between actually doing something and comfort. I got five hours of sleep last night.

I'm tuckered. [LAUGHS] I got a four. If you guys want to knock off at some point, let me know. All right. That's probably a miss. That's echoey as all hell. 13. Yes. OK. Malkus is done. Thus ends the turn of Malkus. Keeping it quick. Treyas. Can I just do a healing word on a Thoril there, or am I out of those yet? You're out of those. OK. I have a daily I could use. OK. Let me say this. He has no strikes against him yet. You've got one enemy on the field who has been hit. He has an abnormally weird-- OK, fine. Roll. Just get rid of him before he-- Bless the battle 18.

Does that hit him? AC? Yes. Yes. OK. 8. 8 damage. Solid hammer hit for 8 damage. Hammer time. Boo. Pop. He's bloody. Boo. Caught him on the cheekbone. That is a-- Duncan. You can damage him on Jarvik, or Ironhide. Yes. I'm Jarvik. All right. Going to do a guest war song strike again. The 20 plus 8, Harlan hates theme music, as Jason sang previously. And boom. 9. Critical miss. Without critness. Oh. It's critness. That's what Booker T does to people. Yes. More Stevie Ray. OK. Ironhide. That's probably Alicia Fox's scissor kick. Fox. Hey. Hold up. Hold on. OK. So Dwarven Resilience says the effect is I use my second wind.

Should I do it? You better knock yourself cold if you don't. Right? You might as well, because the surges aren't more or less valuable, depending on when you spend them. So you spend a healing surge, get your hit points there. Wait a minute. I know the Clerics used up all his healing powers, but you have two encounter powers that heal as well. Have you done any of those yet? This one, I have my Majestic Word, which-- my Majestic Word is-- I can cause a target to use a healing surge. That's the only one that I have that actually-- like the Word of Friendship gives a power bonus, but that's not-- But you haven't used your Majestic Word at all this battle yet.

I have not used my Majestic Word. I was going to hold off. We're so close to beating the dude, I didn't think that it was-- It's an encounter. Have it back by the next time we play. Might as well get him on his feet. And it's your minor. Yeah. So I'll do that. Sure, why not? I got a question. Was that a Critmas or no? Yeah, it was a Critmas. Oh, I thought I fucked up. Sorry. [LAUGHTER] So you're going to use that too? Yeah, sure. Majestic Word. OK. So roll a d6. I imagine this is for Thoril. Yes. Thoril's Battered Corpse. I think the Bard doesn't get bonus healing on his healing power until level 6, I think. 1D-- oh, level 6.

You're right. I'm sorry. I was looking at the wrong thing. You could also slide one if you want. Yeah, I'm cool. Well, you know what? Yeah, why not? He can't attack me anyway, though. He has to attack. Yeah. But you slide the target. What? You slide the target of the healing spell, not yourself. Oh, you're right. God damn, I cannot read today. I just feel like a real dork for having such an encyclopedic note for everyone's power. No, no. You're the guy who's here to keep things straight so I don't keep fucking things up. Well, guess what, Thoril? You popped a healing surge, which is good.

That brings you to 0. Yeah, Harry. It says 8. Yeah, I don't know why it says 8. Hold on. Let me adjust that. No, all healing begins from 0. So even if he was at negative, he starts at 0 and then apply the healing. Well, now he's at 0. What about those temp hit points? Did he have temp hit points? No, no, that's all adjusted. So any time a healing ability is used on someone at negative hit points, you first bring it back to 0 and then apply whatever healing just happens. Oh, OK. Well, then you're at 8. Yay! Here's a 1. Relax. They weren't-- Huzzah! And it's your turn.

And I'm good and pissed. [LAUGHTER] Stand and deliver. Wait, you skipped over my turn. Let him have it. No, I didn't. No. Oh, it is your turn. I'm sorry. The counter fucked up. It automatically skipped over you. Let him have this. Well, come on. Ironhide's turn. His turn looked more dramatic when I missed. Ironhide, your turn. Do you think it gave it to him because of the-- since he missed his turn because he was dead? Oh, he didn't miss his turn. Never mind. No, no. I don't know why it skipped over him, but it did. But don't worry about it. Go ahead. I'm swinging with green flame blade. 29.

Oh, my god, I quit. [LAUGHTER] You get it. Get it. All right, so it was 15 total damage. See? Look, you went all mopey into that one and-- No, I wasn't. I was just, well, let's just get this over with. OK. He is spitting blood all over the place. Just-- [GROAN] --just everywhere. Just like he's surrounded, but he's still got that-- like a rabid dog, just like he wants to fight. But he's backed up against the wall with a knife, and five dudes are surrounding him in the dark alley. It's nasty. It's dead. Thoril. All right. I choose you, Thoril. 20 plus 9. Hit. 26.

That'll do it. That's what I remember, you know. 10 plus 10. 12. And he is dead, ladies and gentlemen. All right. That is a wrap for those-- that pack of ambusher elves. Sucker punching bitches. So he kills me. And then they kill his buddies. They start surrounding him, beating the crap out of him. I just rise up behind him and bury my axe into him. Now let's start healing. Nice. Everyone's bloody. Let's patch up. To healing the kittens. Oh, wow. Lots of healing sturges will be-- Sturges. Sturges. I don't know. Sturges. Lots of fish. Oh, jeez. Yeah. Malchus burns two healing sturges to get back up to full.

All righty. I'll use three. I'll use three as well to get me back up to full. Want it? That's 27 for me. Dan? Hm? Do you have-- doesn't the bard have something that increases healing while we're resting? I feel like in your details, maybe. Yes. Song of Rest. At the end of a short rest, you and each ally spinning a healing surge adds plus three charisma modifier to HP regained. So. All right. My charisma modifier would not be good anyway. No, it's my charisma modifier. His charisma modifier. Yeah, the bard. He sings while we take it easy. What's that? I won't be listening to you while we sleep.

He sings take it easy while we take it easy. [LAUGHTER] Let's see. So that's-- How many healing surges I need to bring me up? You're going to want to do three. Three will do it for you. That'll bring you up to 32 with the bonus. Fine. Treyas, will you be popping any surges? Yes. We're taking out this partial hit points, right? They're the-- You know the sound of the wheel. [LAUGHTER] Crazy. Yeah, wow. OK. Thoril's going to need more than one. Well, yeah, three. Three to send me back up to full health. Send me right back to hell. Pop, pop. Everyone's up. All right.

How long did those temp hit points last? Yeah, there's-- What? Community. Pop, pop. What was his name? Pop, pop, I think, right? No, it was-- Mr.-- No, it was something ridiculous. It was one-- it was just one word. Yeah, I thought it was like Tron or something. No, I think it started with a C. Here, I'll just-- I have the internet. Have you guys seen the internet yet? I have heard of it. You were asking about temp hit points? Magnitude. Magnitude. Start with a C, yes. The silent C. What were you saying, Rob? Sorry? You were asking about how temporary hit points work?

Yeah, I was asking, how long did they last? I forget. It's been a while. They vanish at the end of battle. OK, well, whoa, there goes-- there goes-- I wasn't there. Ironhide's done with you losers. Stop moving, stop moving, stop moving, stop moving. In the tree. Yeah, I did a tree. He's decided-- I can climb a tree. It was magic. It was my magic babies. He's decided he's done with everyone. He's becoming one with nature. Hey, hey, hey, what are these triangles over here? Hold on one second. I'm making sure everyone's temp hit points are gone. What triangles? I'm talking to the guys.

I'm talking to my crew. We're role playing, Jason. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'll get my giant hands over here. What triangles? What are you talking about? You're fucking high again, Duncan. You have to scroll over. I'm looking right at it. All I see is a fool. There's triangles here. Yeah, there's triangles. I think that's just something that is in the program. Back, back, back. Those represent rough terrain. Yes. You know what I realized between Dan and Rob? It would be really cool if one of you guys had company heroes. Neither one of them would dig that game, I don't think.

Two's coming out, though. How do you know? I wouldn't, but how do you know? I'm just guessing by your personality. I could be way wrong. No, you're right. It's RTS, right? Yeah. Yeah, I'm not a big RTS. OK. Yeah, same here. Yeah, but it's different. It's about the troops and the flag troops. Wait, wait, flags are in this game? No. That changes everything. That's easy. Oh, god. Let me know when you guys are ready to move on. I'm ready. I felt-- OK. Oh, no. He broke both his legs. It's all those children you ate. It makes it too heavy. So right after you guys get done killing everything in this little field, it's real still and silent again.

Except for the sound of sniveling. It sounds like someone's almost crying, like close to you. All right, so just start swinging all directions. Yeah, it's Ian. Sir Ian. There was probably a kid napped or something. There was a kid napped. Oh, OK. Kid napped. Kid, he was napped. It was the act of kidnapped. You guys kind of investigate the brush around you, and you find another elf. Oh! This one's much younger than the other ones. Not quite a kid, kind of a early teens elf. And he tells you his name is Finway. Now, he's breaking down what happens to them. So there is a well in the center of the forest, which has been used just both as a source of water and everything, just for the local elves and this particular tribe of elves.

They have no want to attack you guys or to harm you, except for the guys who have recently, in the last few hours, drank from that well. So he's telling you that there's something awful. Something about that well has been tainted. OK. Right off the bat, Duncan looks around and gives a look like, can we trust him? Do we believe this guy? We need to run some kind of check, I believe. He doesn't say that part. Insight. Insight, yep. I have-- what do you have? Good. 21. That's your passive insight? Yep. Holy crap, that's a good passive insight. Double check it. I dare you.

Yeah, this is just a scared kid. He's totally telling you the truth. There's no reason to doubt the guy. I'd love to do an intimidation check. Yeah, OK, I got plus 10 on intimidate. Do you like the hell out of it? Hold on. You actually get an intimidate. Wait, I just plus 12. 12 plus 12. So you raise your fist at him, intimidatingly. It's just vibrating. Like you're just, oh my god, I want to hit you so bad. He just starts openly bald. Openly bald, like uncontrollably sobbing, and just like hiding his head. He's on his knees already, like scuffed knees, and just don't-- please don't kill me.

Be the child, Billy. You're only going to attract predators. There are two types of jobs. The ones where they get away with it, and the ones that leave witnesses. [LAUGHTER] I still have to kill him, that's what you're saying. Don, he's just saying. Through his tears, he holds up two sacks. He's got two sacks in his hands. The first one, he's holding outstretched to you, and he's trying to offer it to you. To me? Yes. You're the one with the fist in his face. Fucking let's go. What do you think, guys? Should I take it? I don't know. It's crap, come on. Building homemade bombs, so. [LAUGHTER] You sure it's not an incendiary device?

Oh, man. I kind of feel bad, because I didn't think I was going to-- like, I didn't trust him. I know that you told me I should, but I still didn't. I kind of feel bad, but I take it anyway. OK. Do an arcane check on him. What's Inside is sort of a homemade set of herbs. And what he's asking you guys to do is there's a ritual that you need to perform on that. Well, to cleanse it. That comes straight from their village elder, and he was coming out to deliver a message when the ambush-- I mean, he kind of stumbled upon the ambush, and then he watched you guys slaughter his whole family, basically.

Those are very communal. So-- Yeah, so he has absolutely no reason to attack us later on in life. Well, here's the second half of that. Unfortunately, there's no cure for anybody who drinks from that well. The only cure is death. So whoever did that to their well, that's not something that was like, oh, it's a curse that can be lifted. No, it's done. Once you drink from that, that's it. What a dick move. There's nothing that could have been done about it. He's just traumatized beyond belief. He doesn't blame you. He understands it with self-defense. But the second sack he's holding up is a sack of gems.

Rare and valuable gems. Where did he get this stuff? Well, see, this is the thing. Half of the elves of their tribe have been infected with this, whatever it is. Did it start looting? Well, it's not looting. This was kind of a peace offering to the first person who could-- the first group of people who would actually venture in. Because just like you guys at the beginning of this quest, most people don't want to do this kind of thing for free. So it's kind of a-- it's like, please do this and reward. And I mean, you know. So right off the bat, he's handing you the bag of gems and the herbs.

OK, I need to ask this kid a question. OK. Have you seen-- Still sobbing. --a real douchey guy come by here, like, five-- like, six-two, blonde hair, real beefy, ride a horse. And more importantly, did he try to touch you? Yeah. Because we're still not sure on that, but we think. I don't trust him. It's good that you were him. His mustache is wrong. He's still out on that. Have you seen that guy? You seen him? No, no. He immediately just shakes his head. He can't even-- like, he's doing that thing where he's like, just crying. Hey, calm down. Calm down. Smack him across the face.

Calm down. Calm the fuck down. Look at his beard. Look at my beard. [LAUGHTER] My beard soothes you. OK, so you-- so we're the only guys that you're sending in here, right? That-- yeah, he-- they only got one bag of gems. One-- I mean, you were the first people to encounter. If Ian would have went this way, he would have found the kid, or, you know. I didn't know if he maybe travels to the forest or something. Gotcha. That's probably the best for the kid that we found him. Yes. He tells you that it's-- if you continue down this path, at the end of it, you'll find the well.

But it's going to be guarded. Like, not-- it's nothing-- they're not actively guarding it, but you will run into more elves along this path. So I guess if somebody was accidentally knocked inside this fountain, but it pushed. Maybe the whole-- what are you planning against us? I'm not. I'm just questioning, though. You ate your own-- But you said it in that way. You ate your own metal and blood already. I don't know if we can trust you anymore. [LAUGHTER] They were toasters. They weren't even real. I don't even know if they were my kids. Just picked them up and started eating them.

They just started eating metal objects around them. OK. I was scared. OK, what's your name again? Your name's-- Finwet. Wrigley Field? What is it? [LAUGHTER] That's Fenway. This would be Finway. Oh, OK. Yeah, kid, if you see that guy, run. Just get away as fast as you can. He just shakes his head, yeah, yeah, yeah. Still sobbing, wiping away tears. He'll touch you. Can we bring with us a gun charge or something, like a Robin? That'd be great. [LAUGHTER] Like a mascot, maybe? Like a hype man? This is a kid I threatened. We didn't kill him. Obviously, somebody else is going to come by and just fuck him up, because, OK, elf, he's evil.

So-- Right. Right. But he's-- come on. Come on. Malchus crouches down in front of the kid and says, if when you grow up, you find yourself filled with vengeance and fury against the people who did this to your well, the path of darkness can offer you a quick path to retribution. And the kid runs away because he thinks they're trying to-- He immediately starts crying again. [LAUGHTER] After all your work, call him down. Malchus just stands up and goes, what? That's how I got retribution? [LAUGHTER] So I did it in my day. This fucking scary ass tiefling, which, by the way, this kid has never seen a tiefling before.

So picture basically Satan bending down. It's like, hey, kid, there's always the path of blood and vengeance. Malchus looks around the party. He's like, is it the sword? It's probably the sword. He dissolves his sword of annihilation, puts it away, and it's not better yet. So the kid's-- We just like 15 minutes fuck up with this kid. [LAUGHTER] The kid runs off into the woods. He's going to run back to-- I mean, he knows the quickest path back to the rest of the tribe that isn't fucking demonic and marble and rabid. He has the ball of climb. Like he just vanishes.

Like he's gone. Like he runs into the bushes and gone. Malchus says, well, I guess he doesn't get to see the thing where I grow tendrils of darkness and climb walls. He's lost. [LAUGHTER] So we're going down that path now? You guys have your-- yeah, you have your mission. Like it's at the end of this. So-- All right. Let me do you a favor and make some more of this map visible. Bam. I've arrived. There's a tree. It's fallen. Much like half for a party. And there's two guys that are just going to stand back there. They're just going to rest for a while. I hear it in the woods.

I'm working on it. [LAUGHTER] You're really having a hard time with that mouse. I feel bad. Well, he's laying down. You can't feel sorry for him. I did. I did sit up. But now it's-- I haven't-- it's-- May I ask, what was wrong with the-- Look, there's a problem too that I can't articulate. OK. I'll survive. Well, I'm nude for one. And-- Can I ask? I'm going to do a history check on that fallen tree. OK. Your autopsy proves that it died from an axe wound. There we go. 19. 19. Come on. There was a thunderstorm a while back, and it knocked that tree down. It fell. Yes, it fell.

Why didn't I do it the will, DM? Why didn't you do it, huh? You know, we didn't do any kind of checks back there after we beat those guys. Should we have checked the bodies or anything? Hold on. Let's drag you guys right back here. Oh, no. What, what, what, what, what? Hold on. Hold on. What is this trickery? You're about to enter combat again. No way! You guys are assholes. We didn't check the bodies or anything. What if they had-- those elves had gin? Should we have, like-- Gin. Actually, I can't-- Actually, I can't hear things like obsidian short sword. That sounds valuable.

I automatically-- Did you say obsidian short swords? I did. I did say obsidian short swords. Can we retroactively say we looted the bodies so-- Yeah, that's fine. I automatically assumed that you would have looted the bodies and not leave all the valuable such, you know, like weapons. Standard adventure protocol. Right. Right. And I tell you-- Justin alone would have made sure of that. Yes. What do we get? What do we get? Justin ate anything metal. Justin-- Obsidian? No. You pocketed those. Like, those can be sold at the market and such. And the gems that the kid gave you, just eyeballing those quickly, that's worth at least 5,000 gold.

Ah. Like that-- I mean, that's a huge bit of bank. Like, that's more money than you guys have ever seen together. Whatever those guys got in trouble with, I was way behind. The moral of the story is that elves pay better than knights. So-- Well, I mean, picture Native Americans. Like, they're trading-- it's like, I don't know, beads. I mean, just-- I mean, they're worth-- they don't have-- they have a barter system out there. They're just very communal and stuff. You guys are-- I mean, your money, that's what you guys are after. Because it's worth something back home.

They don't have that. So it's like, well, fuck it. We know you want this, so take it. Let's just make these guys visible. You're walking into-- Ambush. A second ambush. Ambush. Now, the good news is that this is the last pack of elves on this trail. Because the only one thick group got-- only one group of elves got to drink from that fountain. It's only been hours that this has been tainted, obviously. Otherwise, it would have been a whole pack, like a whole tribe of elves. Now, what I'm going to have you guys do is roll initiative. Roll. This is going to be a much shorter-- 17, motherfucker.

OK. Five. Hold on a second. Oh, wait, no. Don't I get a plus on initiative here? 17. 12. That's not too bad. 17's not bad. What's my plus initiative? Eight. Six. One. So I got-- Nine. Jason. What? Yeah, it says five, but I got six. I forgot to add my plus one. OK, fine, fine. OK, everybody try to check an archer as soon as you can, because those guys will tear us apart. I'm wondering around that one archer. If someone keep that skirmisher number one busy. OK, yeah, I can do that. And if anybody gets somewhat injured or something, try to get at least within five squares of me, because I can-- You got 14, Rob?

I did, yep. OK, 14. Bam. And let me add these guys. Elvin Strider, let's see here. OK, you pretty much know what these guys can do at this point. He is going to move right up to Malkus. Turn into a cow. And use his bone longsword. 13, and misses. Ladies and gentlemen, he misses. Elvin Archer is also going to take a swing at Malkus with his longbow. This is karmic retribution. 16, wow, really? Come on. OK, misses Elvin Archer number seven is going to move up and take a swing at Treyas. Oh, shit. I'll wait till this-- there we go. Nick just popped up on Skype, so I-- 22, yes.

That will hit. Let's see here. That's d10 plus seven. I feel like that drained all the energy out of the room. Now all of us want to just like, well, fuck it. Let's just-- [LAUGHTER] I'm down to 20, I believe. That is 15, yes. All right, Ironhide. Ironhide, that's me. Bane. Eat shit. Eat shit. Ooh, Bane. God, Bane's voice is silly in that movie. You can't hear it. It's just pressing up against space with that stupid mask. It's all yours. That was the improved version of that voice. I know. We talked about it earlier today. It doesn't help either, so. We're going to get-- I'm going to-- you know what?

I'm going to play it. Get that Warforged result off of me. None shall interfere. Do as you please. It sounds childish. Doesn't sound like there's any force behind it. Sounds like somebody mocking Bane, you know? People are talking over him and shit. It's all yours. OK, OK. He's going to use Green Flame Blade. Green Flame Blade? Green Flame Blade. Road for Crit-- It's a 10. That's a critical miss. Critical miss. Well, you got a crit. Critical-- oh, shit. It didn't specify which one you wanted, though. It's a crit, though. Let's see. Elven Strider's going to move right on up.

That's with his encounter power. No, I'm sorry. Not his encounter power. What the hell am I talking about? The Bone Longsword. That's what I was trying to say. On Trace. Trace. 17. Go. OK. He can suck a dick. And he does. He proceeds to-- Trace is happy. Trace left $5 on his counter. Sorry. Oh, that is gross. That's not the kind of comedy we're into. Come on. Don't need to be blue. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The Elven Archer number 8's going to move up, and he's going to take a swing at Malchus. Oh, crap. Sorry. That is plus 11. 20. That'll hit. OK. That is plus 10. 10 plus 7. 13.

OK. I'll respond with my fiery wrath. All right. Is that a melee, or-- Close burst 10. Wow. OK. In response to being hit and no attack roll involved, but it's just a d6. But I maxed it. So six fire damage. Six. Six fire damage. Very nice. Very nice. And next up is you, Malchus. All right. Shoot. I should have-- I should have told Trace to get out of the way, because now I use my daily, but I can't. I can't. I haven't even moved yet. Yeah, he did. Hey, tell you what. How soon is Trace coming up? I'm next. Next. You want to delay? Yeah, I'll delay. And yeah, if you want to get Trace out of the way, because I'm going to step up and daily between those two guys.

I can move from him without an opportunity of attack? You can do a shift. You can do a single square of movement. So if you want to flank that other guy, that would work. Oh, cool. Wait. Flank strider two. OK, cool. I can do that. OK, I delay. OK. I shall do that. Shift. All right. For the people. Blessings to battle. Blessings to battle. 19. 19 will hit. Cool. And then-- I guess, right? So d plus 6. So what's flanking? That's plus 2? Yes. OK, cool. 2. 11. That wasn't to the damage, right? You didn't-- that was to the attack. Oh, sorry. Sorry. OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just making sure.

All right. 1, 2, 3, 6. Roll. 14. OK. OK, good. 14. All right. I come off delay if he's done. Yes, I'm done. Side step up, armor of winter's grasp. So this will be two attack rolls against fortitude. OK. That's to who? The two-- The close burst one. So all the guys adjacent. Cool. Damn. So first one will go against the archer. Second one will go against the strider. OK. Archer 15 versus fortitude. Strider 8 versus fortitude. You hit the archer and miss the strider. OK. OK, so the dice. There we go. OK. So strider-- I'm sorry, archer was the one I hit. The archer takes 2d6 plus 8 cold damage.

So 16 cold damage to the archer. OK. And then for the rest of the battle, I have a plus 2 power bonus to AC and fortitude. So I'm AC 20 for the rest of the battle. Nice. OK. Cool. Wow. Very nice. Good move. That's the kind of daily you use early. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So OK, that's all for me. Thoril. OK, you have something. I guess since two's already right there, might as well just-- We know the deal. Yeah. [LAUGHTER] D-M-A-D-M-A. Hang on, hang on. I'm going to figure out what I want to do here. Feed me more. Feed me more. Let's see, big punch. [LAUGHTER] I want to change-- Come on, you're MVP in 2005.

You have two moves. It's a punch and a stomp. And a really cool entrance. Yes. With the tunnel and everything. Gah. 12. Aw. Aw. Well, that was a lot of build up for nothing. MVP in 2009 when he was on the even streak. Yeah, that's a miss there. Sorry. You want to do anything else? I don't really know what else to do. Everyone's still got an action point. Everyone's still-- I feel like I'm going to have to use it more against the archer than against one of these Striders. Malkus used an action point. Yeah, last battle. Yeah, you did. OK. So I don't recover one until after this battle.

Right. What the hell is Mark Jones hitting me up about? So what do you want to do, man? The Spider-Sense activate. That's what we're talking about. The Avengers. Sorry. System modifier. What is my wisdom modifier? Two. Actually, since this is probably going to be the last encounter for the day, I'll use my minor action to do my daily for oak skin. Gain resistance, all damage, so the end of the encounter. Resistance equals my wisdom modifier, which is two. Jesus. OK, good. Good, good, good. That was your daily-- let's check that off. Pop. OK. And Duncan. OK. I'm going to stroll up here.

It's a vagina. It's a vagina. Oh, by the way, talking about the thing we were talking about earlier. Vagina, yes. Yes, vagina. The coolest fight, the one on one fight that we thought of was Martian Manhunter versus Thor. Would you stop, dude? We're going to fucking-- Yes. Actually, you're fucking taunting dogs with steak. It's not fair. Me and Justin have literally been having this argument for a month. I'm resisting the urge to ask why. Don't worry about it. That's all you get. Wildly creepy. That's all you get. OK, so what do I add for flanking here? Two. Plus two.

Plus two on attack roll? Yes. OK. What attack are you using, sir? I am using Warsong Strike. What's your warsong? I told you in the break, I'm using '90s pop hits. So we will be Warsong Striking to Summer Girls by LFO. Good pull. Good pull. And there's a D20 plus-- no, come on, plus 10. I still only have 14. Jesus. I know. Yeah, that's a mess. Hey, Rob? Yeah. I'm going to get you into hero clicks. So I've heard. I-- I'm going to get you into it. I have expensive hobbies, but why not another? $2 is all I ask of you. OK, I might be able to swing that. All right, I'll tell you more later.

All right. After the break. My interest has peaked. Meet me in the back by the dumpster. Got this coat full of hero clicks. It's super heroes and chests. Marvel ones DC. Yes. Oh, we keep our shit sequestered. There's a Marvel rack and a DC rack, and never the twain shall meet. Love it. Of course, that's free. I will hook you up with an Iron Man, but-- Any mini under 100 points. Go ahead and make one. All the Batmans you'll ever need. OK, so Elfin Strider one. It's his turn. He's going to use his bone longsword. He's going to swing on Malchus. Because AC and fortitude are up by two.

Yeah, fuck it. He'll risk it. 29. Crit. All right, he earned it. OK. Let me see, that's a 12. All right, if one of the Healy types would like to lay it on me when they get next turn, I'd be grateful. You are bloodied and you are down to eight. Yeah. Yeah. First of all, Rob, screw you. Because now I'm getting into those goddamn Slender Moon videos and I'm real glad I'm not going to bed. I'm going to work. Yeah, dude, that's what I'm saying. I'm down. I want to watch it now. All of you, are you at the one yet where it's just the still camera in his bedroom? Don't ruin anything.

I'm not going to-- I'm going through the everyman hybrid stuff first. OK, that's a little campier. Yeah. I'm going to get some coffee and I'm going to look into this shit after we're done here. I'm such a bitch, I will not-- I want to look into it, but I don't-- I know I won't sleep. All right, which number is that where the camera's just sitting there? I'll pull it up. Keep moving and I'll just say it off the counter. I'm going to do a blessings-- or not blessings, healing word on Malchus over here. Well, we're not at your turn yet. Oh, we're not? Sir. Wait.

We're at-- Oh, sorry, sorry. Yeah, yeah, that's OK. "Eleven Archer 9" is going to take a short, short swing-- short, short, short swing. Short, short swing. Swa, swa, swing. Swa, swa, swa against Justin Ironhide. No, no, do it. 29, another crit, ladies and gentlemen. All right, well, he hits me for all of it. Think the dice are loaded. The virtual dice are in fact loaded. 15. Pop, pop. He takes his own. "Eleven Archer 7" is going to shoot at Duncan. 31. Oh, there's no way that's another crit. Yeah, my god. Wow. Really? How much damage does that do? Assholes. 17. Jesus Christ.

What's the odds of three crits in a row, seriously? Not very likely. This is the second time it's happened. We had three crits in a row and one in the same person last time. No. Well, in between Tyler missed. Justin, your turn, Ironhide. Oh, no. Oh, my. What's up, people? I'm going to-- Oh, it's Rose. You're so much fuck. A fair swing at "Eleven Archer" number 9. It's almost crit 19. See, that's 10. There's the modifier. Yeah, hit. For the people. For the people. For the people. Get these cocks. You realize how much editing I'm going to have to do this, guys? Come on.

Do you know? Any idea? Oh, for the people. You fuck. Every time it breaks off into immediate discussion, next to-- 3, 2, 1. We have 13 damage. 13 damage? God, I love it. Very nice. Someone take me up on Skype. Jason, you still have my majestic word clicked, but I use that. That's an encounter. I use the last encounter. OK, yep. Majestic turn. I will fix it. For everyone who has encounter powers, clicked off, basically. "Eleven Strider" number 2. I'll fix it in just a second. He's going to take a swing at Thoril. Thoril. Let's see. His bone longsword. Bunny longsword.

Crit. That's four crits in a row for me. Jesus Christ, Jason. What are you doing? What are you feeding these elves? My god. [LAUGHTER] I just-- I mean, that doesn't-- I mean, that's 12. I'll take two off the thing for damage resistance. OK. I'm glad I at least have that. The entry with the camera in the bedroom is called-- the title of the video is "Entry 14," but I don't know that it has the same impact, unless you've gotten into the momentum of watching the episode. Oh, no, no, no. I just wanted to know which one it was. I'm not going to skip ahead. OK, it's called "Entry 14," but it's not the 14th video in the playlist.

It's called "Entry 14." Tricky. [LAUGHTER] "Elven Archer" is going to use "Short Sword" against Malchus. And that's "Marlow's Horns," by the way, not every hybrid. OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 22, Malchus. 22 will hit anything, yeah. Yes. OK. And damage is-- Switch plus 9, 15. I am on the floor. OK. OK, Malchus is down, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, god. Treyas, your turn. Everybody run. So I can use "Healing Award" on him, then, if he's dead, or he's dying. Thank you. OK. "Healing Award" on him, then? Oh, crap, I got to roll for that. 32. He gets an additional two health points to his surge.

OK. OK. And then-- So, yeah. Uh-huh. Yes. Going to do a desperate move here. "Sunburst." Just 14 hit him. Wait, what? Oh, OK, wait. So let's do the "Healing Surge" thing first. OK. So what's your "Healing Surge" for? My surge value is 8. So that's plus 2. So that's 10. Yep. OK, so you're up to 10. OK, cool. See, that's weird. It didn't do it that time, but it did it before. Crazy. Weird. Weird. OK. OK. And "Blessings of the Sun," you said? No, I did-- wait. I did-- how was it? "Solar Fuck." "Sunburst," yeah. And I did not hit him. OK. That did not hit him. Yeah, OK. This is a valiant effort, though.

OK. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Oh, doesn't have to hit, actually. OK, so effect. Each ally within five squares of me gains five temporary hit points. And I can make a saving throw if need be. Well, shit. OK, good. Good, good, good. One, two, three, four, five. Doesn't say what it did, though. Does it effect-- do you get it, too? Or-- You and each ally. There you go. Does not say what it ends, though. What attempt? So it's at the end of battle. OK, cool. Oh, Jason? Yes? The archer I hit with my armor ability earlier is slow. Slow-- OK, ice, yeah. Makes sense. Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

No, no, no problem. Your turn, Malchus. OK, I'm going to go after the flanked guy. I'll use "Blazing Doom of the Void." OK. Versus Fortitude, this will be-- that's not a d20. That's a d12. Once more. OK. I'll add in my flanking bonus. So-- wow, 16 versus Fortitude. Hits. Cool. Two-- 2d12 plus 8. 24-- oh, max, nice. Dead. Yay. Nice. Totally dead. Is that going to be it for you? I will shift one that way. OK. And Thoril. Oh, let's hope to God I can actually be helpful. Basic melee attack. Which one? Basic melee attack. You got to bail at like 11, right? Huh? You got to bail at like 11?

Yeah. OK. I'm just going to bail right now. Not sure. Like Brock Lesnar would. Oh, yeah, I do have the-- what is it? Combat at advantage, don't I? Yes, plus 2. OK. Cool. So then d20 plus 11. 26. That'll hit. Thank you. Start doing some shit here. 12 damage. OK, that's respectable. Make your second swing. 11-- bloody. 26. Jesus. Dead. Nice. Totally dead. Just enough to finish him. Wait. 12. [LAUGHTER] You're just stomping out his skull now, even though there's no sort of function going on in his brain? Do you want to-- It's just in. Did you want to move or anything? Thoril unzips his fly.

Um, hell. Going all Duke Nukem on him. I couldn't move through Trius, so-- Eken, you can walk through allies squares. Eken's walking with me. It's OK. See that awkward thing two people do in a small hallway? So I could still do just a normal move, since I haven't done that, right? Right, yeah. Let's see. One, two, three, four, five, six. I just like the visual of them doing the little dance where, like, you know, am I going this way? Are you going this way? Oh, oh, oh. All right, now I'm good. OK. Duncan. OK, I'm going to travel here. Yellow. And I'm going to have some fun.

I got the stuff left. I'm going to do a daily. I'm going to use Slayer's Song. Slayer's Song. Oh, crap. Ha ha. So I think you know what to do. Dragon Force. I think you got this, right? I don't have to explain. No, no, no. OK. It is d20 plus 8, but I'm going to add the 2. And let's see. 25. That will hit. That's 8d. Awesome. OK, this is where things get fun. So it's 2d8 plus 4. Start off. So let's get that out of the way here. And a get 12. So he hits 12. However, there's other stuff here. Bloodied. OK. So let's see here. Target-- yes. Target granted combat advantage to me after I hit.

That's not-- I mean, that's-- Right. Whatever. OK. Until the end of the encounter, whenever I hit an enemy, that enemy grants combat advantage to me and my allies until the end of the next turn. Very nice. So whenever I hit anybody, they will get that. Also, let's see here. We have the-- I think I get some temporary hit points. Oh, no. It's just an ally. It's not myself. OK. Never mind. Never mind. Done? Done. Done so. All right. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You know what? Maybe not. OK. I got another daily. Sure. And this is a minor action. It's a burst five. Um, let's see here.

Eh, let's hold off on that. I'm done. Yeah, I'm done. OK. Yeah, we're not at the well yet, are we? Nah. You know, I was just like, eh. To save you guys time, I'm just going to let you know the well's right next. It's right after this. Yeah, yeah. He said there wasn't anything past this. No. I'm trying to save you guys time. We got so sidetracked this evening. Um, uh, elven archer nine. He's going to use a short sword attack against iron hide. No. 12. That's going to miss. Have to pay for all those crits I got earlier. Yep. Elven archer number seven is going to take a swing against Thoril. 20.

That'll hit. Nope. Don't you have damage? No. Do you have damage resistance still? I can't remember. Who me? No, Thoril. Oh, that's reform. What am I doing? Do you have damage resistance still? Yeah, two. OK. Till the end of the encounter. Cool. Just checking. Um, d10 plus seven. I swear to god, people need to stop hitting me up on Skype now. 13, so that's 11. Uh, iron hide. Well, long gun, I had to swing at nine. I don't know why I said it like that. Big swinger. Good, good, good. The problem is that I haven't seen a threat big enough. You had to use any of my really cool stuff.

You know what I mean? That's a hard game you end up playing with yourself in D&D 4th-Ed that like, oh, man, you know, like I'm sure we can survive this if I don't use my dailies. But how much faster could we-- like, how many fewer hit points would I lose? Becomes easier when you know that this is the last battle of the day. Oh, I didn't say that. No, no, you said that there's more bit to go. Oh, I didn't say that. Oh, you said-- This is the last detour until we get to the-- This is the last of the L. Yes. OK, yes, yes. 18 does hit. 18, hit, hit, hit. Oh, god, yeah, this is so great.

You've also got flanking too, just in case. Yes, that's true. Plus two in my attack part of fire. That's good. That's not so dirty. How much? 18? Yeah. Dead. No, I never got to hit him yet. That's his attack roll. 12. That's 12. Oh, no, that fucking still would have killed him. He was beyond bloody anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're good. I thought I fucked up. I think you did for a little bit, but then I had to say yes. Do you want to move? Yes. I am moving up to six, so let's see. One, two, three, four, five, six for the people. For the people. Elvin Archer, number eight.

Ooh, guess what he gets to do. He gets to swing at Malthus with his longbow. Lucifer. Lucifer. The prince of lies himself. 13. Well, that sucked. It's a giant himself. He caught the arrow and it just smashed it with one finger. He's going to shift one square and snap it like a-- snap it like a twig. Trace. OK, I'm going to go up behind this guy, sneak up behind him, and-- Wait, so, OK, so, OK, you can't see what I'm doing, but let's say I wanted to go here. Would that-- like, if I-- like, while going through here-- That's not flanking. Oh. No, no, no, like, while going through here, would he, like, have, like, an attack?

Like, could I-- do I have to stop right here, or can I just go all the way over here? That movement would provoke, yeah. If you're leaving a square, he threatens is the key. Yes, any time you're basing him, yeah. OK. Oh, wait, hold on. Oh, crap, I can't remember where I was. Right here, I think? Yeah, looks right. One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three-- yeah, but still, it's still approaching. Kind of walk with me. Yeah, I'm going to keep-- I'm going to keep-- OK, well, OK, I'll just be right here, then. Cool. And bust into battle on eight. Roll 15. Against AC?

Yes. That's a miss. OK, I'm going to put damage resistance over on Malchus. OK. Malchus, your turn. Cool. I will scoot into flanking. And soul eater. Oh, wow. So you don't want him to live anymore. Oh, no, that's the basic one. That's the at will one. Oh, OK. That just-- It's still serious business. I do striker damage with it. Devourer of a thousand worlds. What? That's my at will. Unless I whiff terribly, that includes the flanking. So that's probably no. 14. Yeah. Wait, that's against AC? AC. Yeah, no, that totally misses. Yeah, blubber. OK, I stand there. Thoril. Never mind.

OK, never mind. Tyler? Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Did Nolte kill asleep? I'm trying to expedite this for you a bit. That's cool, that's cool. I kind of want to sit here and have some more geek talk after Tyler has to go. Thanks. 12? Yep, I'm afraid that misses, sir. Duncan. All right, I'm going to stay put right here. I'm going to do a vicious mockery. Take out my balls. So there's music involved in vicious mockery. This is just me. It's seeing him and giving him the finger. Because I'm mocking him, I'm not singing. So let's see here, this is versus Will. 12. No. Thanks, guys.

See you later. Sorry, that's a miss. I'm going to use-- can I use a healing surge? That's a minor for you, right? That's a minor, yeah. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, done. Done, so. Bam, you're up to 23 with 5, 10 hit points. Next up is elven archer number seven. Shit, he's going to take a swing at Thoril, I guess. He's right next to him, so it makes sense. Short sword attack 29, that's a crit. Oh, god. Jesus. You are down to one hit point, sir. Whoa. I have rolled a lot of crits tonight, and I don't know why. What is the third against me? That's the third one against me.

That's a lot of crits in a very short amount of time. Justin, all right. Okey dokey, let's just see. What have you done to the dice? Nothing, it's virtual. I can't seem to hit anything. What have you done? Where did you touch-- Why? I'm going to go up here and bam. You fuck. All right, and I'm going to swing at him. Firstly, I'm going to use a js of assault on him. So now he has to strike me right in the face. Or else I'll touch him inappropriately. Interesting you didn't want to flank him? I think that is interesting. Oh. By interesting, we meant stupid. No. We're judging you.

Again. Flanking him. OK. I can't respect you as a father figure anymore. 16 a mess. Nope, you get plus two because you flanked him. So you hit him. All right. See how that works? No, I don't. Wait, take one right off of that so it's eight. OK. Eight damage. You all done? Yes. OK. Delvin Archer number eight, who is flanked. He's going to take a swing at Trayus. 20? Oh, I believe that. Yep, that barely hits me. Yep. OK. So that is 1d6 plus nine. 13. Oh. Yeah. Until 12? 12. And your turn. Oh, crap. I'm going to use a-- where the hell is it? Just to be safe, I'm going to use healing word on Thoril.

How many of those do I have left anyway? I don't keep track of that. I should keep track of it. You've used one so far. OK. Yeah, I do. So this will be your second one. How many per encounter do I have? Two. Oh, shit. OK. Well, that'll be your second one. Where is it? I have no regrets. OK. I got to-- sorry. You got to roll. Yeah, I blanked. Three. Three. So that's-- for this Malchus? Yes. Or-- I'm sorry. No, that's Thoril. Thoril. Thoril. Thoril. The guy who has one hit point left-- I'm sorry. I'm dumb. You keep on critting for no reason, D. Yeah, it's my fault. Racially targeting Thoril.

Uh, 8 plus-- 11. Oh, good. That'll take me right down to 0 when you crit me again. We don't know that for sure. It's too soon. Is that it for you, Treyas? Or do you want to-- Uh, plus is a battle on number 8, of course. OK. One second. Roll. 13. That will miss. Wait. That plus 2-- no, that's still a miss. Sorry. Roll Geford. That'll hit. Yep. OK. Then-- Damage roll. Then, um-- wait. That's an 8. 7. 2, 3, 4. 7. Uh, 7 damage. OK, cool, cool. I like how this map is set up even a lot better than what it was before, where it was like, all right, well, here's a completely new map.

And it's like, no, here's the entire thing. We're just going to reveal-- Well, that was my choice. I like that one so much. That was my choice. OK. OK, I'll do that for now on when I can. All right. I'm going to give a sterile damage resistance. God help you. Because the DM sure isn't. Plus 2. May Glaub bless your soul. Malkus. Soul Eater. Oh, wait. Don't forget, you get temporary hit points for bloodying the guy within five squares of me. Treyas did. He was bloodied at the start of my turn, though. Oh, he-- no, he just got bloodied. No, he just got bloodied. Yeah.

Yeah, OK. Yeah. What does he get, plus 4? But it would be redundant with my current temps. No, no, no. He-- no, the-- what's his name gets it? Treyas. Yeah, Treyas gets it. Yeah, that's some sign. Yeah. I'll explain it to Rob. So how many does he get? He gets plus-- 3? Your constitution? 1 plus-- OK, so 4. 4. OK. Cool. OK, that was my attack. 26, hit him. Hit him in the mouth. 10, dead. Cool. I'll stay where I am. I don't want to wait until it's time. OK. And Thor, your turn. I'm ending this right here. [LAUGHTER] MB, MB, hey. 22. That'll hit. All right. [LAUGHTER] Here comes the pain.

Let's get this done. 15. That's an excellent start to your hitting of this guy. He is bloodied. All right. Good and bloodied. Off hand, 30. There he went. Oh, shit. Once shy of a crit. God damn it. 6 and 8, 11. He's dead. God damn, wow. Feed me more. Feed me more. I popped my arms up and down. Ladies and gentlemen, again, to expedite this-- why do I keep saying ladies and gentlemen? There's only fucking guys here. No, no, no. OK. I'm going to reveal the rest of the map over here. Pop. There are no traps leading up to the fountain. There is no trap at the fountain itself.

I'd love to do a history check. Jesus. About the traps that are around? About the traps that you say that aren't there. I assure you, there is no trap. All that's left to do, basically, is to scatter the herbs in that fountain. The right's already been performed on it. Would you like me to rest you up first? Yeah. Sure. It's a wise choice. I imagine everyone is taking some of their service. Is that all? Surges. What are they, still get the plus three? Yep. OK. I sing. OK. It's also around this highly volatile place. It's not going to be a trap at all. We're all resting and I'm singing Kumbaya.

So I'll be using two surges to get there, I think. I'll just use one. Nah, two. Fuck it. I'm worth it. That's what they're there for. Fuck it. Fuck it. I'll just use one. Hold on a second. Da da da da. You're going to use one. Take off the hit points. So how is that? You just say that we're using two when it just fills it up automatically? It automatically gauges. I'm telling the thing that you're using your-- Oh, cool. Yeah, I'm telling it you are. But are you adding the plus three per surge for Duncan's Song of Rest? Yes, I am. How am I at-- If my surge value is eight plus three would be 11 each, I think I'm at 32.

I did it through the thing. I don't understand what-- well, you know I had to take off your 10 hit points. Right, but after my 10-- whatever, it's close enough. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What were you at before? I was at 10 plus five more 10 hit points. So you get rid of the five 10 hit points. I was at 10. Then each surge should be worth eight plus three from Duncan per surge. It looks like they only gave you the three once. OK, that's what it did. That's what it did for that for some reason. OK, I'll fix it now. Does it say the first surge or anything? I don't think it-- let me take a closer look.

Because the game auto does it based on the rules for that. But it's fine. It's all good. I want you guys to be fully rested. Never know. I don't want any excuses. I was about to say, that was-- It says-- you know what? It says after-- at the end of a short rest, you and each ally spending a healing surge adds plus charisma modifier to HP regained. So it says a healing surge. So that is only one. OK. Yeah. OK, cool. Everyone, quick. You made me look like a fool in front of everyone, right? I ran-- I rolled a 29 for streetwise check. The trees don't know what's going on in the streets.

They haven't heard anything. The trees will not reciprocate your fist bump. I'm sorry. But they'll be sure to tell the dwarven huggy bear as soon as anything goes down. You guys, you have successfully cleansed this fountain. Nothing further will be infected. It is now magically protected against any more tambourine. Well, that's just great. Here's the thing. Oh. There was one more thing that drank from this fountain. A bear. Drake. No, not the Drake. Oh, it can't be. The Slender Man, no. Shane! Dire Bear? Is it a bear? King Bear. King Bear. It was-- [LAUGHTER] King Bear.

King Bear. Justin said bear, just tossed out bear. It's like, you mother fucker. Yes, it is now a mutated bear. It's the biggest bear that was ever to be king. The Bug Bear. So just picture this huge bear. Should I intimidate it? I would love to see you drive. I want to cut it. [LAUGHTER] There. 29, intimidate. So what does fucking the wilderness drink from their shit? Well, I mean, it's nature. It's communicative. It's-- That is not sterile. I'm sorry. It's not. You can fucking turn around, poop in it. Get buried or something. The bear roars back. [ROARING] [LAUGHTER] Fuck.

So ladies and gentlemen, roll initiative one more time. There's somebody listening to this in the dark, you know, on Rebo. And that would scare the shit out of them. I hope you realize that. Oh, maybe I'll listen to some TWR while I'm going to sleep. Just, uh, snuggle it here. Oh! [LAUGHTER] Oh, this isn't always fun. I'm glad to hear Kermit the Frog is listening to our stuff. Yeah, yeah, Kermit the Frog, he's here. [LAUGHTER] I hope they're-- I got a five. You got it. 19! 19. Where were these rolls earlier? You're going to need them now. Four. Yeah. At last.

Nine. Let's see. Four. 25. Wow. How about it? What five you got? I love it. How about it? 25 for stream. So what is there? Like a bunch of these guys running around? Uh, no. Just this-- it's only been a few hours. You caught the thing relatively early. Yeah, but you rolled three times. Yeah, why are you rolling initiative there, DM? It's your initiative. I'm entering it manually. Remember? For some reason-- Oh, you're going to love it. Yeah, I'm not trying to cheat you. No one cheated you, Ike. Just relax. You should have stopped. Do I have a horrible reputation for-- Yes, you do.

We don't trust you after all those crits. As a human being. We're taking this on the union. I hope you know that. [LAUGHTER] Five. And let's see what the bear got. Go ahead, huh? Shucky, ducky. They got enough of them. Be right back in a few seconds. OK. Jesus. Just keep going. OK. Thoril, your turn. Keep going with that one. Your turn. I'm guessing there's nothing real too special about attacking him, not attacking him. He's a huge fucking bear. Just picture a 12-foot mutant bear. Oh my god. We should try to take control of him. We should try-- [LAUGHTER] Remember, he's completely rabid.

It's not like a regular bear. This is like a-- All right, here we go. [MUTANT NOISES] Come at me, bro. 27. That'll hit. 10 plus 8. 11. OK, good start. 11 damage. 20 plus 9. 21. That'll hit. D6 plus 8. 11 damage. Another 11. I'm going to use my action point to get another-- [LAUGHTER] Come up. Action point to get another turn. Beat him up. Beat him up. Break his neck. 20 plus 9. 27. That'll hit. 10 plus 8. 15. Nice. This has gone on just long enough, brother. [LAUGHTER] And 23. That'll hit. You don't have a second-- Oh. Yeah, did you hear that? Huh? You can't second your minor.

You don't have a second minor action, too. So you can't follow the option. It's just another at will. No, but doesn't it say minor action for the offhand attack? No. No? No, it says just says at will. So Pia should. Free action melee weapon. Yeah, he's ridiculous. It's completely overpowered. He's Batman. I want a patch for that. Like, I really want a patch. [INTERPOSING VOICES] Three criticals in a row. We get ours. Jason, the fun part is this version of the ranger is the patch. [LAUGHTER] That's the thing. This was the late-breaking ranger publish. OK, so another 13.

Wait, I almost took that off you. Is he bloodied yet? Nope. He just pissed. Jesus Christ. Let's see, I did like, what, 28, 30-- Fuck the thing is, now you're standing in front of him. I did 50 goddamn damage to him. Yes, you did a lot. Whose turn is it next? Duncan. Everyone else is just going to stand back like, run! You got this. I'm cool. I'll just buff him or something. I don't know. I can't get all the way up there, so we'll stay here. I can't follow that. I'm just going to-- Well, you're not going to do 50 damage too. Yes. I'll just do War Song. Strike. What song are you going to choose, sir?

I don't know, Request, Anybody? I'm a bard. People pay me to play music, so-- Hit Me Baby One More Time. There you go. That's 90s that rolls into it here. Jason really wants to pick pop music in this episode, presumably. OK, everyone, cross your fingers, cheer for me. Romeo's Interesting, Kid Romeo. Hit Me Baby One More Time! 13. That's a miss. [HISSING] It's the bear's turn. Shuggy-nugget. Quack, quack. Let's see here. Um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um. You know what, Rob? Bring it up. Just bring it up. Bring it up? Bring it up. OK. The offhand attack isn't at will, and it is a free action.

But in the special text at the very bottom, it does say this power can only be used once per round. Ooh. So I should give the bear back 13 hit points. Being for-- you know, I mean, fair is fair. I was telling Dan I was just going to let it sit for today, and I'd just say it next episode. But he was like, no, Rob. Fair is fair. No, that's right. That's good. He's a man of honor and valor. You want to come back knowing that you're selling this bear fair and square. And that rhymed way too much. Alka's just-- I'm going to have to go to work before we get this bear killed.

But that's cool. We don't know that. You may die before you turn this up. OK. Alka's healing the bear. I'm sorry you're following the rules was more important than fun. It is. No, don't feel bad. It's cool. It's cool. The bear's going to use Frenzy. He is going to-- it's a close burst one. He takes an attack at anything adjacent to him, basically. It's a big, huge swipe. 27. And that's for Thoril first. And then I'll swing on-- no, that's close burst one. That hits everything. Oh, shit. Wow. Yeah. It's separate attack roll, single damage roll, though. OK. All right, 29.

So-- Thanks. That'll-- [LAUGHTER] I tried. No, you did. He did try that time. He was on your side. 2d8 plus 5, 15 to the both of you. Wow. This bear is-- We split it. I don't know if you guys knew that or not. I'm reading the small text at the bottom. It's actually 7 and 1/2 to both. [LAUGHTER] You are-- oh, OK. Thoril's bloody. And Duncan, you are almost bloody. Treyas. OK, let me see. [MUMBLING] 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Oh, shit. Wait. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. OK. Let me see. I'm going to use a resurgence-- I'm going to use my daily resurgence strength on Thoril. And so let me see, where's the power-- oh, crap.

I don't know. Guys, from this point forward, might I suggest stick and move tactics? Get in, get out, because if we're all surrounding him with that frenzy, he's going to take us all-- [LAUGHTER] OK, so Thoril can do a healing surge. And he also gains a plus 4 power bonus to all damage rolls until the end of my next turn. What? You've got to love it. So you're spending a surge. Yes. Spend a healing surge and-- yep. Seems legit. So you're no longer bloodied. You have used research strength. You get plus 4 to your damage. Fuck, that's a lot. And I'm going to-- wait.

Should I do this, or should I not? Oh, crap. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to use my other daily. Nimbus is a holy shield that comes with an attack. One second. So it doesn't affect my-- regardless if I hit or not, I'm just rolling the attack roll first. Boom. 21. 21 will hit. OK. So each LA within two squares of me gains a plus 2 bonus to all defenses. Very nice. So there's that. And what the hell is my-- OK. Roll for damage, too. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. One, two, three, four, five, six. Roll. A whole 14 damage. 14's respectable. Don't lock 14. That's fine. It's not single digits.

It's strong, proud. That's a wrap, right? Yes, sir. It's a good turn. Good turn. Ironhide. Ironhide, that's me. One, two, three, four, five, six. Bam. I win. All right. And I'm going to use Whirling Blade. That's a daily, isn't it? Everybody's just throwing out finishers now. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, that's a daily. What's it to you? I'm just asking. All right, cool. Let's see if it works. Hopefully it does. It's a 27. That'll hit. Oh, yeah. You've got a love bear hit. So what happens here is a shucky ducky. Two 10's. Which are these. And then roll. 15 damage. 15. So you guys are pounding the shit out of this bear.

Right in his butt. Yeah, we are. He's now bloody dead. We're pounding the shit out of this bear. Uh, Malchus. All right. Come on, Hulk. Come on, Hulk. Come on. Yeah, I better unload my melee encounter power as early as I can so I can stay away for the rest of the battle. So Blazing Doom with the Void with the die and the plus. No, hold. I circle around in such a way that I can get into flank with the-- Sure. With Trace. So plus 11. This is-- oh, versus Fortitude, which is probably the bear's strength. But also I rolled a natural one. That's all for me. Fuck. That sucks.

That's all you, man. That's pretty cool. So that sucks. Is that it for you? Eee. You don't have enough-- you can't move one back or anything? No, I used my movement getting there. In the-- I don't want to. I'll stay still. Thoril. You better hack and slash the fucking bear down. Come on, get a hit. Get a hit. Please get a hit. Get a hit. 24. That'll hit. I'm assuming you're going with basic melee. Yeah. Because you know you have a daily too. Yeah. No, I use the daily, the encounter power. Yeah. OK. Oh, actually, yeah. Now that should do-- I'm going to use power strike on it.

That's what I was going to say, the power strike, not heroic effort. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK. So-- I don't need to use heroic effort. I'm using power strike. You used it earlier. So what does that do? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It adds an extra-- He gets to hit three times. Nice. No, it adds an extra die to the damage. Right. That's what I'm saying. You're basically hitting it-- Plus four to all damage rolls. Plus four to all damage rolls? Yeah, because you're getting a buff from Treyas. Yeah, yeah. Jesus. You hit an enemy with a basic melee attack using your weapon. The enemy-- yeah.

And then the target takes one-- So it would have been 1d10 plus 12. Whatever your weapon base is, where it says d-something, it's two of them plus whatever your modifier is plus four. OK, that's what I figured. So a fucking lot. Oh my god. 20. That's it? Yeah, yeah, I got a three and a five. I couldn't roll any 10s there. OK. 20's fine. It's good. It's a melee number. Well, I still got the next roll. You do. So go ahead. He's bloody. Yeah, we're going to kill him easily. 19. That hits. Do I still get that plus four added onto it? Yes. Yes. All damage rolls. Oh, OK. OK, cool.

All damage rolls as you do. 18. 18. Nice. It's a manly hit. It's got a nice chin on it. Right. Pop. OK. You done? Yep. OK, Duncan. OK. Bear's looking kind of like listing back and forth. Like, you hit him real hard. I don't know how much he has left, but I just thought of something from my minor action. I had the aspect of the regal something that's way-- I can't even see it. The regal lion. I use it until the stance ends. I gain a plus two power bonus to my attack rolls. You need more. Good. Good, good, good. OK. OK, fine. And let's use Duncan. Sorry, go back. I'm going to use inspire and refrain.

I can't think of anything more inspiring than too legit to quit by MC Hammer. Very nice. Very nice. You gentlemen are too legit to quit. And cross your fingers, because my rolls suck. 18. That will miss. That was nice. This versus AC? 18 versus AC. Yeah, it misses. Yay. Yay? What? Yay? I'm not the bear. Are you done, sir? You don't know. I'm not. OK. I'm going to use my minor action that's a daily. Song of courage. To complement the song of the one that I missed. I'm going to sing his classic song, "Pray," by MC Hammer. And-- That's why we pray. There's a burst five. So-- Oh, that's everybody.

Yes, that is everybody. Including the bear. Well, no. It's for allies only. And when I move, the zone moves with me. The burst creates a zone of inspirational shouts that last until the end of my next turn. When within the zone, any ally gains one plus power bonus to attack roll. So there is a-- What? That's a lot of modifiers on the field right now. You got the plus four for damage for Thoril. Plus one-- That's until the end of my next turn, though. Don't forget. Don't forget the temporary hit points that Thoril got by bloodying the bear to you. This is true.

Four. I forgot about-- I did indeed forgot. Forget it. I forgot I did. Everybody has like a plus two to defense for the next-- for the bear's move. It doesn't seem fair. To the bear. To the bear. Are we done now? Duncan. Don't answer. I never want Duncan's turn to end. He's consulting with his attorney. His consulting's insulting. We plead the fifth. So the bear is going to hurt, you know? All four of us here. So you got the bag. What are you doing? Hey, what's happening? The fuck? It's the Slenderman. He had a move action left. I never moved. I never moved. OK, well, consult with me.

Let me know. I just told you it worked. Things are just moving. [LAUGHTER] I told you. I'm using the stick and move method now. OK. That's dumb. All right. You're done now? Yes. OK. He's going to use Frenzy again. Ha. What a surprise. See? He's going to start with Treyas, work his way down. Treyas, 27. Yeah, that's a hit, actually. Go figure. OK. Thoril, you're next. 24. That's going to be a hit, too, because you only got a plus 2 bump for your-- Malkus, you're next. 20. Yeah, that hits. That'll hit. Next up is damage. That's a 2d8 plus 5. 14 for each of you. 12 only, then. 12.

Yep. OK. Well, we've been more since. Wait, who had the damage resistance? 10 for me, because I have the minus 2 to my butt. Well, why are you only taking 12, Treyas? Treyas? What? Why are you only taking 12? Because I did the daily thing. OK. I'm just trying to keep it all straight. There's 16 buffs on the field. It's only 12 for me, too, because I had my-- OK. Cool, cool, cool. I was just checking. He was within the burst. I'll take none, thank you. And then best of the holy shield, that's what I get. 12. OK. Here's the other thing that's going to happen. Uh-oh. Because he's going to use an encounter power, because he drops or bloodies someone, it's a close burst 3.

The enemies are pushed back one square, and you get a negative 2 penalty to attacks on the bear. Save ends. Where the hell am I going, because I'm against some trees. You're going inside the trees. OK. Well, I guess you stay there, then. I'm trying to-- I'm trying to get the man out of this. Are you really getting into that? You just kept going on it? Who, me? Yeah, on the Marble Hornet stuff? Yeah, I'm on the second one. I keep popping in every few seconds when I feel like mine's like, oh, we're going to break. So yeah. It's pretty cool so far. Try us your turn.

He just pushed you against some trees. It's basically simulating you stumbling back after he roars or some shit. You get a-- everyone here gets negative 2 attack against the bear. OK. Like everyone that got moved or everyone? It was a burst 3, so everyone. Everyone, everyone. Well, the two blessings of that's all. Because that's what I have now. Rolling. 13 doesn't do anything. I'm going to do the damage resistance on me and just-- Prey. Flex. Everybody took it. Did everybody take a step back or just get knocked back? Basically take-- it's like everyone took a step back because he stands up, motherfucker!

It's pretty much cornering me now. That's like a-- it's like a flexing moment for the bear. Like he took a swipe and bloodied one of you, and he goes, fuck you! And everyone's like, whoa. I'm going to spend my action point. I'm going to do it again. Blessings of battle. Hold on, Justin. Go back. 28? That'll hit. OK. And then-- d8 plus 6. Now do you get to assign two damage resistance? I was wondering about that. I imagine it doesn't stack, so you can give it to somebody else. You're one ally within five squares of you gains resistance to all damage till the end of your next turn.

The resistance equals a constitution modifier. Oh, so you get it anyway. Yeah, I don't think there's anything that says I can't stack it. Well, fuck it then. Let's stack it. What's the damage? 14? 14, yeah. Very nice. Nice damage. Very, very nice. So plus 4 to damage resistance. You'll probably need that. Yeah, yeah. Justin! It's your turn. I'm going to do what I wanted to do before you people stop me. I'm not going to. What are you doing? All right, so what's going to happen here is I'm going to use a basic ranged attack, which is not very good, and I will hit him.

But 10. Critical-- no, yeah, that's 10. Critical shit. Does not hit. Got to use Js of assault on him, though. OK, so you want him to attack you. Fair enough. He can do that. For the people! For all the people. OK. He gets a negative 2, though, if he swings on somebody. That's not me. Marcus! Man. OK, how long are we pegged with that minus 2 to attack rolls against him? Save ends. Save ends? OK. Actually, everyone should have been saving against it. I totally forgot. Oh, good. Trance, go ahead. Save. Do a saving roll. What's that exactly? Anything above 10. Yeah, anything above 10, we're fine.

Yeah. OK. You're fine. You're normal now, Justin. Do the same. Justin? Yes? Stop watching the goddamn videos and roll a fucking D20. What is it? What are you talking about? Roll a D20. A D20, why? Was there any modifiers? Motherfucker, I swear. See ya, now. 920. OK, fine. You're saved. Jesus Christ. Marcus. All right. I'm going to back up, and I'm going to use my Eldritch Bolt. So D20 plus 7 versus reflex. And I whiff. And I stay where I am and attempt my saving throw. And I whiff. And I stay there. Thoril, your turn. I think a bear wouldn't have much of a reflex. I know, right?

His diet consists of picnic baskets. Shh. All right. Touch him. Come on. He is smarter. Come on. 29, that's a crit. Natural. 18 damage. 18. And he's dead. Take another swing. Do it again. Big money, no whammies. Dah, 15. That'll miss. Dah, my arm. Old football injury. You done? Uh, yeah. Yeah. So I suppose-- I forgot I had the aspect of the regal lion. I suppose 17 wouldn't hit him. No. It's a bear. And you have a negative 2. Negative 2. Roll your saving throw, though. Saving throw. Just a natural 20. Yeah. That will not do it, surprisingly. Duncan. OK. I'm moving my piece. I just-- hey, I just like to be clued in.

I just like to be filled in with what's going on with the people. I sing-- since I moved one, I slid forward. And I sing the electric slide. Oh. Yay. To get them all dancing. And I roll a 27. Oh my god. Oh my god. OK, so here. That's not right. It's electric. 1d8 plus 4. Any kind of modifiers or anything I'm forgetting? Now you're fine right now. I can't remember it. I know the attack value, but you hit him either way. So you're fine. 7. 7. Also, any ally who hits the target before the end of mine, extra against temporary hit point is equal to my constitution modifier, which is 3.

So anybody who touched this point, it's 3. You done? You know what? I have that action point, right? Yep. Hmm. Can I move on an action point? Sure. If I move, will it use the action point, or can I do-- so it's not like a whole other turn again? Nope. OK. I won't move. I'm not going to pussy out here. OK. But I will-- It's 11 o'clock, I'm just saying. I know. I'm going to-- I'm trying to kill him. That's the point. Oh, OK. OK. I thought you were just debating on moving. No, that's why I was going to move, and I'm like, oh, well, I'm not going to move. If I was going to move, then kill him.

I'm sorry. Yeah. OK. Same thing. Load up the playlist here, and-- [LAUGHTER] Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo. Bye, bye, bye. Yeah, there you go. Boop. Didn't hit. Nope. OK. Peace. The receiving throw, though. Oh, yeah. D20. Four. No. Bear's turn. He's going to use Frenzy. Surprise, surprise. It should be a shocker to everyone. Shock the world. I may get a 14. He swings a Treyas first. He works his way around. Nope. Misses Treyas. 21, Duncan. Yep. Unless do I have any buffs or anything, or-- If you do, it would be two, and then-- And then two away from his attack roll if he's hitting anybody besides me.

OK, fine. He still hits. It's 19. I have 19 AC, so-- Ah, you did it. And Thoril, so he does not hit Thoril. He does hit Duncan, though. So-- Right in the mouth. 2d8 plus 5. And don't you get to teleport, Justin? I do. 14, Duncan. And you make an automatic attack. I think it's just a regular attack. Teleport into square, target a melee basic attack against him. Melee basic attack. Did you get plus two because we're flanking him now? On my attack roll? Yeah, you do. Yeah. Yeah. Hey. It's not a crit, but it's 22. That'll do it. Yeah. Now, because-- no, I didn't use that.

I'm so sorry. I'm drunk. Here we go. This is what's going to happen. Plus two, it's a four damage. Wow. OK. It's a free hit for the people. It's a free hit. Try us. OK. Blessings of the-- These are-- these are-- these are all shit. Yeah, yeah. That thing had you. It's late. I know. Sorry. Blessings of battle. Yeah, I think we're all drunk now. 16. That'll miss. [BLOWS RASPBERRY] And damage resistance on Duncan Joywasham. Thank you for pronouncing that card. Ironhide. Ironhide. It's me again? You can't stop watching the video. No, no, no. I'm sitting right here watching. Just do it.

Do it. Bam. 11. Good to know somebody else. Jesus Christ. Malchus. Malchus. Uh. Alamar. Skype pop-up landed right in front of my roll button. I know it does it all the time. Go scoot. There we go. OK. Eldritch Bolt. 20 versus reflex. Oh, that'll hit? OK. D10 plus 8. Dan, this vanishing-- this vanishing bottom bar business has to stop here. It just keeps popping up. Yeah, sorry about that. Once you get used to it, you know exactly where you have to-- Right, right. D10 plus 8 damage. 11 damage. Very nice. Very nice. The bear is on its last legs, gentlemen. OK. I just realized that I had a minus 2 to attack roll against it.

Does that still hit on reflex? Yes, that did. I already-- yeah. Then I will attempt to save against bear fear, so. Bear fear. Fear of bears. I am still terrified. 4. That's a big fucking bear. And I've looked into the abyss and not blinked, so that's saying something about this bear. Thoril. All right. Basic attack plus the-- Lion buff. 19. That misses. Really? Yeah. Shit. It's a big bear. God damn it. You all done? Yeah, I guess. Duncan. Oh, I still haven't saved him. Oh, don't I? Yeah, do your saving roll. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Save me. 5. 5. Nope. Duncan. OK. Some other song.

And 12. Nope. Miss it. Gotcha. Done. Go. Bear's turn. Oh, saving roll. Oh, yeah. Frenzy. 15. OK. He's going to swing at Ironhide first. No, don't do it. 14. No. Going to swing at Treyas next. 25. That'll hit. Going to swing at Duncan next. 17. That'll miss. Going to swing at Thoril next. 30. That'll hit. Treyas. OK, so let's see here. Minus 2 to damage for me and Thoril because of Nimbus of the Holy Field. OK. So you still take an 11. Pop. And Thoril's taking 11 too. Is he taking 11? Yeah. No, the Krik guy still takes the max. Oh, does he? Yeah. The Krik's actually independent.

Oh, dear god. 16, 18, 19, 20, 21. That means you're down. God damn it. So-- I don't know if you guys can figure this out while I take a shower because I am-- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This needs to happen. I'm sorry, sir. Go ahead, hit the showers. Good game. Can't pass this. I need to get ready. I can't wait. You pitched a hell of a game, OK? You did good. Good hustle. Good hustle. That could have been a rematch. Thank you, sir. Once with the ball. Not a problem. Please, sir. Just don't heal. You guys can-- Yes. Blessings are bad. Kill the bear and then just-- Oh. 20. 20, yes, that hits.

OK. This. Eight. The bear is dead. Thank god. Oh, no way. Yay. Now, this is what we're going to do. We're going to pack it in immediately. So that Tyler doesn't-- We're going to have sex with this bear. No. He's dead. We're going to pack it in immediately. I'll let you know everything that happens after this. If you guys just want to relax for a few minutes and chill out, or if you guys want to bail, totally fine. Next time we do this, man, we should just sit and fucking just talk about it. Because it seemed like we really wanted to talk about anything but D&D tonight.

And it's like-- What happens? How do you tally this stuff all up and get it ready for next time? And then we just talk about shit for most of it and then just say, OK, well, we're going back to town. This is the setup for the next campaign. It's fine by me. Wait, what? It's fine. He's just saying next time it's more just talking about stuff we want to talk about. Oh, OK. It's kind of interesting. Take care of logistics that don't involve rolling dice? Yeah. Oh, yeah. We get like a grand each, don't we? Like one of those gems? Like 5,000 gold? You split it five ways.

That's not counting the obsidian stuff. So it's like this is going to be mostly story stuff the next time. And we have like two more weeks that we can do this, like a possible without paper views. So yeah. And so basically what you're saying is next time all our characters are going to be sitting around in a diner discussing all the stuff about like the Avengers and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah, and about computer-- Malchus will get a hold of a huge load of opium and we'll all just relax. It's like, yeah, we're going to do a backdoor media randomness with our characters sitting around in a diner. [LAUGHTER] Thank you.